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Old 02-25-2017, 08:22 PM   #276
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GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

CREDITS SCENE: VANESSA GIVES HIM AN ITALIAN DICTIONARY AND HE SUCKS AT ITALIAN
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:26 PM   #277
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OKAY SO IM SUPER SUPER BEHIND NOW IM REALLY SORRY

I WILL BE TRYING TO CATCH UP ON THE REMAINING EPISODES BUT LIKE DAMN THERE ARE 3 I HAVEN'T SEEN YET (IF YOU COUNT WOMEN TELL ALL WHICH I WILL PROBABLY BEGRUDGINGLY WATCH)

BUT THANKFULLY THERE'S USUALLY A WEEK GAP IN BETWEEN THE WOMEN TELL ALL WEEK AND THE ACTUAL FINALE SO I SHOULD HAVE SOME TIME TO CATCH UP

TONIGHT

WE'LL FINALLY RESOLVE THE MOST RECENT STUPID FUCKING CLIFFHANGER

I'VE HAD A DECENT AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL SO LET'S GET GOING
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:38 PM   #278
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LESGO DADDY
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Why are you always a pretty princess?
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Because I look damn good in a dress.
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:39 PM   #279
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SO MY FRIEND WHO HAS MY HULU ACCOUNT HAS WATCHED 12 MINUTES OF THIS EPISODE

AND SHE STOPPED ON THE ROSE CEREMONY

SO THAT'S HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO

LAST TIME WE LEFT OUR "HEROES" FUCKING ANDI SHOWS UP FOR SOME CONTRIVED REASON

THEY HIT THE HARD LIQUOR RIGHT OFF THE BAT

UGH FOR SOME REASON THEY'RE FILLING A BUNCH OF TIME WITH TALKING HEADS OF EACH OF THE WOMEN (TOTALLY UNIMPORTANT BTW)

VANESSA CRIES ABOUT NOT FEELING SPECIAL

POOR RACHEL TREATS THIS RATIONALLY

WTF THE REASON ANDI IS HERE IS TO INTERROGATE HIM ABOUT HOW IT'S GOING

THIS IS SUPER DUMB THE PRODUCERS ARE MANIPULATIVE SHITS

NO ONE CARES ABOUT RAVEN SORRY

CORRINGE IS AWFUL

(ALSO AS A SIDE NOTE THIS EPISODE IS LIKE NOT EVEN A FULL HOUR LONG SO)

(SIDE SIDE NOTE: THIS IS THE FANTASY SUITE EPISODE, AKA BONE ZONE, WHICH MEANS HE GETS TO TAKE EACH OF THEM INTO A PRIVATE, NO CAMERAS SUITE AND THEY GET TO BOINK [PROVIDED THEY'RE NOT PRUDES OR SOMETHING OBVI /S])

UGH THIS CONVERSATION BETWEEN ANDI AND HIM IS SUPER DUMB

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Old 03-08-2017, 07:40 PM   #280
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FUCKING

THEY SPOIL THE RESULT OF THE ROSE CEREMONY IMMEDIATELY BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY

CORRINGE GOES HOME (THANK GOD THO)

HAVE THE PRODUCERS JUST LIKE

FORGOT HOW TO MAKE TELEVISION
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:44 PM   #281
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THEY BROKE INTO THE LEFTOVER COKE FROM THE EIGHTIES
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:49 PM   #282
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ALRIGHT ROSE CEREMONY TIME

TOTALLY RUINED

LETS WASTE 10 MINUTES OF OUR LIVES WATCHING THIS

NOT EVEN SPOILERING IT SORRY

UGH THIS IS DRAGGING PICK UP THE PACE FOLKS

1ST UP IS RAVEN FOR SOME REASON

2ND IS RACHEL

3RD IS CHRIS HARRISON

I MEAN

VANESSA



OMG CORRINGE JUST CALLED HIM BABY

NICK VALIDATES HER BAD BEHAVIOR BY TELLING HER SHE DID NOTHING WRONG

NICK ARE YOU JUST RIDICULOUSLY STOCKHOLMED OR WHAT

SKIPPING CORRINGE CRYING IN THE LIMO BECAUSE FUCK THAT NOISE

SHE ACTUALLY SHOWS A MMENT OF MATURITY BEFORE PASSING OUT (GIRL YOU HAVE A REAL PROBLEM)

NEXT: FINLAND??? (WHY FINLAND?)
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:50 PM   #283
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NEXT UP: RAVEN HAS NEVER HAD AN ORGASM

YEP

THIS IS NATIONAL TELEVISION PEOPLE
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Old 03-08-2017, 07:56 PM   #284
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MAN NOT ONLY ARE THEY GOING TO FINLAND BUT THEY'RE GOING TO THE LAPLAND

THEY ARE GOING TO DEEP FINLAND IN THE DEAD OF WINTER

HE'S TAKING RAVEN ON THE FIRST FANTASY SUITE DATE FOR SOME REASON

SHE SEEMS VERY OUT OF HER ELEMENT

GET READY FOR HER TO TALK ABOUT HER ORGASM
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Old 03-08-2017, 08:05 PM   #285
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I EXPECT TO BE VERY BORED BY THIS

THEY WENT ON A HELICOPTER RIDE AND NOW THEY'RE IN A BAR PLAYING DARTS???

THIS IS... KINDA BORING BY BACHELOR STANDARDS

SORRY NO RAVEN IS BORING

THEY LITERALLY TALK ABOUT FOLDING CLOTHES AND IRONING

THIS SHIT IS SO BORING

RAVEN GRIPES ABOUT HER ORGASM

NEXT PLZ
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Old 03-08-2017, 08:18 PM   #286
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SO THE FANTASY SUITE THIS TIME IS A FANTASY CABIN, WHICH IS FITTING

NGL IF I WERE SOMEHOW THE STAR OF A REALITY DATING SHOW I WOULD PROBABLY REQUEST A CABIN SETTING FOR A FANTASY SUITE TYPE DEAL

SHE IS STRUGGLING TO SAY I LOVE YOU OR SOMETHING IDK THIS IS STILL UNINTERESTING

SHE GIVES THIS BIG LONG RAMBLING SPEECH AND FINALLY SAYS IT

SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO FOREGO YOUR INDIVIDUAL ROOMS ETC

YEAH SHE SAYS YES

AND THEN REMINDS HIM OF TWO IMPORTANT FACTS

A) ONLY BEEN WITH ONE GUY

B) NEVER ORGASMED

GR8

IT WAS NOT ACTUALLY A DRAMATIC MOMENT (UNSURPRISINGLY)

NGL KINDA CURIOUS AS TO WHETHER OR NOT THEY END UP BONING

THE ROOMS ARE REALLY AMAZING THEY'RE BASICALLY GIANT GLASS AND WOOD TENTS SO YOU CAN SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS

UM

SO

THAT'S THE END OF THE EPISODE FOR SOME STUPID REASON???

WELL IDK I GUESS WE'LL JUST STOP HERE NOW SO I GUESS WE'LL PICK UP HERE ON MAYBE FRIDAY OR SOMETHING???

MAN THIS SHOW IS DUMB AS SHIT
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:07 PM   #287
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ALRIGHT BIZNITCHES I'VE GOT MYSELF A MARGY RITA AND A GALL BLADDER FULL OF VITRIOL

LET'S CONTINUE TO WATCH THE PRODUCERS FORGET HOW TO MAKE TELEVISION

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO REMIND YOU WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME BECAUSE THE EPISODE WAS LIKE 45 FUCKING MINUTES BECUZ IDK LOLOLOL
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:15 PM   #288
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I AM ALREADY YELLING AT CORRINGE TO TELL HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SHE'S NOT EVEN ON THE SHOW ANYMORE

SO HERE'S THE BIG QUESTION: DID RAVEN HAVE AN ORGASM??????????????????????????????????

(AND THE BIGGER QUESTION: DO WE REALLY CARE?????????????????????????????????????????????? ????)

SOUNDS LIKE IT

BUT REMEMBER THIS IS NETWORK TV SO WE CAN'T ACTUALLY EXPLICITLY STATE IT

AND SINCE THEY ARE TRYING TO STRETCH WHAT WOULD NORMALLY BE LIKE 2/3 OF AN EPISODE INTO AN HOUR AND A HALF, WE GET A STUPID MONTAGE OF RAVEN LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT

SO RACHEL NOW

THEY'RE GOING CROSS COUNTRY SKIING???

ISN'T SHE FROM LIKE... TEXAS???

WHY ARE YOU TAKING HER SKIING

PRETTY SURE THIS GIRL HAS NEVER ACTUALLY SEE SNOW BEFORE TODAY

OMG REINDEER SO CUTE <3

BLAH BLAH RACHEL IS GUARDED BLAH BLAH

AWWW THEY DO HAVE A NICE MOMENT ABOUT TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY'RE SCARED AND THIS IS ACTALLY KINDA NICE

BUT IDK IM A LITTLE SICK OF THE 20 MINUTE LONGSHOT HEARTFELT CONVOS

UMMMM NICK MAKES A JOKE ABOUT BEING WHITE

IT WAS LESS CRINGEY IN CONTEXT BUT STILL BAD

THEY TAKE A SLEIGH RIDE WITH A CUTE REINDEER
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:22 PM   #289
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C'MON RACHEL OPEN UP

IT'S A SHAME WE KNOW YOU LOSE BECAUSE THE STAKES WOULD ACTUALLY BE HIGH IF WE DIDN'T

HE'S TRYING TO LEAD HER INTO SAYING SHE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM

I HAVE TO WONDER WHAT HIS MOTIVES ARE TBH

(ALSO HE LOOKS REALLY HOT IN A SWEATER)

FANTASY SUITE KEY

SHE SAYS YES

MAN IM KINDA BUMMED I REALLY LOVE HER BUT AT THE SAME TIME SHE'LL PROBABLY BE A GOOD BACHELORETTE

ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS TIME TO POINT OUT THAT DESPITE THE CRAPPY PRODUCTION VALUES OTHERWISE THEY HAVE ACTUALLY TAKEN SOME TIM TO MAKE THE FANTASY SUITE DATES INTERESTING AND DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE

ALSO SHUT THE FUCK UP CORRINGE
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:35 PM   #290
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THEY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

NICK MAKES HER BREAKFAST

AND THEN EATS IT

(UGH I HAVE SUCH A THING FOR GUYS WEARING HALF-OPEN HOODIES AND NOTHING UNDERNEATH AND DAMN IT LOOKS GOOD ON HIM)

OKAY NOW FOR VANESSA

SHE'S SO CANADIAN

HAS THEIR PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP BEEN STEAMY???

ALSO LOL THEY'RE DOING A POLAR BEAR PLUNGE

SLASH SAUNA BECAUSE IT IS FINLAND

(ALSO DAT ASS/BULGE THO SORRY I AM KINDA DRUNK JUST A LITTLE)

(#SHRINKAGE)

MAN THEY'RE REALLY CUTE TOGETHER

THERE'S SOME OBVIOUS TENSION HERE ABOUT VANESSA HAVING A REALLY BIG FAMILY THAT LIVES IN CANADA

YEAH WELL SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE DISCUSSED THAT EARLIER
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:45 PM   #291
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VANESSA SEEMS IN HER ELEMENT AS A CANADIAN

THEY'RE HAVING A DATE IN A GIGANTIC YURT-TYPE-THING

MAN OKAY I THOUGHT FINLAND WAS KINDA LAME AT FIRST BUT NGL I WOULD LIKE TO DO EVEN ONE OF THESE

THERE'S SOMETHING SUPER ROMANTIC ABOUT CUDDLING WHEN ITS COLD OUTSIDE

THEY FINALLY TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY'RE NOT THE SAME NATIONALITY

(ALSO THO DUDE CANADA IS BASICALLY THE US SO)

WELL THEY MANAGE TO MAKE UP

I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS KIND OF A STRANGE RELATIONSHIP I REALLY LOVE VANESSA BUT I AM HELLA SKEPTICAL OF ALL THIS

FANTASY SUITE KEY SHE SAYS YES

BUT UM

THERE IS A BED HERE

WHAT IS THAT KEY FOR

OH THEY HAVE AN EVEN FANCIER CABIN

THERE'S A FIREPLACE BEHIND THE BED

IS THAT TO CODE????

ALRIGHT WELL NEXT I GUESS IS THE PENULTIMATE ROSE CEREMONY

SO GIRD YOUR LOINS

ALSO FUCK YOU CORRINGE SHUT UP PLZ
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:58 PM   #292
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SO THIS IS IT

THE PENULTIMATE ROSE CEREMONY

THE LAST ACTUAL ROSE CEREMONY

NICK IMMEDIATELY STARTS CRYING

MAN HE PICKS RAVEN FIRST WOW

WELL

I GUESS WE KNOW OUR TOP TWO THEN

(GJ PRODUCERS TOP NOTCH EDITING)

YEP WELL

BYE RACHEL IT'S BEEN REAL SEE YOU IN THE SUMMER (QQ)

TIME FOR AWKWARD PRE-SENDHOME CONVO

OH MAN HER MAKEUP IS RUNNING LIKE CRAZY POOR GIRL

ITS GONNA BE A LONG FLIGHT HOME

WELL ANYWAY THAT WAS SORTA UNEVENTFUL

WOMEN TELL ALL MAYBE TOMORROW BYE YA'LL
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:17 PM   #293
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GOOD EVENING BACHELOR NATION

WELL TONIGHTS THE NIGHT

OF THE BIG FINALE

AND I WONT BE WATCHING

BECAUSE I HAVE NO CABLE AND ALSO IT'S LIKE 3 HOURS LONG ON AIR AND I CAN'T FAST FORWARD THROUGH ALL THE BORING PARTS WHERE CHRIS HARRISON ASKS EVERYONE QUESTIONS NO ONE WAS DYING TO HEAR

BUT TO TIDE YOU OVER UNTIL I CAN FIND TWOISH HOURS TO WATCH THE FINALE, WE HAVE POSSIBLY THE WORST THING TO COME FROM REALITY TELEVISION: THE REUNION SPECIAL

AND THE WOMEN DON'T JUST TELL SOME

THEY TELL ALL

BECAUSE THESE SHOWS ARE ALWAYS SUPER PREDICTABLE, I HAVE PREPARED THE FOLLOWING BINGO CARD

PLAY ALONG AT HOME WITH YOUR FRIENDS!



ALRIGHT LET'S GO
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:26 PM   #294
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CORRINGE IS THE FIRST PERSON TO BE MENTIONED

OMG CHRIS HARRISON JUST SAID VAGEEN PLEASE NO

OH RIGHT I FORGET THAT THEY CRASH VIEWING PARTIES I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THIS WAS KINDA DUMB

OMG THESE PEOPLE HAVE A CHAMPAGNE BONG

GOD I KINDA HATE EVERYONE

WOW THE SECOND PARTY HAS A LOT MORE MEN THAN THE FIRST

HAHAHAHAH SOMEONE HAS CORRINE IT TO WIN IT WINE HAHA I LOVE THAT

THEY'RE CRASHING THE BACKSTREET BOYS PARTY

ALSO NO WOMEN YET AND WE ALREADY HAVE ONE FILLED

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE ALREADY MENTIONED

NEXT STOP IS A SORORITY HOUSE SO WELL IM SURE YOU KNOW HOW THAT WENT

HERE'S HYPE NUMBER TWO FOR THE CORRINGE X TAYLOR FIGHT (NUMBER ONE WAS THE INTRO)

WE'RE ALMOST THERE

CUT TO CORRINGE STRUGGLING TO OPEN A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE

ALSO THEY MADE HER A GIGANTIC TRAY OF CUCUMBERS
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:40 PM   #295
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I SHOULD HAVE MADE "DRAMA" ONE OF MY SQUARES BUT IT'D BE FILLED ALREADY

(WHOO DOLPHIN GIRL)

HAHAHAH THEY BRING HER UP IMMEDIATELY

AND THEY HAVE SOMEONE IN HER COSTUME LOL

(ALSO THAT COUNTS AS BRINGING UP GIMMICK CONTESTANT)

DOLPHIN GIRL ADMITS ITS A SHARK BECAUSE IT HAS GILLS

TIME FOR FLASHBACKS

JADENTANNERS WEDDING!!! (COUNTS AS A PREVIOUS SEASON)

CORRINGE IN THE BOUNCY CASTLE

JASMINE LOSING HER SHIT

FUCKING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE PLEASE STOP

ALSO I'M NOT COUNTING THE USES OF BITCH IN THE FLASHBACKS BECAUSE IT REALLY NEEDS TO BE JUICIER

UGH THE WHIPPED CREAM THING

AND HER TAKING OFF HER TOP

CORRINGE SLEEPING

AND TALKING ABOUT POOR RAQUEL

UGH STOP FEEDING HER NARCISSISM

SARAH IS THE FIRST TO COMMENT ON CORRINGE???

ALSO LACEY??? (I DONT REMEMBER YOU)

AND INTERRUPTING HAPPENS ALREADY GOD DAMN

QUIRKY GIRL JUMPING IN TO DEFEND CORINGE

ALSO HERE'S ANOTHER RANDOM GIRL NO ONE REMEMBERS

AND SHE DRAGS TAYLOR INTO THE FRAY (I'D CALL THAT A CALLOUT)

WOW THEY ARE NOW TEARING INTO TAYLOR BECAUSE SHE WAS BEING A BAD COUNSELOR OR SOMETHING

HAHAHA CHRIS HAS TO WHISTLE THEM DOWN

AND THERE'S THE THIRD TEASE OF THE BIG MOMENT

I DON'T THINK WE'VE QUITE HIT "INCIDENT MENTIONED REPEATEDLY" BUT WE'RE GETTING CLOSE WITH THE CORRINGE/TAYLOR FIGHT

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Old 03-13-2017, 07:47 PM   #296
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ALRIGHT SLEPT WITH HIM GIRL TAKES THE HOT SEAT

SHE IS PRETTY FUCKING UNREMARKABLE BUT SADLY SHE IS NOT A PROPER RANDO SO NO SQUARE FOR US

FUCKING NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE WHITNEY ASKS HER WHY SHE DIDN'T REACH OUT TO HIM

CRISTEN OR WHOEVER SHE IS (THE GIRL SWHG TALKED TO ABOUT THE WHOLE DEAL) GETS ROPED IN FOR SOME REASON

IDK THIS IS LITERALLY THE SAME SHIT BEING REHASHED

THIS GETS REALLY REALLY PREACHY REALLY REALLY FAST

CHRIS HARRISON ASKS HER WHAT SHE HAS LEARNED IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHE EXPLAINED WHAT SHE'S LEARNED THAT'S A SQUARE

SO DAMN CLOSE TO A BINGO

IDK SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE WOMAN BUT SHE IS KIND OF BORING

WELL THE FIGHT GETS MENTIONED AGAIN I'LL TAKE THAT SQUARE
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:59 PM   #297
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TAYLOR IS NEXT

PREPARE FOR SOME EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

CHRIS HARRISON CALLS IT AN "EPIC BATTLE"

TAYLOR EXPRESSES HER REGRET

BUZZWORD OVERLOAD

CORRINGE LOOKS READY TO KILL SOMEONE

JOSEPHINE STARTS TO JUMP IN ON THIS FOR WHATEVER REASON

OKAY I THINK THIS QUALIFIES AS A ONE SIDED ARGUMENT BECAUSE SOMEHOW CORRINGE IS BEING DEFENDED BY EVERYONE (I'LL TAKE IT)

CORRINGE GOES AND GETS A DRINK LOL

TAYLOR MOVES THE GOALPOSTS LIKE CRAZY AND TALKS ABOUT HOW SHE'S BEING SHAMED FOR BEING A COUNSELOR

HERE'S "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME" (I.E. "I'M NOT JUST A COUNSELOR")

OH AND HERE'S CORRINGE BLATANTLY LYING ABOUT NOT SAYING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ANYONE

AND A POINTLESS COMMERCIAL BREAK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIGHT

BINGO!!!!!

THE PRIZE: IMMENSE SHAME FOR WATCHING THE BROADCAST EQUIVALENT OF HOT, STEAMING GARBAGE
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:08 PM   #298
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WE MIGHT JUST MAKE IT TO BLACKOUT MY FRIENDS

TIME FOR EVERYONE'S FAVORITE GROWN CHILD, CORRINGE

(EW PEOPLE ARE WEARING "MAKE AMERICA CORRINE AGAIN" SHIRTS)

ALSO HOW IS CORRINGE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO HER PRIVILEGE

CORRINGE SAYS SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO BE "SEXY FLIRTY AND FUN"

BRINGING UP THE NAPS AGAIN (GIRL HAVE YOU GOTTEN HELP FOR THAT)

SHE SAYS SHE WAS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK WHICH IS FAIR I GUESS BUT LIKE IDK GIRL STILL PRETTY DISRESPECTFUL

ALSO THIS ALL DEFINITELY COUNTS AS CALLING SOMEONE RUDE

AND SOMEHOW THIS MOVES ON TO CORRINGE CALLING PEOPLE A BITCH

ALSO I'LL TAKE THAT ONE

MORE GOALPOST MOVING WHERE CORRINGE ACTS DEFENSIVE ABOUT TAKING NAPS WHEN BASICALLY NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT THAT

OMG JOSEPHINE KEEPS DEFENDING HER WHY SHUT UP PLEASE

CORRINGE SAYS SHE'S NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON IN THE BOX

SO MUCH GOALPOST MOVING

WELCOME TO POST TRUTH AMERICA FRIENDS

ANOTHER STUPID COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:16 PM   #299
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CMON LADIES I HAVE LIKE 6 SQUARES LEFT

TAYLOR OPENS UP

CORRINGE IS JUST LIKE 'MEH NO IM GOOD'

CORRINGE SAYS SHE DOES NOT HOLD GRUDGES LOL

BIG MOMENT ENDS WITH HALF-ASSED APOLOGY

LET'S CALL THAT A FLOP

THAT'S ROW 3

NOW FOR RAQUEL

WELL CORRINGE ACTUALLY JUSTIFIES WHY SHE CALLS RAQUEL A NANNY BECAUSE SHE IS IMPORTANT TO HER IN HER LIFE THAT'S ACTUALLY FAIR

CORRINGE BROUGHT EVERYONE CHEESE PASTA OH GOD WHY

NEXT UP IS KRISTINA (<3)
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:27 PM   #300
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ALRIGHT NEXT UP ONE OF THE BEST CONTESTANTS KRISTINA

KRISTINA YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN HIM

OMG SO MUCH UGLYCRYING

BUT IT'S SO JUSTIFIED

(ALSO RED DRESSES AGAIN)

SHE IS SO GREAT AND I LOVE HER AND I HOPE SHE HAS ONLY SUCCESS ;-;

SHE IS THE AMERICAN DREAM

SWHG IS PRACTICALLY SOBBING

WOW SOME OF THE KIDS THAT GREW UP IN THE ORPHANAGE WITH HER CONTACTED HER

OMG YOU GO GIRL ILU <3333

NEXT UP NICK ON THE HOT SEAT

C'MON LADIES FINISH THE CARD OFF
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