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Old 03-25-2014, 07:39 AM   #51
Jerichi
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Actually...

Granting a Pokémon with an Egg Move is okay, but you need to have a reason for it. Giving an Egg Move to the first Pokémon that's captured is fine, especially if the updatee puts a good deal of effort into it, or if the Pokémon rolled has a sparse moveset. That said, you should be following the rules for starter Egg Moves, generally. While it doesn't have to be random, it should be an attacking move.

I haven't had a chance to read over either application but don't reject Myles based on that alone.
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Old 03-25-2014, 10:36 AM   #52
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Deebs and Muyo need to stop lying to me, then. XP

I've edited my post to acknowledge what Jeri has said, but my judgment remains. The second half was more important than the first.
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:42 PM   #53
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I feel stupid after realizing I would have to loan the Corphish Tackle to Abe able to make Dragon Dance be able to turn up the difficulty. Oh well, it was a bad idea anyway, I'm just not cut out for this.
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Quoth the Honchkrow (nevermore!).
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244) While not FORBIDDEN, my Midnight is to keep in mind that using an army of animated skeletons in order to fill the town square with a rendition of "Spooky Scary Skeletons" is going to be considered odd at best.
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:44 PM   #54
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Please don't take an initial rejection as a sign that you're not fit to update; you just haven't had enough experience with the system yet to meet our expectations. Take some time to get your first capture and read a few of the further-along adventures, then reapply.

Part of what of what I set out to do with WF is make an RP where anyone can be both an updater and updatee, and that mutual exchange is what will keep WF running even in my potential absence.
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:44 PM   #55
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Aw, Myles, don't take it that way. All you need to do is just draft another application that either doesn't involve an egg move or justifies it, and that gives more detail about the quest you've created. You have infinite tries, which is why rejections happen. It's part of the learning process.
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:47 PM   #56
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gmoyes: Approved 3/3, welcome to the team.
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:50 PM   #57
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If I can't put together a good application after reading several adventures...
Also, I'm not getting close to a first capture in any way, I'm currently trying to escape a criminal hideout with the equivalent of a bomb strapped to my starter and only Pokemon's body with no clear means of removal.
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Originally Posted by DaveTheFishGuy View Post
Quoth the Honchkrow (nevermore!).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Things One Is Not Allowed To Do In Exalted
244) While not FORBIDDEN, my Midnight is to keep in mind that using an army of animated skeletons in order to fill the town square with a rendition of "Spooky Scary Skeletons" is going to be considered odd at best.
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:29 PM   #58
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Not sure how active I'll be, but since anyone can update anyone I'll give it a good go. Gonna use Deh’s opening post for this.

~~~~~

The rainstorm doesn’t let up as passengers start to flock to your platform, waiting for the train to arrive. Some time passes, and you hear one person muttering about the train being late. Before you have the chance to check, the station’s PA system pipes up to confirm that your train has been delayed “indefinitely”. With tutting and moaning, the people surrounding you left as quickly as they had arrived. As you rise to your feet, a Glameow races past you and crashes into Phoebe, momentarily stunning it. Its bony frame suggests to you it’s probably underweight. You notice a sandwich on the floor just beside it. Just seconds later, a voice to your left once more disturbs you.

“STOP! HELP! THIEF!”

Turning in the direction of the voice, you see a middle aged woman running in your direction. The cat Pokémon suddenly jolts awake, shaking itself off and running once more, snack left behind. “ST-ST-stop… you m-,“ the woman starts again, starting to run out of breath as she slows down. Taking a few seconds to recover, she approaches you. “Hey. You’re a trainer,” she said in a rather irritated tone, “why didn’t you stop that Glameow? Isn’t it your job to keep these things under control?” Before you can offer a response, the rude lady continues, “Well, you’ll just have to make up for it. You’re at fault too, after all. Not helping a woman in need?” As she finishes, a security officer approaches.

“What’s all this commotion about? You bothering this lady, sir?” he asks rather sternly.

“No, officer. He let a pesky Glameow get away with stealing my lunch!” the woman responds, gesturing toward the sandwich.

“Is… that it?” he replied, seeming a little shocked at the rather petty nature of it all. “Well, you’re not the first, anyway. We’ve had a few reports of Glameow stealing food from people in the past couple of days. Quite a tricky Pokémon. If, indeed, it’s the same one. We know where it’s hiding out, but it’s too strong to fight without any Pokémon.” The guard notices Phoebe, who looks rather perplexed by the situation, and turns back to you. “So, you’re a trainer? Would you mind helping us catch this Pokémon? Don’t worry, we’ll make it worth your while,” he said. It’s hardly the most daring of jobs, but you are stuck here for a while anyway. Might as well make earn some money, right?

What will Liam do?

Spoiler: show
Quest details:

Should Liam accept this quest, the guard will lead him to a nearby back alley. Upon entering, a healthy-looking Level 3 Glameow will attack the two of them. Liam will have to defeat or otherwise distract it to advance in the quest. This Pokémon will not be available for capture. Once he passes the ambusher, Liam will find a group of rather underfed, younger Glameow. The guard will ask him to KO these as well, but Liam will have the option of refusing and offering food. If he listens to the guard, Phoebe will be capable of defeating each one in a single hit due to their physical state. If he offers food, one of the Glameow will approach and eat the offering, acting docile. Either way, after realising the state they are in, the guard will help take them to the Pokémon Centre. The Glameow will be nursed back to health. If he left the young ones alone, they will be healthy by the time Liam leaves and the nurses will bring them out to say goodbye. One will approach and nuzzle his leg, giving Liam the option to battle and capture it.

Rewards:

If Liam successfully completes this quest, he will be given 1 Star Shard and $100 by the officer. He will be given an extra Star Shard by the Centre’s Nurses if he ignored the guard’s order to attack the young Glameow.
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:37 PM   #59
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>Salamencia

Looks fine to me. My one nitpick, and it's super tiny, is that you're using second person when deh used third. Generally, it's good practice to match the tense of your updatee. So, for example, if deh had used "I", it would have made sense to use "you", but since he refers to his character by name, it might be good to match that for the sake of flow. Otherwise, I think your application checks out.

Approved 1/3.
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Old 03-28-2014, 02:17 PM   #60
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Sal: Looks great to me. Simple but still quite interesting quest.

Approved 2/3.
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Old 03-29-2014, 12:15 PM   #61
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I like the application, but do try to be reasonably active. WF seems to be a trust-based, community-centered RPG, and without reasonably active updaters, updatees can get restless. Other than that, I'm fine to approve you! Welcome aboard!

Approved 3/3.
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Old 04-01-2014, 11:46 AM   #62
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*sees announcement* Well, that twisted my arm. Using OkikuMew's introductory post in Azalea.

EDIT: *reads date* Ugh. I forget it's still April 1st for the rest of the planet. Have an application either way.

Despite your vibrant entrance and salutation, for a while nothing seems to happen. Aside from the sound of acclimatising mechanisms humming in the background, you don't hear anything of note - for a refuge of Bug-types, it appears remarkably silent. You lean forward, casting your gaze into the wild foliage growing in the near-tropic environment of the greenhouse. Surely there had to be someone inside, you think to yourself.

As if answering your query, a rustle ahead catches you at the side of your eye, soon followed by several others as the leaves start to shake into life. Zousan takes a few steps back behind your leg just in case, but shortly after you spot a round, yellow head pop out from underneath a shrub, cloaked by a worn little leaf. Inquisitively, the Sewaddle blinks back at you, shaking its little head in wonderment. It doesn't take long for its friends to start appearing; Weedle, Ledyba, Scatterbug, Wurmple - soon enough you have your own little audience of curious insects, as though anticipating you to make a move. Zousan huddles behind your ankles, not quite sure what to make of this, when an old, cracking voice calls out.

"What's all this, then? What are you little rascals up to?" Looking up, you see an elderly gardener - the first human you've seen since entering the greenhouse - hobble into view, supported by a gnarled walking stick. Wispy white hair lines his brow and chin; the rest hidden underneath a grotty old straw hat. Satchets and bags overflow his tattered bag and pockets - containing what you can only assume to be seeds and food for plants and Pokémon. The bugs crowd around him, chattering excitedly as they direct his gaze towards you.

"Well, if this isn't a surprise. A new face!" Tipping his hat politely at you and Zousan, his wrinkled visage creaks into a smile. "We don't get many visitors in Azalea, never mind the gym. My name's Callery, but everyone calls me Perry. Now what can I do for you, miss?"

Earnestly you tell Perry the aim of your visit, and he scratches his bearded chin in thought. "Is that so? I must say, you're the first volunteer we've had who's taken an interest in the Shrine, young lady. As a matter of fact Contesto - he's our Gym Leader, he is - he's been away in Goldenrod, trying to rally helpers to slowly bring some normalcy back in this town and the forest. Last I heard, he wasn't any more successful than before," sighs Perry. "Thanks to this weather, there aren't many who come to Azalea, never mind being capable of venturing into Ilex Forest."

"Ah, but how I prattle on! I'm sure you didn't come here to listen to a whinging old man," he suddenly laughs, kindly as before. "Now, about the Shrine. It's a good thing you came to us, young lady. With the forest as it is there aren't many people who can make it to the shrine, not with those twisted forest passageways and wild Pokémon. If I were you I'd wait for Contesto to come back, but if you want to brave the forest alone, I guess these old bones can't stop you. Here!" Reaching into one of his neverending pockets Perry grabs a piece of paper and presses it into your palm. Unfolding it, you find that it's a drawn map of what you guess to be Ilex Forest.

"Now you'll want to follow those instructions to the letter. This is the safest possible route to the Shrine, and avoids where most of the wild Pokémon tend to congregate," advises the gardener. "And as for what you can do, hm. We'd need multiple people to move supplies, reconstruct the foundations, and I doubt if..." Just as you feel your heart sink at the prospects of a 12-year-old being unable to help out alone, a glint sparkles in Perry's ancient eye. " Ah, I've got it. Bernie!"

"Bur!" Scuttling out from one of the bushes, a leaf-wrapped Pokémon scoots over to you and Perry's side. As it looks up, the Burmy's appendage straightens out like a mock salute.

"Ordinarily, I might have escorted Bernie myself to help in the forest. Various horticultural duties. But with Contesto in Goldenrod, we're very shorthanded. I have to keep vigil in the gym," explains Perry. "If you're looking to help at the shrine, you could bring Bernie there for a spell. When you've reached the shrine he'll know what to do."

"Bur-my!" Bending the sproingy organ on his head, the staunch little Bug-type nods at you as Perry gives you a confident little wink. "I can feel it in my bones; the three of you'll make quite the team. I'm sure you'll be able to help out the best you can."

Escorting a Pokémon to the shrine. It doesn't sound like much, and you're still not sure how it might help at all, but it is something.

What do you do?



Spoiler: show
Quest Outline
Okiku will be tasked with escorting Bernie the Burmy into the Ilex Forest to reach the Celebi Shrine, where he will use Bug Bite to rid the Shrine of its weeds. En route, Okiku will come across a wild Venonat who lunges at her to steal a Berry from her bag. Okiku can choose to defeat it or run; Bernie will not be able to help her in her encounter. Running ends the encounter and the adventure proceeds as normal.

If Okiku chooses to defeat it and successfully does so, the Venonat will beg her for a Berry, gesturing beyond the designated path meant for her, meaning that she has to take a detour. If she chooses to follow the Venonat, the Venonat brings her to a group of freezing and injured Grass and Bug-types, whom she can choose to help; if she does, the Pokémon lead her back to the path and help clear out the shrine, more effectively than Bernie would have on his own. Otherwise, Venonat leads her back to the path regardless, but doesn't help.

Rewards
Upon returning to the gym, Okiku receives $300. If Bernie has been injured (i.e. forced to battle during the encounter), she receives $200 instead as Perry needs the money for Bernie's curatives. If she helped out the Venonat and its friends, they surprise everyone by visiting the gym. Perry invites Venonat and friends to stay in the gym, and as thanks, they give her a Miracle Seed they salvaged.
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Old 04-01-2014, 11:55 AM   #63
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Damn SS, fantastic update and a pretty good quest line. Just a small nitpick in that for a quest like that a star shard or two should be within the rewards, but besides that I can't find anything that would make it so that I would have to reject you. It's good, and the options Okiku has in the quest is great.

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Old 04-01-2014, 12:01 PM   #64
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Approved 2/3.
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Old 04-01-2014, 01:28 PM   #65
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Damn it Schady, your image is big. :U

Anywhoo, the update's really good and aside from what Lost had previously said, I don't really see anything wrong with it, so...

3/3 Approved!
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Old 04-02-2014, 04:05 AM   #66
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JUMPING THE UPDATER BANDWAGON! And it seems Kyro's sort of deserted HeroicRein's storyline after setting up the intro to an unknown quest, so I'm just going to hijack it.

"Excuse me but would you happen to know of the Olivian floodings or at least hear of them?" you ask in a nervous yet semi-confident tone.

Silence. Not even a word. Not a twitch. Nothing. Clearly this man isn't going to respond to you anytime soon, but you stand your ground. Determined to find information on the floods that swept your family away, you maintain your focus on the hooded figure. Terrence is quite the opposite, fearing for the worst.

The stranger moves, their hand raising slowly to the board, what appeared to be a finger pointing to a few notes within the myriad leaflets pinned onto it.

It seems one of them was from someone seeking to be escorted to Cianwood, out of the question for a boy with a Ground-type baby elephant. Another slip piques your interest, a quest from the Olivine Gym Leader himself.

Quote:
Liberate Our Lighthouse!
The icon of our city, the Luster Lighthouse, is infested with hordes of wild Magnemite! This interferes with daily maintenance of the building and care of the Mareep horde at the pinnacle of the tower! Report to the Olivine Gym for details from Oliver! Rewards offered!
Its vibrant colour scheme stings your eyes as you try to read the text, but you can definitely tell that it's from Oliver himself.

The stranger's hand then hovers over to a small sepia photo, a slightly charred one of a young man and two cloud-like Pokemon. Altaria, you recall, having seen them during your childhood days at Mt. Battle. Beneath that photo is a piece of paper that reads:

Quote:
Save the little one!
Top of lighthouse. Parents ill. Protect chick. Very grateful for help.
You take another glance, a scrawl of a signature under the request. It seems the stranger would like you to take on the rescue quest. But the promise of a good reward from the Gym Leader himself is enticing.

Terrance looks at you inquisitively, his prior worries now steeled by determination. Determination to prove to you that he can help you out with these quests as you have for him in the past.

What will you do?

Spoiler: show

Quest Outline
If Samuel takes on the Gym Leader's task, he'll run up to the Luster Lighthouse to investigate the infestation, only to find that it's not the magnetism of many Magnemite joining them together but the result of a family of Joltiks and Galvantulas who have accidentally trapped the Magnet Pokemon in their Electrowebs.

Upon finding a way to help them, and hence free the Magnemite, one of them will be grateful for Samuel's assistance and will allow him to fight it. It may have a surprise in stall depending on his actions throughout the quest in the form of an Egg Move. Should he be successful in defeating it, he shall be able to capture it.

Reporting back to Oliver, Samuel will receive his reward and recognition from the Gym Leader himself, making him one step closer to a potential Gym Battle.

If he opts for the rescue quest instead, he'll have other trainers clear the infestation to assist him in reaching the highest point of the tower, where two Altaria are trying to defend their newly hatched Swablu from a Skarmory.

This Skarmory will be tough, being at Level 9. If he can convince the distressed Altaria that he could help them, maybe he might have an easier time. Upon defeating it, the Skarmory will flee without allowing Samuel to capture it.

Reporting back to the hooded figure, it is revealed that the man in the photo is that hooded figure, now unable to scale the tower and defend his beloved Pokemon. The two Altaria fly to him to comfort him, with the newborn Swablu taking an interest in you. Its parents will allow Samuel to take care of it in their place, knowing that the baby is in safe hands.

Rewards
Samuel will receive $200 from Oliver as well as a Star Shard if he accepts and completes the Gym Quest. If he successfully sorts out the ordeal with the Magnemite and Joltik without hurting them, the Magnemite that he faces will have a MT Move that will be RNGed as well as the usual Level 3 set.

If he completes the rescue quest instead, he'll receive 3 Star Shards in total, two from the man, and one from the Altaria family. In addition, if he manages to convince them before Terrance is hurt badly, the Swablu will learn an Egg Move that is to be RNGed as well as the usual Level 1 set.
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Old 04-06-2014, 09:32 AM   #67
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Going to use Sparkbeat's intro! Totally not going to pass.

---

The beautiful blue sky stretches over you. The calm sea laps against the sandy Olivine shore, creating a pleasing sound to the ear. While the ocean is currently in a state of peace, you knew better - having spent a great amount of time with the seas. They can be harsh, yet at the same time, as tame and gentle as a lamb.

However, something smelled off... Something was out of place in the usual crispy smell of the grand ocean. A ugly thread was tainted in the fresh flavor of the sea, like a shrill cry in a beautiful orchestra performance. You wondered what it could be as you move your way further into Olivine City.

As you draw closer, you could see something black rising from far away - a place that could not be seen from the beach. It was the Industrial Area, and in surprise, you see a black, thick smoke rising from one of the factories a good distance away.

"The Arsonist strikes again!" cried many citizens as they eyed the smoke rising up into the air. Many trainers streamed out of the Pokemon Centre, as they chattered wildly with one another. Voices of concern and fear could be heard from both the new, starting trainers and the citizens of Olivine who had lived their entire life in this city.

Suddenly, a strong tug could be felt from behind. You turn back, only to see a scrawny little man. He had a brown hat, an old and tattered grey T-Shirt, along with a pair of brown, dusty pants. His show was half-torn, and you could catch a whiff of burn from him. Even a small spot in his shirt is charred black - But why? You had absolutely no idea.

"You look clean but dependable - a rookie trainer perhaps? Perfect timing, because I'm in a little pinch here." the tramp-looking man sputtered out.

Before you could respond, he continues. "Well, so there's this Arsonist that's been setting fires in the Industrial Area. I-I suspect it's the works of a gang of Pokemon. Come on, nobody would be THAT DUMB to go and attack the factories are the Gym Leader... right?" Despite what he says, his tone seems rather defensive, as if someone was accusing him of being the infamous Arsonist.

"So anyways, can you look into this matter for me? I've been a Slugma, or perhaps two, wrecking some serious havoc around the Gym. Could you perhaps get rid of them and take them to the proper authorities before things gets worse? You will surely be paid handsomely and be named a Hero for sure."

You look at him. The man's almost maniacal eyes drilling into you, as if he's attempting to intimidate you into submission. What will you do?

---

Spoiler: show
QUEST OUTLINE
If Joel choose to follow the strange man's instruction, you will be led to the industrial area around the Gym, where Joel will indeed find the two Lv. 2 Slugma. If Joel manages to defeat at least one Slugma, the other will give in and ask for mercy. This will trigger a Gym Trainer's appearance, who tells Joel that despite them being suspicious, they actually belonged to the Strange Man from previously. The Man will appear with his partner, who declares them to be the ultimate mastermind between the Arson Cases that has occurred. When this happens, you will be involved in a Tag Battle with the Gym Trainer. The two arsonists will have a Lv. 6 Koffing and a Lv. 6 Houndoor respectively, while the Gym Trainer will have a Lv. 7 Aron. Regardless of whether you win or lose, the Gym Leader will swoop in and round the arsonists up, though your win or loss may affect your rewards. After the events, the Slugma will be very touched and present a gift.

Rewards for this route:
- $300 and One Star Shard
- Additional $100 if victory over the pair of arsonists
- Charcoal for Slugma
- Access to Gym Quests

If Joel does not take the strange man's offer, he will be eventually led to the Industrial Area, where he meets the Gym Leader investigating the case and finding the man. When this happens, he will notice that the Arsonist they are searching for is the strange man he met. The Gym Leader will be informed and Joel will be ordered to search for the Man around the area. When he finds the man, he gets there in time just as the Arsonist is about to deal with the Slugma - his Pokemon that he forced to make arson cases - to leave no evidence behind. Get there and battle him. He has a Level 6 Houndoor. Regardless whether Joel wins or loses, the Gym Leader will come and round the Arsonist up. Grateful of Joel, Slugma requests for a chance to join his team through battling.

Rewards for this route:
- $200 + Two Oran Berries
- Additional $100 if Joel wins against the Arsonist
- Chance to capture Slugma
- Access to Gym Quests
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Old 04-06-2014, 06:29 PM   #68
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FINE, GUYS, I'LL START IT OFF! ;; Seriously, there are a few updatees in need of updaters and I feel I can at least give some good insight.

>Kusari

Overall, nothing too disturbing here. If I were to nitpick, there are some tiny details. Spoilered because this post gets huge otherwise:

Spoiler: show
1. You're using the second person when Swampert used the third. I can't in good conscience simply echo Marion's response to my application, so I'll just say "see her above post for more information" and leave it at that.

2. Couple of spelling/grammar errors, which I'm mainly putting down to Spell Check/Autocorrect. It's good practice to proofread your updates before posting. They're few and far between, though, and the update is perfectly legible.

3. You alternate from a slightly formal-sounding style (for example, I never hear anyone say they "came to a realisation" in everyday speech) to more informal words like "funk". A change in wording style is fine when you're changing speaker but is bad form otherwise. I sometimes do this in actual speech, though.

4. Your entire first paragraph is just reiterating what Swampert said in his intro. Fine when replying to an update, as one can then give their character's reactions to events (quite crucial when RPing), but needless padding in updates. Pretty sure that's just me being picky, though.


There's nothing hugely wrong with the update, though, and the quest's simple but not bad. Approved 1/3.

>Kamen

Same "second person, third person" issue, which is again overlookable, but I've a few bigger problems here. Once more, spoilered to keep the whole post shorter:

Spoiler: show
Firstly, while I like that you've read your updatee's background and incorporated that into the update, I dislike that you've added your own piece into Samuel's past. Nowhere in there does it mention he saw or even heard about Altaria at Mt. Battle, so why does your update state he has? If in doubt, avoid mentioning the character's backstory. Let the updatee do that.

Secondly, there are a few grammatical problems here. More than Kusari's, though quantity isn't the main issue here. Some, such as "maybe he might", are overlookable. However, one sentence is completely mangled and illegible:

Quote:
The stranger moves, their hand raising slowly to the board, what appeared to be a finger pointing to a few notes within the myriad leaflets pinned onto it.
It feels like you had two similar sentences floating in your mind and confusedly merged them. Unfortunately, doing so almost always results in gibberish. I fear that sentences like this may appear increasingly when you're not attempting to impress.

Thirdly, and probably most surprisingly, you've not actually followed the instructions in this thread's opening post. Jeri clearly says you should use an "intro post", "updated or not". You've used Heroic Rein's second post in this thread. Inability to read the instructions through would be concerning, though I suspect this is drastically overstating the case. Either way, this combined with the above two issues is a bit too much.


Overall, I see too many concerning trends in this post to be happy approving you. I'm not going to officially reject, as I can't be certain of the consequences and I'm not confident enough in my own writing to be able to say "no, go and do it again". I just don't want to actively ignore you, so.

>Lanturn

This is much easier to judge concisely. You flit between past and present tense at whim, and there are way too many spelling/grammar errors. The misuse of certain words stinks of reliance on Autocorrect/Spell Check (again, always proofread). EDIT: There's also the second person/third person confusion that I've mentioned in the other two analyses, but that's hardly the issue here.

Again, I don't feel like I have the authority to "reject", but this way I'm not ignoring you either.
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Old 04-06-2014, 07:29 PM   #69
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FINE, GUYS, I'LL START IT OFF! ;; Seriously, there are a few updatees in need of updaters and I feel I can at least give some good insight.

>Kamen

Same "second person, third person" issue, which is again overlookable, but I've a few bigger problems here. Once more, spoilered to keep the whole post shorter:

Spoiler: show
Firstly, while I like that you've read your updatee's background and incorporated that into the update, I dislike that you've added your own piece into Samuel's past. Nowhere in there does it mention he saw or even heard about Altaria at Mt. Battle, so why does your update state he has? If in doubt, avoid mentioning the character's backstory. Let the updatee do that.

Secondly, there are a few grammatical problems here. More than Kusari's, though quantity isn't the main issue here. Some, such as "maybe he might", are overlookable. However, one sentence is completely mangled and illegible:



It feels like you had two similar sentences floating in your mind and confusedly merged them. Unfortunately, doing so almost always results in gibberish. I fear that sentences like this may appear increasingly when you're not attempting to impress.

Thirdly, and probably most surprisingly, you've not actually followed the instructions in this thread's opening post. Jeri clearly says you should use an "intro post", "updated or not". You've used Heroic Rein's second post in this thread. Inability to read the instructions through would be concerning, though I suspect this is drastically overstating the case. Either way, this combined with the above two issues is a bit too much.


Overall, I see too many concerning trends in this post to be happy approving you. I'm not going to officially reject, as I can't be certain of the consequences and I'm not confident enough in my own writing to be able to say "no, go and do it again". I just don't want to actively ignore you, so.
Thank you for that. I was taking note of the fact that his character, being from the Orre region, has watched people compete on Mt. Battle. I made a very minor reference to Altaria being used on Mt. Battle twice, but that's just trivia.

I'll probably reapply again, seeing how many errors I've made. But yes. I think all of the intros were sort of taken already, which lead me to think it had to be an unupdated one. Of course, I'll use an intro post in my next application should I need one.

Once again, thank you for your critique.
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Old 04-11-2014, 03:55 PM   #70
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So this was using Rangeetsuper's start post!

--------------------

As you make your way down the docks, the beat of humanity slowly blends with the melody of the sea. The shouts of many hands working to load, unload, or sail ships, the squawk of seabirds, the salty tang of the rushing wind, the soft patter of your shoes on the pavement, and the crash of the waves. You narrowly evade a white something as it splatters on the ground beside you. You catch the eye of a sailor or two, who grin and wave at the unfamiliar face. Did you miss the warmth of humanity during your time in the forest? Or perhaps the long years were only just long enough for you to get the taste of their brutish 'civilization' out of your mouth? In this world where faces are seen but hearts remain hidden, who can know but yourself? As you look for the opportunity for work (Would a 'Help Wanted' sign really be so out of place?), you notice a man who seems utterly unsuited for the setting. Sure, his royal blue overcoat-thing may make the sea cry with envy, and his single silver loop earring looks like it wouldn't be unsuited to a pirate, but his clothes are far too crisp and unstained for a life upon the sea. Black pants, a pin-striped shirt, solid blue tie- he seems more suited to the office than the ocean. And, judging from his approach, he's noticed you too. Admittedly, you don't much cut the image of a seafarer, yourself. The man introduces himself a tad oddly: 'Orion, Friend to Pokemon'. Who in the world introduces themselves like that? Then again, it's not like you've been on the cutting edge of civilization over the past eight years- who knows what strange habits have grasped the nation in your absence. Regardless, he seems harmless enough, and you find yourself telling him about your search for work. With a grin, he reveals that he's been searching for someone to do work, himself. Something about driving off some poachers. He promises the job will be "exciting, just, and with good pay". What a weirdo.
Do you accept his request?

Spoiler: show
Quest Outline:
In a secluded spot, a beached and rusted ship serves as home and hide-away for many wild pokemon. Approached by a man intent on restoring the connection between people and pokemon, Lyra is asked for assistance in protecting this ground from a group of hunters intent on capturing hordes of the normally-uncommon pokemon for sale. Should she accept, how to stop the hunters is up to her- The only goal is to stop them.

Projected Finale:
Lyra is alerted to the hunters presence by the sounds of battle, and arrives to find a single Krabby bravely fighting off a pair of Poochyena (and their trainers) on it's own. Should Lyra help fight off the hunters, the Krabby will gladly offer to join her and the man will reward her efforts with 2 Star Shards and 300P in cash.
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Last edited by Kindrindra; 04-11-2014 at 04:23 PM. Reason: FOUND IT!
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:20 PM   #71
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Gonna use RealMrGame10's intro post!

---

Samuel runs after his pal rather mindlessly, seeing as his mind is more interested in all the things in Cerulean City than in his surprisingly energetic friend's antics. The chase allows Samuel to take in a few of the city's sights while chasing the yellow magician through the streets of Cerulean. Eventually, Henri teleports into an open marketplace, with Samuel not far behind. He stops for a second, taking in the atmosphere. A slight breeze can be felt, which accompanied by the sunlight makes for some wonderful weather. The buildings surrounding the square all have a comforting small town feel to them, especially when one takes in the many simple stands set up in front of them. Above one of these stands, Samuel spots Henri bouncing up and down on top of the crimson canopy. He quickly runs over to it and calls for Henri to get down immediately, which he does by teleporting back onto Samuel's back.

"So I'm guessing this would be your Abra?" asks a gruff voice from inside the wooden stand. Samuel begins to apologize, but the man quickly cuts him off. "Ohoho, there's no reason to apologize about anything," the man,who is wearing pair of khaki's and a blue and white striped golf shirt, chuckles. Samuel notices his voice has taken on a jollier tone than it had a few seconds earlier, and by his calculations, the brown mustached man seems to be somewhere in his fifties.

"Everyone needs to have a little fun sometimes, even Pokemon. Say though, you're a trainer, right?" Samuel nods his head and Henri gives a quick thumbs up before the man continues. "Wonderful! The name's Wendel, and perhaps since we've become somewhat acquainted with one another, you could help me with a small problem I've been having. You see, every time I restock my supply of berries from a nearby orchard, a group of Pokemon come to my shop at night and rob me of my entire stock of them. Seeing as I have no Pokemon of my own, I wouldn't want to risk following them and getting myself into a fight. I don't know if it's the fact that the berries have a very smelly aroma due their local freshness, or whether it's because the Pokemon live here in the city and think I'm an easy target. But, whatever the cause, do you think you could go after them? It just so happens I just harvested some berries earlier today, so they'll probably be here tonight. All I need you to do is wait by my shop tonight, follow the Pokemon, and either resolve the issue yourself, or tell me what's going on. Naturally, I'll fix up some sort of reward for your troubles. So, would you be so kind as to help an old man save his business?"

The mustached man seems nice enough, and his plight seems like a reasonable one that shouldn't be too difficult to take care of. What will Samuel do?

Spoiler: show
Quest: Should he accept, late into the night, Samuel will follow a group of Oddish, Venonat, and a single Scraggy to a small forest southwest of Cerulean. He will be tasked with finding a way to make peace between these Pokemon and the shopkeeper.

Outline: If he accepts Wendel's request, he will arrive at the clearing trailing closely behind the Pokemon he followed there. He will observe them placing the berries at the bases of a small group of berry trees in the middle of the clearing. After this, a Hoothoot from one of the surrounding trees will begin screeching to warn the others of Samuel's presence. The Scraggy will step forward and begin approaching Samuel. At this point he can either flee or stay and fight the level 3 Scraggy.

If he flees, he will arrive back at Wendel's shop, and explain to him what he saw. Wendel will thank him for his help, and give Samuel a small reward before departing to see a wildlife expert for advice on what to make of what Samuel saw, and subsequently how to handle the situation.

If he stays and fights the Scraggy, win or lose, the sun will have risen by the time the battle concludes, and a local wildlife enthusiast will enter the clearing, and provide medicine to heal all of Henri and Scraggy's injuries. Capture of the Scraggy will not be possible at this time. After explaining to Sydney, the wildlife enthusiast, what the shop keeper told him, she will tell Samuel that seeing as the Pokemon living here were nocturnal, she never saw them leave and enter the town. She infers that the nearby orchard Samuel told her the shopkeeper harvests from is the same one that is right before them. She also tells Samuel that the Pokemon living in the orchard took care of the trees at night, and she often assisted them on some mornings. The fact that someone is taking their food infuriates her, and she stomps off to visit Wendel and give him a piece of her mind, leaving Samuel with no choice but to follow. The two arrive at Wendel's stand, and after Sydney demands Wendel leave the orchard alone and leave the berries for the Pokemon, he becomes angered by her disregard for his business, and takes the stance that he should be the one to keep the berries seeing as he needed them for a successful business.

At this point Samuel can do three things. Firstly, he can side with Wendel, forcing Sydney to take the Pokemon into her home and surrounding garden until she can find them a new home. Secondly, he can side with Sydney, forcing Wendel to find a new way to stock his stand with berries. Finally, he can make a deal between the two in which the two parties split the berries evenly. Whichever stance Samuel chooses will win out, and cause the quest to be completed once he receives his rewards.

Rewards: Regardless if he flees or fights, Samuel will receive $100.

If Samuel sides with Wendel, he will receive 2 Star Shards, and an additional $100.

If he sides with Sydney, he will receive 1 Star Shard, two common berries of his choice, and an opportunity to battle Scraggy once again, but with a chance to catch it if he defeats it.

If he makes a deal between the two, he will receive 1 Star Shard from each of them, a common berry of his choice, and $50.
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:45 AM   #72
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Kindrindra: Simple, but effective. I like it. Approved 1/3.

Sparkbeat: Very well thought out quest. I like that there isn't a "right" answer really, and that the most traditionally moral option (the compromise) won't get him the best rewards. Welcome to life. Approved 1/3.
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Old 04-28-2014, 12:46 PM   #73
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Kin: Seems like a pretty good update. Nice quest, easy to work with, and no signs of anything troubling. Approved: 2/3

Sparkbeat: I love the update and always find moral dilemmas to be a great thing. The lack of a right choice always is interesting. Approved: 2/3
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Old 04-28-2014, 02:37 PM   #74
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Really need to be productive again.

Kin: No real problems here, though something something match updatee's narrative mode something something. Could do with using "$" rather than "P" when referring to WF's currency too. Anyway: Approved 3/3!

Spark: I do like this one. Good update and a well constructed, satisfying quest. Not going to repeat the same comment for the third post in a row. Not that I'm being lazy or anything. :p Approved 3/3!
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:16 PM   #75
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First capture here! And I'll be taking Akanjăo's starting post for this ^^


Ok, attempt #1 ever of being an updator; here goes nothing...


Update:

As you rode on Honest, your trusty Doduo, as your first time away from Canalave City as a travelling Pokémon Trainer, you also are taking a stroll around Cerulean City, also known as "the blue aura". Altough it's quite different from where you grew up, the Kanto city being a bit bigger and more populous (thanks to the mass migration from the southern Kanto to the north caused by the disasters,) you couldn't help but feel at home when you disembarked the boat that brought you here – thank Arceus for conveniently living in another port city – as the smells of fresh fish and salty water filled your nostrils. Stawl, your mechanical and somehow intelligent bear, is excited at the new sights, aweing at the view the sparkling sea, the sea creatures that are filling either aquariums or fish boats, and the bustling crowd. He urges you to go and meet someone but, although hesitant at first as you had no idea what you should do, you have now other plans: you absolutely want to find adorable Pokémon. You knew you would have a hard time to find any Pokémon where humans are living, so you move towards the outskirts of Cerulean, bringing you to the east of the city, right at the border of Route 9 with its nice, leasury path swaying through the emerald meadow. Finally seeing something to your liking, you can't help but show off a huge grin before running to the natural lawn happily. On the other hand, your two partners, Honest and Stahl, giggle at your silly and childish antics and reaction to the simple and abundant plant. Not amused by their reactions, you give them a good scold before returning back at dashing towards the grass again, the Doduo catching up.

Before you finally jumped into the grassy paradise however, you suddenly feel something bumping against you from behind... and it wasn't Honest. In fact, nobody have no idea what just bumped into you exactly since it moved so fast, all you saw was a purple blur disappearing into the taller grass... and that it was strong to the point this "bump" pushes you and makes you fall to the ground frontwards! Your Doduo tries to reach up to you and cushion your fall, but he is just not close enough to you to do so, leaving you plunging face first into the grass, as if you were kissing it. Your teddy bear bursts into laughter again, but this time Honest was more on your side since he feels ridiculed too, but his shyness prevents him to retaliate...

"HEY, COME BACK HERE YOU THIEF!"

Your group's scene gets interrupted by a yelling, sweaty and obese man rushing towards you, only for him to colapse on his knees, his legs giving up on him from running too much.

"Hey... you... guys!" the 40-something year old asked, while panting heavily and wiping the sweat off the bald part of his horseshoe hair with his white but greasy tank top, "have you... seen a... Liepard... running around here... somewhere!?"

After both you and the man got back on your feet, you explained what you saw... the best you could, anyway. The heavy person grunts then sighs in despair.

"Ugh, that must have been it! I've been trying to get it for weeks!" he throws his frustration at you before he finally calms down, rubbing his palm against his shiny forehead. "...Ehhh, I'm sorry boy... That Liepard has been just trouble for me... Oh, let me introduce myself!" he offers his hand. "I'm Wesley Peddler, mechanical manager of the proud Miracle Cycle Cerulean bike shop! But you can just call me Wheely! ...So, what I was going to say... Ah yes! I've been after that Liepard for weeks, because everyday, it manages to sneak in the garage and steal bicycle parts and even sometimes our lunches, no matter what we do! And it's not just little parts: sheesh, at this point, it must have stolen so many pieces, if it had oppossable thumbs and the know-how, it could make at least 4 full bikes! ...Say," he looks over your Doduo, "you got one nice Pokémon there! Looks like a pretty fast one, too! Heh, it used to be a popular Pokémon among our clients, since many of them were found on the Cycling Road... But I digress! Anyways, I hate to beg, but I'm at my wit's ends here: I'm nowhere fit to keep up with that burglar cat, and I don't got Pokémon, either – I'm a mechanic manager, not a Pokémon trainer, for crying out loud! Can you help me out get those pieces it stole back and maybe get rid of that Liepard, somehow? Oh, and don't worry about getting nothing back in return: I've already filed a report to the cops for this, but since I'm considered a 'low priority case' – pcht! – they've put it into their 'mercenary cases': Letting trainers take care of those and give a reward whenever they do! But if I find their reward 'really' sucks compared to the job you've done..." he shakes his pointer finger towards you as he lowered his voice, "you can assure you that I'm going to give you extra! So, what do say..." he holds out his hand again, "...uh, what's your name again, young man?"

The jolly fellow chuckled at his small social blunder, holding his large belly with his other hand.


What would you like to do?



Quest Outline and Rewards (Akanjăo, please don't do like me: Do not read what's in the spoiler box in case I end up updating you and (likely) reusing this! ^^;)

Spoiler: show
Quest Outline: (By Arceus it's a doozy!)
Should Pride (Akanjăo's trainer character) accepts this mission before the message self-destructs in 5 seconds, he'll have the job of finding those stolen bike parts and stopping the culprit, the Liepard, from stealing from the bike shop.

Wheely will invite him to come to the shop's garage the morning after to wait for it to come back for his next heist and catch him there. Sure enough, the next day while Pride and co. are around, the Liepard shows up. Pride will have the choice of either of corner it then have a Pokémon Battle with it right there and then, or to follow it to its hideout in Route 9.

If he chooses to try and defeat it, the battle will be difficult thanks to the Liepard's high level compared to Honest's, but with enough creativity within the battle (ex.: Ask Wheely to help out by distracting it with tools) and/or smarts (ex.: Ask Wheely to phone the cops for backup) the fight can be won. If the battle is won, Pride won't be able to find Wheely's parts, but at least you assured him right before his eyes that it won't come back (after he calls the cops to take it away), and showed how good you were, too! However, if the Liepard comes up on top, Pride will have the choice of either give up the battle, heal honest in the Pokémon Center and come back the next day to get it again, or let it run away (before Honest is knocked out) but pursue it to its hideout.

If he chooses to pursue the Liepard into Route 9, he will encounter some makeshift, harmless traps along the way made with familiar metallic pieces. He'll eventually arrive in a secluded part of the path, where he'll discover a nest-like shelter and more traps made out of bicycle parts, all being constructed by a family of Purrloin. Pride is noticed though, and the Purrloin stops their work and the Liepard shows up by jumping in between the kittens and Pride, now making it obvious it is the mother of the litter. Pride have the choice of either try to approach them peacefully, or attacking the Liepard.

If a attacking is chosen, it'll go in a similar way if he had battled her at the shop, however, despite Wheely not being around, it will be a lot easier since it is tired from running and for taking care of her children beforehand. After defeating it, the Purrloin will flee, leaving the pile of stolen bike parts behind to be brought back to Wheely.

If Pride chooses to try and resolve this peacefully, the Liepard is about to attack Pride (or Honest, if he's still around), but the battle is intercepted by an angry-looking Granbull. The Purrloin hide into the "bike house", while the Liepard now concentrates on the Granbull, but is visibly terrified. (It would be known by now that she and her litter created those traps and metal shelter to protect themselves from the Granbull.) Pride can choose to either let the two duke it out while staying on the sidelines, get involve in the fight by helping the Granbull, or get involve in the fight by helping the Liepard.

Letting the two fight each other will end with the Granbull the winner. The Purrloin helps the Liepard flee from the scene, while the Granbull simply walks away, happy he defeated the Liepard. Again, the pile of bike parts is left behind, up for grabs and to be brought back to Wheely.

Helping the Granbull will do the same as above, only quicker, and the Granbull would be willing to help out bringing the bike parts and give an small extra reward on his part as thanks.

Helping the Liepard would be a tough but fair match against the Granbull, but in the end Liepard and Honest will be the victors. The Liepard and her litter will be no longer hostile towards Pride and won't attack him for any reason, but they will be giving him "puppy eyes" to not destroy their home. Pride will have the choice of either ignore the family's plea and pick up the parts anyways, forget about destroying the house and bring the parts back to Wheely, or find a solution to find/make another home for them.

If the parts are picked up anyway, nothing special happens (in terms of storyline) other than the family of Purrloin being really sad.

If Pride aborts the idea of bringing back the parts, obviously Wheely won't be happy... but the Liepard and Purrloin will, to the point they don't steal anything from the city from that point on, and the Liepard actually offers something to him...

If Pride figures out how to give them a new home, both parties (the Purrloin family and Wheely) will be happy as the former will have a home and the latter will have his bike parts.

BUT... if Pride's solution is to actually make the Bike Shop their new home, as he may have noticed their mechanical skills from making the house and the traps out of the bike parts... *Special Ending!* Wheely will have new and unique employees, and the family will have the safest shelter they could ever have, with great food as a salary to boot!



Rewards:
Obviously, the reward depends on how much Pride have accomplished:

From the Police:
  • Stopping the Liepard from stealing: 150$
    • If the police was called for help during a battle (after is ok), this will be reduced to 100$.

From Wheelie:
  • Bringing back the bike parts: 200$ + 1 shard
  • Knowing for sure the Liepard won't come back (by seeing battle): 1 shard
  • Receiving new employees: 300$ + 2 shards

From Granbull:
  • Helping him defeat Liepard: 2 Sitrus Berries

From Liepard and Purrloin:
  • Not destroying metal house with no new house: 1 Pecha Berry and Purrloin capture battle
  • Make a new house in Route 9 to replace metal house: 2 Oran Berries
  • Family employed by Wheelie: Purrloin capture battle

Other sources/stuff:
  • Level up for each battle directly involved (win or loss without fainting)
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Last edited by OkikuMew; 06-04-2014 at 06:25 AM. Reason: Fixing a typo and a redundancy I have just noticed <.<;
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