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Old 03-20-2014, 04:06 PM   #26
Son_of_Shadows
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I'm going to use gmoyes' adventure for this application.

---

Now that his Abra has been outfitted satisfactorily with the ability to unleash his hidden powers, Alex is eager to begin his journey throughout his old stomping ground of Olivine. Of course, things can hardly be as he remembers them. Fifteen years is a very long time, after all, and, though it recovered much faster than other areas, the Disaster has torn the city in half. The industry sector is booming however, as Olivine leads the recovery effort, and Alex can't help but be struck by the sheer difference in the city from his childhood, now much more sleek and modern.

His destination today is the Luster Lighthouse, by far the city's most impressive feature, and with Phi clinging to his back, he strides off from the Pokémon Centre. It doesn't take him too long to reach it, and locating it is not exactly the world's most taxing task, given that it can practically be seen from Azalea. As he's about to enter the door to Luster Lighthouse though, he's interrupted by someone calling out to him. Turning to look, Alex sees that a man in a light-grey jumpsuit and yellow hard hat. The double L logo emblazoned across his chest indicates that he is likely a workman here. He's middle-aged and has a slumping posture, but still sounds extremely energetic, though quite gruff.

"Hey! Your last name Morgan by any chance?" It seems this man may have known your family before the Disaster.

What will you do?

Quest:
If Alex chooses to speak to the workman (Saul), he will learn that the Lighthouse is currently experiencing a problem with a slippery and mischievous little Magnemite that is shorting out equipment by overloading it and needs dealt with. Alternatively, he can enter the Lighthouse to explore it himself, where he will notice an unguarded nest of eggs that is about to be predated on by an Elekid.

Outline:

Should Alex choose to help the workman, he and Saul will head down to the basement of the Lighthouse, where they will encounter a few other workers scrambling to try and guard an important-looking machine while someone else fixes it. They're lacking in Pokémon though, so when Magnemite appears from a ventilation shaft, Saul is notably concerned that they can't defend themselves, and will ask Alex to step in, triggering a battle with the level 3 Magnemite, who is available to be captured.

After defeating or capturing the Magnemite, Saul will reward Alex with a Star Shard and $100, but the workers will note that since Magnemite had to get in somehow, there may be a hole in the ventilation system. Saul will ask Alex to help him find it. Should he do so, they'll go outside the Lighthouse and find two more Magnemite pulling a grate off a vent that leads inside. They will be frightened off easily however, not requiring a full-scale battle, but more some creative thinking on Alex's part. He will then receive a second Star Shard from Saul, and a third from the other workers. Alex is then free to continue exploring the Lighthouse.

Should he decide to defend the nest, Alex will battle a level 3 Elekid, who is available for capture. Upon either of these outcomes, the nest's mother, a Starly will then return, having caught the tail end of the battle. In gratitude, she will rummage in her nest and hand over two Star Shards for his trouble as the eggs hatch into Starly chicks. Alex is then free to continue exploring the Lighthouse.

Rewards:

Option A nets Alex 3 Star Shards and $100 if followed all the way.

Option B will only net him 2, but will end in fewer updates.
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Old 03-20-2014, 04:19 PM   #27
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>SoS

Looks pretty solid to me, good stuff.

1/3 Approved
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:03 PM   #28
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SoS, my one warning to you with the story you've suggested is that by going the "I know your family" route with the NPC, you have to be very careful that you don't impose backstory on Alex, especially since he doesn't give a whole lot of detail about his family (like names and whatnot) in his Quest Log. As long as you can be mindful of that aspect and careful with how you approach it, I don't see a problem.

2/3 Approved.
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:39 PM   #29
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I guess I’ll sign up to be an updator. Just a warning though, I’m a kinda slow writer and I have exams coming up. I’ll be using Lanturn’s Post.

***

Soon after your outburst and just as you were starting back to wandering around, a burly man in overalls and rubber boots walked up to you. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but over hear you. I gather you’re a new trainer here?”

You confirm his suspicions and introduce yourself. A grin came to the man’s face and stuck out his hand. “The name’s Brian. By the way, I also heard you say something about the Pokémon Lanturn. Are you looking for one of them?”

You clarify that you were just musing about the species, but he waves you off. “I’m a fisherman from around here. I know every patch of ocean off the coast. I can take you to a place where you can catch a Chinchou.”

You express some doubt and ask if there was a catch. Brian’s grin turned sheepish. “Uh yeah, $200. But wait! It just for the cost of fuel and stuff. I know guys who would take you to Cianwood for a full $1000. I’ll even give you tips on fishing and help you catch whatever you hook. Come on, what do you say? I just want to give a hand to a new and coming young trainer.”

You’re not sure what to make of this guy. If he can take you to where you can catch a Chinchou, then this may be a good deal. But you’re not sure if you want to fork over $200 to him.

What do you do?

Spoiler: show
Quest

Pay $200 to go with Brian to see if he can catch a rare Pokémon, or continue on and save someone from his fraud.

Outline

If Volkner decides to go with Brian for his fishing trip, the man will take him to his boat and with just the two of them, take them out to sea. Eventually Brian says they reach the spot and tells Volkner to bait his line with a berry. Regardless of the berry, he pulls up a Clamperl. If Volkner doesn’t want it, Brian says he’d take it of Volkner caught it. He helps out in the capture with his Bellsprout. After Clamperl is captured, Brian suddenly attacks Volkner to try to knockout and steal his Piplup. Regardless of the outcome, the coastguard will show up to arrest Brian and award Volkner.

If Volkner doesn’t go with Brian, the fisherman tells him where he docks his boat and tells him where the gym is. Once he gets to the gym *insert minor time wasting quest here*. Once he completes this quest, he spots a wanted poster with Brian’s face on it stating that he was wanted for stealing Pokémon from trainers he went out fishing with. Knowing where Brian was docked, he goes to confront him. When he gets there, he sees another trainer being thrown off the boat shouting that Brian stole his Pokémon. If Volkner confronts him before he gets away, he gets into a battle with Brian’s Bellsprout. Regardless of the outcome, the police show up and arrest Brian and reward Volkner. Then the trainer he helped offers him either star shards or a battle with his newly caught Mantyke so Volkner could be the new owner.

Rewards

If he goes on the boat trip with Brian and wins in the battle against him, he receives a Lure Ball, his $200 back and $250 bounty as well as Clamperl. If he loses, he loses the Lure Ball and only gets $200.

If he manages to apprehend Brian at the dock he gets $250 bounty and 3 Star Shards from the trainer, or 1 star shard and the trainer’s newly caught Mantyke. If he loses, he only gets $200 dollar and only 2 star shards or the Mantyke.

I’m kinda iffy on the rewards but I’m sure I can change some stuff.


Btw, I approve of SoS's adventure for me for what little that's worth. ^_^

Last edited by gmoyes; 03-20-2014 at 06:45 PM.
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Old 03-21-2014, 06:54 AM   #30
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>SoS

I liked it. Welcome!

3/3 Approved.
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Old 03-21-2014, 12:58 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by DaveTheFishGuy View Post
>Red

Looks good for me, only thing I'll comment on is the Bunnying. Don't assume that the character you're updating for would say or do more complex things that you might describe him doing, but that's minor enough here to overlook.
Unfortunately, I disagree on Dave's stance that the bunnying was minor enough to overlook. Some physical actions are okay. I can see making him stand up in his chair from being startled, perhaps, since most people would be startled by the events you describe. You go as far as to give him dialog, which I feel is waaay overstepping bounds as an updater. You also give him quite a few internal reactions, such as the bead of sweat, the gritting teeth and the shiver down the spine, which I don't think you have enough background on the character to justify. I know you have the capacity to write adventures, and I don't doubt that you would do well, but I need the reassurance that you can create an adventure without taking control of another's character to a degree that's considered bunnying before I can accept you in good conscience.

Rejected.

>gmoyes

This case is a little bit less black-and-white. You don't give Lanturn overt dialog, but you do assume a general way in which his character would respond. The introduction is probably fine; he characterizes himself as clearly quite boisterous and friendly, and you give him plenty of room to personalize that greeting, so I'm not that averse. I guess the one part that makes me a little nervous is that you make him suspicious, which I don't know if that's how Lanturn's character would necessarily react; it almost seems like you force him to in order to move to the fact that there's a catch to all this. This I could potentially overlook, but there's one major flaw to this adventure... If you look at Lanturn's quest log, he doesn't have $200. In fact, he has no money at all. You're essentially giving him a quest that he has no possibility of accomplishing. I really can't turn the other way on that.

Rejected.
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:23 PM   #32
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... I feel like an idiot. I dunno why I thought that he had money to start out with. Still, if he did indeed have the money, would I have passed? If he did, this would be a completely valid adventure. This could be a future adventure where he does have money. Or maybe this plotline is still active, he just can come back to it when he can afford it. Or maybe not having the money counts as not excepting his offer and going to the second potential plotline. Or maybe I can just skip the whole money matter.

Am I grasping at straws here? I haven't had a lot of experiance updating people so I guess some mistakes can be made. Can I edit this application or do I have to write up a whole new one?
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:47 PM   #33
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Quote:
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... I feel like an idiot. I dunno why I thought that he had money to start out with. Still, if he did indeed have the money, would I have passed? If he did, this would be a completely valid adventure. This could be a future adventure where he does have money. Or maybe this plotline is still active, he just can come back to it when he can afford it. Or maybe not having the money counts as not excepting his offer and going to the second potential plotline. Or maybe I can just skip the whole money matter.

Am I grasping at straws here? I haven't had a lot of experiance updating people so I guess some mistakes can be made. Can I edit this application or do I have to write up a whole new one?
This may be a Jeri question, but I personally don't really see a problem with editing it. The problems are pretty easily fixable. You may also want to consider giving Lanturn a bit more freedom with how his character responds to the NPC, as well, since without the $200 mistake, I would have been on the fence. It's not a bad adventure! It really just needs some tweaks.
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:55 PM   #34
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Honestly, gmoyes, even if you ignore the fact that he doesn't have the money there are a few glaring problems.

1. The reward is barely worth his while for paying in the first place. Additionally, the rewards are skewed, as one option is clearly more work yet has basically the same reward.
2. Even your outline is filled with bunnying. You assume he'll go to the gym as a definite thing, and it even sounds like you'd have him head there in the same update the man told him where it was.
3. Why no option to simply go to the police and tell them where he's docked? It seems much less likely of causing trouble than confronting him by himself, even if the officer just tells him they need him to approach the man and they'll be shortly behind.

Rejected
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Old 03-21-2014, 05:25 PM   #35
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I don't want to be difficult, but here are some counterpoints to your's Sneezey:

1: I already said I wasn't sure with the rewards and that can easily be fixed. Also in assuming that Chinchou is a dream pokemon for Lanturn, I think it would be a fair price.

2: The option to not do something is always there in a quest, in any quest. I can't predict all the choices someone can make. If they do something that I don't plan for, I can improvise or make a new plan. Any updator can run into this problem.

3: Again, another option that I didn't think of. Again, I can improvise.

There is a reason that there is a private updator forum, so updators can share ideas and get help. Also even if this adventure can't happen at this moment, it is still a valid storyline. And it isn't really applicable for Lanturn's current adventure, he has Connor updating him. I can edit it, streamline it and resubmit it. I'll admit it may have been a little rushed, but I think this is good.
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Old 03-21-2014, 05:37 PM   #36
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I don't 100% agree with Sneezy an all his points but I agree enough that I think you should redo it and resubmit.
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Old 03-21-2014, 06:16 PM   #37
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Alright, for this updator app, we are going to be using EG's intro post.

It was a beautiful day out in the Viridian forest. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, and a slight breeze to cool things off. Ten years ago, this would have been a place packed with people and Pokemon, all looking to get some last minute training in before fighting the Rock Gym Leader, Brock. But now, after the disasters, this place has become dangerous. The plant life grows out of control now, and the place is a natural maze of sorts. People get lost in here all the time, and very few actually get out.

But for a budding young trainer like you, this isn't a roadblock, its just an obstacle. An obstacle for greatness. You were here with your Mincinno Flopsie, and you had discovered a Pikachu who ran into the woods. You immediately decide that you are going to follow said Pikachu and try to capture it, after all it might just be playing hide and seek with you and you'll be great friends. So, you dart to the west where you think you saw the little electric rodent run off to, Flopsie right behind you keeping pace. You look on the ground for any sign that the Electric rodent came through here, but you can't seem to find anything. No footprints, no crispy black berries. No sign the Pikachu has even been in the area. While you walk by a tree, suddenly a Pikachu pops its head out, looking at you. It seems you missed the poor fella as he jumped from tree to tree.

But you don't know that. You think that the Pikachu must still be ahead and you are more than willing to search the entire Viridian forest for it. Never know, you might have to. But, just off in the distance you can hear something that seems...somehow familiar. Flopsie hears it too, and begins to walk towards the sound, since she has better ears than you do. You follow her, and soon you are able to make out of that sound was. It was a waterfall. Where there is a waterfall, there is bound to be a river or a lake it deposits into, and that means that wild Pokemon will come to get a drink of water. You look at Flopsie to see if she is thinking what you are thinking, but she is looking in the other direction, looking towards a set of tracks that seem like tire tracks, only they seem to be deeper into the soil than most cars would be, and they seem to have far more treads on them.

What will you do?

Quests: There are two quests that revolve around the same Pokemon, a Paras, and the quest chosen depends on which path EG will take through the woods. If he takes the path to the waterfall, then he will meet up with the Paras and will be brought to a small colony of Paras and Parasect who are rapidly losing their homes and suffering from a food shortage. If he takes the tire treads, he will end up at a logging facility where he will be asked to get rid of a "pest" problem.

Basic Outline:
In general I tend to be flexible with my storyline and improvise heavily based on the reactions of the updatees, so this outline will assume that he is taking the most optimal route.

Quest 1: Pro-Paras

EG is brought to the colony where he is made aware of the fact that a logging company is cutting down a special kind of tree that the Paras use to cultivate their mushrooms so that they can eat. With these trees cut down, the Paras and the Parasect are rapidly losing habitat and are in danger of having to leave the forest and have nowhere to live. EG would have to either convince the company to stop the logging and keep some of the trees left or find some way to make sure that the Paras and Parasect have a new home to live in. Both opportunities would be provided for in quest.

Quest 2: Pro-Human

EG finds the logging site, where he is made aware of the fact that they are cutting down a special kind of tree to be used as furniture because of its waterproof wood. The problem being is that there is a bunch of Paras and Parasect who are keeping them out of the richest density of the trees, and they want your help to drive them out so that they can get to the trees. EG will be given a variety of means to do so, or he can choose a similar tactic to the other quest of relocation. He can also leave the quest and try to help out the Paras instead, but that would lead to complications.

Rewards:

Quest 1: He will be able to catch the Paras, having won its loyalty, and also obtain two Star Shards and a Big Mushroom.

Quest 2: He won't catch the Paras, but his rewards are adjusted comparably. He will be given 3 Star Shards, and a TM for Hone Claws(referencing the blades or something.)

Basically, I suck at planning but I'm pretty good at updating fairly.
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Old 03-21-2014, 07:22 PM   #38
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Don't know just how active I'll be but I love the idea of the updators swapping. Using Benjasuper's thread

With a Totodile intent on sleeping the day away and a mind intent on looking back into the past, you find yourself staring down the face of the ol' route 1. Recognising the torrid state it's become since the disasters struck, your mind once again turns to remembering the lush meadows once inhabited by friendly Pokémon living under the banner of “pure white beginnings”. Such past had long gone and the scenery now found itself replaced with a desolate swampland in which few greeneries can survive, and those that do look increasing dangerous. Hidden vines, unknown plants and hostile Pokémon are forces expected to face in these new times, but a bed at the nearest village seems a growing necessity for you and your croc.

Attempting to manuever your way through drier patches of Route 1's now considerably wetter backdrop you look over at Rapter, your water-type Totodile also struggling with the consistency of the mud; no man or Pokémon seems to have safe travel through these parts anymore. A few minutes of travelling nets you some success; a long path of dried mud greets your aching muscles and you begin to follow the road, forever hoping it would lead you straight to Viridian. Though no houses appear on the horizon, a small metal object catches your eye.

A prospect of nabbing a rare item, a wondrous occasion in times of slowed manufacture, you bend down to pick it up but find it stuck fast. Pulling even harder but to no avail, you're suddenly surprised to stand back up to a much more muddier landscape than you previously remember. You had been travelling on a dirt road as far as they eye could see but now you find yourself on a little island, the surroundings a strange consistency. Purple too. And smelly.

The land begins to shift underneath your feet as you figure out the source, but your movements in prevention are too late. A Grimer grabs at your and Totdile's ankles and holds you both down with incredible force. Two figures appear from the bushes either side, laden with gear adept at surviving in such a place and begin to laugh at your misfortune,

“We caught another one didn't we Tony?”

“Yes we did Steve. Another fly trapped by our little Venus.”

“We could melt off his legs or suffocate him in slime. But we won't”, they say, conversing with each other.

“Give us your Totodile's Pokéball and we'll let you go. We could take it from you by force, but Totodile won't respect that”

They look at you expectantly with hands outstretched, it would seem you're not the first to fall victim to these bandits. Grimer gurgles beneath your feet, but its ability to hold a person and a Pokémon must surely cut its effectiveness, not that you aren't in serious danger. Seems your options are to hand over Rapter's Pokéball or fight.

What will you do?


Spoiler: show
Quest Options & Reward:

Should Sayer fight, he will find himself in a 1v1 battle against the Grimer, getting a slight advantage for the first move as the Grimer is pre-occupied (it will also let Sayer go) to return to Tony and Steve. Win or lose the police arrive. Should he give up his Pokémon the police will arrive sooner, but in both instances the criminals will have ran off into marshland.

The police question Sayer about the two men and “offer” (one he may not be able to refuse /godfatherimpression) for him to accompany them, using a host of Ground-types to traverse the conditions. After some time Sayer arrives at a makeshift camp for 2 and the police tell him to wait where he is while they clear the rooms.

A small twinkling catches his eye and he is forced to investigate, where he will come across a mound of Pokéballs. If Totodile was given up his Pokéball will be at the top. Upon grabbing it if taken or as soon as he investigates it if Totodile never left his possession, the trainer he didn't battle comes barrelling round the corner, presumably on the run from the police.

The bandit grabs a random Pokéball from the stack and they battle. Win or lose the police will come from the same direction he was running and arrest him before he can escape. The police will thank him and give him 1 star shard just for completing the task, another star shard if he manages to beat Grimer (meant his only Pokémon was KO'd and they arrested him sooner) and 1 more star shard if he managed to beat the last trainer.

After the Pokémon are handed back there's 1 Pokémon that's owner doesn't claim it and the police say it's becoming more and more agitated. Turns out it saw Sayer battle and wants to join him if he can prove his worth. Battle happens and if he wins Sayer can capture the Pokémon.
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Old 03-21-2014, 10:16 PM   #39
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>Treepandone

I liked it. The only thing is that I might give a more generous award after all that hullaballoo. Maybe throw in an extra Berry or something.

1/3 Approved.
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Old 03-22-2014, 07:41 PM   #40
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@Blaze: I like that you're giving EG options and that you're even working around his self-updating. I also think your experience as an updater in Fizzy Bubbles should be taken into account, you should be able to deal with self-updating and the like no problem. So with that in mind...

First of 3 Updater Approvals Confirmed

EDIT @Treep: I agree with Schaden, Star Shards may be the main reward for quests, but it's that extra reward related to the adventure that makes it special. Other than that, you should be good to go!

Second of 3 Updater Approvals Confirmed
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Old 03-23-2014, 05:40 AM   #41
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>Blaze

GS covered everything I want to say. Approved 2/3.

>Treep

A very clearly planned and well-thought-out adventure. I personally feel the reward is fine as is, depending on how many updates it takes to reach the point of finishing it, but maybe I'm being stingy. Approved 3/3. Welcome to the team!
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Old 03-23-2014, 05:52 AM   #42
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>blaze

Absolutely perfect answer to someone who is self-updating. Love it.

3/3 Approved
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Old 03-24-2014, 08:03 PM   #43
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Ok, here’s my updater redo. This time I’ll be using Brawlfan 1’s post.

***

You make your way towards the gym at an easy pace. While it may have been housed in one of many factories on the area, that fact that it was a gym and a well know party place, it wasn’t too difficult to find. As you enter the main doors of the gym, you find yourself in sort of a reception area. There aren’t very many people, you assume that’s because it was the middle of the day, people were either getting ready for the next party or recovering from the last one. Across the room you see some more doors that would most likely lead to the arena/party floor. You also see a bulletin board on the wall that had some job postings.

However before you take a step towards it, a voice beckons to you for the reception desk. There you spot a bearded grey haired man, though he didn’t seem the age to have that colour hair. You didn’t really notice him before now, but looking at him now, the only thing that comes to mind is ‘wolfish’. “Hello, I’m guessing that you’re a new trainer around here.” He gives you a nod. “You can call me Farran. I’m the receptionist, gym trainer, mechanic and at times, I feel like the only guy who seems to take running this gym seriously.”

You wonder for a moment what he means by that statement but return his welcome. He gives a grin. “If you’re interested, I’ve got a job that I’ve been handing to people who been coming in. Here:” The man slides a poster across the desk and you look at it.

Quote:
Warning: Stray Dog

A dark canine wild Pokemon has been spotted roaming around the Olivine Industrial District. This Pokémon has been making a disturbance and has been caught stealing. There is a reward of 2 Star Shards for the person who can take this Pokémon off the streets.
“A woman came in with this and told me to handle the reward for her. So if you come back with this Pokémon, you’ll get the reward. It seemed like a rather big task so I’ve told everyone who’s came in today about it, so you may run into a couple of other people searching for it. So what do you say?”

So what do you say?

Spoiler: show
Quest

Take the job offer to track down the dog which turns out to be a Poochyena and potentially capture it.

Outline

If Wilfred decides to accept the job to hunt down the dog, he searches through the alleys until he runs into a Poochyena sniffing around a dumpster. As he approaches though, a Yanma charges out of nowhere and attacks it. A man shows up in command of the Yanma and tells the bug to kill it. If Wilfred intervenes, the Poochyena makes its escape and the hunter and his Yanma try to chase after it but quickly lose it. If Wilfred tries to track it down on his own, he finds it and tries to befriend it, but gets interrupted by Yanma and the hunter. If he beats the duo, they end up escaping, but Wilfred manages to capture the Poochyena and take it back to the gym to receive the reward, plus a $100 bonus for beating the hunter. If he loses, another trainer in search of the Poochyena shows up to finish the hunter, but allows Wilfred to catch the Poochyena and goes with him to the gym and the other trainer gets the $100 bonus.

Rewards

If he tracks down the Poochyena, he gets 2 Star Shards and $100 from telling Farran and the woman about beating the hunter. If he loses against the hunter, he only gets the 2 Star Shards.

Please let Farran be like Speedo Zack


Last edited by gmoyes; 03-24-2014 at 08:14 PM.
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Old 03-24-2014, 10:37 PM   #44
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I hope Whimsy doesn't mind me using his adventure for my app. Here goes!

It was a bright and beautiful day at the Marketplace, and crowds of people bustled about, haggling over prices and chatting with friends, with a few window shoppers or parents with children. This sight greeted you as you came in, fully intent on getting supplies, but then you realized that you had no money. Just as you were going to find something else for him to do, a man runs up to you. He's panting his lungs out, having run a long way. He's a merchant of some kind, and the sight of Turtwig drew him straight to you.

The man, huffing, said, "Excuse me, but...I could use a...hand with some rowdy Pokémon..." He finally caught his breath. "You see, a group of Corphish have taken to hanging around my stall lately, and they're always stealing my goods or else just vandalizing them with their claws. Do you think you could help me drive them off? I could offer you some cash for the market, as well as some supplies. The group lives in a den a few street corners down. I tried to battle them, but my Chimchar can't beat them..." He looks behind him, and you see a Chimchar, arm in a sling. Turtwig is shocked to see such cruelty, and his expression is almost pleading for you to help.

What do you do?

Spoiler: show

Quest: Take care of the unruly Corphish
Should Terrence accept the misfortune merchant's request, he will follow the man to the stall and witness one of the group's crimes in action, the rowdy Pokémon taking a sizable amount of goods, including special Poké Balls and berries, but one in particular makes off with a Star Shard. Terrence will follow the group through the city, and eventually come to a small den, where the Corphish live, sustained by a small underground lake. The cave isn't very big, but Terrence can still get in. One member of the group, which did not steal the Star Shard, will challenge Turtwig to a fight. The Corphish only level 2, it should be an easy win for Turtwig, and the group will flee, leaving Terrence to pick up all the stolen items. If he somehow loses, a local will finish off the battle and give him the items to return.

When Terrence returns, the merchant will reward him with a Star Shard, $200, an Occa Berry, and a choice between a Nest Ball, Quick Ball, or Level Ball. If he defeated the Corphish at the den, he will get a pick from the two Poké Balls he did not pick. Also, if Terrence was victorious at the den, the Corphish who snatched the Star Shard will show up and return it. But that's not all! It was impressed with Terrence's strength, and would like to battle with him! This one is level 3, and has the egg move Dragon Dance. If Terrence defeats it, he can capture it, if not, it returns to the den. Either way, should this battle occur, Terrence will earn the Star Shard brought back by Corphish.

Should he refuse, he will encounter the band later, as it tries to rob him! When Turtwig fends them off, one challenges him to a battle. Should he win, the Corphish are scared off and retreat to their den. Should he lose, he will lose one Poké Ball and a random Berry to the thieves.

Rewards Summary:
If Terrence loses the battle at the den, he will get just one Star Shard, $200, an Occa Berry, and a choice between a Nest Ball, Quick Ball, and Level Ball.
If he won the den battle, this first reward will have another Poké Ball other than the one he already chose added to it. He will also be able to battle the Level 3 Corphish. If Terrence wins the battle, he can use one of his recently obtained Poké a balls to capture Corphish. If he loses this battle, Corphish returns to the den. Win or loss, Terrence gets the extra Star Shard that the Corphish returned to the merchant.

If he refused at first, it's much less rewarding. He will only be rewarded directly if he won, and even if he won, he will be unable to battle the Dragon Dance Corphish. Should he win, he will get just $100 and an Occa Berry. If he loses, the local gets the reward, but he will give Terrence the Occa Berry for trying.


Whew, I like this one a lot. Hope you guys agree!
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Quoth the Honchkrow (nevermore!).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Things One Is Not Allowed To Do In Exalted
244) While not FORBIDDEN, my Midnight is to keep in mind that using an army of animated skeletons in order to fill the town square with a rendition of "Spooky Scary Skeletons" is going to be considered odd at best.
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Old 03-24-2014, 11:48 PM   #45
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>gmoyes

My only confusion with this stems from the $100 bonus reward for beating the other trainer who presumably received the same quest from Farran. I didn't understand the motivation behind that, as it more or less makes Farran out to be some sort of conniving trickster or something. It may make more sense for the cash reward to be tied up with the star shards, or remove it altogether. I think you could go deeper into why the Poochyena was causing trouble and the sort of motivation there, but otherwise the app is satisfactory. 1/3 approved.

>Myles

Warning: we don't typically offer captures of wild pokemon with egg moves, but since this isn't common knowledge we'll let it slide. I figure it may be acceptable if the quest is sufficiently long or complicated, at least requiring a number of quality updates, but the way it is currently written is too little work for a Dragon Dancing Corphish, let alone all the other items. My other issue stems from the aggressiveness of the Corphish. I wish you'd gone a little deeper into the quest and given them a reason for acting this way. Would add some needed nuance to it all.

On the one hand I'm tempted to ask you to resubmit just because I feel like you are offering just a little too much, but on the other we're in need of all the updaters we can get so. 1/3 approved.
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Old 03-25-2014, 12:30 AM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dream Breaker View Post
>gmoyes

My only confusion with this stems from the $100 bonus reward for beating the other trainer who presumably received the same quest from Farran. I didn't understand the motivation behind that, as it more or less makes Farran out to be some sort of conniving trickster or something. It may make more sense for the cash reward to be tied up with the star shards, or remove it altogether. I think you could go deeper into why the Poochyena was causing trouble and the sort of motivation there, but otherwise the app is satisfactory. 1/3 approved.

>Myles

Warning: we don't typically offer captures of wild pokemon with egg moves, but since this isn't common knowledge we'll let it slide. I figure it may be acceptable if the quest is sufficiently long or complicated, at least requiring a number of quality updates, but the way it is currently written is too little work for a Dragon Dancing Corphish, let alone all the other items. My other issue stems from the aggressiveness of the Corphish. I wish you'd gone a little deeper into the quest and given them a reason for acting this way. Would add some needed nuance to it all.

On the one hand I'm tempted to ask you to resubmit just because I feel like you are offering just a little too much, but on the other we're in need of all the updaters we can get so. 1/3 approved.
The plan was to make tracking the group down take a lot of work, and the aggression just them trying to not lose the things they're stealing. Who knows why they hate Poke Balls, but the berries? Likely just food for the group. While it may not seem that way, the quest was definitely meant to be arduous in getting through it all, having to find where the Corphish went and all of that stuff. Plus, the fact that he battles the Dragon Dance Corphish is another thing. It would preferably set this up once and proceed to turn up the heat on Turtwig and make the capture difficult. In other words, the summary doesn't really help to describe just how much work quality updating can make it into. Also, I figured giving it Ancientpower would be too cliche. Though I've seen wild battles where the wild Pokémon to be captured has an egg move, hence I did that.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveTheFishGuy View Post
Quoth the Honchkrow (nevermore!).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Things One Is Not Allowed To Do In Exalted
244) While not FORBIDDEN, my Midnight is to keep in mind that using an army of animated skeletons in order to fill the town square with a rendition of "Spooky Scary Skeletons" is going to be considered odd at best.
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Old 03-25-2014, 12:40 AM   #47
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It's not just the Corphish, but also the money, berry, and choice of Pokeball as well (didn't mention this either, but they are relatively scarce in the RP). Your rationale makes sense and I see the direction you're going, but it was also up to you to convey that in your app. Not a problem, I'm still going to approve you. Just for future reference.

Regarding egg moves, I asked Muyo directly about it and got my answer there. I haven't seen an adventure where that is the case, but if that is true then it'll be dealt with in time. I'm assuming there will be ways to allocate these moves in the future, but for now we would like to limit them as far as wild encounters go.
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Old 03-25-2014, 01:02 AM   #48
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>gmoyes

Looks good to me. I do agree with Deebs' advice about fleshing out the Poochyena's motivation, so that motivation aspect may be something to keep in mind when you begin updating for real.

2/3 approved.

>Myles

I'm sorry, but you say that the quest would be arduous enough to merit the rewards that you have provided, but I would like to see you write an application that actually captures that arduousness so that we don't just have to take your word for it. This was the bigger reason you were rejected, so it still stands. Based on what Jeri says, a Pokemon with special moves needs to be earned, both due to the nature of the quest itself AND the adventurer's dedication and talent in RP. I don't see proof of that here, so my judgment remains. You're better off either writing an application that doesn't involve an egg move (as I said before), or really, REALLY justifying why you're doing it, not just because it fits the storyline, but because it fits a complex, involved storyline that you have crafted for an updatee that you think is up to the challenge.

Rejected.
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Last edited by Marion Ette; 03-25-2014 at 10:38 AM.
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:14 AM   #49
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I know I saw a thing in one of the adventures I was reading where someone got a Zubat with Giga Drain, and itI'm 99% sure it wasn't the starter.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveTheFishGuy View Post
Quoth the Honchkrow (nevermore!).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Things One Is Not Allowed To Do In Exalted
244) While not FORBIDDEN, my Midnight is to keep in mind that using an army of animated skeletons in order to fill the town square with a rendition of "Spooky Scary Skeletons" is going to be considered odd at best.
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:35 AM   #50
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That was almost a year go, when WF was still in it's beta phase, and things are very capable of having changed during that time. That said, you've been told what the rule is as of current, so don't try to argue it. Even ignoring the Egg Move bit, your quest line just doesn't seem thought out. You claim it will be long, but I certainly don't see it, and clearly others don't either.

Rejected
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