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Old 06-10-2018, 09:54 PM   #226
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HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THEY'RE MAKING ANOTHER ELDER SCROLLS

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THEY COULD EVEN DO THAT AFTER RUNNING OUT OF MODELS OF TOASTER TO PORT SKYRIM TO
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:58 PM   #227
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AND THAT'S IT

THERE WAS SOME COOL STUFF THERE BUT EVERYTHING ABOUT FALLOUT 76 SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN

AND YOU CAN BE AT THE FIGURATIVE GROUND ZERO THIS NOVEMBER ONLY TO BE AT A LITERAL GROUND ZERO WHEN YOU INEVITABLY GET GRIEFED BY KIKESTOMPER1488

I CAN'T BELIEVE I WOULD EVER LOOK AT THE FUCKING WEIRDOS WHO MOD ANIME CATGIRL ORGIES AND SKINTIGHT HAZMAT SUITS INTO FALLOUT WITH SOME FONDNESS BUT HERE WE ARE
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Old 06-10-2018, 10:03 PM   #228
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OH SHIT I FORGOT MY PRESENTATION RATING

HERE IT IS

BORKED
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Old 06-11-2018, 07:22 PM   #229
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I DONT KNOW IF ANYONE CARES BUT NA SHOWED ONCE AGAIN THAT THEY CAN AND WILL THROW IN ABSOLUTELY EVERY COMPETITIVE GAME THEY CAN

TUNE IN TOMORROW TO SEE JAPAN EVISCERATE THE GERMANS HARDER THAN BOTH WORLD WARS COMBINED
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:06 PM   #230
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THANKFULLY SONY IS THERE TO HELP SOOTHE ME INTO NOT WANTING TO GOUGE MY EYES OUT BY LEADING OFF THEIR CONFERENCE WITH DESPACITO 2

NO REALLY WHY IS HE THERE WHAT IS HIS PURPOSE
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:33 PM   #231
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SONY REALIZED THEY DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH GAMES TO MATCH XBOX SO INSTEAD THEY DECIDED TO FOCUS ON AS LITTLE GAMES AS POSSIBLE
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:36 PM   #232
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YOU KNOW THIS STRATEGY OF PLAYING A SONG FROM THE GAME ON STAGE RIGHT BEFORE EACH GAME TRAILER WOULD BE REALLY COOL IF THEY ACTUALLY HAD MORE THAN 4 GAMES TO FILL 1 AND A HALF+ HOURS OF TIME
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:39 PM   #233
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NOT ONLY WILL THEY BARELY SHOW ANY GAMES BUT THEY WILL ALSO MAKE SURE TO BORE US TO DEATH BY SHOWCASING AS MUCH SNEAKING GAMEPLAY AS POSSIBLE IN AN ATTEMPT TO SHOW THERE IS MORE TO THEIR GAME THAN MINDLESS BUTTON MASHING
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:50 PM   #234
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FINALLY THEY SHOWED A DECENT TRAILER AND THEN IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED UP WITH RICK AND MORTY JUST TO MAKE SURE WE NEVER TAKE SONY SERIOUSLY
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:54 PM   #235
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THIS GENERATION PRESENT MANY MYSTERIES FOR US

LIKE WHY SQUARE ENIX SHOWED AN OLD KH3 TRAILER DURING THEIR CONFERENCE BUT A NEW ONE DURING SONY'S
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Old 06-11-2018, 08:58 PM   #236
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OH BOY HIDEO KOJIMA TIME TO GET EXCITED

OH WAIT THEY'RE ONLY GOING TO SHOW WALKING SCENES ARENT THEY

OH COOL THEYRE CLIM-WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD THEY SHOW THAT OH GOD THATS DISGUSTING
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Old 06-11-2018, 09:12 PM   #237
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OH NO ALL OF MY GREATEST ENEMIES HAVE BEEN RELEASED FROM PRISON SO THEY CAN SAY ONE LINE AND DISSAPPEAR I GUESS ILL JUST KEEP CHASING ELECTRO AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS

BIG SURPRISE THEY ALL WANT TO KILL ME MR. STARK I REALLY DONT FEEL SO GOOD NOW
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Old 06-11-2018, 09:16 PM   #238
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EVEN THOUGH SPIDERMAN WAS KIND OF A DUMBASS IT WAS STILL A GREAT GAME TO END THE PRESENTATION ON

JUST KIDDING INSTEAD THEY'RE GOING TO SHOW THE ENDING COMPILATION VIDEO AND THEN ANNOUNCE A NEW VR GAME JUST SO THEY CAN END ON AS BAD A NOTE AS THEY BEGAN
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Old 06-11-2018, 09:21 PM   #239
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I DONT KNOW HOW OR WHY I ENDED UP SUBBING FOR BLASTOISE BUT THERE YOU GO I GUESS I DID DESPITE NOT ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT SONY

SHOUTOUT TO WADSM FOR PLAYING LIKE A BEAST, KYO FOR BEING THE ONLY PLAYER THAT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE HE WAS THROWING, AND GOOGLE FOR TELLING ME WHAT HALF OF THESE FRANCHISES WERE

ALSO HAHA RUSSIAN HACKERS THAT WAS FUNNY
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Old 06-12-2018, 02:50 PM   #240
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WE MUST HAVE BEEN COLLECTIVELY NAUGHTY BECAUSE VIDEO GAME CLAUSE GAVE US COAL THIS E3MAS
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Old 06-12-2018, 03:36 PM   #241
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WE MUST HAVE BEEN COLLECTIVELY NAUGHTY BECAUSE VIDEO GAME CLAUSE GAVE US COAL THIS E3MAS
ARE CONFERENCES EVER NOT A BUST? HAVE HOPE FOR THE TRUE E3 TO FOLLOW IN THE DAYS TO COME.


SPOILERS


I HAVE NO SUCH HOPE
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Old 06-12-2018, 03:49 PM   #242
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TO BE HONEST THE COLLECTIVE SHITS I GIVE ABOUT E3 ARE APPROXIMATELY HALF THE SIZE OF A FLEA WITH DWARFISM.

ITS KIND OF ALWAYS SUCKED AND I JUST MEME THAT NINTENDO WINS EVERY YEAR.
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Old 06-13-2018, 08:24 AM   #243
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EVERYONE IS HERE IN SMASH ULTIMATE. EXCEPT WALUIGI BECAUSE FUCK YOU NOT EVEN OUR SELF AWARE CLONE SYSTEM MEANS YOULL BE ABLE TO WAA

THOUGH DAISY BEING HER OWN THING INSTEAD OF A PEACH COSTUME IS COOL I GUESS
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Old 06-13-2018, 03:33 PM   #244
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WHO THE HECK IS DAISY AND WALUIGI AND ARE YA SURE THEY'RE NOT FAKE CHARACTERS? IN ANY CASE IF SMASH NEEDS YET ANOTHER MARIO CHARACTER AS OPPOSED TO YET ANOTHER ANIME SWORDSMAN IT SHOULD BE TOAD SINCE HES BEEN IN THE SERIES FROM THE START AND HAD HIS OWN GAME. WHICH IS BEING RERELEASED SOON. SPEAKING OF WHICH

YA KNOW THAT MEME THAT NINTENDO JUST RELEASES THE SAME GAMES EVERY CONSOLE? THEY'RE LITERALLY DOING WITH LIKE HALF THEIR SWITCH OUTPUT. IS IT ANY WONDER PEOPLE ARE UNDERWHELMED BY SMASH? FIRST EXPECTING IT TO BE YET ANOTHER WII U PORT AND ALTHOUGH ITS NOT THEY FINALLY REALIZED ITS... WELL ITS JUST SMASH AGAIN. YAY?

ALSO SONY PULL THE STICK OUTTA YOUR BUTTS AN OPEN UP TO CROSS PLAY. THATS NOT A WAR YOU'RE WINNING NOR WORTH FIGHTING.
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Old 06-13-2018, 10:35 PM   #245
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THANKS FOR PICKING UP THE SLACK I HAVEN'T WATCHED ANY CONFERENCES SINCE THE WEEKEND BECAUSE I KEEP SEEING 30 MINUTES OF FAT WHITE DUDES TALKING ON THE SONY E3 PRESENTATION AS I HOVER THE CURSOR OVER THE VIDEO PROGRESS BAR WHICH IS SOMEHOW LESS DISCONCERTING THAN THEM STARTING THE CONFERENCE IN A FUCKING QUICKIE WEDDING CHAPEL OR WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY WERE

GET READY FOR SOME TURBO HOT TAKES WHENEVER I GET AROUND TO IT I GUESS

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WE MUST HAVE BEEN COLLECTIVELY NAUGHTY BECAUSE VIDEO GAME CLAUSE GAVE US COAL THIS E3MAS
Quote:
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ARE CONFERENCES EVER NOT A BUST? HAVE HOPE FOR THE TRUE E3 TO FOLLOW IN THE DAYS TO COME.
ONE OF THE FEW NICE THINGS ABOUT E3 IS THAT SOME OF THE SMARTER (READ: NOT EA) COMPANIES ARE SLOWLY LEARNING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE TRAILERS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

THEY'RE STARTING TO REALIZE THAT HAVING DUDES WITH NO PUBLIC SPEAKING SKILLS PRESENTING ON STAGE AT BEST DOESN'T HELP AND AT WORST GETS YOU MOCKERY AS THE VIDEO OF YOUR LEAD DEVELOPER PRAISING HITLER SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE ACROSS THE INTERNET AND THAT THE ONLY THING PEOPLE ARE GOING TO OTHERWISE SHARE IS THE TRAILER YOU HAVE DEFTLY HONED TO BE YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD

SO, YOU KNOW, JUST FUCKING SHOW THAT AND STOP TALKING ONCE YOU'VE MADE THE SALE

OR GO AHEAD AND HIRE ANDREW WK TO GROWL OUT A SONG WHILE HOPPED UP ON ADDERALL FOR A CONFUSED AUDIENCE IN THE SERVICE OF AN EQUALLY CONFUSED MARKETING PUSH BECAUSE CORPORATE WILL CUT YOUR BUDGET NEXT YEAR IF YOU DON'T SPEND ALL THE FUNDS EARMARKED FOR E3

YOU DO YOU BETHESDA

Spoiler: show
ALSO SOME OF THE GAMES THAT WERE ANNOUNCED LOOK GENUINELY INTERESTING DESPITE THE INDUSTRY'S BEST EFFORTS

AS MUCH AS I ENJOY SPENDING A WEEK TYPING IN CAPS I WOULD GENUINELY PREFER THAT WE GET INTERESTING AND NEW EXPERIENCES BECAUSE THAT'S WHY WE'RE INVESTED AT THE END OF THE DAY AND A GOOD GAME THAT YOU CAN PUT HOURS INTO IS ULTIMATELY MORE WORTHWHILE THAN 30 SECONDS OF SMUG SUPERIORITY AND INTERNET OWNS

I JUST TRY TO TEMPER THE INEVITABLE HYPE WITH AN IMPORTANT REMINDER THAT MANY OF THESE TRAILERS ARE "ASPIRATIONAL" AND/OR BEING HYPED BY CHARLATANS WHO ARE WORKING IN THE GAMES INDUSTRY BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T HOLD DOWN A JOB AT A SKETCHY USED CAR LOT


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YA KNOW THAT MEME THAT NINTENDO JUST RELEASES THE SAME GAMES EVERY CONSOLE? THEY'RE LITERALLY DOING WITH LIKE HALF THEIR SWITCH OUTPUT. IS IT ANY WONDER PEOPLE ARE UNDERWHELMED BY SMASH? FIRST EXPECTING IT TO BE YET ANOTHER WII U PORT AND ALTHOUGH ITS NOT THEY FINALLY REALIZED ITS... WELL ITS JUST SMASH AGAIN. YAY?
MY ONLY REAL PROBLEM WITH SMASH IS THAT I'M TOO FUCKING OLD

SMASH WORKS BEST WHEN YOU HAVE A CLOSE GROUP OF FRIENDS (NEIGHBORHOOD, COLLEGE DORM, ETC.) PILE INTO A ROOM TO HOOT AND HOLLER AND TALK ABOUT DICKS AS TWO MARTHS DUEL TO DETERMINE WHETHER HAVING SEX WITH YOUR OWN CLONE IS GAY OR JUST MASTURBATION

BUT I'M AN OLD FUCK NOW (BY THE STANDARDS OF THIS FORUM AT LEAST) AND I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS I CAN EASILY ASSEMBLE INTO A ROOM ON A GIVEN FRIDAY NIGHT BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE JOBS AND RESPONSIBILITIES AND "MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS OF THE OPPOSITE/MAYBE SAME GENDER IF YOU SWING THAT WAY" SHIT

AND WHAT'S LEFT AFTER ALL OF THAT IS ONE OF TWO OPTIONS FOR PLAYING WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS ONLINE (AT LEAST FOR THE WII U VERSION):

1. 4-PLAYER BRAWL WHICH IS LIKE FUCKING A COMMITTED CATHOLIC: TWO MINUTES NO EYE CONTACT AND ANY PLEASURE YOU MIGHT HAVE EXPERIENCED IS SUBSUMED IN A DEEP ABIDING SENSE OF AWKWARDNESS AND SELF-LOATHING

2. NO ITEMS FOX ONLY FINAL DESTINATION MODE WHERE YOU PLAY GRABASS WITH A TRYHARD AND QUESTION WHY YOU EVER CONSIDERED MEW2KING AN ASPIRATIONAL ROLE MODEL

BASICALLY SMASH REMINDS ME THAT I CAN NEVER GO BACK AGAIN AND THAT PISSES ME OFF
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Last edited by Blastoise; 06-14-2018 at 08:35 AM.
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