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Old 09-03-2011, 04:24 PM   #1
XanderKetsu
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Cyndaquil Pokémon Channel: The Short and Honest Version

I have a little abridging series based on the Pokemon Channel game going on at Deviant Art and Fanfiction.net. Hasn't got far, and I lack motivation, so maybe posting here might give some encouragement. Yeah, I'm not in it for the views. Shocker. I'll post the first three chapters but what I ask is for criticism, nothing more, nothing less.

So without further ado, Pokémon Channel: The Short and Honest Version

Disclaimer: The following is a fan based parody. All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s). I like writing. I like this story. Why can’t I combine both likes and put them out for the world for nonprofit purposes? It baffles me. They don’t want me to have fun, I swear.

If you recognize anything from the work of goodbye18000, don't worry, it's a collaboration. He supplies some material, I add to it, I write it, he reads it aloud. So there.

=====

Chapter 1

Do you know the tragedy, the pain, and the suffering of losing your TV? For two months? The shows you can't watch? The games you can't play? The weather reports? Believe me, it's not fun. Sure, I forgave Rex Pyro for burning down the T.V. It was an impressive Flamethrower… And I was neglecting him for a while… But… But… The TV… Whimper…

However, that will all be changed… ONCE THOSE DAMNED MAGNEMITE GET HERE!

My parents ordered it yesterday. My dad thought it would be OK to be without TV for a while, you know? At first I understood him, but two months was enough absence of TV for my sixteen year old mind to handle. Took a little persuasion out of Rex Pyro to order another one.

So it was ordered yesterday. And as everyone knows, Pokémon delivery system is insanely amazing. I know I friend of mine ordered a TV for himself the other day, from Pokémon Channel. Something about a free gift. It got there the following afternoon. Afternoon. I have no idea how far away the company is, but it should get here in a week, maybe two. But in two hours? That's just being a stalker.

And here I was, lounging in my bedroom, plain with battered star pattern wallpaper, a clock, a window, a couple of bare selves, and small bed. Dressed only in my hotrod printed pajamas with my bedhead of black dreads, I laid with the purple and cream colored cyndaquil that was Rex Pyro, napping on the floor.

Should have gotten it now- I turn my head to the sound of tapping. Four gray spheres with big white eyes, three screws and two magnets were magnetically carrying what appeared to be a normal blue TV fresh off the assembly line television.

"Finally! Where's that legendary service I heard so much about?" I scolded the magnemites.

"Maggg…," the tiny magnet pokémon whimpered. Never knew that was possible.

"Sorry about that," I apologized, "I'm little on the edge, you know, without TV." I started to sound like drug addict. Buts it's been FOREVER since I played Super Smash Bros. Melee.

"Magnet. Magnemite, mite." They seemed to understand what I was saying. For sentient balls of steel, they could understand emotion pretty well. One produced a clipboard a pen from nowhere, and began jabbing me with it.

"Oh, what now?" I asked irritated. Realizing I have yet to pay them, I ran out of my bedroom, to the living room where Mom left some cash for the delivery.
Once returning, I found that the magnemite had perfectly set up the television, even hooked up the GameCube and PS2. THAT was fast. "Alright, here's the cash, now leave," I said, desperately dying to kick Pikachu's ass with Roy.

The magnemite left after the transfer, and set myself up for the long awaited gaming session. I reached for the remote, pressed the power switch, and immediately, I was treated to a room with hundreds of TVs lining the walls, like a studio. At the center of the screen, was none than other, the famous Professor Oak. Who else has sandy hair, looks old, and constantly wears a lab coat?

"Ah, the TV seems to have arrived. Welcome to Pokémon Channel! This TV is a gift to you from Pokémon Channel. Pokémon Channel is a TV station that airs many kinds of Pokémon programs. You've been chosen as our test audience. But, first things first. May I have your name?"

Obviously this was recording for mass producing. No way would Professor Oak want to talk to me. A keyboard pops up on the screen, allowing me to type with the remote.

"Let me confirm this. Your name is" Xander", correct?" Amazingly, the professor said my name properly. Since when where computers this smart? "Xander, the first program is the brand-new anime called Pichu Bros. I'd like you to watch the anime all the way though. Let meet again after the show."

Wait. What? "What do you mean 'Meet again'? You're just a recording. A really good recording. Now what I'm going to do is switch to the 'Cube, and play some Melee."
But it seemed the TV didn't want to respond to my wishes. Instead, it began the show immediately. I figured I turn the channel, but it was stuck. Somehow. Not only that, but Rex Pyro seemed to be enjoying it. What. It was crappy as hell; no plot was introduced, just that there was a talking Mewoth scheming about some dream of his. That and some Pokémon who want to get the Meowth's crescent cards, consisting of two Pichus, a Magby, Teddiursa, Smoochum and a Wooper. Did I mention it was five minutes? Again, what. What kind of anime is this? You call this anime? Even The Good, The Bad, And The Sleepy was better than this. Who does he think he is, interrupting my gaming session, anyway?
Even if it was some old man or Lance, if it's just a recording, Oak's gonna a get a piece of my mind.


=====

Chapter 2: Who needs TiVo?

Finally, that crap was over. Rex Pyro however looks like he's ready for the next episode. I've got some bad news for him…

"What did think of the anime?" Ugh. You. The reason I'm not having fun right now. You want know what I think?

"Well Professor Oak, it was horrible. The only thing that happened was character introduction. Then again, what are you going to fit in FIVE MINUTES?!?"

Amazingly, the professor jumped back as if I greatly offended him, and regained his composure. "I'm sorry the episode wasn't to your liking, I hope you will find it more enjoyable in later the series."

Now it was my turn to react in much a way of surprise, and regain my footing, Rex Pyro mimicking my actions. "You're talking to me? From the TV? What is this I don't even?"

"Calm down, calm down. This is special prototype TV made by Pokémon Channel that allows for a two way interaction." Oak explained. "My apologizes for not informing you."

"So it's like a TV plus a phone? That's pretty cool." I commented. Additional inspection showed me a small but powerful microphone next to the speakers. "Sorry about the yelling. A little on edge. Without TV. For two months."

"It's OK. If anything, I need you to send your reports through the Report Channel," the professor requested.

"Report Channel? Oh, for recording my comments and critiques on the TV, right?" I assumed, as I flipped through the channels. Static, static, static, static, don't want to watch that crap again, Report Channel, the line bringing me back to the room with the multiple televisions.

"Correct," Oak confirmed. "I want you have thanks for your report." In the top left corner of the screen, a counter added twenty Pokédollars. That's nice and all, but who gives anyone a free TV and 20 bucks? By an old man? To a young kid? Oh god. "If save up Pokédollars, you'll be able to shop for all sorts of things on the shopping channel." With the women's handbags and the jewelry and the crap? Do not want. "Quiz channels give you chances to earn Pokédollars." So if I watch the game network, I get to join in a live game show like Jeopardy, win money, all from my living room couch? I'm down. "But before you finish the game, remember that you must make a report." Game? What game? This real life! I hope...

"Oh what was that cry?" Oak inquired. Indeed, I heard a squeak-ish noise out on the porch. Wait. How can you hear my end? Powerful microphone. I stepped away from the TV, marveling the rest of my room. Rex Pyro bounded toward my window, where a Sunkern toy sat in the sun's rays.

"Was it that Sunkern? IT WAS THAT SUNKERN!" I teased Rex Pyro, who immediately ducked under my bed, adjacent to a cardboard box. "Was it my bed? The monsters under my bed?" Rex Pyro, I believed frightened by my teasing, leapt into the wastepaper basket. "TRASH CAN! TRASH CAN OF DOOOOM!!"
The "trash can of doom" rolled over, revealing a laughing Rex Pyro. So much for that theory.

Eventually, I turned to the porch, with three animals standing in front of the window. A small green bipedal reptile, an orange baby bird and a chubby yellow mouse with a zigzag of a tail made up their little rag tag trio. However, the treecko and torchic fled as soon as I open the door to shoo them. "Well," I rebuked the rodent, "You gonna leave too?" It waved at me. "Yeah yeah, 'sup buddy' to you too. Now get out." Instead of shooing, he enter my room with itself filthy self and plopped down on the TV cushion. Something told me however cute he was, I will grow to hate it.

"Oh! That's a pikachu," Professor Oak observed. No shit Sherlock. "Well, it's very rare to see a wild pikachu out like this. It must be interested in television."

"Not any longer. Rex Pyro, Flamethrower that rat!" I ordered, not wanting an infestation of grunge. "Get it away from the TV!"

"Cynda…quiiilll!" Rex Pyro flared his back, exploding with purple and ivory, and let lose a jet of violet flame, conveniently dosing the pikachu, and only the pikachu, leaving it with a fresh coat of soot.

"Piii…" The rat gave a weak cry, coughing some ash.

"Now get out!" I yelled, hoping the pikachu will finally leave. He had other ideas.

"Pi-ka-CHU!!" The yellow squeaked. Its red spotted checks glowed with electricity. I've watched too many Pokémon matches to know what was to come.

"YAAgeEEBRahhagahh!" I exploded with colorful wordplay. Zapped to a crisp, I fell face front at the pikachu's feet. "You yellow rat bastard." He playfully stuck his tongue at me, while dusting himself off.

"Are you badly injured?" Again, no shit Sherlock. "Perhaps a peaceful approach shall do," the good professor suggested.

"I guess," I pained, attempting to pick myself up. "Rex, tell that thing it should leave. Otherwise I'll get your dad." Rex Pyro perked up at this this new order; his slit eyes amazingly showed detailed fear. "If you don't want him here, then you should get negotiating."

"Cynda!" Rex Pyro complied, and ran over to the Pikachu. "Cyn! Cyn-cynda cynda cynda cynda-da quil!" Rex Pyro told the wild mouse.

"Pi pika! Pi pi Pikachu!" Responded the wild mouse.

"Cyndaquil?" Rex Pyro asked.

"Pi-pika pika Pikachu!"

"Cyn-cynda cynda cyndaquil? Cyn, cyn cynda cynda! Cyndaquil?"

I turned back to the TV, "Do you have any idea what they're saying?" I questioned the professor. Oak simply shrugged his shoulders. Great. Who knows what they're talking about?

"Pika pika pi pi pika, pi pa pika pika Pikachu pika. Pikachu pika pi-kachu-pi, pika pi. Pika kachu, pika pi, pika, pike pi Pikachuka pika… Pi pika Pikachu. Pi pika-kachu, pi-pikachu pika pika pi pika pi-kachu, pi pi pi-pikachu Pikachu," The Pikachu solemnly explained to Rex Pyro.

"C-cynda cynda!" For some reason Rex Pyro burst into tears. Just what exactly did he say? "C-cyn cyn-Cyndaquil c-cyn cyn cynda cyndaquil cyndaquil! Cyn cyn-cyn cynda cyn cyndaquil cynda cyndaquil! C-cyn cyndaquil!" With that last squeak, the two mouse pokémon embraced each other with I believe brotherly love. Oh great. He made a new friend.

At that very moment, a large ocean wave crashed on screen, a beautiful sunset filled the background. Once cleared, a washed up Professor Oak was sprawled on the floor, amongst several wrecked boob tubes. "Professor, are you OK?" I asked, concerned.

"Squirtle! Charmander! How many times have I told you not to use Surf and Sunny Day indoors?" Oak shouted. I heard muffled cries at the back of the room. "Oh, Xander I'll be fine. When you're filling your reports, could you let us know what it was like watching television with this pikachu?" As much as a wanted to refuse, I don't think I would have the guts to tell Rex that his new friend couldn't stay. I'd be burned in more ways than one. Blazed and electrocuted. In defeat, I nodded my head.

"At Pokémon Channel, we collect data for developing programs that Pokémon will enjoy watching. This will also give Rex Pyro a buddy to watch TV with!" Wait, then why am I watching this? "A wild pikachu visiting a home... That's almost unheard of! We're counting on you! Programs other than anime have now started. Why don't you watch the news channel while we get the studio cleaned?"

Once again, the TV switched without my control, this time to what appeared to be a news station. Pokémon New Flash. My hopes of a serious program were instantly screwed the moment I saw the news anchor. A psyduck. Oh boy. Did I mention it's wearing a tie? Like that makes things even better.

"Meowth's On The Scene Interview." The convenient subtitles at the bottom of the screen read. The shot was then taken to a close up of said Meowth, whiskers, fangs, coin and all, holding a microphone with its lack of opposable thumbs.

"I'm here on the scene, at Cobalt Coast!" The meowth spoke perfect English! Like that one in that stupid anime! Coincidence? At the moment, he was consulting with a pink fluffy igglybuff.

"I hope to one day evolve into a jigglypuff."

"Mmhmm..."

"When I do, I want to put on my own concert!"

"I see. Well there you have it, folks!"

That was it? The first story? Aren't the first stories alerts on arsons, murders, and jaywalking? Or at least go in that order… But news stations don't start with the jaywalking!
"Azurill Entangled With a Tree." Already it was going downhill from here. "An azurill has been involved in a slight mishap. It had been using its tail like a lasso and bouncing around. Unfortunately, it lassoed a tree branch and became entangled. Azurill needed help getting free from this predicament. It's a good lesson--play where it's safe. Because knowing is half the battle!" The worst part is that Rex and the Pikachu were taking this into great account.

"Panic in Springfield Field. Mass confusion reigned at Springfield Field this morning." Oh this sounds important. "The area was overrun by a huge gathering of teddiursa. The scene was described as chaotic, but cute." There you go. This is slightly serious, but serious nonetheless. Someone could have been injured during the adorable rampage. But why wasn't it a top priority story? "The cause was an innocent chikorita visiting the area. Chikorita's sweet fragrance attracted the teddiursa. The teddiursa appeared to have mistaken the aroma for food." See? That chikorita could have been seriously hurt. Or eaten. Either or. "The authorities view the incident as a misunderstanding. The teddiursa were very disappointed with the truth. They glumly toddled back up to the mountains."

But enough is enough. I reached for the remote, turning on the GameCube. FINALLY. I got stunned reactions from Rex and the pikachu. "Oh, don't give me that! That wasn't even real news! Besides, TV's bad for you." Their stares intensified. "…Crappy TV's bad. Now let me and Melee be."

Now fuming, Rex Pyro and the Pikachu wandered off in my room. I gazed at the clock above. The Unown clock. I never liked this clock. The bane of my existence. Mainly cause of the unowns. How can you tell time with unowns, they're letters. It's A 'o clock right now! That's a stupid decision on the designers. But I do have a bad story with unowns. I had a nightmare about them once. I touched one, which multiplied into two, and then they started ramming into me, until I started drowning in the mass of symbol pokémon. That's the stuff of nightmare fuel.

Just as I was about to start, I heard a thud. I rotated myself around, only to find the Pikachu and
Rex Pyro playing my ditto cushion. "Don't kick that man! Man, I'm gonna have to wash it now, you just came in from the outside, and I'm gonna have to wash that now."

Leaving the cushion alone, the Pikachu decided to investigate. It noticed the box under my bed. "That's just some junk that needs to be thrown out, do whatever you want." Delighted, the Pikachu and Rex carried out a salute, and began digging through the cardboard box. "Hey, don't make a mess!" But alas, clutter was spread everywhere. A shiny silver bell, a map to a distant town, a pokéblock case, an old seal case, and a prop case. Nothing to important… until I caught it in the corner of my eye. "Wow, I forgot I even had this!"

The lava and thunder mice rushed over to my commotion. "Pika pi?"

"It's my old Pokémon Mini," I explained. "I had it when I was little. Guess I was meaning to throw it out…" I said beginning to fiddle with it. Rex Pyro started poking me, "You want to play?" He excitedly nodded. "Alright, play nice, don't want another catastrophe, do we?" I said as I handed him the handheld.

"Cynda…" Rex Pyro lamented, reminded of his last mistake.

"Pika Pikachu!" The pikachu ran toward the Pokémon Mini, now Rex's paws, asking to play.

"Cyndaquil!" Rex Pyro took an offense stance, separating the Pikachu and the mini. "Cynda, cyndaquil!"

"Pika pi! Pika!" I sensed mischief afoot…

After done cleaning their disarray, I turned to a jumble I might need to tidy. The two mice have begun fighting over the mini, in a tug of war. This will not end well. It seemed that they were at equal strength, but Rex Pyro was gaining the upper hand. With a great heave, Rex Pyro pulled the tiny handheld out of the yellow mouse's grasp. The fire rodent fell back with a little recoil, tightly holding the Pokémon Mini. The Pikachu was in a sorrier state. He went flying, with gracefulness of a Spinda, tumbling to the floor with a great boom.

"Fail! There's the fail! Fail! Fail! Fail! Fail! Fail!" The pikachu turned to me, his eyes physically turned into swirls. "Haha, look at that face! That's the face of a fail!" Rex Pyro too, had joined in on the laughs as wiped a tear from my eye.

The Pikachu, clearly upset at my taunting, began filling its cheeks with static. The air smelled of burning ozone, and again, I knew what was bound to come. Can't say I deserved it. He came here, with his dirty self, and he doesn't plan on leaving.

"Piii… Kaaa…"

Just what did I get myself into?


=====

Chapter 3: You Little Arsonist

Once I came to, I found myself not dead. Two Thunderbolts, and still alive? Cool. Still hurt like hell. I saw Rex Pyro and the pikachu sitting in front of the TV. Wait, not sitting, exercising. Exercising?

"Look up! Up into the sky! Loosen up and move it gently!" My eyes received a face full of pink skinned, blond haired smoochums. "Oh Arceus, too many lolis!" I cried, backing up into Rex Pyro, toppling him over.

"Pika Pika?" the pikachu cried out, asking our condition, I assumed.

"Cynda," Rex Pyro answered.

"Yeah, I'm fine here too. But, just why are you watching the Shape Up channel?"

The mice pokémon looked at each other with wary eyes. They quickly burst into squeaks, probably protesting on they were randomly flipping channels, ended up here, and decided to join in. Sure, let's go with that.

"Whatever you say, I'm playing Melee. NOW." I stated, reaching for the TV's controls. My hand wad then treated to an electric shock, courtesy of the pikachu. "Oww, what the hell?"

"Cynda, cyndaquil." Rex Pyro said, paws on side.

"What, did you take control of the TV?" Rex nodded. Great. Just how did they do it, anyway?

On that note, the two mice continued their little workout, eyes on the small kiss pokémon. "Raise your up leg high! Kick your leg way up high!" the subtitles read, introducing the leg softening exercises. Alright, let's see if it's not complicated for the mice. Rex Pyro pulled it off fine, the Pikachu... well...

"How is that tough?" I criticized the yellow pokémon. "So you can taunt me, zap me, and infuriate me, but you can't do a stupid little thing where you lay down and move your legs."

The show moved on, now switching to an upper arm routine. "Swing your arms! Big and wide! Don't twist too much!"

I can see it now with kids at home. Look mommy! Twist! Twist! Yaaahh my arms! Hilarious. Laughing, i left the Pokémon to their workout while i got something to eat. After fixing a bowl of rice, i returned to find the two buddies watching a quiz show. It featured a blue rubbery Wobbufutt, the announcer of the show, with the three contestants of a treeko, eevee and a phanphy. Apparently they were all named after their species. How very creative. At the time i glanced at the screen, they had already started, and begin a test by guessing a pokémon by their silhouette.

"Hmm? Now what could this be? Pokémon masters should know this one!" I spat my rice in laughter. Masters? You don't.t need to be to know that it was clearly a girafarig.
Eevee got that one. I had a feeling it was going to win. Fleeing the area from an enraged pikachu, I ran back into the kitchen to escape a Thundershock. Once reentering my bedroom with a fresh bowl, the show had moved on to its third quiz category, a peekaboo quiz. This was actually challenging, as the pokémon shrouded in mystery was hidden by a constantly moving metal cylinder with a tiny crack. The cylinder slowed down as time ticked from the clock. "Yes, it's that pokémon everyone knows and loves! Someone must know by now!" Well, if I had time to see it, I would know! Turns out it was a magikarp. Magikarp? Knows, yes. Loves... i don't think so.

"It's time for our present silhouette quiz!" This time, we'll be featuring a new type of audience member. Xander Pyrospine, a home viewer will joining us today right from his bedroom!" So this is what the good doctor was talking about joining in on game shows. Just next time, do it when I'm prepared, alright?

"Wait; am I on the air on?" I asked flustered, still in pjs. Great. Instant internet laughing stock in 5, 4, 3...

"Why yes you are!" The wobbufutt cried in… its native language, Wobbufutt-ese. In the right hand corner of the screen, was a live feed video of me, in my glory of embarrassment. Joy. Wait, where is the camera? Turns out it was to the microphone, even smaller than it was. Well, might as well..."So, I'm given an image, guess the pokémon?"

"Correct! Here is the silhouette!" I was shown the obvious outline of a zubaat. What, were these quizzes made for slowpokes? I answered immediately before the choices were given.

"Correct! You've won $100!" Well that was good, as a counter in the top left corner racked up the moolah. "Stay tuned, more to come!" Finished with my rice, as well as the patience for this stupid "Test for masters", I turned the channel, only to be presented with more crap.

"This is what I, Spencer, recommend! Chansey's Dribble!"

"Gah! Still not used to pokémon in my face, thank-you-very much!" Indeed, an average squirtle, (wearing sunglasses for some reason, what, was in a gang of squirtles? How frightening.) was shoved in front of me, advertising a Pokémon mini game. Though they stopped selling those. Vintage sale? Only 38 pokédollars? Why not?

Switching from the random station I was on to "Shop 'n Squritle", appropriately named, set on a cross between a kitchen and living room, with the squritle a saw in the commercial as the host. "Ah, Xander, come to see my wares?" Did all these Pokémon know I was tuning into their stations? Oooookaaaay...

"Yeah, sure. Whaddya sellin'?" I asked.

"We've got big bargains today just like every other day! First up is this item!"

After a quick ten minutes, I successfully bought out everything they had on sale, including a binder with added "Nice Cards", a Blazeiken poster approved by a certain Blaze Pokémon (of course you would...) and a charmander doll, whom I swear the pikachu and Rex Pyro swooned over... also approved the species it's based after. You narcissist. All the while, the squritle keep making odd poses. Trying to impress me? Not working. You already failed when I realized you had only three items to sell.

All of a sudden, there was a knocking at my chamber balcony. The taps had come from the Santa Claus' Pokémon incarnation known as a delbird. Out of the bag that its species is known for, revealed a brown cardboard package sealed with pokéball tape. Rex and the pikachu happily a new one in the box, spilling out the contain goodies that were inside. Seeing its job was done, the delbird waved goodbye, and I swear before it flew, it did a flip. One of the awkwardness flips I've ever seen. Like it tried to lick its balls or something. If delibirds have balls. Freaky pokémon genotype.

As said before, the delivery service is surprisingly good, as everything ordered literary ten minutes ago just now arrived. Even a little smergle doll they threw in to boot. But not even an hour was given before it was delivered. Holy hell. Its official, they stalk me with the TV's built camera. Creeeepy...

Well, the sun had begun to set, and now was a good time to turn in. AS instructed by Professor Oak, I turned to the report channel. Selecting the report option on screen brought me to the good professor, the putting me through this hell. "Hello, it's me Oak. Thank you for the report. With this much data, I imagine that we should be able to develop new programs for broadcast. The new programs are scheduled to begin... Uh... Tomorrow at 5:00 a.m. I hope you look forward to them." Well I'm not waking up at five a.m. "I was a bit worried that Pikachu might get into some mischief, but I see there's no cause for concern."

I looked over to said pikachu, who I believe was having a scuffle over the charmander doll with Rex Pyro. "Sure, he's caused some trouble in the past hours, surprised I'm not dead... But nothing serious..." I told him. I glanced over to the pikachu, making sure he didn't jinx anything. Still fighting for the doll. But now it escalated. Rex started to use Ember. Yay... They were considerate enough to start off with small scale moves, trading back Embers and Thundershocks, no biggie. Rex Pyro seemed to be winning, even. But, then it happened. The pikachu looked at Rex, then to me. It gave this, smile that belonged to a slasher. Menacing, for a creature of its caliber. He broke out the Thunderbolt. A massive Thunderbolt, biggest it ever let loose. Out of control, it struck the one thing precious. The TV.

Boom.

Last edited by XanderKetsu; 09-04-2011 at 10:00 AM.
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