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Old 02-20-2018, 06:47 PM   #401
Jerichi
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SOMETIMES YOU LOOK BACK AT SOMETHING AND ASK YOURSELF

"IS THIS ALL WORTH IT? COULD I BE SPENDING MY TIME BETTER?"

THIS IS WHAT I'M ASKING MYSELF TONIGHT AS I STARE DOWN HULU, STEELING MYSELF TO WATCH THE BACHELOR

HOMETOWNS, BITCHES, I GUESS
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:57 PM   #402
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FAMILIAL DOUBTS

DEATH THREATS

SEEKING BLESSINGS

ALL ON HOMETOWNS

KENDALL IS FIRST

REMEMBER SHE'S SECRETLY A CREEP

ARIE DESCRIBES HER AS "QUARKY"

SHE'S FROM LA WHICH IS MEGA BORING IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS SHOW

ALSO JUST GENERALLY REALLY

SHE TAKES HIM TO A TAXIDERMY ROOM, OF COURSE

ARIE IS CREEPED OUT BY IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD BE

THEY STUFF RATS

IT'S ABOUT AS AWFUL AS YOU EXPECT

OH MAN HE HAS A TWIN

WHY DIDN'T SHE COME ON THE SHOW

IT IMPROVED IT MILDLY LAST TIME IT HAPPENED

SHE SAYS ARIE IS MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN HER OTHER BOYFRIENDS

ARIE IS LIKE, NOT A BAD GUY, BUT HE'S ALSO ABOUT AS DENSE AS LEAD SO COMPASSION IS NOT REALLY LIKE, A TOP RANKING QUALITY OF THIS MAN

THEY PROCEED TO EAT EACH OTHERS' FACES AND LEAVE TO MEET THE PARENTS
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:09 PM   #403
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HER FAMILY IS AWKWARD AND HER SISTER LOOKS LIKE A MEANER VERSION OF HER

HER DAD IS GLARING DAGGERS

HER SISTER USES HER TWIN POWERS TO MAKE INSIGHTFUL COMMENTS ABOUT HOW THIS IS ALL STUPID AND THEY HAVEN'T REALLY LIKE, LEARNED ABOUT EACH OTHER

ARIE IGNORES ALL OF THEM BECAUSE HURRDURR IM FALLING FOR HER WHATEVER THAT MEANS

KENDALL'S SISTER IS LIKE, LOWKEY INTERROGATING HER, AND TELLING HER THAT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY LIKE, IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY

ARIE ACTS LIKE HE'S READING FROM A SCRIPT

KENDALL'S DAD IS LIKE "THIS IS STUPID AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD MARRY BUT I ALSO WON'T TELL MY DAUGHTER NO"

ALSO EVEN IF SHE WINS (SHE WON'T) THEY PROBABLY WON'T GET MARRIED ANYWAY SO

REALLY THOUGH THIS IS PRETTY BORING AND RUN-OF-THE-MILL THOUGH THE TWIN ANGLE IS AT LEAST DIFFERENT
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:18 PM   #404
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TIME TO GO TO WIENER, AK

I ONLY REPEAT IT BECAUSE THE PRODUCERS THINK IT'S FUNNY ENOUGH TO REPEAT IT

HE TAKES HER TO A RACE TRACK BECAUSE ARIE LIKE CAR CAR GO FAST VROOM

THEY IMPLY THAT TIA DROVE BUT IT SEEMS THAT SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T

HER FAMILY MAKES SHOTGUN JOKES



ARIE IS SUPER INTIMIDATED BY TIA'S SUPER REDNECK FAMILY

OH SHIT HER BROTHER CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING A MAKE OUT SLUT DAMN GURL
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:27 PM   #405
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OH GOD DAMMIT TIA'S BROTHER YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM

HE'S BORING AND AWFUL

I FEEL A LITTLE BAD FOR TIA (NOT SO MUCH AFTER LAST WEEK BUT) BECAUSE SHE'S OBVIOUSLY HAD SOME SHITTY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE PAST AND ARIE IS BETTER THAN THAT

ANYWAY BORING CONVO WITH TIA AND DAD

DAD TALKS WITH ARIE AND IT'S WAY MORE BORING THAN THE PREVIEW EDITS MAKE IT OUT TO BE

THE DEATH THREAT TURNS OUT TO BE A JOKE, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THIS SHOW WORKS

MOM SAYS, QUOTE "THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN GET TO KNOW HIM LIKE YOU DO", WHILE TALKING TO TIA

WELL, IF YOU TALK TO HIM FOR A HOT MINUTE YOU CAN BASICALLY GET THERE SO

THIS ONE IS MEGA BORING AND EVERYONE LOVES ARIE, FOR SOME REASON

UNFORTUNATELY IT ONLY GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:37 PM   #406
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NEXT UP, BECCA, WHOSE BORINGNESS IS ONLY PROPERLY RIVALED BY ARIE

OR, REALLY, THE LAST LAUREN STANDING

NONE OF THEM ARE REALLY THAT INTERESTING THOUGH

BECCA TAKES HIM APPLE PICKING

I AM MUCH MORE INTERESTED IN THESE APPLES, WHICH LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND CRISP AND ARE WAY LESS BORING THAN THEIR RELATIONSHIP

BECCA'S UNCLE? HAS A REALISTIC VIEW OF THIS SHOW SO THAT'S GOOD

THEY SEEM LIKE A BORING MIDWESTERN FAMILY
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:47 PM   #407
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TBH NONE OF THESE PEOPLE REALLY LOOK RELATED TO HER

GOES TO HAVE A TALK WITH HER UNCLE BECAUSE HER DAD (SADLY) DIED WHEN SHE WAS 19

HER UNCLE IS A PASTOR AND KIND OF A WEIRDLY TOUGH GUY BUT SEEMS NICE ENOUGH

ARIE GETS INTERROGATED ABOUT RELIGION AND IS LIKE "UHHHHHHHH IDK"

HER MOTHER IS TOTALLY SKEPTICAL OF ALL OF THIS BUT IS BEING SUPPORTIVE

SHE GIVES A NON-COMMITTAL BLESSING, THAT ARIE DOES NOT REACT TO MEANINGFULLY

ARIE KIND OF FEELS LIKE ONE OF THOSE DOLLS WHERE YOU TUG ON THE STRING AND IT SPITS OUT A CANNED PHRASE AT RANDOM

IDK THESE ARE BY FAR THE MOST BORING HOMETOWNS I HAVE EVER SEEN TAKE MY LACK OF COMMENTARY AS PROOF OF THAT
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Old 02-20-2018, 08:06 PM   #408
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IT'S THE LAST LAUREN STANDING

SHE IS STILL STANDING SOMEHOW

(SPOILERS: IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE GIRL FROM THE SEASON OF THE BACHLORETTE ARIE GOT KICKED OFF OF)

THEY GO FOR A BEACH HORSE RIDE

IT'S FINE I GUESS

THEY MAKE OUT IN A LIGHTHOUSE

IDK

HO BOY SO HER FAMILY IS EX MILITARY

ARIE SHOWS OFF HIS DUTCH SKILLS TO HER FAMILY, IT'S BAD AND AWKWARD

THERE ARE LIKE, 15 PEOPLE HERE, AND NO ONE IS TALKING

QUESTION TIME

AUNT ASKS THE LAST LAUREN STANDING WHAT SHES FEELING, AND IS BORING

ARIE MANAGES TO WIN THE DAD'S FAVOR BY TELLING A STORY ABOUT GOING TO IRAQ TO ENTERTAIN SOLDIERS

LIKE THE FIRST SMART THING ARIE'S DONE THIS WHOLE SEASON

THEY DON'T EVEN REALLY TALK ABOUT TLLS

THE MOM COMES IN AS BACKUP AS HER DAD GOES TO TAKE A COLD SHOWER TO GET RID OF HIS PATRIOTISM BONER

THE MOM CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING BASICALLY A WALKING SCRIPT

TO HIS SMALL CREDIT HE IS LIKE, MAKING SOME EFFORT HERE TO DO THINGS

BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MARRY THIS WOMAN BECAUSE THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN HE ALMOST PROPOSED TO

TLLS CLAIMS THAT THEY RELATE A LOT TO EACH OTHER



I'VE ALSO JUST NOTICE THAT LAUREN'S FACE DOES NOT ACTUALLY MOVE AT ALL, EVEN WHEN CRYING

GOD OKAY WAKE ME UP WHEN THIS SEASON IS OVER I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM HOW BORED I AM

NEXT UP, LET'S KICK SOME WOMEN OFF THIS SHOW

OR WELL, ONE
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Old 02-20-2018, 08:14 PM   #409
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ROSE CEREMONY

SPOILER: ARIE DOES THE STUPID WALK OUT BECAUSE I'M SOOOO EMOTIONAL THING THAT EVERYONE DOES

UH

HE PULLS KENDALL ASIDE

AND

WELL

COMMERCIAL
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Old 02-20-2018, 08:29 PM   #410
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WELL, ARIE IS REAPING WHAT HE SEWED

HE TRIES TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL A FULL TWO MONTHS INTO THIS AND THEN REALIZE "OH MAYBE I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL AND MAYBE SHE'S NOT READY TO MARRY ME"

YEAH, NO FUCKIN SHIT

IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT, YOU CAN JUST SEND HER HOME

THAT'S HOW THIS ALL WORKS

YOU HAVE THAT POWER AND ABILITY

INSTEAD YOU JUST TORTURE EVERYONE WITH YOUR STUPID INTERROGATIONS

ANYWAY LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH PLEASE

Spoiler: show
BECCA
LAUREN

NO FINAL SPOILER BOX BECAUSE I DON'T CARE AT THIS POINT

LMAO HE SENT TIA HOME

WHAT A DICKWAD KENDALL LIKE, BARELY COMMITTED AND HE WAS LIKE "OH OKAY YOU'RE BLONDE ENOUGH I'LL KEEP YOU INSTEAD OF SOMEONE WHO SAID THEY LOVE ME"

LIKE, FUCK TIA, SHE KINDA SUCKS BUT AT THE SAME TIME WOW GOOD JOB BUDDY

OH GOD SHE'S SOBBING INTO HIS LAPEL MIC

(I ALSO JUST NOTICED SHE HAS AN UGLYASS TATTOO ON THE BACK OF HER ARM WHICH I HAVE BEEN INFORMED IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN OWL)


MAN WHATEVER

NEXT WEEK, PERU

BUT FIRRRSSSSSSTTTTTT

THE WOMEN TELL ALL!!!!!

REALLY THE ONLY GOOD PART OF THIS SHOW

GET READY FOR THE KRYSTAL SHOW 2.0

OH MAN RIGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THE EX BOYFRIEND THING WE STILL HAVE THE EX CRASHING THE PARTY THING TO DO

I'M 100% NOT INVESTED IN THESE WOMEN ANYMORE BUT THERE'S AT LEAST A CHANCE THE NEXT FEW EPS COULD BE OKAY

SO, MAYBE IT WILL BE A BIT MORE ENTERTAINING

I'M NOT HOLDING OUT HOPE THOUGH

CREDITS SCENE MORE CREEPY TAXIDERMY ROLE PLAY
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