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Old 01-20-2018, 10:39 AM   #326
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OKAY NOW FOR THE LIKE, ACTUAL DATE PART, WITH LIKE NORMAL DATE THINGS

I FEEL LIKE THE PRODUCERS ALWAYS TAKE THEM TO THE SAME UGLYASS WAREHOUSE THAT THEY FILL WITH CANDLES

LOL THEY NAMEDROP THE UGLYASS WAREHOUSE

WHY WOULD PEOPLE PAY FOR THIS

EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT HOW HE HAS PILLOW LIPS AND IT IS PRETTY CREEPY

OH BOY HERE IS THE GROUP DATE CARD

Spoiler: show
KRYSTAL

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

~ARI


OH THEY'RE MIXING IT UP IT'S A ONE ON ONE WITH THE WORST GIRL ON THE SHOW AWESOME

EVERYONE IS LIKE "THIS BITCH"

OH SHIT BECCA'S DAD HAD BRAIN CANCER WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER DAMN SORRY GIRL

SHE GETS THE ROSE IDK I THINK SHE'S BORING
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Old 01-20-2018, 10:49 AM   #327
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KRYSTAL'S DATE NOW

ITS GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE HOME

WHICH DOES NOT SOUND GOOD

ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING SHE IS GOING TO AN AIRPORT TO GET ON A PRIVATE PLANE (NO HELICOPTERS?????)

THEY'RE GOING TO ARIZONA WHERE HE'S FROM

WTF PRODUCERS THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID NO

OF COURSE THEY'RE GOING BACK TO HIS HIGH SCHOOL

HE TAKES HER TO HIS HOUSE THIS IS SUPER WEIRD

THIS IS AWFUL

I HATE THIS SO MUCH

THEY WATCH HOME VIDEOS WTF IS THIS

I HOPE THEY AT LEAST HAVE A NICE DINNER BECAUSE THIS DATE SUUUUUUCKS

OH MY GOD SHE'S MEETING THE PARENTS ALREADY

THIS IS EPISODE TWO

EPISODE TWO

YOU ARE GIVING THIS HORRIBLE GIRL A RIDICULOUS ADVANTAGE

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Old 01-20-2018, 11:01 AM   #328
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NOW WE GONNA DO THE GROUP DATE???

Spoiler: show
MAQUEL
MARIKH
TIA
VALERIE
ANNALISSE
LAUREN G
KENDALL
BEKAH
JENNY
SIENNE
JENNA
CAROLINE
BRITTNEY
BIBIANA

LETS HIT LOVE HEAD ON

ARI


IDK I MISSED ONE BUT SHE READ TO FAST AND I'M NOT GOING BACK

OKAY SO THEY DO GO HAVE DINNER IN A REALLY FUCKING COOL OLD BUILDING

SHE'S NERVOUS BECAUSE SHE HAD A SHITTY FAMILY LIFE APPARENTLY AND HIS FAMILY IS SUPER GREAT IDK

SOUNDS LIKE SHE HAD A SINGLE MOM SITUATION AND SHE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER BROTHER

OH RIGHT HER BROTHER IS HOMELESS

YEAH I GUESS HER LIFE DID SUCK

ROSE BLAH BLAH

OH BOY IT'S MY FAVORITE SINGER/SONGWRITER WHO I'VE NEVER HEARD OF

(HE IS HOT THOUGH SO I'LL FORGIVE IT)

NEXT UP: LITERAL DESTRUCTION DERBY
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:10 AM   #329
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KRYSTAL IS BEING ALL HUSH HUSH WHICH LBH IS PROBABLY A GOOD STRATEGY BECAUSE IF SHE WAS HONEST PEOPLE WOULD BE FREAKIN

ANYWAY TIME FOR THE GROUP DATE

LIKE I SAID - LITERAL DEMOLITION DERBY

THEY'VE PAINTED UP AND GUTTED SOME JUNKER SEDANS AND THE GIRLS ARE GOIG TO CRASH THEM INTO EACH OTHER

ARI MAKES A DRAMATIC ENTRANCE IN A SHITTY CAR

THE ARKANSAS GIRL SAYS 'THIS IS SOME REDNECK SHIT'

YES, YES THIS IS

THEY GET TO SPRAY PAINT THEIR OWN CAR

LIKE IF THIS COULDN'T POSSIBLY RESULT IN BODILY HARM I WOULD KIND OF BE ON BOARD WITH THIS BUT

ALSO THESE LADIES ARE BAD DRIVERS (THOUGH TO BE FAIR THESE CARS ARE SHITHEAPS)

ANNALISSE IS FREAKIN OUT FOR SOME REASON

...SHE HAD A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE WITH BUMPER CARS AS A KID

UM ��

DEAR YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST

(WANT TO POINT OUT THAT THE PRODUCERS ALSO INTERCUT A BLURRY BUMPER CARS MONTAGE FOR ~EXTRA DRAMATIC EFFECT~)
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:18 AM   #330
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HAHAH YES THE HAVE JUMPSUITS AND HELMETS AND EVERYTHING

LMAO IT'S THE BASHELOR DEMOLITION DERBY

THEY DO SPORTS-STYLE COMMENTARY

ANNALISSE HONEY YOU ARE LITERALLY CRYING AT THE WHEEL YOU MIGHT WANT TO RECONSIDER

THIS IS ACTUALLY KINDA ENTERTAINING

ANNALISSE IS NOW SUPER FUCKIN AGGRESSIVE LMAO SHE IS GOING SO HARD IN THE PAINT

BIBIANA AND BRITTNEY ARE ALSO SUPER FUCKING AGGRESSIVE FOR SOME REASON

HAHAHHA THEY START PLAYING THE CANCAN

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE

THIS IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE BEST AND WORST THING THEY'VE EVER DONE

THE WINNER IS SIENNE

TIA (SUPER SOUTHERN GIRL) GOT SECOND PLACE (AS YOU'D IMAGINE)

I LOVE SIENNE THOUGH SHE'S PRETTY GR8

ANYWAY THAT WAS DUMB AS FUCK BUT REALLY FUNNY
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:29 AM   #331
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BRITTNEY GAVE HERSELF WHIPLASH I GUESS SO SHE WENT HOME

OH CHELSEA IS WHO'S THE MOM STEALS HIM AWAY FIRST AND TELLS ARI THAT SHE HAS A KID

HE APPARENTLY LIKES WOMEN WITH KIDS SINCE HE'S NOW DATED TWO (I GUESS WE COUNT BEING ON A SEASON OF THE BACHELORETTE AS DATING SO)

HOBOY

CHELSEA COMES BACK WHEN PEOPLE ARE THROWING SHADE AT HER AND SHE'S LIKE UM IM A MOM SO I HAVE TO HAVE TIME TO TELL HIM THAT AND THE OTHER GIRLS ARE LIKE WELL WE SHOULD HAVE TIME TOO

AND LIKE OKAY

I LIKE SEINNE SHE WENT TO YALE AND IS SMART AND COOL

SHE WENT TO BRAZIL AND ITALY IN COLLEGE I LIKE HER

GIRLS START TO FIGHT ABOUT TIME WITH HIM

IT'S MOSTLY BIBIANA, THOUGH

THIS LITERALLY DOMINATES THE REST OF THE PARTY

SHE GETS A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM AND IS LIKE "NO I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE" AND THEN STORMS OFF

UM OKAY HONEY CHILL THE FUCK OUT PLEASE

ONCE AGAIN

WEEK 2

WEEK

FUCKING

TWO

CHILL THE FUCK OUT

HE KISSES BEKAH

MAN HE IS MAKING OUT WITH EVERYONE TONIGHT

OH MAN AND I CAN SEE TONGUE TOO

WOW THIS IS A FULL LIKE TWO MINUTE KISS

I LIKE BEKAH BUT THIS IS KINDA DUMB

HE CALLS OUT CHELSEA FOR OPENING UP TO HIM BUT THEN GIVES SEINNE THE ROSE LMAO

BIBIANA CONTINUES TO HAVE NO CHILL
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:38 AM   #332
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OKAY FINAL COCKTAIL PARTY BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY

>for those of you who didn't go on dates that's what's tonight for

UHUH SURE THAT'S DEFINITELY HOW IT WORKS RIGHT

HE CHECKS ON BRITTANY BECAUSE SHE HAS WHIPLASH

THAT'S NICE OF HIM I GUESS

HE MADE HER A CERTIFICATE OF MOST HARDCORE LOL

I MEAN, IF YOU GO SO HARD YOU GET WHIPLASH I FEEL LIKE THAT'S FAIR

BEKAH IS WEARING THIS MASSIVE FAUX FUR IN LA IN THE SUMMER SO OKAY

KRYSTAL DOES THAT AGGRESSIVE THING WHERE SHE STEALS HIM DESPITE HAVING A ROSE

STOP IT

NO

THANK GOD ARIE TELLS HER TO LIKE, FUCK OFF FOR A SECOND WHEN SHE TRIES TO INTERRUPT

OF COURSE EVERYONE THROWS A SHITLOAD OF SHADE BECAUSE WELL, AS BIBIANA PUTS IT, SHE'S BEING A 'SELFISH BITCH'
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:45 AM   #333
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OH GOD THE TAXIDERMY GIRL IS STILL HERE AND BROUGHT A STUFFED OTTER

THIS ALL FEELS LIKE FILLER

OH MY GOD

WHAT THE FUCK THOUGH

KRYSTAL STEPS IN A SECOND FUCKING TIME

AND OF COURSE INTERRUPTS BIBIANA

THIS IS GOIN TO GO GREAT

KRYSTAL COMES BACK AFTER AND IS FAKE AS SHIT

AND THIS TURNS INTO A BIG FIGHT BETWEEN BIBIANA AND KRYSTAL

BIBIANA IS KIND OF AWFUL TOO BUT SHE'S ALSO CALLING KRYSTAL OUT HARD SO

KRYSTAL IS TRYING TO RATIONALIZE ALL OF HER SELFISH SHIT

OH SHE'S TRYING TO ACT LIKE SHE WAS LOOKING OUT FOR THE GIRLS BY "MAKING SURE THEY HAVE ENOUGH TIME"

MMHMM RIGHT

LMAO BIBIANA SAID MIC DROP AND WALKED AWAY GOOD FOR YOU

THANK YOU FOR THAT - I HATE YOU, BUT THANK YOU FOR THAT
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:55 AM   #334
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OKAY ROSE CEREMONY TIME

BECCA, FUCKING KRYSTAL AND SEINNE ALL HAVE ROSES

LET'S GET DOWN TO IT

THE ROSE CEREMONY
Spoiler: show
MAQUEL (GROSS, THOUGH SHE'S BARELY BEEN AROUND)
JACQUELINE (LITERALLY WHO)
BEKAH M (STILL UNSURE OF HER)
JENNA (WHO)
CHELSEA (UGH)
LAUREN S (LAUREN #1)
TIA (THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN)
ANNALISSE (BUMPER CAR GIRL)
LAUREN B (LAUREN #2)
KENDALL (TAXIDERMY WEIRDO)
BRITTANY (BAD BITCH)
ASHLEY (DON'T KNOW YOU)
MARIKH (IS SHE THE ONLY INDIAN GIRL THAT SURVIVED)
CAROLINE (ALSO DON'T KNOW YOU)

OH SHIT THE FINAL ROSE (I.E. THE PRODUCERS' PICK)

Spoiler: show
BIBIANA


YEAH NO REAL SURPRISES THERE - ALSO WE ARE DOWN TO TWO LAURENS SO THAT'S GOOD


I HAVE TO SAY THE PROPORTION OF LITERAL WHOS THIS SEASON IS A BIT LOWER THAN USUAL

OH SHIT ONE OF THE GIRLS DOESN'T EVEN HUG HIM AND WALKS OFF

AGAIN THIS IS WEEK TWO

WEEK TWO

W E E K T W O

ARIE GOES AND TALKS TO HER AND THIS IS REALLY GRACELESS AND TERRIBLE

I DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS GIRL THOUGH SO

SHE COMPLAINS THAT SHE GOT BROKEN UP WITH FOR HE FIRST TIME OKAY WHATEVER

GIRL THIS IS REALITY TV GET A GRIP THANKS

THE NEXT EPISODE LOOKS HORRIBLE SO I AM NOT GOING TO WATCH IT NOW BUT KEEP AN EYE OUT
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Old 01-20-2018, 11:56 AM   #335
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BLOOPER IS TAXIDERMY GIRL GREAT

UGH SHE HAS A DEAD BAT IN A JAR
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:51 PM   #336
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WELL I HAVE BEEN COMPELLED TO WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN

SO LET'S GET STARTED

PREVIOUSLY:

KRYSTAL PISSES EVERYONE OFF

YEAH THAT'S LITERALLY IT

TONIGHT:

MORE BORINGASS DATES

ARIE IS A KISSING SLUT

BIBIANA BREAKS
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:59 PM   #337
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EVERYONE IS QUOTE 'EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY DRAINED' FROM THE COCKTAIL PARTY

SO THE PRODUCERS ARE TRYING THIS NEW THING WHERE THEY ARE KICKING OFF LESS PEOPLE UP FRONT WHICH IS DUMB SINCE IT MEANS SOME GIRLS DON'T GO ON DATES AT ALL

THIS WEEK WE HAVE TWO GROUPS AND A 1V1 ONE-ON-ONE

DATE CARD - GROUP DATE EDITION

Spoiler: show
MAQUEL
JACQUELINE
A LAUREN
TIA
MARIKH
BEKAH
BIBIANA
KRYSTAL

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE RING

~ARI


JUMPIN RIGHT INTO IT

WHO'S READY FOR SOME GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION

ARIE COMES OUT INTO THE RING

THEY'RE CALLING THEIR WRESTLING UH, THING, "GLOB"

GORGEOUS LADIES OF THE BACHELOR... WRESTLING

OH THEY FOUND SOME LADIES FROM GLOW (WHICH I ONLY KNOW ABOUT BECAUSE OF THAT NETFLIX SERIES I HAVEN'T WATCHED)

THE GLOW LADIES TRY TO TEACH THE GIRLS TO WRESTLE

ARIE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT WRESTLING I.E. THE PRODUCERS ARE MAKING HIM DO IT

HE ALSO ADMITS EVERYONE WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE

EDITORS YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ADMIT NO ONE WANTS TO DO THIS

ONE OF THE LAURENS GETS YELLED AT

BIBIANA STARTS TO ACT LIKE A SHIT AND THE WOMEN CALL HER OUT FOR IT

BIBIANA IS LIKE 'WHY AM I SO VICTIMIZED'

HONEY THIS IS WRESTLING

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AGGRESSIVE AND CONFRONTATIONAL

I DON'T EVEN WATCH WWE AND I KNOW THAT

GOD THIS IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE WORST DATE IDEAS IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SHOW

OH MY GOD BIBIANA AND TIA ARE LITERALLY SITTING IN THE CORNER CRYING ABOUT BEING INSULTED BY SOME OVER-THE-TOP WRESTLING CHICKS

HONEY IT'S ALL AN ACT
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:09 PM   #338
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MORE CRYING

BEKAH IS LIKE 'WHAT ARE THESE GIRLS PROBLEMS'

THANK YOU

ARIE TRIES TO COMFORT TIA AND IT'S AWKWARD

HE IS NOT COMFORTING AT ALL HE'S LIKE 'OH WE'RE ALL UNCOMFORTABLE SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP'

WOW A+ GOOD JOB

TIME FOR COSTUUUUUMESSSSSS

BEKAH IS A KNOCKOFF CATWOMAN, MARIKH IS A LITERAL GOLD DIGGER, KRYSTAL IS A JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS REJECT, TIA IS A SOUTHERN BELL OF COURSE

BIBIANA IS A BRIDEZILLA WITH A FUCKING TUTU AND DINO MASK

ONE OF THEM IS A LUNCH LADY

OH YES ARIE IS GOING TO GET HIS ASS BEAT BY ANOTHER FORMER BACHELORETTE CONTESTANT

THIS GUY IS AN ACTUAL WRESTLER

I HOPE HE GETS HIS ASS BEAT THAT WOULD MAKE THIS ALL WORTH IT

SPOILERS: HE GETS HIS ASS BEAT, IT MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT

BUT THEN HE "WINS"

ALRIGHT MATCH ONE BEKAH THE SEX KITTEN V MAQUEL THE LUNCH LADY

THIS IS HILARIOUS - MAQUEL PINS HER WITH HER TRAY AND WINS

MATCH TWO KRYSTAL THE CRUSTY COUGAR VS. JACQUELINE THE BEAUTY QUEEN

KRYSTAL IS SUPER FUCKING AGGRESSIVE

MATCH THREE MARIKH AND LAUREN

THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK

WHEN I SAID GIRL ON GIRL I DID NOT MEAN SOFT CORE PORN

OH GREAT THE LAST ONE IS TIA VS. BIBIANA

THIS ONE IS DEFINITELY THE WORST

BUT THEY SPEND THE MOST TIME ON IT FOR SOME REASON

TIA WINS FOR SOME REASON

AND THEY TRY TO PLAY IT OFF AS LIKE, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OKAY

GOD THAT WAS CERTIFIABLY HORRIBLE
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:20 PM   #339
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OKAY AFTER DATE PARTY

THEY GO TO WHAT IS BASICALLY A RENOVATED TRAILER PARK THAT IS MADE INTO LIKE AN EVENT SPACE

IT'S... CHARMING?

SURE, CHARMING

KRYSTAL STEALS HIM FIRST AND BIBIANA IS ABOUT TO BURST

GOD ARIE IS FAWNING OVER HER SHE'S AWFUL

SHE STRAIGHT UP ASKS HIM IF SHE SHOULD BE AGGRESSIVE

OH MY GOD HE ENCOURAGES HER TO STEAL HIM AWAY

YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT OH MY GOD

WORST BACHELOR SINCE JUAN PABLO CALLING IT NOW

DON'T ENABLE HER

OH NO NOW BIBIANA'S GONNA TATTLE

BIBIANA CALLS HERSELF RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS, WHICH IS HER LEAD INTO TATTLING ON KRYSTAL

YUP, GREAT IDEA

ARIE SHUTS DOWN IMMEDIATELY

ARIE IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO FUCK KRYSTAL IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE

OH MY GOD THIS GIRL

A GROUP OF THEM ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT THE DATE AND THEN KRYSTAL JUST KIND OF SHOVES HER WAY IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL OF IT AND IS LIKE "DID EVERYONE HAVE THEIR TIME??????????????? ITS SOOOOOOOOOOO IMPORTANT THAT EVERYONE HAS THEIR TIME"

OH MY GOD SHUT UP YOU RIDICULOUS HYPOCRITE

JESUS HERE GOES ARIE MAKING OUT WITH EVERYONE

BACK TO THE HOUSE FOR THE DATE CARD THANK GOD

MYSTERY WOMAN TALKS ABOUT HOW SHE'S SPECIAL AND A MOM AND SHOULD GET THE ONE ON ONE

Spoiler: show
A LAUREN

YOU HAD ME AT MERLOT


I DON'T KNOW THIS LAUREN

BEKAH AND ARIE ARE AT LEAST LIKE, DECENT FRIENDS WHO TALK ABOUT THEIR LIVES INSTEAD OF JUST, LITERALLY FUCKING ON CAMERA OR EGO STROKING

ARIE IS DUMB AS DIRT AND ABOUT AS INTERESTING AS A BAG OF NAILS BUT AT LEAST HE'S LIKE, KIND OF A PERSON WHEN HE'S WITH BEKAH INSTEAD OF JUST A SEX MONSTER OR CONDESCENDING ASSHOLE

KRYSTAL IS THROWING A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF SHADE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON AND IS CONVINCED THAT SHE HAS IT ON LOCK FROM WEEK 3

SHE'S LIKE IM GONNA GET THIS ROSE OUR RELATIONSHIP IS SO STRONG

AND GETS BTFO BY BEKAH

AND THEN SHE'S LIKE 'I HAVE TO BE MORE AGGRESSIVE'

GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:28 PM   #340
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KRYSTAL COMPLAINS TO MARIKH THAT GIRLS HATE HER

YEAH PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU JUST ACT HORRIBLE TO ALL OF THEM ALL THE TIME

SHE'S SO NICE AND SO HARDWORKING AND HAS TO DO SO MUCH TO COMPETE, JUST ASK HER

ONE ON ONE START!

HEY THEY CAN AFFORD PLANES AGAIN

I'LL KIND OF MISS THREE CONSECUTIVE HELICOPTER RIDES

THEY GO TO A WINERY AND ARE SURE TO NAMEDROP IT

SHE CALLS THIS DATE A VERY LAUREN S DATE

THEY TALK ABOUT SLEEP, WHICH IS SUPER FUN AND WHIMSICAL, OR SOMETHING

HAHA FUN DATE SO GREAT HAHA
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:40 PM   #341
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THIS DATE IS SO BORING

NORMALLY I WOULD BE LIKE 'DRINKING AND LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE SIGN ME UP' BUT THESE TWO ARE SO DULL THERE'S NOT ENOUGH WINE IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THIS WORTH WATCHING

LAUREN S TALKS ABOUT HER BORING RELATIONSHIP STORY AND IT'S NOT REALLY WORTH RECOUNTING

AND IS PRETTY INCOHERENT AND NOT REALLY CONCLUSIVE OR INFORMATIVE

SHE BASICALLY JUST TALKS ABOUT RANDOM SHIT

AND ADMITS IT IN THE TALKING HEAD THAT SHE'S ALL OVER THE PLACE

BACK TO THE HOUSE TIME FOR THE GROUP DATE PART 2

Spoiler: show
ASHLEY
BECCA
BRITTANY
JENNA
CAROLINE
CHELSEA
ANNALISSE

LOVE IS ROUGH RUFF


OH MY GOD ANNALISSE IS ALSO AFRAID OF DOGS

THIS GIRL JUST CAN'T GET A BREAK

BACK TO THE DATE - LAUREN S JUST KIND OF SHITS ALL OVER HERSELF BY SAYING 'OH MY GOD IM SO NERVOUS AND I DONT KNOW WHY'

OH MY GOD WOW

HE SENDS HER HOME

THANK FUCK THIS GIRL NEEDS TO LEAVE

I WAS LITERALLY JUST TYPING THAT IT'S LIKE IMPOSSIBLE TO BE SENT HOME ON A ONE ON ONE THIS EARLY BUT WOW SHE MANAGED TO FUCK IT UP SO HARD

WELL YOU'RE A CERTIFIABLE IDIOT BUT THAT WAS SMART AT LEAST

NOW HE GETS LITERAL SAD VIOLINS BY HIMSELF

AWKWARDDDDDD

EVERYONE FREAKS THE FUCK OUT WHEN HER SUITCASE GETS TAKEN BECAUSE LIKE WHY WOULDN'T THEY BECAUSE WOW YOU REALLY HAVE TO FUCK UP TO GET SENT HOME ON A 1 ON 1 IN WEEK 3

OH MY GOD THEY'RE PRACTICALLY HAVING A WAKE FOR THIS GIRL

LEAD BY FUCKING KRYSTAL OF COURSE

ONE OF THE GIRLS LEAVES BECAUSE KRYSTAL IS SUCH AN OBNOXIOUS FUCKING ASSHOLE

SHE SAYS SHE WANTS HER TO GO HOME - PREACH SISTER
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:41 PM   #342
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SIDE NOTE: THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE WORST EPISODES OF THIS SHOW I HAVE EVER WATCHED IT'S STUNNING HOW BAD THIS IS
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:49 PM   #343
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WELL, THE ONLY THING THAT IS GOING TO REDEEM THIS EPISODE IS THE INTRODUCTION OF CUTE ANIMALS, WHICH I GUESS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW

ARIE DOES HAVE A CUTE DOG

OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO PERFORM WITH THE DOGS, BECAUSE THIS SHOW JUST HAS TO EMBARRASS ALL OF THE WOMEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

IS IT LIKE PART OF THE CONTRACT

OH BOY HERE COMES THE TRAUMA FLASHBACK

SHE ALMOST LOST HER EYE... FROM A DOG BITE?

UM OK

CUT TO A WEIRD PRAYING THING WITH BIBIANA AND TIA I GUESS

BIBIANA ASKS GOD TO HAVE ONE OF THE GIRLS GET BITTEN BY A DOG WOW

THEY DRAG IN A C LISTER TO NARRATE

FIRST GIRL IS UH, MYSTERY WOMAN, AND SHE SUCKS

LITTLE GIRL WALKS UP ON STAGE AND CRIES, IT IS AN IMPROVEMENT OVER THIS PERFORMANCE

THEY REALLY ARE ALL GENUINELY HORRIBLE AT THIS

WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE THESE ARE ALL PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED SHOW DOGS

ANNALISSE IS THE POOPER SCOOPER LMAO

THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE DISASTER AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT

THE AUDIENCE IS LIKE 'WHY ARE WE HERE'

EVEN THE KIDS ARE BORED

WOW
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:00 PM   #344
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OKAY AFTER DATE PARTY LET'S AT LEAST TRY TO GUILD THIS TURD, LITERALLY

MYSTERY WOMAN GETS PULLED ASIDE BY ARIE AND IS LIKE 'OH MY GOD HE IS SO INTO ME IM THE BEST IM GONNA GET THE ROSE'

GOD AND SHE IMMEDIATELY SOBS ABOUT HER CHILD

LIKE SO MAYBE CONSIDER INSTEAD OF LEAVING YOUR CHILD FOR THREE MONTHS TO GO MAYBE FIND A GUY THAT YOU WILL SURELY BREAK UP WITH ALMOST IMMEDIATELY YOU COULD... IDK, RAISE YOUR FUCKING CHILD????????????

JUST A SUGGESTION

KRYSTAL IS CAUSING PEOPLE TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT ABOUT GETTING TIME WITH HIM AND IT'S MAKING EVERYTHING ULTRA SHITTY

ALRIGHT ARIE JUST MAKES OUT WITH ANOTHER RANDO

ANNALISSE IS THE PANICKER THEY'VE PICKED OUT TONIGHT

GOD HERE'S KISS TWO OF THE NIGHT

ANNALISSE FINALLY GETS HER TIME AND IS CUT OFF BEFORE SHE CAN SAY ANYTHING HERE WE GO

AND THE GIRL WHO CAME IN KISSED HER

ANNALISSE IS LIKE 'IM GOING HOME I KNOW IT'

WELP SHE'S PROBABLY RIGHT

IT'S A SHAME THOUGH I LIKED THE SHITTY TRAUMA FLASHBACKS

ARIE SAYS HE MISSES SOMEONE

HOW DO YOU MISS SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW

IDK WHO THIS IS BUT KISS FOUR OF THE NIGHT

OKAY FINALLY THE ROSE PLEASE JUST END THIS

IT'S CHELSEA GOD OKAY UGH
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:09 PM   #345
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PRE-COCKTAIL PARTY DRAMA

HE TAKES SEINNE FIRST, WHO SADLY GOT NO DATE THIS WEEK

I HOPE THIS MEANS SHE'S STAYING BECAUSE SHE'S LIKE, SANE AND INTERESTING

BIBIANA IS PLANNING SOME WEIRD GESTURE THAT IS LIKE, STARGAZING... IN THE MIDDLE OF LA

UH-OH

ONE OF THE LAURENS UNKNOWINGLY GETS THERE FIRST

BIBIANA YOU FUCKED UP

SIDE NOTE: THERE IS REALLY INAPPROPRIATE HAHA MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC PLAYING

OH GOD AND ARIE BRINGS ANOTHER GIRL TO THE SETUP

AND A THIRD

WOW YOU FUCKED UP HARD GIRL

ARIE AND BEKAH HAVE A HUMAN CONVERSATION FOR PEOPLE THAT SEEMS LIKE ACTUAL LIVING BEINGS MIGHT HAVE

SHE'S RUNNING CIRCLES AROUND HIM THOUGH

TOO MUCH TONGUE THOUGH

ANNALISSE IS STRESS EATING

OH HONEY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST LEAVE AT THIS POINT
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:19 PM   #346
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ARIE GOT TIA SOME HAY BALES AND MOONSHINE

BECAUSE SHE'S COUNTRY

...THOUGH SHE SAYS THE MOONSHINE IS GOOD SHIT LMAO

HONEY PLEASE DON'T GO BLIND

MAN THIS SEASON THERE'S LIKE, A FULL ON META

GIRLS ARE LIKE, TALKING ABOUT OPTIMAL FLIRTING/KISSING STRATEGIES AND WHO SHOULD MAKE MOVES

AND LIKE, TRACKING THE KISSING ORDER

WOW ANNALISSE MENTIONS A KISS AND ARIE SHUTS HER DOWN ON THE SPOT

OKAY PACK YOUR BAGS HON YOU'RE GOING HOME

MAN HE EVEN MACKS ON THE WEIRD TAXIDERMY GIRL OVER HER

ANNALISSE IS SPIRALING HARDDDDD

THIS ONE GIRL IS LITERALLY SUPER SMASHED AND ABOUT TO FUCK HIM AND SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM SOBBING

YOU NEED TO GO HOME DEAR

ANNALISSE GOES BACK IN

BEKAH IS LIKE 'I CANT WATCH THIS'

THIS IS GOING TO GO JUST ABOUT AS WELL AS BEKAH THINKS

SEND HER HOME SEND HER HOME SEND HER HOME

WHOOOOOOO

WELP

WE HAVE HAD TWO EARLY SEND HOMES

THIS IS LEGITIMATELY THE WORST EPISODE OF THIS SHOW I'VE SEEN YET

THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE TRAINWRECK

ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT THIS MEANS BASICALLY EVERYONE ELSE IS SAFE

THOUGH THAT ALSO MEANS KRYSTAL AND MYSTERY WOMAN IS SAFE

EVERYONE IS FREAKIN THE FUCK OUT

DRAMAAAAAAA
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:29 PM   #347
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ALRIGHT LETS SEND SOME MORE WOMEN HOME

BIBIANA FREAKS OUT BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T TALK

KRYSTAL IS STILL AWFUL

ARIE IS MILQUETOAST

LET'S SEE SOME HEADS ROLL

REMINDER: GOOD BEKAH HAS A ROSE ALREADY AS DOES UM, SOMEONE ELSE I GUESS

THE ROSE CEREMONY
Spoiler: show
CAROLINE (SHE CRIED WHEN A LAUREN WENT HOME)
KENDALL (WHO)
ASHLEY (UGLY YELLOW DRESS)
LAUREN (THE LAST LAUREN STANDING)
BRITTANY (HAVE YOU BEEN ON ANY OF THESE DATES)
BECCA K (THE WORSE BECCA/BEKAH)
SEINNE (BEST GIRL)
KRYSTAL (WORST GIRL)
TIA (SHE'S FROM THE SOUTH Y'ALL)
MAQUEL (I STILL HATE HER BUT SHE'S LESS HATEABLE THAN KRYSTAL)
JENNA (SO QUIRKY AND RANDUMB XDXD OMGWTFBBQ)
JACQUELINE (SHE GOT HER ASS BEAT)

OH BOY FINAL ROSE HERE WE GO

Spoiler: show
MARIKH

BYE BYE BIBIANA YOU WERE ACTUALLY KIND OF INTERESTING WHAT A SHAME



NEXT WEEK: TAHOE

AND THE BIG AGE REVEAL

WHICH OF COURSE KRYSTAL IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF

ALL THE DRAMA IS ABOUT HOW KRYSTAL IS HORRIBLE

OH MY GOD THE CREDITS IS MORE DOG TRAUMA FLASHBACKS

ONE OF THE PRODUCERS IS LIKE "GEEZ GIRL" AFTER SHE FINISHES HER STORY
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:32 PM   #348
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WOW WELL THAT WAS LEGITIMATELY HORRIBLE

IN SUMMARY:

THE BACHELOR IS A DENSER THAN LEAD TEENAGER IN A MIDDLE AGED MAN'S BODY WHO BASICALLY WILL MAKE OUT WITH ANYTHING WITH A PULSE

THE VILLAIN IS NOT JUST OBNOXIOUS, BUT AIRHEADED AND OBLIVIOUS

WE HAD TWO PRE-CEREMONY SENDHOMES, ONE OF WHICH WAS DUE TO THE GIRL JUST KIND OF HAVING VERBAL DIARRHEA EVERYWHERE AND THEN OPENLY ADMITTING IT, THE OTHER BEING DUE TO THE GIRL JUST KIND OF MAKING HIM SEND HER HOME

TWO GROUP DATES, BOTH OF WHICH WERE MEANT TO EMBARRASS EVERYONE AND WERE JUST KIND OF GENERALLY UNFUN AND A DISASTER AND RESULTED IN ULTRADRAMA AT BOTH POST-DATE PARTIES

THE ONE ONE ON ONE DATE RESULTED IN A SENDHOME ON WEEK THREE

LIKE I KNOW YOU GOT CASH FOR PRIVATE JETS AND SHIT AGAIN BUT CMON PRODUCERS YOU'RE BASICALLY JUST PHONING IT IN THIS SEASON

CAN WE SEE SOME EFFORT? THANKS
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:25 PM   #349
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I HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY A CERTAIN BABY LAPRAS THAT THIS EPISODE IS A VERIFIABLE TRAINWRECK

CONSIDERING HOW AWFUL THE LAST ONE WAS, THAT SURE IS SAYING SOMETHING

SO BRACE YOURSELF BRENDA WE'RE GOIN IN FULL BORE

TONIGHT ON THE BACHELOR

TAHOE

MAKEOUTS

AGE CONTROVERSY

KRYSTAL BEING THE ACTUAL WORST
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Old 01-25-2018, 06:33 PM   #350
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CHATTING ABOUT BEKAH'S AGE I GUESS

THEY'RE 14 YEARS APART WHICH YEAH OKAY THAT'S A BIT WEIRD BUT LIKE

IDK THIS FEELS PRETTY INCONSEQUENTIAL

KRYSTAL BATHES IN THE BLOOD OF THE FALLEN (I.E. THE SACRIFICED LAUREN)

SHE CLAIMS SHE WILL BE THE VOICE OF REASON/REALITY UHUH

CHRIS HARRISON EXPLAINS THE BASIC PREMISE OF THE SHOW

TAHOE WHOOO

I MEAN IT'S TAHOE IT'S PRETTY FUCKIN GORGEOUS

BUT WE'RE NOT HERE FOR THE SCENERY

OH MY GOD THEY'RE STAYING THE HARD ROCK CAFE FUCK ME

YEAH WOW BEAUTIFUL VIEW OF... A GOLF COURSE

QUIRKY CHICK LOVES ALL THE DEAD ANIMALS ON THE WALLS

DAAAATE CARDDD

Spoiler: show
SEINNE

LET'S LET OUR LOVE SOAR

-ARIE


YAAAAAAY ONE OF THE DECENT GIRLS IS GETTING A DATE

HERE COMES ARIE TO GREET THE LADIES

SHE LITERALLY LEAVES AND THE GIRLS ALREADY TALK ABOUT HER BEING SENT HOME

SAVAGE

KRYSTAL IS BETTING THAT SHE'S GOING HOME, AND IS, OF COURSE, HAPPY ABOUT THAT PROSPECT
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