Originally Posted by ajnrules
Ladies and gentlemen. Prepare yourself for something you'd never expect come from ajnrules.
Actually, I found this somewhere, but I don't remember where. Oh well, enjoy.
And no, I don't get you-know-what from this tale. Sorry.
The Adventures of the Fucking Gang (oboy)
Prologue: The Creation of the Gang
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining with a light that warmed the entire earth. The sky was bright blue with no clouds in sight. Ash Ketchum and his courageous buddies, Misty and Brock, were in high spirits. Perhaps it was the nice weather, or it could even have been the anticipation of surprising Misty’s sisters with an unannounced return to Cerulean City. Whatever it was, it filled them with joy.
“What a beautiful day. I don’t remember a day this nice before,” exclaimed Misty joyfully.
“I know,” Ash agreed, “the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing. I wish every day was like this.”
“Let’s hurry up and get to the gym!” Brock cried. “I can’t wait to see you sisters again!”
"Stop daydreaming Brock," Misty answered with a laugh.
"Pika pika!"
At any rate, they have not been to Cerulean City ever since Misty saved her sisters from bankruptcy with her performance in their hit mermaid show. Ever since then, the hostility disappeared. They cautiously approached the gym, but the surprise was ruined when they saw Daisy, Lily, and Violet waiting outside.
Lily said, "Wow! Like what took you so long to get here? We were, like, waiting forever."
“How did you know we were coming?” asked Ash.
The three of them grinned slyly. “We have our sources. Come inside.”
They all went to the garden. The garden was new. Tall trees, mainly birches and oaks, grew proudly, offering a nice shade. Daisies, lilies, and violets lined the ground around the small pond while young tulips, daffodils, and roses were poking their tiny heads about the dirt. Fresh, green, grass grew around the numerous trees and flowers. Ivy grew along the wall surrounding this lush paradise. A stone walkway separates the path, branching off to different areas of the large field. The paths met in the center, where there was a large, stone fountain. Four stone tables each with six stone stools. On the one closest to the pond, a plate of chocolate chip cookies and glasses of frosty white milk were laid out.
Their Pokčmon were allowed to play around in the garden while Ash dug into the milk and cookies. The rest of them just talked.
“Is it just me, or are you sisters getting even more beautiful each time I see your, or is it just me?” asked Brock.
They giggled with delight at the compliment, ignoring the look Misty was giving them.
“It must be that new makeup artist we, like, hired,” replied Daisy. “You know, Misty, maybe you should, like, let him work on you. You’re a mess.”
“Hah!” Misty retorted with a short laugh. “If you think you can tempt me into wearing makeup, then you’re wrong! Makeup isn’t natural. Anyways, I think I look better without it.”
“Suits us,” said Violet. “Now we can have him all to ourselves.”
Without any warning, Ash ran past them. His mouth was full of cookies and cookie crumbs covered his shirt. The conversation stopped as they watched him leave.
“Like, what’s with him?” inquired Lily.
“Maybe it was something he ate,” answered Misty with an amused tone. They stared at the door a little bit longer, then returned to their talking. Psyduck ran after Ash.
Ash needed to shit, badly. Argh! He shouldn’t have picked that cookie from the ground and devoured the whole thing in one bite. Where was the bathroom? Damn it! He can’t go on the ground. It’s…inconceivable! That just won’t happen! (Ooh. He can see himself in it.) Where would be the best place to go? Oh yeah!
He ran outside into a clump of trees, pulled down his pants, and let it all out. Psyduck waddled towards him, staring at the brown shit coming from Ash’s bare behind.
Ash took a leaf to wipe his annaka, stood up and pulled up his pants. He was surprised at the figure standing there. He never knew Psyduck came. Psyduck motioned at the shit, and the leaf. Ash was confused. Psyduck scooped up some of the shit and rolled it up. He pretended to smoke it.
“Why would anybody want to do that?” he asked. Psyduck stomped on his toe.
“Ow! All right! But we’ll need some matches.” Psyduck pointed at the Pokčmon Center nearby. Ash ran to the Center.
“I need some matches and napkins,” he said. Nurse Joy looked at him, saying nothing. “I need some matches and napkins,” repeated Ash. “I need them NOW!!!”
“The matches and napkins are on the counter at the eating area. It’s always been there, and it’ll always be there,” she answered.
Ash felt foolish. “Thanks,” he muttered quietly as he went and took a couple of matchboxes and a stack of napkins. Embarrased at all the eyes looking at him, Ash quickly walked out.
Ash felt much better outside. The warm sun and cloudless sky cheered him up. He hurried over to Psyduck. Psyduck ripped off a strip from the napkin. He took some of the shit and rolled it up. Ash watched him closely, and then realized that if Psyduck could to this, then he could too. A flame of frustration ignited inside him. He pushed Psyduck out of the way and tried to roll up the shit himself. When the shit cigarette fell apart, he realized that making one’s own cigarette was much harder than he had expected. Ashamed at being dumber than PSYDUCK, he cursed and allowed Psyduck to resume. Psyduck silently rolled up the shit inside his strip of napkin again. Once he finished, Ash grabbed the cigarette from him. He tried lighting a match but burned his fingers. Psyduck started at him with his vapid eyes, almost as if he was mocking Ash. Ash grew angry and smacked him on the head. As soon as he did, he regretted it, remembering the consequences of a Psyduck headache. He closed his eyes and waited for the Confusion to fling him across the sky, but instead, he felt a lit cigarette being stuck inside his mouth.
He inhaled deeply. The shitcigarette gave him an eerie sensation. His eyes watered and he felt a strange feeling. He had never felt it before. Some semen came out from his penis, wetting his underwear. It doesn’t matter. He smoked it again. Now another new feeling arose, as if he can do anything. A third time. He walked over to a tree and ejaculated some of the clear, sticky fluid.
"Psyduck psy?" (Translation: How was it?)
Ash stopped Fucking the tree and stared at Psyduck. He could understand what that damned thing was trying to say.
"Psyduck psy??" (Translation: How was it?)
Ash inhaled again. The feeling that he could do anything filled him, and immediately rolled up a new shitcigarette. Psyduck smoked it, and the two of them went over and fucked each other for the very first time.
* * *
The seven Digidestined were still stuck in the Digiworld to fight and defeat Myotismon. One very hot afternoon, they were resting under a shade. There weren’t very many of those in the desert, but there happened to be one where they were. Suddenly, all of their Digivices shot a ray of light straight ahead of them and made a porthole or some sort.
"What's that?" asked TK.
"That’s a porthole," answered Izzy. "It warps you from one place to another."
"Hmm…well then, maybe we should go through it, if that's what it is for," said Tai.
"It could be a trap. Maybe if we step through it we would go to Myotismon's hideout and get killed," warned Sora.
"Sora’s right. I think we’d better make sure," said Joe. He tossed a rock into the porthole.
"Fuck! That Fucking hurts!" shouted a voice.
"Well, at least it’s not Myotismon," said Mimi thankfully.
"I still think that we should have someone go check if it's safe, just to make sure," said Sora.
“It’s best if Byomon or Tentomon goes first, in case it's high up in the air," said Izzy.
"Okay, I'll go," volunteered Byomon.
She went through the porthole. At the other side, she saw that she was about 10 feet in the sky. She looked around and noticed big buildings. It’s a city. At that time, Byomon had never seen a city before, but she heard Sora talking about it all the time. So she spent a moment admiring the tall, cement skyscrapers. When she had enough, she looked down. What she saw baffled her. She saw a person in a blue jacket and a strange, yellow, duck-like thing. They were climbing on each other, and they had some…brown stuff around them.
She hurried back to the Digiworld. "It's a city," she reported, "and straight below there’s a person, and a funny looking yellow thing. They're acting really strangely, and they have some stuff around them."
"Well then! That means they’re friendly, and if they aren't, we could just go through this porthole again," said Tai. Tai ran through the porthole before anyone could argue.
“I wasn’t finished! I didn’t tell him that the other side of the porthole is like 10 feet in the air!” Byomon shouted with alarm.
"Oh no! Tai! Wait!" cried Agumon, as he jumped inside.
Byomon and Tentomon digivolved (they just ate) and flew the others through the porthole safely. Tai had fallen into some of the shit that surrounded Ash and Psyduck.
Agumon landed on him.
"Fuck! Looks like we've some Fucking company," said Ash. "Hey, you Fucking motherfucker, want to smoke some shit?"
"Uh, sure," answered Tai.
A voice behind him shouted, "You are actually smoking…that?" It was Sora.
Tai ignored her and started to smoke it. He inhaled deeply. Almost as if on cue, he felt a strange sensation, like he wanted to fuck someone.
He said to Ash, "Don't listen to that fuckin’ whore, she's just fuckin’ jealous. Quit being a fucking bitch, you motherfucker."
Agumon asked, "Tai, what are you smoking?"
"Oh, it's just some shit. Want to try some of this Fucking shit?"
"No thanks…Tai, why are you cussing so much?"
"What the fuck are you fucking talking about, you Fucking motherfucker? I'm not fucking cussing! Who the Fuck's cussing?"
They heard the noise of a truck driving by. On each sides were the words “CCS: Cerulean City Sanitation.” Ash flew into a rage at the mere sight of it. A man walked out. He was massive and strong, obvious very tough. A stream of tobacco juice leaked out of his mouth and landed on his filthy shirt. His pants seemed slightly too big for him, and he wore a dirty apron that also mentioned that he works for the Cerulean City Sanitation. Agumon and Sora were intimidated by his looming figure. However, Ash stood his place.
"You motherfucker, we're going to keep this shit and you can't stop us!" shouted Ash.
"Why don't you fuck me, kid!" came the reply
"Oh, you want me to fuck you? I'll fuck you! I’ll gladly fuck the fuck out of your fucking life!"
Ash tackled the sanitation man, who was shocked at all the power coming from a figure half his size. He tried to struggle with the boy, but was overpowered by the rage. The next thing he knew, his pants were ripped off and tossed away. Panic seized his mind. ”Me and my big fat mouth,” he moaned as he felt something go up the hole in his ass. A stream of warm, sticky liquid shot out into his colon. His eyes stared at the beautiful, blue sky as he fainted dead way.
Ash commanded his followers to help pick the shit up. They successfully managed to cradle all of it in their shirts, and ran off. They came to an abandoned alley between two empty factories. It was perfect for them. Shit lied on the ground, abandoned and covered with flies. A smelly dumpster, left alone for many years, was full of garbage with potential uses.
"This seems like a Fucking nice place to stay. Nice and shit ty. Even smells like shit," said Ash. Everybody agreed.
Rummaging through the dumpster, Psyduck found a container to keep the shit away from flies, and some old water pipes that were just the right size for them to practice on.
* * *
"Oh, come on, Ice, I only wanted another sniff," moaned Action.
"That's too bad Action. We smoke cigarettes, but we don't sniff crack," said Ice.
"You know that sniffing's cool, and it gets you high easier and better than cigarettes ever will. It's the new thing here in New York. We're the coolest gang around, so it’s only natural that we sniff."
"If we sniff, it'll get us into more trouble then we already are. We are already up to our necks with shit. If the police catch us now, we would get into even more shit. We don't want that now do we?"
"Hey! I'll sniff!" said Anybodys.
"Beat it!" cried Action. Anybodys ran off.
“Don’t be that way to her,” said Ice. “She’s a member of the Jets now.”
“What the Fuck?”
“She’s been in for two fuckin’ years! Now don’t let me catch you sniffing anymore, otherwise you’re doing to be in DEEP shit ,” warned Ice as he walked away.
Action gave Ice the finger and turned around. He pulled out another batch of crack cocaine and inhaled it as if it was cologne.
Things weren’t going very well for the Jets lately. After Tony’s death two years ago, the Jets and Sharks were in peace. The peace was quite successful…until A-Rab bought that gun. They were examining it. Baby John took it and jokingly shot at Indio, who was walking by. Little did he know that the gun was loaded. Indio was shot three times in the chest. He was listed under critical condition for three weeks before it finally changed to fair. It’s been that way ever since. The Sharks claimed the shooting was deliberate and has since then cut the peace. Baby John is still in prison, serving a five-year sentence for attempted manslaughter. The Jets have also been constantly warned about drug use in front of elementary age children. They have been limited to regular tobacco cigarettes. So when Action showed Ice crack cocaine, it’s natural Ice rejected the offer. He has a mother at home to take care of, and it would hurt her so if Ice was to end up in prison.
Action snorted the crack yet again. The setting sun glowed with a bright red, and the streetlights were lighting up. The crack distorted the image. Action liked the distorted image. He took another sniff.
A beam of light shot out suddenly from all the streetlights in the vicinity, creating swirls of red, green, and blue on a nearby wall. At first Action thought it was the crack, but as the high wore off, the swirls were still there. It was a porthole. He remembered hearing Baby John talking about them in those stupid comic books he read. “Maybe the people there would like to sniff. It seems like the Jets don't want to sniff,” he muttered to himself.
"I want to sniff!" shouted Anybodys.
Action ignored Anybodys and walked through the porthole. The other side was a dirty, abandoned alley. Two people were Fucking and a yellow duck was smoking something.
“Anybody want a sniff? I got some high quality crack!” he called.
"Sniffing is for fucking losers! Don’t you Fucking know that? Smoking shit is in now," said Ash.
"Smoking…shit?" asked Action.
"Fuck yeah, you wanna try some?" asked Tai.
“Sure…yeah…if it’s in.”
They rolled up a shit cigarette and gave it to him. Action inhaled deeply. He felt like Fucking. That guy was right. Shit can beat crack any day. “Fucking motherfuck! Shit rules!” he screeched.
“Psy psy! psyduck psy!” (Translation: Damn right! Fuck me!) cried Psyduck.
They immediately went into action. Tai and Ash watched them roll over each other with a smile. Then they returned to their Fucking.
The Jets held their daily midnight meeting at the playground. Action was not there. Anybodys was gone too. There was a large swirl of different colors on a wall.
“Hey! That’s a porthole!” cried A-Rab. “Baby John’s comic books talked about them!”
“Perhaps that’s where Action and Anybodys went,” suggested Tiger.
“Maybe. Let’s split up. Half of us stays, and half of us goes,” commanded Ice.
Ice, A-Rab, Tiger, and Gee-Tar were selected to go. The rest of them stayed behind. The ones who stayed decided to go home. After all, it was useless to have a meeting without the leader present. The rest found themselves in front of a Pokčmon Center. The checked in and spent the night there.
Loco peeked out behind the wall at the Jets’ meeting. Ever since Indio got shot, Loco has been sent to eavesdrop on the Jets’ daily midnight meeting to see if they were about to stir up any more trouble. The porthole fascinated him. He had never seen anything like it. The Jets must be up to something. Bernardo would have agreed…if he weren’t dead and buried in Kansas City. He ran as quickly as he could back to the Sharks HQ.
“What is it?” Pepe asked when Loco ran up to him.
“It’s…something…about…the…Jets,” Loco panted back.
“Really? What is it?” Anything about the Jets must be important.
“They went into some…strange swirl of many different colors on the wall.”
“WHAT?” Pepe cried angrily. “Damn! They must be up to something! We must not let them get the upper edge. Juano! Come with me! Show me where it is, Loco.”
Loco obediently led the 3 Sharks back to the playground. The porthole had not disappeared. Pepe motioned with his hand, and the three Sharks present followed him into the porthole. After Loco walked through the porthole, it disappeared.
The Sharks found themselves in front of a building. There was a large seal-like thing at the top. The three Sharks stared in awe at the massive structure. New York was big, but they haven’t seen anything like it. They heard Yankee Stadium was huge, but they haven’t seen it. As far as they know, those people could be lying to them. This was the greatest building they’ve seen. A young lady in her early 20s stepped out.
“What do you people want? There’s no show today!”
“Uhh,” said Pepe, “we’re new here and we need a place to stay.”
“Get a bath!”
“Aww come on, Daisy, just let them come in,” a voice called from inside.
“Oh, all right. But you’d better take a bath inside,” said Daisy.
“We will,” replied Loco, apparently in love.
* * *
"You know what's fucking wrong?" said Ash after their daily business. "Our precious supply of shit might get washed away if it rains. That’s Fuck, if you know what I Fucking mean. What the Fuck should we do to prevent it?”
They stood around thinking, taking Fucking breaks once every five minutes. Action had an idea.
“How about a Fucking clubhouse!”
"Hmm, a Fucking clubhouse, eh," said Tai. "That's one Fuck of a good idea."
They agreed. There were several paper boxes lying around, so they used them to build a tower. The clubhouse was good, except the ceiling kept on falling out on them. They decided to abandon the idea of having a ceiling at all.
"The clubhouse is fucking perfect," remarked Action.
"Psyduck psy psy duck psyduck psy,” (Translation: We do need some Fucking supplies.)
“You’re damn right!” cried Ash. “Let’s get the fuck outta here and get some fucking supplies!”
They ran to the nearest supermarket to steal some food. They used their penises as a weapon. A security guard tried to stop them, but he was raped. Nobody else even attempted to get near them. The quartet repeated this at several other stores. Returning to their abandoned alley, they took a break and Fucked things for about half an hour. Exhausted, they returned to business.
"Now for a Fucking title," announced Ash.
They stood around thinking for several hours, taking some time off once every minute to fuck something. Finally, Psyduck had an idea.
"Psy yi yi duck psy yi!" (Translation: How about the Fucking Gang!)
"That's a fucking great idea!" said Ash. "We'll be the ‘Fucking Gang!’"
They celebrated by fucking.
Tell me how much you like and, and I can post more.
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