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Old 07-16-2013, 10:55 PM   #1
Talon87
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Outpost Nine: I am a Japanese School Teacher

Mirror (click here to begin the adventure!)

We first discussed this site on UPN back in ... what, 2005? I forget whether we had a stand-alone thread for it (I think we did) or whether we discussed it in a comedy catch-all thread, but I definitely remember discussing the misadventures of JET participant Azrael with Kuno and others back in the day. Now, nearly a decade later, I am rediscovering Azrael's hilarious adventures in three early 21st-century Japanese middle schools. Come join me on this adventure, whether it's an adventure of rediscovery like my own or whether it's your fist time exploring the strange and wonderful tales of Azrael's time spent in Japan as an assistant English language teacher.
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Old 07-16-2013, 11:50 PM   #2
lilboocorsola
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Lil' Bluey

Boy, it's been a long time since I've heard of Azreal. Used to read all his stories back in middle school. He's moved on to a new site now: Gaijin Chronicles. Though he hasn't updated in a year, understandably due to having a wife and kid now.
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Old 07-17-2013, 12:02 AM   #3
Talon87
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At one of my schools, there's this ichinensei girl who is, without question, The Sweetest Girl in the Universe. She's very cute, very polite, always smiling, and is really bubbly. Everyone kind of dotes on her, but you would too, SHE'S SO FREAKING SWEET.

Anyway, she and some other girls were doing a special English drill. In this particular workbook, there was, in my opinion, a rather odd exercise. The other girls would say "So and so, you're a good soccer player!" and the girl who was named would then say "No, I'm not. I'm a bad soccer player. I'm a very bad soccer player." I can only guess that this has something to do with Japanese culture, and their tendency to deny compliments rather than accept them.

So these girls were doing this exercise in turns, and I read ahead to see what Ultimate Sweetness would be responding to. I almost fell over in my chair when I saw it. It was completely innocent, sure, but I knew exactly how my young male mind would hear it. I panicked - I had to stop this from happening, somehow. But I couldn't think of what to do. In my hesistation, the exercise proceeded, and the moment I feared came to be.

Other Girls: "You're a good girl!"

The Cutest, Sweetest Girl in the Universe: "No, I'm not! I'm a bad girl. I'm a very bad girl."

I'm going to hell.
I wonder if this in any way influenced the title of the original Going to Hell thread? Who knows. Regardless, it'd have been a good fit for the original thread.

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Originally Posted by lilbluecorsola View Post
Boy, it's been a long time since I've heard of Azreal. Used to read all his stories back in middle school. He's moved on to a new site now: Gaijin Chronicles. Though he hasn't updated in a year, understandably due to having a wife and kid now.
Aw man, now I wish I hadn't clicked your link! Taking a closer look reveals that poor Azrael has been struggling with some serious financial woes (including debt collectors coming a-knockin' on his door!) and that he's fallen from the mighty heights of his "So long, Outpost Nine! Hello, Gaijin Smash!" days to a friggin' WordPress weblog (or what looks like one, anyway). Not only that but he and his wife were so poor two years and three months ago that they couldn't even spare more than $5 for donation to the Fukushima earthquake relief fund. And that in the time since then he's only made one update ... a year and a half ago, in January 2012. Maybe he's just busy being a dad, sure, but I worry that the reality is a bit grimmer. Sure hope not. *sigh*, now I'm gonna be depressed as I read the rest of these Outpost Nine posts. THANKS A LOT, YUU-KEE! XP
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Old 07-17-2013, 12:09 AM   #4
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Lil' Bluey

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talon87 View Post
I wonder if this in any way influenced the title of the original Going to Hell thread? Who knows. Regardless, it'd have been a good fit for the original thread.
I wonder how Ultimate Sweetness is doing now. And miss Moeko as well. Hopefully those girls are still as nice and adorable as ever and aren't using their powers for evil/turned to the dark side.

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Originally Posted by Talon87 View Post
Aw man, now I wish I hadn't clicked your link! Taking a closer look reveals that poor Azrael has been struggling with some serious financial woes (including debt collectors coming a-knockin' on his door!) and that he's fallen from the mighty heights of his "So long, Outpost Nine! Hello, Gaijin Smash!" days to a friggin' WordPress weblog (or what looks like one, anyway). Not only that but he and his wife were so poor two years and three months ago that they couldn't even spare more than $5 for donation to the Fukushima earthquake relief fund. And that in the time since then he's only made one update ... a year and a half ago, in January 2012. Maybe he's just busy being a dad, sure, but I worry that the reality is a bit grimmer. Sure hope not. *sigh*, now I'm gonna be depressed as I read the rest of these Outpost Nine posts. THANKS A LOT, YUU-KEE! XP
Sorry? ^^; Wasn't sure if you were aware of the site's existence or not, based on the fact you linked a mirror. Anyway, I also hope Az is doing okay and having fun with family. His daughter sure is a cutie. <3 (Cue Az's plan of turning her into an idol and profiting off her paychecks. XP) Think I actually left a comment for the first time when she was born wishing them well.
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Old 07-17-2013, 12:12 AM   #5
Lady Kuno
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The going to hell thread was started by me making the thread and posting horrible Katrina images.
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Old 07-17-2013, 06:57 PM   #6
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Moeko is probably hot by now.

And I notice that a lot of the guys who marry Japanese girls disappear from the internet. Two of the brass over at Arlong Park did just that, and vanished forever. Be careful not to get twitterpated.
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Old 07-17-2013, 07:21 PM   #7
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I always keep forgetting to tell you but since you just mentioned AP one of my friends apparently was an admin on that forum years ago.
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Old 07-17-2013, 07:30 PM   #8
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What's the screen-name of your friend?
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Old 07-18-2013, 02:17 AM   #9
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So anyway, I get asked "bigu dikku" A LOT. Every 2-3 days in fact, which is amazing considering I got asked this question about 2-3 times *in my entire life* in America. Locker room jokes aside. How do you answer that anyway? To a 12-15 year old? I wave them off and say "No no no." Then they say "Oh, sumaru dikku?" (trans. "Small d*ck?") and OF COURSE that's wrong so I have to correct them. It's just a no-win stiuation.

On the days I'm avoiding them asking me that, I'm avoiding them actually trying to grab it. I shit you not, I have to play Dodged*ck with Japanese Jr. High kids on a weekly basis. Boys and girls! Age, gender, doesn't matter, they all want a stab at it. The boys are actually more persistant though. I had one boy grab for it, and when I said "No!" he put his hands together and, in English, said "Please!" Oh hell no. I was sitting next to a 12-year old boy who kept grabbing at it, and when I told him "No!" he asked "Why not?" I wondered if there weren't some cultural bounds I wasn't understsanding, so I said clearly "age 10 years and become female since birth, then we'll talk." His solution was to ask the girl sitting next to him to trade seats, grab my d*ck, and tell him about it.

That is so NOT what I meant.

I wish I could say it stops there, but actually, it gets worse. Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called "Kancho."

Actually, it's not so much a "game" as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I'm really not joking.

You know, before we come to Japan, they tell us a lot of ultimately useless stuff. What kind of computer to bring, if our DVD's will work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of orientations did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick their fingers up our butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.

It's called Kancho, and just about any kid can be a Kancho Assassin. Even the sweetest little girl may be prone to jam her fingers up your ass the second you turn around. This happened to one of my friends, which just goes to show - don't trust anyone.
I don't even.

I knew about Kancho's existence, but dear god I did not think people would be doing that everywhere in Japan at random. Or grabbing genitals! My mind has been blown to pieces.
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