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Old 12-12-2017, 07:45 PM   #4026
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Good thing you didn't quote the text. That thing is copywrited!
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Old 12-14-2017, 06:03 PM   #4027
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Movie pitch: "A grocery clerk is on the run from a jewish cabal that wishes to crucify him after it is discovered the clerk has a swastika-shaped birthmark".
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Old 12-23-2017, 02:50 AM   #4028
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I request this thread be renamed to What happened to the Go Do Whatever The Hell You Want thread?
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Old 12-23-2017, 05:21 AM   #4029
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You could probably get away with renaming it to "Dopple and Talon post things"
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Old 12-24-2017, 01:02 AM   #4030
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Just read a really great short story here. I'll replicate the text below:

Spoiler: show
I was in the high school band and we had a "chair" system where you could challenge the guy ahead of you to sight read a random piece of music or freestyle something as long as it was musical. The better musicians all had to sight read difficult stuff and the newer people could freestyle since sight reading random stuff was generally more difficult. So it was a given that if chair 2 challenged chair 1, y'all sight reading something wild.

One day our trumpet first chair challenged the TEACHER, Mr. Jones. Everyone ooh'd and ahh'd and laughed but trumpet 1 was like "Nah I'm serious I'm really good let's do this" and Mr. Jones says "well does anybody wanna lend me a trumpet?" And every trumpet extends their instrument out

Mr. Jones goes "so do you wanna freestyle or read?" Which is like a gauntlet slap. Everyone ooh's and ahhhs and the whole room is freaking out and trumpet 1 elects to freestyle.

Trumpet 1 was really good. Naturally talented guy but also was passionate about it so he was constantly learning stuff and practicing. I had never seen Mr. Jones play any instrument before, just give direction, so I was really expecting this to be embarrassing. And it was.

Trumpet 1 plays this wild jazzy piece that was way over all of our heads and he clearly had been working on it outside of class. Jaws were dropping and Mr. Jones was smiling and nodding and snapping with the song. Trumpet 1 finished the song out with this crazy long sustained note and got up and was literally flexing in front of the class like he knew he had won.

While he's flexing and high fiving, Mr. Jones begins to play what sounds like the exact same piece except some little personal flares thrown in here and there. There was a serious rule against talking or fucking around while someone else was playing out of respect but the whole class was going bananas. Trumpet 1 crumpled into the ground and just laid there.

Mr. Jones finished out with the same note but noticeably longer and fuller with a lil more vibrato, cleaned the trumpet off and handed back to the lender.

"So I guess I'll just remain the director."

The rest of the week was punctuated with first chairs challenging Mr. Jones and getting absolutely demolished in front of their classmates over and over again. From flute to tenor sax to tuba to snare, Mr. Jones accepted every challenge, allowed them to pick between free or sight and made them look like complete novices. He never once disrespected anybody but god damn did we clown anyone with the gall to challenge him after trumpet 1 was balled up and thrown away.
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Old 12-24-2017, 01:52 AM   #4031
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Sounds like nobody in jazz band got the golden fiddle.
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Old 12-24-2017, 11:59 AM   #4032
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Talon87 View Post
Just read a really great short story here. I'll replicate the text below:

Spoiler: show
I was in the high school band and we had a "chair" system where you could challenge the guy ahead of you to sight read a random piece of music or freestyle something as long as it was musical. The better musicians all had to sight read difficult stuff and the newer people could freestyle since sight reading random stuff was generally more difficult. So it was a given that if chair 2 challenged chair 1, y'all sight reading something wild.

One day our trumpet first chair challenged the TEACHER, Mr. Jones. Everyone ooh'd and ahh'd and laughed but trumpet 1 was like "Nah I'm serious I'm really good let's do this" and Mr. Jones says "well does anybody wanna lend me a trumpet?" And every trumpet extends their instrument out

Mr. Jones goes "so do you wanna freestyle or read?" Which is like a gauntlet slap. Everyone ooh's and ahhhs and the whole room is freaking out and trumpet 1 elects to freestyle.

Trumpet 1 was really good. Naturally talented guy but also was passionate about it so he was constantly learning stuff and practicing. I had never seen Mr. Jones play any instrument before, just give direction, so I was really expecting this to be embarrassing. And it was.

Trumpet 1 plays this wild jazzy piece that was way over all of our heads and he clearly had been working on it outside of class. Jaws were dropping and Mr. Jones was smiling and nodding and snapping with the song. Trumpet 1 finished the song out with this crazy long sustained note and got up and was literally flexing in front of the class like he knew he had won.

While he's flexing and high fiving, Mr. Jones begins to play what sounds like the exact same piece except some little personal flares thrown in here and there. There was a serious rule against talking or fucking around while someone else was playing out of respect but the whole class was going bananas. Trumpet 1 crumpled into the ground and just laid there.

Mr. Jones finished out with the same note but noticeably longer and fuller with a lil more vibrato, cleaned the trumpet off and handed back to the lender.

"So I guess I'll just remain the director."

The rest of the week was punctuated with first chairs challenging Mr. Jones and getting absolutely demolished in front of their classmates over and over again. From flute to tenor sax to tuba to snare, Mr. Jones accepted every challenge, allowed them to pick between free or sight and made them look like complete novices. He never once disrespected anybody but god damn did we clown anyone with the gall to challenge him after trumpet 1 was balled up and thrown away.
This story makes me so, so happy. Reminds me of my own directors in high school. No one "challenged" them like in the story, but it's often really cool to hear your directors play when most of the time they just direct. At the end of every year my choir director would sit at the piano and play and sing "Every Time We Say Goodbye" for the seniors and I'm tearing up just thinking about how beautiful and emotional it was. And I had heard my band director play trumpet before as part of the pit orchestra for musicals but never heard him "show off" so one day during jazz band senior year I asked him if he would take a solo during one of our songs and he absolutely FLOORED me with how incredible it was. High school teachers can be really cool.
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Old 01-11-2018, 07:33 PM   #4033
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Note: Overwatch is a special case since the game models were leaked, allowing for fully animated porn with the game's style.
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Old 01-11-2018, 08:28 PM   #4034
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That's...interesting.

Will say though that I wasn't surprised until that last one there. 221,607 searches for Pikachu? Really?

That's a right proper "what the fuck".
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Old 01-21-2018, 06:06 PM   #4035
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Whenever I see someone share a story, I can't help but think of this classic creepypasta- *Looks two posts above* ...The fuck? O_O

Spoiler: show
oK so basicaly its like this. youare at a friends house for like the night or watever and then you guys are making out on the couch (yeah!) and then like.. her dad calls on the phone and says “no i she likes it more if you use the other hand… yeah” and your alllike “oh dude your dad is trying to give me advice on how to diddle you” and then she’s like… “i don’t have a dad..” or whatever… but what!? WHO WAS PHONE?
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:53 AM   #4036
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I went to Ollivander's at Harry Potter World. To get my wand sized up.

Mine was Elderberry, 12.1", with a pubic hair core.

I was later arrested by park security; nobody told me I couldn't bring my own wand.
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Old 02-05-2018, 04:26 PM   #4037
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This one sentence is perhaps the most powerful, succinct red flag I have ever seen for a job before:

"The most enjoyable part of the job is when the job is done."

Yuck. >_<
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Old 02-05-2018, 04:33 PM   #4038
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Fun fact! This thread was originally made to share 'humorous' photoshopped edits of Hurricane Katrina disaster pictures which goes to show how happy I am that we, as a community, are very very far removed from that type of humor style on here and that holy crap the original thread started 13 years ago.

Edit: Apparently I also posted this fact a few years ago! I guess I'm losing my memory.
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Old 02-05-2018, 04:42 PM   #4039
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I mean, we can and rarely do still share genuinely "going to Hell"-type humor here. >_>; Lord knows Doppel tries his best to keep the thread on topic. (See three posts ago.) I've just thought of a bad, going-to-Hell worthy pun that I could share but I'll pass for now since you're celebrating the thread's departure from its cruder origins.
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Old 02-05-2018, 06:05 PM   #4040
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Often you have to come up with fresh material. I don't think the art of the black comedy and the appeal of a twist has changed, but some jokes that don't fit with the times aren't funny anymore, and they're also commonly circulated.

For example, this dinosaur. It's very era-appropriate in both video quality and choice of soundtrack, but the caption is a century older.

"Women are bad drivers"! I sound dumb just quoting that. Wouldn't even bother sharing it otherwise.
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Old 02-07-2018, 10:16 AM   #4041
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https://goodbearcomics.com/
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Old 02-10-2018, 10:14 PM   #4042
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

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Nothing, she's already been told twice.
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Old 02-10-2018, 11:01 PM   #4043
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Lil' Bluey That took me a moment to get.

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RIP Ron.
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Old 02-13-2018, 03:27 AM   #4044
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BORKED

If the Pokémon TV show were like the games.
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Old 02-19-2018, 10:46 PM   #4045
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"Behind an able man. There are always."

- fortune cookie fortune I just opened, verbatim
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Old 02-20-2018, 01:51 AM   #4046
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Gotta be April Fools, right?

Oh no, it's actually February. FUDGE.

You guys have no idea, I abandoned UPN for MapleStory back in 2004. This is a lot to un-pack.
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Old 02-28-2018, 04:28 PM   #4047
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All glory to the pika.chu

Spoiler: show
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Old 03-07-2018, 02:26 PM   #4048
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Of the Bounsweet evolutionary line, Steenee resembles a young girl while Tsareena resembles an adult female. Steenee is much more popular with fanartists and players, ans she's cuter and more fun, while Tsareena's design is kind of hideous. I wouldn't be surprised if male trainers abandoned their Tsareenas after they evolved.

It reminds me of a running joke of the "Christmas Cake", where a girl who is over the age of 25 is old and not desirable. The idea is nobody wants a day-old cake after December 25, because the holiday has passed.

To evolve into Tsareena, Steenee must learn the move Stomp. Any guesses at what level she learns Stomp (and thus, evolves into Tsareena)?:

Spoiler: show
29.
D'oh!
Steenee does learn a move at Level 25 - Teeter Dance - but that doesn't really fit the Japanese meme. It should be a move learned at Level 26.
Still, it fits American mindsets in that "30" (or "40") is the important number, not 25.
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Last edited by Doppleganger; 03-07-2018 at 02:45 PM.
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Old 03-09-2018, 04:08 PM   #4049
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That feel when you listen to "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" and recall that the fairy eventually got diabetes and had both legs amputated.
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Old 03-10-2018, 07:25 PM   #4050
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Asked Morg for some help with Linux commands.

He suggested "git gud".

But it's not working.
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