06-10-2013, 01:10 AM | #1 |
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: IDIOTIC, PURE ANGER BURNING LIKE CHLAMYDIA IN YOUR SOUL
Posts: 181
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E3 2013: THE DICKENING
THAT'S RIGHT SEMEN SOMMELIERS IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN E3 2013 IS UPON US AND EVERYBODY'S GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME
AS WE APPROACH THE FOURTH GENERATION OF THE CONSOLE WARS* IT'S TIME FOR SONY AND MICROSOFT TO PULL DOWN THEIR PANTS AND SHOW US WHO THE REAL MAN IS WHILE WE TRY NOT TO LAUGH AT THEIR TINY PENISES AND NINTENDO TRIES TO CONVINCE US THAT NOT PULLING DOWN THEIR PANTS IS IN FACT A SIGN OF THEIR MASSIVE MANDINGO JUNK SO LET'S REVIEW THE CURRENT STATUS OF THE CONSOLE WARS GOING INTO E3 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T DEDICATE YOUR MISBEGOTTEN LIVES TO THE FATE OF FACELESS MULTINATIONAL CONGLOMERATES -NINTENDO HAS THIS IS NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT TO BE A TACIT ADMISSION THAT THE WII U LAUNCH HAS BEEN WHAT IS POPULARLY DESCRIBED AS A "COMPLETELY FUCKING FUCKTROCIOUS COCKUP OF EPIC PROPORTIONS THAT HAS BECOME THE MAGINOT LINE OF OUR TIME" -IN AN EFFORT TO MAINTAIN THE COSMIC BALANCE IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES MICROSOFT HAS WORKED DILIGENTLY TO ENSURE THAT THE "THIRD CONSOLE CURSE" ENDURES BY MAKING THE MOST PANTS-ON-HEAD-RETARDED PR MOVES IMAGINABLE WITH A REVEAL THAT SPENT 45 MINUTES TALKING ABOUT HOW THEIR STATE OF THE ART CONSOLE WOULD FOLLOW GOOGLE TV INTO PERFIDY (WHICH WAS ALSO COMPLETELY STAGED, NATCH) AND A DRM SCHEME THAT WAS CONCOCTED BY PEOPLE WHO WOULD SELL THEIR OWN CHILDREN INTO SEX SLAVERY IF THEY THOUGHT FOR EVEN A MOMENT THAT THEY COULD GET AWAY WITH IT THE XBONE HAS ENTERED A PERCEPTION RUT THAT NO AMOUNT OF CODOGS COULD PULL OUT ON A SLED IN THE ALASKAN WILDERNESS WHICH IS ALSO OVERRUN BY THE NORTH KOREANS BECAUSE RED DAWN IS THE NEW NORMANDY OR SOMETHING WHERE WAS I OH YEAH IN AN ATTEMPT TO CONVINCE US THAT THEY'RE NOT COMPLETELY FUCKING UP ON PURPOSE MICROSOFT HAS STATED THAT THIS E3 CONFERENCE WILL BE ALL ABOUT THE GAMES AND WILL SHOW A BEVY OF BRAND NEW IPS INCLUDING "MURDER THESE FUCKS BECAUSE THEY'RE RUSSIAN AND/OR BROWN" AND "KINECT YELL AT RACIST CHILDREN ON XBOX LIVE" -FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY YEARS (AND BADLY CONFUSING A MARKETING DEPARTMENT THAT ONLY KNOWS HOW TO OPERATE UNDER PR CIRCUMSTANCES SIMILAR TO THAT OF THE GOVERNMENT OF SYRIA) SONY COMES INTO E3 AS THE ONE TO BEAT WE'RE HONESTLY AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE WITH A POWERHOUSE CONSOLE AND GOOD VIBRATIONS FROM THE INITIAL REVEAL EARLIER THIS YEAR THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND IS "WILL SONY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO STEAL DEFEAT FROM THE CLAWS OF THE GIANT ENEMY CRAB OF VICTORY" Spoiler: show AND JUST SO I DON'T HAVE TO READ A BUNCH OF "HAVE THEY SHOWN THE LAST GUARDIAN YET" POSTS NO IT'S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE AT THIS E3 EITHER BECAUSE MUCH LIKE THE LICH KING THERE MUST ALWAYS BE A DUKE NUKEM FOREVER THAT WILL BE RELEASED TEN YEARS LATE TO CRIPPLING DISAPPOINTMENT AS ALWAYS I WILL BE YOUR MC DROPPING TRUTH BOMBS ON THE HOMES OF ASTROTURFERS AND PR SCHILLS THUS ENSURING DECADES OF ETHNIC STRIFE AND TIT-FOR-TAT VIOLENCE THAT WILL ONLY END IN NUCLEAR FIRE AS WAS THE CASE LAST YEAR SONY ACTUALLY RESPECTS PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING AND WILL BE DOING THEIR FAILED EUROPEAN FILM MAJOR PRODUCTION AT 6 PM PST AFTERWARDS (PROBABLY AROUND 8 PM PST GIVEN SONY'S PROPENSITY TO FUCK AROUND WITH TAIKO DRUMMERS AND REPLICA SWEET TOOTH VANS AND OTHER DUMB SHIT) I'LL TRY TO TAKE ON A RECORDING OF THE MICROSOFT CONFERENCE BECAUSE 12 HOURS LATE IS BETTER THAN NEVER NO MATTER WHAT THE MALPRACTICE LAWSUIT SAYS ASSUMING ANY SHRED OF GOODWILL REMAINS I WILL TAKE ON OTHER CONFERENCES AT MY DISCRETION GIVEN THAT NINTENDO IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS GO SEARCH FOR THE PREVIOUS YEAR'S THREADS OR DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE NUANCE OF AN ALL-CAPS THREAD TO YOU DICK JOCKEYS * Spoiler: show |
06-10-2013, 08:14 AM | #2 |
Not sure if gone...
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Or just lurking.
Posts: 2,709
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OH WHEW YOU PLAYED THIS ONE SO CLOSE TO THE CHEST THE DOCTOR COULDN'T TELL IF IT WAS AN INCOMING STORM OR BREAST CANCER
Last edited by Amras.MG; 06-10-2013 at 09:56 AM. |
06-10-2013, 08:53 AM | #3 |
Fog Badge
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 6,513
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ALL CAPS THREAD MG, WHAT PART OF ALL CAPS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
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06-10-2013, 09:55 AM | #4 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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IF YOU ARE ABLE PLEASE RIP EA A NEW ONE
E3 SCHEDULE Spoiler: show HOW SONY WILL WIN E3 Spoiler: show AND ONE MORE IMAGE Spoiler: show T-MINUS 90 MINUTES UNTIL MICROSOFT'S DAMAGE CONTROL 2013 CONFERENCE FOLLOWING THEIR BIGGEST (X)BONER OF ALL TIME
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06-10-2013, 09:56 AM | #5 |
Not sure if gone...
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Or just lurking.
Posts: 2,709
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BITCH PLEASE
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06-10-2013, 11:04 AM | #6 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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SPIKE RANKING GAMES VIA HOW MANY MENTIONS ON SOCIAL MEDIA THEY GET
CALL OF DUTY GHOSTS IS NUMBER ONE BRACE YOURSELVES WE'RE IN FOR A SHITTY FEW DAYS
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06-10-2013, 12:51 PM | #7 |
超高校級 写真師
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hope's Peak Academy
Posts: 2,723
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HEY MICROSOFT WAY TO SHOW OFF HOW TOTALLY SHITTY GIRLS ARE AT FIGHTING GAMES AND THEN SAY THINGS "ITS OK, JUST LET IT HAPPEN, IT'LL ALL BE OVER SOON"
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Last edited by Copygoo; 06-10-2013 at 01:30 PM. |
06-10-2013, 12:51 PM | #8 |
Skippy.
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In all the colouring in pictures
Posts: 2,493
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ON AN ENTIRELY UNRELATED NOTE I WAS READING DEO'S COVERAGE OF THE PS4 ANNOUNCEMENT AND AS A NON-GAMER I WAS WONDERING
IS THERE A SMALL INDUSTRY'S WORTH OF PEOPLE MAKING GIF/IMAGE EDITS WITH THE HEADS OF IMPORTANT VIDYA PEOPLE (SEE: PHOOPES' "ONE MORE IMAGE")
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"I'm glad to know I made your theoretical signature quote." ~Jerichi / Thanks to Le Morg for the avatar! |
06-10-2013, 01:10 PM | #10 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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WITH ALL THAT MONEY YOU THINK THEY'D BE ABLE TO GET THEIR SHIT TO WORK
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06-10-2013, 01:29 PM | #11 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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A POOR EMPLOYEE JUST GOT FIRED SOMEWHERE
"SHOW OFF GAMEPLAY FOR OUR STEALTH GAME" *GETS DETECTED* *DIES*
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06-10-2013, 01:32 PM | #13 |
Fog Badge
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 6,513
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WELL THAT WAS SOMETHING
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06-10-2013, 01:35 PM | #14 |
Fog Badge
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 6,513
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06-10-2013, 02:14 PM | #15 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE
TAKE A SHOT... EVERY TIME THE CLOUD IS MENTIONED WHEN SPIKE CHECKS THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA RANKINGS "(GAME) ONLY FOR (SYSTEM)" A GAME IS DESCRIBED AS "REVOLUTIONARY" "BUILT FROM THE GROUND UP" ANY BULLSHIT BUZZWORD EVERY QUICK TIME EVENT SHOWN DURING GAMEPLAY TAKE TWO SHOTS... WHEN THE XBOX ONE IS REFERRED TO AS "THE BOX" ENGRISH FINISH YOUR DRINK... TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES DURING A PRESENTATION
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06-10-2013, 02:33 PM | #16 | |
Archbishop of Banterbury
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THIS SHIT HAPPENS EVERYTIME IT'S BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES THE UK.
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06-10-2013, 02:51 PM | #17 |
The hostess with the mostess
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 226,522
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WELCOME TO E3 WHERE WE SHOW OFF NEW CARS
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06-10-2013, 02:53 PM | #18 |
The hostess with the mostess
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 226,522
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THE LEGEND OF XBONE: THE LAST DRIVATAR
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06-10-2013, 03:05 PM | #19 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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IF THERE'S ANY MORE DUBSTEP AND EPILEPSY INDUCING LIGHT SHOWS AT THE EA CONFERENCE HEADS WILL ROLL
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06-10-2013, 03:08 PM | #20 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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WOMAN PLAYING THE HEALER CLASS
IT'S LIKE THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING
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06-10-2013, 03:43 PM | #21 |
Mrow?
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Camping the White Market
Posts: 6,934
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JUMPING IN A LITTLE LATE AND BOY DID I TIME IT WELL
SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORTS |
06-10-2013, 04:46 PM | #22 |
Fog Badge
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 6,513
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JUMPING IN LATE IN THE GAME TO SAY
JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN |
06-10-2013, 05:02 PM | #23 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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WE MOVE FROM FANCY CARS TO FANCY GUITARS
PRIORITIES
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06-10-2013, 05:08 PM | #24 |
The hostess with the mostess
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 226,522
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GIRLWOOD IS A FANCY TERM FOR A LADYBONER
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06-10-2013, 05:13 PM | #25 |
Double Dragon
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,776
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ON A COMPLETELY SERIOUS NOTE I FUCKING HATE THIS LADY
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