02-20-2018, 06:47 PM | #401 |
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SOMETIMES YOU LOOK BACK AT SOMETHING AND ASK YOURSELF
"IS THIS ALL WORTH IT? COULD I BE SPENDING MY TIME BETTER?" THIS IS WHAT I'M ASKING MYSELF TONIGHT AS I STARE DOWN HULU, STEELING MYSELF TO WATCH THE BACHELOR HOMETOWNS, BITCHES, I GUESS |
02-20-2018, 06:57 PM | #402 |
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FAMILIAL DOUBTS
DEATH THREATS SEEKING BLESSINGS ALL ON HOMETOWNS KENDALL IS FIRST REMEMBER SHE'S SECRETLY A CREEP ARIE DESCRIBES HER AS "QUARKY" SHE'S FROM LA WHICH IS MEGA BORING IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS SHOW ALSO JUST GENERALLY REALLY SHE TAKES HIM TO A TAXIDERMY ROOM, OF COURSE ARIE IS CREEPED OUT BY IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD BE THEY STUFF RATS IT'S ABOUT AS AWFUL AS YOU EXPECT OH MAN HE HAS A TWIN WHY DIDN'T SHE COME ON THE SHOW IT IMPROVED IT MILDLY LAST TIME IT HAPPENED SHE SAYS ARIE IS MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN HER OTHER BOYFRIENDS ARIE IS LIKE, NOT A BAD GUY, BUT HE'S ALSO ABOUT AS DENSE AS LEAD SO COMPASSION IS NOT REALLY LIKE, A TOP RANKING QUALITY OF THIS MAN THEY PROCEED TO EAT EACH OTHERS' FACES AND LEAVE TO MEET THE PARENTS |
02-20-2018, 07:09 PM | #403 |
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HER FAMILY IS AWKWARD AND HER SISTER LOOKS LIKE A MEANER VERSION OF HER
HER DAD IS GLARING DAGGERS HER SISTER USES HER TWIN POWERS TO MAKE INSIGHTFUL COMMENTS ABOUT HOW THIS IS ALL STUPID AND THEY HAVEN'T REALLY LIKE, LEARNED ABOUT EACH OTHER ARIE IGNORES ALL OF THEM BECAUSE HURRDURR IM FALLING FOR HER WHATEVER THAT MEANS KENDALL'S SISTER IS LIKE, LOWKEY INTERROGATING HER, AND TELLING HER THAT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY LIKE, IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY ARIE ACTS LIKE HE'S READING FROM A SCRIPT KENDALL'S DAD IS LIKE "THIS IS STUPID AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD MARRY BUT I ALSO WON'T TELL MY DAUGHTER NO" ALSO EVEN IF SHE WINS (SHE WON'T) THEY PROBABLY WON'T GET MARRIED ANYWAY SO REALLY THOUGH THIS IS PRETTY BORING AND RUN-OF-THE-MILL THOUGH THE TWIN ANGLE IS AT LEAST DIFFERENT |
02-20-2018, 07:18 PM | #404 |
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TIME TO GO TO WIENER, AK
I ONLY REPEAT IT BECAUSE THE PRODUCERS THINK IT'S FUNNY ENOUGH TO REPEAT IT HE TAKES HER TO A RACE TRACK BECAUSE ARIE LIKE CAR CAR GO FAST VROOM THEY IMPLY THAT TIA DROVE BUT IT SEEMS THAT SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T HER FAMILY MAKES SHOTGUN JOKES ARIE IS SUPER INTIMIDATED BY TIA'S SUPER REDNECK FAMILY OH SHIT HER BROTHER CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING A MAKE OUT SLUT DAMN GURL |
02-20-2018, 07:27 PM | #405 |
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OH GOD DAMMIT TIA'S BROTHER YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM
HE'S BORING AND AWFUL I FEEL A LITTLE BAD FOR TIA (NOT SO MUCH AFTER LAST WEEK BUT) BECAUSE SHE'S OBVIOUSLY HAD SOME SHITTY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE PAST AND ARIE IS BETTER THAN THAT ANYWAY BORING CONVO WITH TIA AND DAD DAD TALKS WITH ARIE AND IT'S WAY MORE BORING THAN THE PREVIEW EDITS MAKE IT OUT TO BE THE DEATH THREAT TURNS OUT TO BE A JOKE, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THIS SHOW WORKS MOM SAYS, QUOTE "THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN GET TO KNOW HIM LIKE YOU DO", WHILE TALKING TO TIA WELL, IF YOU TALK TO HIM FOR A HOT MINUTE YOU CAN BASICALLY GET THERE SO THIS ONE IS MEGA BORING AND EVERYONE LOVES ARIE, FOR SOME REASON UNFORTUNATELY IT ONLY GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE |
02-20-2018, 07:37 PM | #406 |
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NEXT UP, BECCA, WHOSE BORINGNESS IS ONLY PROPERLY RIVALED BY ARIE
OR, REALLY, THE LAST LAUREN STANDING NONE OF THEM ARE REALLY THAT INTERESTING THOUGH BECCA TAKES HIM APPLE PICKING I AM MUCH MORE INTERESTED IN THESE APPLES, WHICH LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND CRISP AND ARE WAY LESS BORING THAN THEIR RELATIONSHIP BECCA'S UNCLE? HAS A REALISTIC VIEW OF THIS SHOW SO THAT'S GOOD THEY SEEM LIKE A BORING MIDWESTERN FAMILY |
02-20-2018, 07:47 PM | #407 |
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TBH NONE OF THESE PEOPLE REALLY LOOK RELATED TO HER
GOES TO HAVE A TALK WITH HER UNCLE BECAUSE HER DAD (SADLY) DIED WHEN SHE WAS 19 HER UNCLE IS A PASTOR AND KIND OF A WEIRDLY TOUGH GUY BUT SEEMS NICE ENOUGH ARIE GETS INTERROGATED ABOUT RELIGION AND IS LIKE "UHHHHHHHH IDK" HER MOTHER IS TOTALLY SKEPTICAL OF ALL OF THIS BUT IS BEING SUPPORTIVE SHE GIVES A NON-COMMITTAL BLESSING, THAT ARIE DOES NOT REACT TO MEANINGFULLY ARIE KIND OF FEELS LIKE ONE OF THOSE DOLLS WHERE YOU TUG ON THE STRING AND IT SPITS OUT A CANNED PHRASE AT RANDOM IDK THESE ARE BY FAR THE MOST BORING HOMETOWNS I HAVE EVER SEEN TAKE MY LACK OF COMMENTARY AS PROOF OF THAT |
02-20-2018, 08:06 PM | #408 |
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IT'S THE LAST LAUREN STANDING
SHE IS STILL STANDING SOMEHOW (SPOILERS: IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE GIRL FROM THE SEASON OF THE BACHLORETTE ARIE GOT KICKED OFF OF) THEY GO FOR A BEACH HORSE RIDE IT'S FINE I GUESS THEY MAKE OUT IN A LIGHTHOUSE IDK HO BOY SO HER FAMILY IS EX MILITARY ARIE SHOWS OFF HIS DUTCH SKILLS TO HER FAMILY, IT'S BAD AND AWKWARD THERE ARE LIKE, 15 PEOPLE HERE, AND NO ONE IS TALKING QUESTION TIME AUNT ASKS THE LAST LAUREN STANDING WHAT SHES FEELING, AND IS BORING ARIE MANAGES TO WIN THE DAD'S FAVOR BY TELLING A STORY ABOUT GOING TO IRAQ TO ENTERTAIN SOLDIERS LIKE THE FIRST SMART THING ARIE'S DONE THIS WHOLE SEASON THEY DON'T EVEN REALLY TALK ABOUT TLLS THE MOM COMES IN AS BACKUP AS HER DAD GOES TO TAKE A COLD SHOWER TO GET RID OF HIS PATRIOTISM BONER THE MOM CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING BASICALLY A WALKING SCRIPT TO HIS SMALL CREDIT HE IS LIKE, MAKING SOME EFFORT HERE TO DO THINGS BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MARRY THIS WOMAN BECAUSE THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN HE ALMOST PROPOSED TO TLLS CLAIMS THAT THEY RELATE A LOT TO EACH OTHER I'VE ALSO JUST NOTICE THAT LAUREN'S FACE DOES NOT ACTUALLY MOVE AT ALL, EVEN WHEN CRYING GOD OKAY WAKE ME UP WHEN THIS SEASON IS OVER I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM HOW BORED I AM NEXT UP, LET'S KICK SOME WOMEN OFF THIS SHOW OR WELL, ONE |
02-20-2018, 08:14 PM | #409 |
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ROSE CEREMONY
SPOILER: ARIE DOES THE STUPID WALK OUT BECAUSE I'M SOOOO EMOTIONAL THING THAT EVERYONE DOES UH HE PULLS KENDALL ASIDE AND WELL COMMERCIAL |
02-20-2018, 08:29 PM | #410 |
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WELL, ARIE IS REAPING WHAT HE SEWED
HE TRIES TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL A FULL TWO MONTHS INTO THIS AND THEN REALIZE "OH MAYBE I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL AND MAYBE SHE'S NOT READY TO MARRY ME" YEAH, NO FUCKIN SHIT IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT, YOU CAN JUST SEND HER HOME THAT'S HOW THIS ALL WORKS YOU HAVE THAT POWER AND ABILITY INSTEAD YOU JUST TORTURE EVERYONE WITH YOUR STUPID INTERROGATIONS ANYWAY LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH PLEASE Spoiler: show MAN WHATEVER NEXT WEEK, PERU BUT FIRRRSSSSSSTTTTTT THE WOMEN TELL ALL!!!!! REALLY THE ONLY GOOD PART OF THIS SHOW GET READY FOR THE KRYSTAL SHOW 2.0 OH MAN RIGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THE EX BOYFRIEND THING WE STILL HAVE THE EX CRASHING THE PARTY THING TO DO I'M 100% NOT INVESTED IN THESE WOMEN ANYMORE BUT THERE'S AT LEAST A CHANCE THE NEXT FEW EPS COULD BE OKAY SO, MAYBE IT WILL BE A BIT MORE ENTERTAINING I'M NOT HOLDING OUT HOPE THOUGH CREDITS SCENE MORE CREEPY TAXIDERMY ROLE PLAY |
02-26-2018, 08:26 PM | #411 |
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WELL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND SMIZMARS (AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN), WE HAVE REACHED THAT TIME OF THE SEASON AGAIN WHERE THE PRODUCERS TRY TO SQUEEZE A BIT MORE AD MONEY OUT OF THE SERIES BY PARADING ALL THE WOMEN WHO GOT SENT HOME OUT IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE TO GENERATE ARTIFICIAL DRAMA
THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S WOMEN TELL ALL AS WITH LAST YEAR, IT'S TIME FOR A BIT OF WTA BINGO THIS SEASON IS SUPER BORING BUT KRYSTAL IS CRAY SO WE MIGHT STAND A CHANCE AT A BLACKOUT BY HER ALONE GET READY FOR THE KRYSTAL SHOW 2.0 |
02-26-2018, 08:34 PM | #412 |
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CHRIS HARRISON CLAIMS THIS TO BE ONE OF THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL SEASON, WHICH IS P HILARIOUS, BUT OKAY
HAHAHA SOMEONE IS WEARING A "FOUND BEKAH" T-SHIRT RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE THEY DO A CLIPSHOW OF THE PREVIOUS THE WOMEN TELL ALL EPISODES WHICH IS ??? THOUGH I GUESS WE GET AN EARLY BINGO SQUARE WE HAVE A FLASHBACK OF CORRINGE AND ALSO FUCKING LACE (APPARENTLY SOMEONE GOT A TATTOO OF HER FACE UGH) |
02-26-2018, 08:45 PM | #413 |
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NOW TIME FOR THE ACTUAL SHOW WITH THE WOMEN
CHRIS HARRISON RECOUNTS ALL OF THE FORGETTABLE DATES FROM THIS SEASON THEY FIRST PERSON THEY TALK TO IS JENNA WHO I DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER (THAT'S A SQUARE) THEY HAVE A MONTAGE OF HOW UM, AGGRESSIVE THIS SEASON WAS, BUT THEN THEY REHASH THE BUMPER CAR TRAUMA FLASHBACK SO AND THEY BRING UP GLAM-SHAMING (BUZZWORD, CHECK) BEKAH BEING YOUNG COMES UP ALREADY (ONE INCIDENT MENTION) ALSO BEKAH IS KIND OF THE GIMMICK CONTESTANT TOO SO I'LL TAKE THAT ONE THE AUDIENCE IS MERCILESSLY LAUGHING AT FUCKING KRYSTAL LMAO GLAM SHAMING COMES UP AGAIN MARIKH TRIES TO DEFEND HER POSITION AND THEN ONE OF THE LAURENS JUMPS IN (THAT'S A SQUARE) THIS TURN INTO LIKE AN ACTUAL FIGHT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW CHELSEA TRIES TO GIVE MARIKH A COMPACT AS LIKE, A SIGN OF GOOD FAITH??? IDK NOW WE CONFRONT TIA ABOUT BEING HORRIBLE TO BEKAH I'M GONNA TAKE THIS SQUARE ALREADY BECAUSE I KNOW WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN WHOOO BEKAH GOES IN FOR THE KILL TIA FAKE APOLOGIZES AND THEN ONE OF THE LAURENS COMES IN TO DEFEND TIA FOR SOME REASON THOUGH ONE OF THE OTHER WOMEN DEFENDS BEKAH WHICH IS NICE ALSO TONS OF INTERRUPTING SO THAT'S ANOTHER ONE KRYSTAL GETS DRAGGED INTO THIS BY BEKAH AND THEN BIBIANA GETS DRAGGED IN AFTER SO WHOO I'M GONNA TAKE CALLOUT AS WELL BECAUSE BEKAH CALLED OUT KRYSTAL FOR BEING TERRIBLE I GUESS |
02-26-2018, 08:55 PM | #414 |
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TIME 4 KRYSTAL WHOOO
OH SHIT WE GET A LITTLE BIT OF KRYSTAL BADMOUTHING ARIE FUN FLASHBACK TO THE TOTALLY INCONSEQUENTIAL CONFRONTATION BETWEEN ARIE AND KRYSTAL KRYSTAL CALLS ALL OF THIS HARD CHRIS ASKS ABOUT WHY KRYSTAL DIDN'T SHARE DETAILS OF HER DATE (DUMB QUESTION, CHECK) KRYSTAL TRIES TO BE A LITTLE MATURE AND SAYS SHE WANTED TO HAVE MORE FRIENDSHIPS BUT THEN SEINNE IS LIKE "UM YEAH OKAY EXCEPT YOU CALLED US ALL BITCHES ON CAMERA SO" I'M GOING TO TAKE "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND" BECAUSE IT'S KRYSTAL CAROLINE OR WHOEVER CALLS KRYSTAL A SOCIOPATH, THIS DEVOLVES INTO A SCREAMING MATCH I'M TAKING EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND CALLING SOMEONE RUDE AND NOW, POINTLESS COMMERCIAL BREAK (CHECK) OOOOH THATS BINGO! |
02-26-2018, 09:04 PM | #415 |
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MORE RIPPING ON KRYSTAL
ALSO THEY REUSED A REACTION CLIP LMAO KRYSTAL SAYS SHE NEEDED A MOMENT TO CHILL OUT AFTER THE BOWLING FIASCO YOU JUST SCREAMED AT EVERYONE, SO ILL CALL THAT BLATANT LYING LMAO SHE CALLED ARIE A SHITHEAD YANNO I REALLY HATE THIS WOMAN BUT SHE'S A LITTLE MORE SELF-AWARE THAN SOME OF THESE OTHER HORRIBLE WOMEN SO BEKAH INDIRECTLY CALLS KRYSTAL A BITCH SO I'M GONNA ACCEPT IT ONE OF THE WOMEN WHO GOT SENT HOME POINTS OUT THAT KRYSTAL'S VOICE IS REALLY DIFFERENT NOW WHICH IS MOST DEFINITELY IS KRYSTAL CLAIMS SHE UM, "LOST HER VOICE" UHUH ALSO HER HOMELESS BROTHER GOT OFF THE STREET BECAUSE HE SAW HER ON THE SHOW OR SOMETHING IDK GOOD FOR HIM I SUPPOSE (I'M GONNA TAKE UGLYCRYING) OH THEY TEASE "CELEBRITY GUESTS" GREAT I'LL TAKE THAT AS BIG MOMENT TEASE 1 |
02-26-2018, 09:14 PM | #416 |
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SEINNE IS NEXT FOR SOME REASON I GUESS
SHE DID JUST KIND OF GET UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUMPED AND NO ONE OTHER THAN BEKAH IS INTERESTING SO OH THEY BRING UP SIENNES CONCERNS ABOUT REPRESENTATION OF DIVERSE GROUPS (CAN I TAKE THAT ONE AS RACIAL TENSION?) SEINNE SEEMS TO HAVE HANDLED ALL OF THIS WELL BUT STILL WAS VERY BLINDSIDED BY HER BEING DUMPED OUT OF THE BLUE SHE HAS A VERY RATIONAL CONCLUSION FOR ALL OF THIS OH THEY BRING UP THE REPRESENTATION THING AGAIN YEAH I'LL DEFINITELY TAKE THE RACIAL TENSION BOX GOOD FOR YOU THOUGH SIENNE USING YOUR PLATFORM TO PROMOTE POSITIVE CHANGE AND REPRESENTATION SHE REALLY IS A LOVELY WOMAN I HOPE SHE FINDS LOVE I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE THE RACIAL TENSION SQUARE TO "OBLIQUE MENTIONS OF RACE" BECAUSE THAT'S ABOUT AS FAR AS ABC IS WILLING TO GO NEXT UP BEKAH |
02-26-2018, 09:26 PM | #417 |
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I ACTUALLY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH BEKAH SHE IS ACTUALLY A COOL PERSON
BEKAH REFLECTS ON BEING JUDGED FOR BEING YOUNG AND POINTS OUT THAT THERE ARE A TON OF WOMEN WHO ARE LIKE, MAYBE TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HER??? BEKAH POINTS OUT THAT ARIE WAS PROJECTING HIS CONCERNS ABOUT BEING TOO OLD ONTO HER TIA GETS DRAGGED IN AND SAYS SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT BEKAH MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN COMMITTED AND IN THE PLACE THAT SHE WAS, BEKAH AGREES BUT SAYS YOU SHOULD HAVE PROBABLY LIKE, TALKED TO ME INSTEAD OF TATTLING (DON'T TATTLE FOLKS) NOW THEY BRING UP BEKAH'S BEING MISSING BEKAH RECOUNTS THE TALE OF HOW SHE WENT TO WORK ON THE POT FARM BUT SHE DIDN'T HAVE SERVICE AND HER MOM THOUGHT SHE WAS MISSING CHRIS HARRISON TELLS HER TO CALL HER MOM AND SHE ACTUALLY PICKS UP LMAO OH NO BUT THEY'RE PUTTING HER ON BACHELOR IN PARADISE I MIGHT HAVE TO WATCH UGH GROSS CHRIS HARRISON MAKES A JOURNEY REFERENCE ALSO THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE LIKE, A BIG MOMENT OR ANYTHING SO UM IDK I'M TAKING MY SQUARE THEY'VE REFERENCED TIA'S BREAKDOWN A FEW TIMES AND ALSO CAROLINE ACCUSING ARIE OF... SOMETHING SO, YEAH |
02-26-2018, 09:35 PM | #418 |
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TIA'S GETTING SENT HOME IS APPARENTLY ONE OF THE MOST GUT-WRENCHING MOMENTS IN BACHELOR HISTORY
I LITERALLY DON'T REMEMBER IT SO THIS IS BORING BUT APPARENTLY ARIE SAID THAT HE WASN'T SURE IF HE MADE A MISTAKE AFTER SENDING HER HOME NOTHING HAPPENED OKAY NEXT TIME FOR ARIE |
02-26-2018, 09:58 PM | #419 |
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TIME TO CONFRONT ARIE
TIA'S FIRST ARIE GIVES A NON-ANSWER TO WHY HE SENT HER HOME NEXT JACQUELINE (BTW SHE LEFT BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK) THEY TALK ABOUT HER GETTING A PHD AND HOW HE ENDED IT BECAUSE SHE PRIORITIZED HER EDUCATION OVER HIS BORING ASS GOOD FOR HER BEKAH'S NEXT WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE SAME SHIT THEY'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS WHOLE TIME I'M GOING TO GIVE MYSELF ONE-SIDED ARGUMENT AFTER THE FACT BECAUSE KRYSTAL IS A HORRIBLE PERSON AND DID THAT SOME UM CAROLINE SAYS SOMETHING VAGUE AND OMINOUS THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE ARIE LIKE, DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO THE REMAINING WOMEN ANYWAY TIME FOR KRYSTAL SHE INVITES HERSELF ONTO THE COUCH KRYSTAL SAYS THEIR GOODBYE WAS COLD ARIE SAYS IT WAS APPROPRIATE WOW ARIE DRAGS HER HARD DAMN (I'M GONNA TAKE DEFENSIVE HERE) UH OH CHRIS HARRISON TATTLES ON KRYSTAL ON CALLING HIM A SHITHEAD PEOPLE CHANT "PLAY THAT CLIP" (THEY DON'T) ANYWAY BLOOPERS I GUESS IS THIS THE BIG MOMENT? IT'S A FLOP FOR SURE -HORSES INTERRUPT AN INTERVIEW -ARIE IS ATTACKED BY BUGS -GIRLS ARE ATTACKED BY BEES -A GIRL POINTS OUT THAT ARIE HAS NO ASS -A GIRL CAN'T DO MATH -BIBIANA EATS IN-AND-OUT DURING A TALKING HEAD -A BELL TOLLS IN THE MIDDLE OF BEKAH'S INTERVIEW AN SHE MOVES IN TIME -ARIE MAKES WEIRD SQUEAKING NOISES WHEN HE CAN'T SPEAK -CHRIS HARRISON DOES A CHAIR SLAM EH JOHN CENA APPEARS? UM THIS IS APPARENTLY SOME SORT OF FILM PROMOTION CROSSOVER OH WAIT APPARENTLY KRYSTAL CALLED HIM A NEEDLE DICK OH THIS MOVIE IS CALLED BLOCKING AS IN COCKBLOCKS SO NOW WE HAVE A COCKBLOCKING MONTAGE THIS WAS A HORRIBLE SEASON FOR BLOCKS OH MAN AND BIBIANA WHO SET UP THAT HUGE BIG THING AND GOT IT STOLEN BY LIKE EVERYONE ANYWAY THIS SHIT HAS GONE OFF THE RAILS CAN WE END IT SO AFTER THAT BRIEF COMMERCIAL NOW WE JUST HAVE PREVIEWS WHICH MEANS, TRAGICALLY, NO BLACKOUT BINGO THIS TIME ROUND WE DID DAMN GOOD THOUGH CHRIS HARRISON CLAIMS THIS SEASON HAS BEEN DIFFERENT AND DRAMATIC AND WHATEVER EXCEPT THIS SEASON IS SO BORING AND ALL THE REMAINING WOMEN ARE SUCH A FUCKING SNOOZE THEY KEEP INSISTING THAT THE FINALE IS DRAMATIC, THOUGH I AM SKEPTICAL ANYWAY CREDITS SCENE ARIE ACTUALLY EATING THE FOOD HE IS SERVED VERY LOUDLY I MIGHT ADD |
03-02-2018, 08:05 PM | #420 |
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SOMEHOW I WANDERED ONTO HULU AND ACCIDENTALLY STARTED WATCHING THE BACHELOR
I GUESS I'M HERE NOW |
03-02-2018, 08:13 PM | #421 |
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PREVIEWS IDK DRAMA OR SOMETHING
IM NOT ACTUALLY THAT INVESTED IN ANY OF THIS SO EXPECT SOME PHONING IN PERU IS PRETTY THOUGH THEY ARE IN A LITERAL DESERT - KEEP THIS IN MIND IT'S IMPORTANT FOR LATER KENDALL IS UP FIRST THEIR DATE IS DUNE BUGGIES, BECAUSE IT'S A PERMUTATION OF CARS BUT FOR THE DESERT KENDALL CLAIMS TO LIKE "ADRENALINE THINGS" WHATEVER THAT MEANS THIS DOES NOT SEEM ROMANTIC TO ME IN THE SLIGHTEST BUT OKAY THEY ALSO SANDBOARD OR SOMETHING THEY ALSO HAVE A SANDY PICNIC ROMANTIC IDK THEY TALK ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT IT'S SUPER INSUBSTANTIAL AND NOT INFORMATIVE SO |
03-02-2018, 08:22 PM | #422 |
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OH THIS IS THE PART THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT - THE RAMP UP TO THE OVERNIGHT DATE (I.E. THE ~FANTASY SUITE~)
KENDALL IS STARTING TO REALIZE THAT BEING THE QUIRKY CONTESTANT IS ACTUALLY A STUPIDLY HUGE DISADVANTAGE KENDALL EXPRESSES HER INSECURITIES SHE STRUGGLES TO FIND DEPTH AND ASKS ARIE A SERIOUS QUESTION ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP THAT HE AVOIDS 100% AND DEFLECTS WITH A NON-ANSWER IDK IT ENDS IN MAKING OUT BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES TIME FOR THE KEY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS MEANS SEX KENDALL SOLILOQUIZES PRIOR TO ACCEPTING SO YEAH THIS WILL END WELL |
03-02-2018, 08:33 PM | #423 |
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I'M ALREADY BORED WITH THE NEXT GIRL
AND IT'S STILL TECHNICALLY KENDALL'S DATE RN THEY WERE UP ALL NIGHT "TALKING" IDK MUSHY SHIT OH OK NEXT BLONDE NUMBER TWO, THE LAST LAUREN STANDING HAVE I POINTED OUT YET THAT THIS WOMAN IS APPARENTLY STRIKINGLY SIMILAR TO THE WOMAN WHO REJECTED ARIE ON THE SEASON OF THE BACHELORETTE HE WAS ON? EVEN IF I HAVE I FEEL THE NEED TO POINT IT OUT AGAIN THE NAZCA LINES ARE WASTED ON THESE TWO LAUREN JUST KIND OF IGNORES HIM THE ENTIRE TIME THEY'RE ON THE PLANE SO THAT'S A GOOD THING RIGHT THE LAST LAUREN STANDING, AS OPPOSED TO KENDALL, HAS SOME NORMAL AND DECENT REACTIONS TO THIS WHOLE IDIOTIC PROCESS WHICH IS PROBABLY HEALTHY, DESPITE HER BEING BORING |
03-02-2018, 08:41 PM | #424 |
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SO IN ANY SEMI-REAL SITUATION THIS WHOLE SITUATION WITH THE WOMAN DOUBTING THE PROGRESS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP WOULD PROBABLY BE WHAT WE IN THE REAL WORLD WOULD CALL A DEALBREAKER
BUT LET'S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO REMEMBER THAT THE BACHELOR EXISTS IN SOME WEIRD FANTASY DIMENSION WHERE PEOPLE HAVING RATIONAL DOUBTS ABOUT THE PRAGMATICS OF THE SITUATION OR THE REALITY OF THEIR FEELINGS IS LARGELY UNIMPORTANT SO DON'T ACTUALLY EXPECT THE LAST LAUREN STANDING'S LEGITIMATE FEARS ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH ARIE TO ACTUALLY HAVE A MEANINGFUL EFFECT ON THE OUTCOME OF THIS OH SHIT HE DOES DROP THE I LOVE YOU BOMB THOUGH YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT BUDDY THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO GET SUED BY ABC FOR BREACH OF CONTRACT (ALSO PRETTY MUCH A HARD CONFIRMATION THAT HE IS JUST TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF THAT OTHER GIRL AGAIN) ANYWAY YEAH FANTASY SUITE GREAT |
03-02-2018, 08:42 PM | #425 |
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SIDE NOTE THEY PLAY A REALLY HORRIBLE SONG OVER THE FANTASY SUITE PART AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT ADDS LITERALLY ZERO
OH GOD IT'S A HORRIBLE COVER OF HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU LIKE LIFETIME VERSION BAD RUN OUT OF MONEY ABC? |
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