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Old 11-29-2012, 10:36 PM   #1
Amras.MG
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Funny UPN quotes?

Post things that you thought were funny that you did or said throughout the day.

Posting funny things other UPNers said is ubercouraged!

Provide context only if you think it makes it funnier.

Last edited by Amras.MG; 12-22-2012 at 12:26 AM.
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:46 PM   #2
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"Most guys train their upper bodies a lot, but I'm sort of the opposite. There's a lot of power below my waist."
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:58 PM   #3
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"Name a type two binary ionic compound."
"Diabetes? Oh shit I mean, uh... Iron (II) oxide..."

-Me, after zoning out in chem

"Why the Hell is Waffle House trending on Twitter? It's like a ghetto IHOP, nothing to be impressed with. Unless someone got shot there (likely) I don't understand."

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Last edited by phoopes; 12-02-2012 at 02:49 AM.
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Old 11-29-2012, 11:10 PM   #4
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"Obviously the best choice is to line your genitals with sandpaper."

i am high on life.
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Old 11-29-2012, 11:20 PM   #5
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"Why is he teabagging me? We just won the match! Fine, keep teabagging me. It tastes like victory!"

My friend said this, though, not me.
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Old 12-01-2012, 04:13 PM   #6
Marion Ette
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ME: I'm going be head of the cheerleading squad for the Chess Boxing team. I've already decided this. We're all gonna dress up in sexy costumes and kick the crap out of each other on the sidelines.

Friend: How is that cheerleading?

ME: Look, I don't know how to cheerlead, okay? I'm just gonna play to my strengths, here.
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Old 12-02-2012, 02:02 PM   #7
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I was drinking last night and I believe I used the word "horsehung" as an adjective, maybe even my new favorite adjective.

For the 18+ ladies: referring to myself.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:11 PM   #8
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:55 PM   #9
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Me and a friend of mine via FB chat, after we'd been having a fairly lengthy discussion about various adult things and had moved on to hitting on people.

Her: "this is me flirting : do you like bread?"

Me: "*thought bubble* shit, she's asking if I like bread. does she like bread? do I? do I try and match her? or does she want a bad boy that doesn't agree with her? does she want samey samey? oh.. oh god... oh shit say something! oh god it's been like five seconds say something! fuckkkkk!! *thought bubble closes* "I LOVE BREAD I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH IT?!""
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Old 12-03-2012, 07:06 PM   #10
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In your defense everything's always compared to the pinnacle of man; the invention of sliced bread.
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Old 12-03-2012, 09:37 PM   #11
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Can we post things other UPNers did that we think are funny?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by captainmisato View Post
People should watch what they enjoy regardless of what others think, even if it's a terribad guilty pleasure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doppleganger View Post
Though, I also dislike the concept of lamenting the current day while wishing to re-experience the past. At least, my modern attitude is to try and make each new day magical even if it's not, since exclusively reminiscing about the past is too pathetic.
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Old 12-03-2012, 09:56 PM   #12
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I'd be offended if you didn't.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:38 AM   #13
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Quote:
If you have played Angry Birds more than The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I am dissapointed in you.

If you have never heard about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I am very dissapointed in you.

If your favorite game is Angry, never talk to me again. Thanks!
Apparently, my subconscious is trying to alert me to this game called "Angry." I hate when I make typos like this.
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:06 PM   #14
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FUN TIMES WHILE PLAYING PATH OF EXILE WITH MY MEATSHIELD BOYFRIEND:

Him: "[Marion], stop clicking through all the dialogs! Aren't you listening to what the NPCs are saying for our quest?"

Me: "Psh, no. I'm a necromancer, remember? I have minions to do that for me."

Him: "Your minions are rotting corpses... I don't think that they're listening-"

Me: "No, no, you don't understand. See, the way it works is that I summon the minions, and the minions do everything. I don't even have to think. The zombies do the thinking for me."

Him: "The zombies do the thinking for you?"

Me: "Yeah... Only they don't really think very much, given that their brains are rotted. So really, there isn't a lot of thinking going on. At all. Ever."
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:09 PM   #15
Amras.MG
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I forgot this existed. Gratias ago tibi, M E!

An excerpt from an intellectually stimulating conversation I just had. The beginning is TOO RAW FOR UPN , so we will enter in media res.

Loki
isn't Mewtwo made from Blaine having sex with a Mew

like Mewtwo had Blaine's DNA

Nick
yeah it turns out that human-pokemon hybrids are basically all the legendaries

Moltres is a pyro + pidgey

Zapdos is an engineer + pidgey

Articuno is a fat guy who likes popsicles + pidgey

Ho-oh is a gay dude + pidgey + surrogate mother

pidgey gets around

Last edited by Amras.MG; 02-22-2013 at 10:11 PM.
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Old 02-23-2013, 01:30 AM   #16
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Jumpluff

What does that make Lugia? Or would that also fall under TOO RAW FOR UPN territory?
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Old 02-23-2013, 01:32 AM   #17
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I'm guessing Lugia would be me + pidgey, since I, like Lugia, am both graceful and ungainly.

I can also rise from the bottom of the sea using awesome whirlpools when the balance of nature is thrown off.
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Old 02-23-2013, 01:49 AM   #18
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Does Lugia watch Futurama, too? Though he'd probably have to go to the Tin Tower and watch it with Ho-Oh - better reception there. They can laugh while Pidgey's out multiplying!
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Old 02-23-2013, 03:12 AM   #19
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Fuck the legenday birds, I want to know what that makes Arceus, Ditto, Grimer, and Gulpin
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Old 03-06-2013, 01:14 AM   #20
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1:04 AM - your dad: It's hilarious how the TF2 economy mimics the American economy, though.
1:05 AM - your dad: Imagine a small room
1:05 AM - your dad: packed full of pissed off people
1:05 AM - your dad: who are all lying to eachother
1:06 AM - your dad: that is the TF2 economy more often than not.
1:08 AM - hiero: Soooooooooooooo
1:08 AM - hiero: new york stock exchange
1:08 AM - hiero: :O
1:08 AM - your dad: Ahaha holy shit YOU'RE RIGHT
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Old 03-19-2013, 05:33 PM   #21
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my day has been

just

too much too handle


im 4355231058723587328571050831723529820% done with the internet



Quote:
6:24 PM - hiero: worse than spontaneous combustion
6:24 PM - hiero: spontaneous combusken
6:24 PM - hiero: the moemnt
6:24 PM - hiero: when you just
6:24 PM - hiero: become a combusken
6:27 PM - hiero: im going to become a combusken
6:27 PM - hiero: and you can capture me
6:27 PM - hiero: and nickname me KFC
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Old 03-23-2013, 02:19 PM   #22
Talon87
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*the phone rings*
James: (in thick Indian accent) Hello?
Talon: Hello?
James: Hello, sir?
Talon: Yes?
James: Hello, sir, this is James from Windows Technical Department. I am calling you--
Talon: Who? (holding back laughter already)
James: This is James from Windows Technical Department. I am calling you with regards to your Windows computer.
Talon: (bluffing) What Windows computer?
James: Hello, sir?
Talon: Yes, I'm here.
James: I am calling with regards to your Windows computer.
Talon: What Windows computer?
James: Hello? (pretending to have lost connection)
Talon: I'm asking you what Windows computer.
James: Hello?
*James hangs up*

Glad I was here to intercept this patently obvious scam telemarketing phone call for my parents. They're smart people, but I don't know that they'd realize Microsoft would never have some dude placing phone calls from "Windows Technical Department". Doing a Google search to see what turned up for just such a phony name, I am very amused to find that, of all people, these Indian bastards phoned Ars Technica last October! Enjoy reading how the folks at Ars trolled the scam artist.
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Old 03-23-2013, 02:44 PM   #23
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I used to get those calls almost daily. I even got into a shouting match with one of them. I guess the calls are running down a list and has gone past my area code.
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Old 03-23-2013, 02:57 PM   #24
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I do feel sorry for the people who they fool though. Not only did they scam one guy out of $500, Ars reports, but when the man then refused to give them any more cash, they maliciously locked him out of his computer, forcing him to have to pretty much drop the $800+ necessary to get a replacement computer. Not cool. (Note: a guy who falls for this scam isn't the same sort of guy who is going to know the first thing about doing a system wipe and OS reinstall.)

If they start calling my parents' house daily, I'll be pissed. Not much I can do about it though considering Interpol has bigger fish to fry and what these scammers are doing is just so, so easy. (Step 1: place international phone call. Step 2: establish whether target is fool or not. If so, proceed to Step 3. Step 3: Get target to hand over both credit card information and remote access to computer.)
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Old 03-23-2013, 03:11 PM   #25
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Well, in a turn for the worse, the fucker just called back. Same voice, same pseudoname. Hasn't even been one hour. I wonder if my parents have been getting these phone calls for some time or if I'm just the lucky intercepter of the first wave of them. You said you got these calls every day, Loki? Yeesh.
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