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Old 01-20-2017, 08:48 PM   #201
Jerichi
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ONE COMMERCIAL BREAK AND NO ROSE CEREMONY

HERE COMES CRAZY MOFO CONFLATING ROMANCE AND SEX (SHOCKER)

LIKE WHY ARE YOU WEARING A TRENCHCOAT THAT IS NOT SEXY IT'S CREEPY

SHE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY STARTS SUCKING HIS FACE

...SHE BROUGHT WHIPPED CREAM

OH NO PLEASE STOP

OH GOD SHE'S SUCKING IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH

WHY ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO CORRINE SHE IS LITERALLY BATSHIT

JASMINE OVERHEARS THE WHIPPED CREAM THINGS AND GOES AND REPORTS TO THE LADIES

AND THANKFULLY STEALS HIM AWAY FROM CRAZY MOFO THANK YOU

CRAZY MOFO THINK THAT HER PLAN FAILED BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T BONE???????????

UMMMMM OK

SHE LIES TO SOMEONE ABOUT HOW HER SCHEME WENT FOR ATTENTION

GOD FINALLY OKAY

TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY

HAHAHAHAH CRAZY MOFO PTFO'D BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY

HE IS PISSED ABOUT THIS LOL

DONT VALIDATE HER BEHAVIOR

JUST LIKE

AT ALL

THE ROSÉD
Spoiler: show
NURSE, CRAZY MOFO AND UM... SOMEONE ELSE HAVE ROSES

ASTRID (WHO)
TAYLOR (COOL PSYCHOLOGY LADY)
BRITTNEY (WHO)
KRISTINA (RUSSIAN)
ONE OF THE DANIELLES
VANESSA (COOL CANADIAN CHICK)
RAVEN (UGH)
JAIMI (CHEF SHE'S OK)
DOMINIQUE (WHO)
SARAH (IDK)
ALEXIS (DOLPHIN GIRL WHO SAYS MOVE BITCHES)
BRITTNEY (WHO???)
JOSEPHINE (QUIRKY)

FINAL ROSE (AND A SHOT OF CRAZY MOFO ASLEEP LOL)

Spoiler: show
JASMINE!


IDK THE WOMEN WHO ARE LEAVING

ALRIGHT NOW FOR THE REAL EPISODE GREAT
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:00 PM   #202
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OKAY DATE CARD???

SPOILERS ITS THE BACKSTREET BOYS DATE

COULDNT BOOK JT HUH?

Spoiler: show
DANIELLE L
KRISTEN
KRISTINA
WHITNEY
TAYLOR
JASMINE
CORRINE

EVERYBODY...


ONE OF THEM IS REALLY BADLY BALDING TOO

WELL THEY STILL ROCK IT PRETTY WELL SO IDK

CHRISTEN ARE YOU WEARING A BUMP

NICK KINDA LOOKS LIKE A BACKSTREET BOY WITH THAT TUFT OF HIS

SO THEY'RE ALL GONNA DANCE AND THE BEST DANCERS/ONE WITH THE BEST CHEMISTRY WILL BE SERENADED BY THEM

CRAZY MOFO IS A BAD DANCER AND BITCHES ABOUT IT

AND THEN RUNS OFF TO CRY IN A CORNER UM OKAY

"IM TRYING SO HARD TO BE MYSELF AND ITS MAKING ME NOT BE MYSELF"

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Old 01-20-2017, 09:07 PM   #203
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NOW FOR THE "PERFORMANCE"

WE GET IT CRAZY MOFO YOU'RE A BAD DANCER

JASMINE IS ROCKING IT, CRAZY MOFO IS EMBARRASSING HERSELF

NICK IS DOING SOME HORRIBLE WHITEBOY DANCE

OKAY TIME FOR THE MOMENT NO ONE WAS WAITING FOR, THE "SERENADE"

WHO WILL IT BE?????????

DANIELLE (WHO)

MEANWHILE IN CRAZY MOFO'S HEAD

Spoiler: show
YOU ARE

MY FIRE

THE ONE

DESIRE

BELIEVE

WHEN I SAY

I (DON'T) WANT IT THAT-A-WAY


OKAY NO CORRINE YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO GET ENGAGED THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOAL OF THE SHOW THE IDEA IS THAT YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PERSON

I MEAN

IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK THAT WAY

BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:17 PM   #204
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OKAY SO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A BAD DANCER AND THEN COMPLAIN THAT YOU DON'T GET PICKED????

GOD YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF NARCISSIST

SO LIKE AGAIN REALTALK WHEN DOES BEING AN AGGRESSIVE BITCH ACTUALLY WORK OUT IN THIS SHOW (WELL OKAY IT WORKED ONCE BUT STILL)

DID SHE JUST SAY MAKE CORRINE GREAT AGAIN

AND OKAY SHE GOES AND PTFOS AGAIN DOES THIS GIRL HAVE NARCOLEPSY

OKAY NEXT DATE CARD LETS GO

Spoiler: show
VANESSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

OMG YES

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM FLOATING


THEY START TALKING ABOUT HAVING KIDS UM

CRAZY MOFO DROPS THE FACT THAT SHE HAS A NANNY AND EVERYONE CONTINUES TO REALIZE HOW INSANE SHE IS (SHE DID MENTION CHEESE PASTA AND I SRSLY WANT SOME NOW OMG)

"IT MAKES HER HAPPY TO BE MY SERVANT AND IM NOT ABOUT TO STOP A WOMAN'S HAPPINESS"

UH HUH

POOR JASMINE IS THE ONLY SANE WOMAN AND SHE'S FALLIN DOWN POOR GIRL

IF YOU GIVE THE ROSE TO OH GOOD IT WENT TO DANIELLE WHO I DON'T KNOW

CRAZY MOFO MAKES AN ATTEMPT TO LOSE GRACEFULLY AND FAILS ENTIRELY AND PROVES HOW MUCH OF A RIDICULOUS CHILD SHE IS

OMG IM SO READY FOR VANESSA'S DATE THO
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:26 PM   #205
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OMG PUMPED 4 THIS

THEY'RE DOING A ZERO G PLANE SO PUMPED

GOD THIS IS SUPER COOL I'D LOVE TO DO THIS THOUGH I'D HAVE TO TAKE A FULL BOTTLE OF DRAMAMINE

THIS IS REALLY COOL AND ROMANTIC UNTIL SHE STARTS TO GET PUKEY

AWWW HE'S REALLY SWEET ABOUT IT THO

THIS IS SUPER CUTE

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I LOVE VANESSA SO MUCH
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:36 PM   #206
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NEXT DATE CARD

Spoiler: show
RACHEL (WHOO)
ALEXIS (UGH)
ASTRID (WHO)
JAIMI
SARAH
BRITTNEY
DOMINIQUE

IM DONE PLAYING THE FIELD


IS THIS THE BASEBALL DATE

OMG THO THE SECOND PART OF VANESSA'S DATE

THEY'RE HAVING DINNER ATOP THE TALLEST BUILDING IN LA THIS IS SUPER ROMANTIC

AWWWW SHE REALLY CARES ABOUT FAMILY BUT HER GRANDFATHER DIED RIGHT BEFORE HAND BUT HER FAMILY TOLD HER TO GO AND DO SOMETHING FOR HERSELF

GENERALLY I HATE THE SOB STORY BUT HERS IS SO GENUINE

NICK OPENS UP TO HER ABOUT HIS WHOLE "I'VE DONE THIS 4 TIMES" THING AND HE SAYS THAT SHE'S QUELLED HIS FEARS AWWW THIS IS PRECIOUS

AAWWWWWWWW I LOVE THEM THEY'RE SUCH A GREAT COUPLE
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:47 PM   #207
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OKAY NOW TIME FOR THE EXERCISE DATE

LETS GET PHYSICAL

THEY'RE DOING A TRACK EVENT THING WITH SOME OLYMPIANS I DONT REALLY RECOGNIZE

WELL CARL LEWIS IS PRETTY FAMOUS I GUESS

OKAY SO THE "NICKATHALON" BEGINS

LOL THEYRE LONG JUMPING INTO THE LIMO

THERE'S A BAR JUMPING EVENT WITH A WEIRD PAINTING OF NICK SHIRTLESS THAT THEY FLOP ON

AND A HEART JAVELIN THROW

OH HONEY DOMINIQUE HIT HERSELF WITH THE JAVELIN

3 LADIES MOVE ON:
RACHEL
SHARK GIRL
ASTRID (GIRL YOU NEED A BETTER SPORTS BRA)

IF THEY WIN THEY GET TIME IN THE JACUZZITM BRAND HOT TUB (BUY AMERICAN FRIENDS) WITH NICK

THEY HAVE TO RACE TO THE HOT TUB AN BRING A RING WITH THEM LOL

RACHEL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEY DROP IT AND SHATTERS IT AND ASTRID GRABS IT AND CHARGES IN AND WINS LOL

THAT WAS DIRTY

DOMINIQUE IS FREAKING OUT AND ACTING VERY NOT CONFIDENT

LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOMEONE SELF DESTRUCTING

AWWW POOR GIRL YOU PROBABLY SHOULD GO FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT
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Old 01-20-2017, 09:58 PM   #208
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YET ANOTHER POST DATE COCKTAIL PARTY IN AN ANTIQUE STORE

DOMINIQUE CONTINUES TO SELF DESTRUCT

POOR GIRL GO TALK IT OUT

MAN HONEY GIRLS IN WORSE POSITIONS THAN YOU HAVE GONE WAY FARTHER YOU NEED TO BRING IT IN

SHARK GIRL MAKES OUT WITH HIM ON TOP OF THE GIANT SHIRTLESS PICTURE

HE DOES HAVE A NICE TALK WITH THE LAWYER THOUGH... UNTIL DOMINIQUE COMES ABOUT

HONEY YOU REALLY NEED TO GO LIKE SORT YOUR SHIT OUT

SHE LIKE IDK CALLS HIM OUT ON THEM NOT HAVING A CONNECTION??? IDK I FEEL LIKE THIS IS NOT FAIR TO ANYONE WHATS GOING ON HERE

HONEY YOU SHOULD JUST REALLY GO HOME

WELL NICK SENDS HER HOME

YEAH OKAY SO LIKE HERE IS ANOTHER PRIME EXAMPLE OF THE FACT THAT THE CONFRONTATION IS PROBABLY NEVER THE ANSWER BECAUSE IT BASICALLY ALWAYS ENDS IN YOU GOING HOME

OMG YAY THE LAWYER GETS THE ROSE \O/

THIS EPISODE HAS BEEN KINDA SHITTY CAN WE MOVE ALONG QUICKLY PLZ
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Old 01-20-2017, 10:12 PM   #209
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WOW NO COCKTAIL PARTY

LOL JK POOL PARTY INSTEAD

AS SHARK GIRL SAYS

17 GIRLS

ONE POOL PARTY

ONE NICK

LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS

ALL OF THESE WOMEN ARE JUST LIKE LIONS CIRCLING AROUND A GAZELLE CARCASS

MEANWHILE CRAZY MOFO SITS IN A CORNER AND DOES HER MAKE UP AND SCHEMES WHILE THE OTHER GIRLS ACT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE AND ENJOY THEMSELVES

THEY BOUNCE AROUND IN A BOUNCY CASTLE AND IT TURNS SEXUAL LIKE IMMEDIATELY (SHOCKER)

UGH SHE USES HER SEXUALITY AS A WEAPON

LITERALLY ALL OF THE GIRLS ARE WATCHING HER CRAWL ALL OVER HIM

TELL IT LIKE IT IS SHARK GIRL

"BITCHES"

UGH CRAZY MOFO IS LIKE ACTUALLY REVOLTING

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP

AND ALSO PROBABLY SOME ANTI-NARCOLEPSY MEDICATION DID YOU PASS OUT AGAIN

OMG WOW NO OKAY HERE IS ANOTHER BACHELOR NO-NO

DO NOT TATTLE ON OTHER GIRLS REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH OF A CRAZY BITCH THEY ARE

JUST. DON'T. DO. IT.

YOU WILL PROBABLY GET SENT HOME WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK FOR BEING A SNITCH EVEN IF THEY DESERVE IT

JUST LET IT PLAY OUT AND LET HER SHOW HER TRUE COLORS BY BLOWING UP ON SOMEONE WHEN SHE GETS OVERLY JEALOUS OF THE REAL (RELATIVELY SPEAKING) RELATIONSHIP HE DEVELOPS WITH SOMEONE ELSE

TRYING TO TELL HIM THEY'RE CRAZY IS NOT A GOOD IDEA

LOL THE SUPER SOUTHERN GIRL DUMPS THE NANNY THING ON HIM HAHAHA HE FREAKS A LITTLE

OKAY WOW LIKE FIVE GIRLS GO AND TATTLE ON CRAZY MOFO IDK THIS MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT OF A BETTER TACTIC

BUT STILL DO NOT TATTLE

AWWWW VANESSA DON'T GET INVOLVED

MAN HE SEEMS LEGITIMATELY EMBARRASSED BY THIS AND SHE REALLY DIGS INTO HIM

WHAT

JESUS ANOTHER FUCKING CLIFFHANGER?

OMG CRAZY MOFO LIKE YOU MIGHT "OWN" A MULTIMILLION DOLLAR COMPANY BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU NOT A COMPLETE CHILD

GOD THIS FUCKING SHOW

QUIRKY GIRL SINGS HIM A STRANGE SONG OKAY WE'RE DONE HERE
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Old 01-24-2017, 06:07 AM   #210
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Yaaay who's ready for this week??

Rose ceremony:
Spoiler: show
Ugh Vanessa reprimanding Nick is actually the best? I'm still Team Rachel, but when he was thanking her for calling him on his shit I totally saw it between them okay.

o. m. f. g. Taylor (who is concern trolling) and Sarah (that's her name right?) stepping in to talk Corrine down from the ledge Nick's dinglydang and her RESPONSE |: |: |: I know the editing team wants her as the villain and all but holy shit I want to leap through the screen and throttle her

holy crap Jaimi straightened her hair look at that. Not sure what to think. She'd be so much cuter without that... nose thing... but that's my personal preference so you wear what you like girl.

Josephine please get someone to help you with your makeup ASAP you are scaring me?? but I do like your "oh shit" face when Corringe got the rose so props for that.

The girls getting booted are pretty non-events, sorry ladies. Better luck in the real world (provided you don't just bounce around in the pseudoincestuous circle of BN like so many others).


One on one date #1:

Spoiler: show
OH BOY WISCONSIN

whoa Nick's mom looks like a rocker? And his dad... doesn't

HE'S TRIED TO PROPOSE TWICE NOW MR V, RUB IT IN MUCH

and now Mrs V's crying and I am having feels >:

was Alexis giving Vanessa a piggyback?? lol

hey Danielle L gets some time with Nick that's actually on screen without Corringe bitching

HAHA THE NICKERDOODLE COOKIE IS SO CUTE OMG

"oh my God your tongue is black" now yours can be too bb :waggle

it's so awkward when people don't know if they should hug or not so they, like, announce the Intent To Hug

He took her to his boning hill, that's... romantic?
Danielle L is frustratingly pretty

"My flaw is that my parents are divorced" ughhh what a cop out

YAY AWKWARD DANCE IN FRONT OF A CROWD DATE second only to awkward private concert dates

Nick's bucket list item: Make out in front of noisy people with wristbands??


Group date:

Spoiler: show
oh lord this is going to be Hell

I don't really do the "love to hate" thing with contestants, I just get annoyed

baby cowwwws <3

Nick said "more dirtier", judging

Jaimi is a milking boss, and she's only had one(?) girlfriend

PLEASE LET CORRINGE FALL IN THE TURD SLOP God that would be sweet

I have dealt with SO much poop from so many different species at this point in my life, cry moarrrrr

Kristina you are so gorgeous, I want to hear more about your life

SARAH WITH THE REAL QUESTIONS ABOUT MATURITY, girlfriend you are the real MVP

mute Whitney just sitting there nodding, gj, what an asset to the show

I wish I'd been on the cow date, cows are so awesome

Vanessa is literally sitting down talking the child through why the grown-ups are angry, haha

Rachel ;; Don't be the "walls up" plotline where the girl only realises she wasn't ~vulnerable enough~ until she gets sent home

Kristina's not buying one ounce of Corringe's shit :'D

I think Nick continually greeting her as "hey you" indicates that he's really not interested in her, at least anything beyond the veeery superficial

OMG KRISTINA WAS SO UNPREPARED FOR IT TO BE HER, yaaaay, happy for her


One on one #2:

Spoiler: show
I don't get the love for Raven that permeates the fandom right now, maybe this date will turn my opinion around??

UGH SHE GETS TO MEET CUTE BELLA this is a nice date omg and his parents too?? This is messing with the formula man

why is Taylor just chilling in the tub with her bikini on

Nick with vampire teeth won't speak any differently than regular Nick haha

Raven and Bella getting to know each other while Nick casually rolls by in the background, lmbo

oh man Raven going between the legs on her skates, Nick son you are a risktaker

now she's telling her breakup story/admitting to assault and battery on TV ok

they're skating around in the museum what year is this (jk skating is actually awesome)


Conclusion:

Spoiler: show
AN ACTUAL ROSE CEREMONY AT THE END OF THE EPISODE?? COULD IT BE

Taylor is now mad at Danielle L, that's not a great sign for her, you can only have a grudge against one contestant at a time

and then she just stands there while Danielle keeps talking, oh that's awkward

does homegirl even realise Taylor's there?? honestly unsure

Josephine is being the Daniel to Corringe's Chad, I know none of you will get that but just take my word for it (except Daniel was actually funny)

oh wow you cannot have a Big Confrontation with another person while you are sharing a blanket s:

haha I know some people think Taylor is condescending but hearing her explain emotional intelligence to Corringe is PRETTY FUNNY

and she's white girl wasted again, so what a bonus that is

no rose ceremony (we don't do those anymore I guess) but A TWO ON ONE NEXT WEEK yaaaaassss
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Old 01-29-2017, 07:07 PM   #211
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I'VE GOT COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM AND HIGH GRAV BEER

LET'S GOOOOOOOO

ON THE LAST EPISODE

CRAZY MOFO UPSETS EVERYONE WITH HER SEXUAL AGGRESSION

SHITTY CLIFFHANGER

ALL THE GIRLS HAVE A POWWOW ABOUT CRAZY MOFO AS SHE SNOOZES UPSTAIRS

WOW SO NICK ACTUALLY RESPONDS POSITIVELY TO VANESSA CALLING HIM OUT GOOD 4 U DUDE

UH OH HERE COMES INEFFECTUAL HOST YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

TIME TO GET SENT HOME IN YOUR BIKINIS LADIES

WELL BEFORE THAT HERE COMES A GREAT LITTLE FIGHT

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH CRAZY MOFO SAYS "I AM NOT PRIVILEGED IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM"

GIRL YOU HAVE AN ADULT NANNY

GOD WHAT A NARCISSIST

THE ROSE CEREMONY

LET'S SEE IF NICK PULLS THE TRIGGER OR CONTINUES TO SUCK THE PRODUCERS' COLLECTIVE DICKS

NO CHRIS HARRISON WE DO NOT NEED TO TALK ABOUT CRAZY MOFO

Spoiler: show
THE ROSÉD
VANESSA HAD ONE FROM HER DATE

RAVEN (SOUTHERN GIRL)
TAYLOR (PSYCH GIRL)
WHITNEY (WHO)
KRISTINA (RUSSIAN)
JASMINE (BASKETBALL DANCER/BADASS)
SHARK GIRL (GOD WHY)
ASTRID (HOT TUB WINNER)
DANIELLE M (NICU NURSE)
JAIMI (BI GIRL)
JOSEPHINE (QUIRKY GIRL)
SARAH (SHE LOOKS LIKE VICTORIA JUSTICE)

THE FINAL ROSE!!!!!!
Spoiler: show
MOTHERFUCKER

UGH CRAZY MOFO REALLY?????


BAD DECISIONS ALL AROUND HE SENT HOME SOME NICE GIRLS AND KEPT ALL THE CRAZIES

I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH HE'S PRETTY GOOD AT WEEDING OUT THE FACELESS GIRLS THO

(ALSO IS THIS BACKGROUND MUSIC THE RIFF FROM SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER IN GERMANY)

OKAY WOW LIKE STFU CRAZY MOFO DON'T MAKE A FUCKING SPEECH WOW SHUT UPPPPPPP

LOL SHE ADMITTED TO THE CAMERA THAT SHE'S BEING A TWO FACED ASS

NEXT UP: HOMETOWN TYPE DATE AND CRAZY MOFO LOSES IT
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Old 01-29-2017, 07:17 PM   #212
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IS TOP 15 ACTUALLY SIGNIFICANT?

I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOW MOVES FORWARD FASTER EVERY YEAR

OH BOY LET'S ALL GO TO MILWAUKEE EVERY ONE OF THESE GIRLS HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO MINNESOTA BUT NEVER GOT THE CHANCE

YEAH MILWAUKEE SUPER EXCITING

THEY DID RENT A REALLY GORGEOUS LAKESIDE CABIN THO

HIS PARENTS LOOK SUPER SWEET AND MODERN MIDWESTERN

HIS MOM'S GOT THAT CLAIRE UNDERWOOD POWERLOOK AND HIS DAD NGL IS KIND OF A NERDY DILF

ALSO WOW HE REALLY PICKS UP THAT MIDWESTERN ACCENT WHEN HE GOES HOME HIS VOICE GETS SUUUUUUUUUPER NASALLY

HIS PARENTS ARE SO CUTE <3333

HES TEARING UP AWWWWW

HIS ACTUAL HOMETOWN IS WAKUESHA OR SOMETHING IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY, REALLY CUTE

OH NO DATE CARD HE POUNCES STRAIGHT FOR THE DANIELLE THAT'S NOT THE NICU NURSE

KINDA AWK THO BECAUSE HE JUST KINDA TAKES HER AWAY FROM THE CROWD AND THEY ALL JUST STAND AND STARE AT HER
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Old 01-29-2017, 07:37 PM   #213
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THIS IS ACTUALLY A CHARMING LITTLE SMALL MIDWESTERN TOWN I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A GUY TAKE ME AROUND HIS SMALL MIDWESTERN TOWN AND INTRODUCE ME TO EVERYONE

AWWW THEY GO INTO A BAKERY AND THEY MADE HIM FACE COOKIES CALLED NICKERDOODLES LOL

AND THEY GET TO DECORATE COOKIES

OMG I LOVE THIS DATE

YEAH TOTALLY RANDOM NOT AT ALL SET UP MEETING WITH AN EX LOLOL

THIS IS JUST AWKWARD FOR EVERYONE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

NICK ADMITS TO HAVING SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A SOCCER FIELD

THEY'RE A NICE COUPLE

HE'S GENUINELY INTERESTED IN HER AND I LOVE IT

OH MAN HER PARENTS HAD A REALLY WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP BUT THEN GOT DIVORCED THAT'S SOME TOUGH BAGGAGE

ANYWAY DATE CARD

Spoiler: show
LAWYER
SHARK GIRL
VANESSA
JASMINE
JAIMI
SARAH
WHITNEY
KRISTINA
ASTRID
TAYLOR
QUIRKY GIRL
CORRINE

(PUTTING HER LAST WAS TOTALLY INTENTIONAL)

SAY CHEESE


SOUTHERN GIRL IS GOING ON THE SECOND ONE ON ONE WHICH IS MEH BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT CRAZY MOFO THANK GOD

SO NICK HAS A SURPRISE FOR DANIELLE AFTER THE ROSE

OH BOY IT'S HER "FAVORITE ARTIST" THAT SHE DEFINITELY KNOWS

WE ALL KNOW WHO CHRIS LANE IS

GOTTA LOVE SOME BRO COUNTRY

IT IS REALLY CUTE THO

COMING UP: CRAZY MOFO IS WHINY AND A BITCH TO EVERYONE
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:08 PM   #214
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OKAY TIME FOR THE FARM DATE

AAWWWWW BABY COWS

THEY GET TO CLEAN COWSHIT!!!!!!!

AND LIKE FEED THEM AND MILK THEM AND SHIT

HAHAHAHA THE BI GIRL KNOWS HOW TO MILK THE COW

DATE CARD!

Spoiler: show
RAVEN LET'S KICK IT


INTERESTING...

AFTER THE COWSHIT DATE THEY GO TO A PRETTY HOUSE

CRAZY MOFO SAYS POOPY A LOT

KRISTINA SEEMS LIKE A REALLY INTERESTING PERSON BUT I THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT SHE'S ON THIS SHOW

CRAZY MOFO IS "GETTING THE VIBE THAT THE GIRLS ARE HAVING A PROBLEM" WHILE EAVESDROPPING ON THEM TALKING SHIT ABOUT HER

AWWWWW VANESSA'S STUDENTS AND COWORKERS MADE A SCRAPBOOK ABOUT HER FOR NICK PRECIOUS <3

CRAZY MOFO PUTS ON THE CRAZY AND GOES TO CONFRONT EVERYONE ABOUT HOW TOTALLY NOT CRAZY SHE IS

EVERYONE IS GIVING HER A LOOK LIKE "THIS BITCH"

SARAH COMES OUT SWINGING AND ASKS HER IF SHE'S READY TO MARRY A 36 YEAR OLD MAN

SHE INTERPRETS PEOPLE TAKING OFFENSE WITH HER SLEEPING WHILE NICK IS AROUND AS BEING ATTACKED LOL OKAY

IDK THIS IS PRETTY MUCH JUST MORE OF THE SAME

LOL CRAZY MOFO SAID SHE ALMOST HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPIAL BECAUSE WAAA WAAA SHOVELING SHIT IS SO HARD

WOW THIS MOFO IS FAKE AS HELL

GOD SHE REALLY JUST CAN'T MAKE ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN HERSELF

THE LAWYER HAS A VERY HONEST CONVERSATION WITH NICK ABOUT WHY SHE'S HERE I LOVE HER SHE'S GR8

MAN LIKE THANK GOD PEOPLE ARE CONFRONTING CRAZY MOFO ABOUT HER INTENTIONS

THANK GOD FOR KRISTINA FOR TELLING IT LIKE IT IS AND GIVING HER THE LOWDOWN HONESTLY AND NOT BEING JUDGMENTAL

UGH WOW OKAY SOOOOOOO CRAZY MOFO LIES ABOUT HAVING A PANIC ATTACK WOW

GREAT

WHAT A BITCH

AND WHEN KRISTINA TRIES TO HELP HER FIGURE THIS OUT SHE JUST IS LIKE YOU'RE JUST A BITCH AND YOU'RE ATTACKING ME"

OMG HONEY NO SHE ACTUALLY LIKE TRIED TO BE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU JUST ACCUSE HER OF BEING A BITCH WOW

HOW ABOUT SOME SELF REFLECTION?????????

AND THEN SHE GOES TO TATTLE TO NICK GR8 IDEA HOPE YOU GET SENT HOME

AND THEN SHE LIES TO HIM ABOUT HOW SHE THINKS THINGS ARE BETTER AND THERE WILL BE NOTHING MORE HAPPENING OKAY RIGHT YUP THAT WON'T BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE AT ALL

ROSE TIME!!!!

IT WENT TO KRISTINA YAY I REALLY DO LIKE HER A LOT

AND OF COURSE CRAZY MOFO TAKES ISSUE WITH IT SHOCKER
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:19 PM   #215
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TIME FOR THE ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE SOUTHERN GIRL IDK IR REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT HER MUCH

AWWWW HE HAS A LITTLE SISTER AND THEY'RE GOING TO SEE HER SOCCER MATCH

SHE MEETS THE PARENTS WHICH IS ACTUALLY NOT SUPER AWKWARD THAT'S NICE

AND NOW THEY'RE GOING TO GO SKATING

AWWW C'MON TAYLOR WHY ARE YOU GETTING INVOLVED WITH CRAZY MOFO THIS IS SO SELF DESTRUCTIVE

RAVEN TALKS WITH HIS SISTER AND IDK SHE SEEMS NICE BUT SHE'S PRETTY FORGETTABLE

GOD HIS PARENTS HAVE LIKE 11 KIDS THAT'S CRAZY

GOD OF COURSE THEY PLAY KISS ME (LOVE THIS SONG THO)

BAH THIS IS PRETTY ROMANTIC
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:27 PM   #216
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RAVEN APPARENTLY WALKED IN TO HER BOYFRIEND CHEATING ON HER

BUT SHE WAS ALSO DATING A DOCTOR AND IS A NURSE SO I'M NOT PARTICULARLY SURPRISED

DAMN SHE KICKED OPEN HER BOYFRIEND'S DOOR AND CAUGHT THEM CHEATING

SHE SAYS SHE KNOWS WHAT HER VAGINA LOOKS LIKE GOD

...AND THEN SHE LIKE STRAIGHT UP BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM MAN

OKAY IDK I DON'T DISLIKE HER THAT MUCH SHE SEEMS TO HAVE HER SHIT TOGETHER TO SOME EXTENT BUT MAN HER ACCENT

ALSO SIDE NOTE WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY THIS BUILDING IS GORGEOUS

IT'S LIKE ALL GLASS AND WHITE STEEL AND BLUE LIGHTS DAMN IT'S BEAUTIFUL

OMG AND THEY'RE ROLLERSKATING AROUND IT THIS IS COOL

UGH IF I WAS ON THIS DATE I WOULD BE FALLING HARD
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:39 PM   #217
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COCKTAIL PARTY IN A BARN AT TWILIGHT

CAN WE HAVE THE GAY BACHELOR SO I CAN GO ONTO IT JUST TO SEE ALL THE FUCKING AMAZING BUILDINGS THEY MANAGE TO RENT SCREW THE GUY

DANIELLE WHO GOT THE ROSE POUNCES ON NICK FOR SOME REASON AND PISSES OFF THE LADIES

SO TAYLOR JUST SORT OF GLARES AT HER TALKING TO NICK AWKKKK

OKAY WOW WHY ARE PEOPLE GANGING UP ON TAYLOR

NO NO QUIRKY GIRL DON'T SIDE WITH CRAZY MOFO

LIKE TAYLOR IS BEING KINDA RUDE BUT CRAZY MOFO IS LIKE ACTUALLY CRAZY

MINUS TEN RESPECT FOR QUIRKY GIRL (IT'S NEGATIVE AT THIS POINT TBH)

CRAZY MOFO STRAIGHT UP CONFRONTS HER

MAN OKAY I HATE CRAZY MOFO AS MUCH AS THE NEXT BITCH BUT LIKE THIS IS JUST NOT A GOOD TACTIC

SHE IS CRAZY BUT GOING AFTER ANOTHER GIRL IS REALLY NOT WORTH IT

ALSO LIKE TAYLOR YOU HAVE A MASTER'S IN THERAPY WHAT ARE YOU DOIN RIGHT NOW

UM WHAT REALLY ANOTHER FUCKING CLIFFHANGER???

OKAY YEAH BYE CRAZY MOFO

ANOTHER SHARK GIRL BLOOPER

FUN FACT: SHARK GIRL IS AFRAID OF NICK CAGE AND GHO- I MEAN ALIENS

OKAY LIKE THIS GIRL PROBABLY NEEDS SOME HELP BUT DAMN SHE IS ENTERTAINING
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:45 PM   #218
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>o. m. f. g. Taylor (who is concern trolling)

OMG SHE TOTALLY IS THO

>announce the Intent To Hug

THEY SHOULD SUBMIT FORMAL NOTICES OF INTENT TO HUG CLEARLY

>"My flaw is that my parents are divorced" ughhh what a cop out

SECOND ONLY TO BEING CLUMSY

>why is Taylor just chilling in the tub with her bikini on

THESE ARE THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS IT'S FUCKING WISCONSIN HONEY NO ONE WEARS BIKINIS EVEN IN JULY

>oh wow you cannot have a Big Confrontation with another person while you are sharing a blanket s:

4 REALZ THO

>no rose ceremony (we don't do those anymore I guess) but A TWO ON ONE NEXT WEEK yaaaaassss

OH MAN IT IS GOING TO BE A TWO-ON-ONE ISN'T IT THESE ARE BASICALLY PREBAKED DRAMA WHOOO GET PUMPED
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:11 PM   #219
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SCREW THE GUY
I believe that is the point yes
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Old 01-30-2017, 09:27 PM   #220
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So the only episode of the season that I've seen is tonights (which Jeri has yet to live blog), but holy shit Corinne is the single jappiest person who has ever existed.
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:29 AM   #221
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GET READY HERE WE GO

yay let's pick up the Corringe/Taylor snoozefest

Spoiler: show
Rachel is "sick of this". She speaks for me. She is my girl. Rachel you're so cool.

Taylor's got one solid "bitch plz" face on rn

Hey look there's Alexis! On the screen! Before the credits! Wow!

I really don't have a pick in this fight I don't caaaare omg can we just see, like, any of the other ladies

Corringe got out from under the Blanket of Awkwardness hooray

...and now she's run to dob on Taylor SIGH

Was that Whitney sitting with Taylor?? She wasn't talking, so it might have been Whitney or was it Astrid idek

Corringe has the most horrid looking lips, they look like gummy candies ripe to be plucked off her face

JOSH GAD <3 idk this other guy but if he's Gaston I don't like him sorry actor man

...MFW CORRINGE CALLS TAYLOR ENTITLED WHAT

it makes me happy to see Kristina with her rose :>

"my view on that is have them both go home" ahahaha yesssss

Jasmine's voice sounded really strange just now is she freezing or nervous or what

let's not try to make a ~tense~ thing with Rachel, no shit she's getting a rose

we already know that Corringe and Taylor are both staying because you continue to put the rose ceremony at the start of the episode when we got half the episode on the preview sooooooooo

aw Sarah didn't get a rose, I feel bad for her

no Astrid either? her boobs are real Nick I thought you were a boob man


Date 1:
Spoiler: show
NEW ORLEANS YAY

THAT LITTLE KID IS SO PATF :'D CUTE his little bowtie ah mah gahd

jumping on the bed really, that is inconsiderate and icky to me

"one of you will probably be going home", isn't that literally the rule of 2 on 1s Chris Harrison

YAYYAYAY RACHEL and Kristina looks so happy for her ;~; also beignets yaaaass

THESE TWO ACTUALLY LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER???

BEIGNETS HOLY SHIT YES oh my goddd I wanna go to New Orleansss

RACHEL IS SO CUTE I CANNOT DEAL AHHHH SQUEEING

he's watching her watch the band I DIED

can these two just elope now

he wants to know what he should call her dad :'D <333 okay he wants to make a good impression so maybe no eloping

"I'm super into you" ahhhh yes I AM FUCKING SHIPPING THIS SO HARD oh god I should not be so about any potential relationship but I REALLY AM


Date 2:

Spoiler: show
ahh piggie slippers <3

okay so the group date, good for all y'all

but

Taylor and Corringe have to sit and stew about their upcoming 2 on 1, which is pretty lol

but Rachel has to babysit them, poor Rachel

"are they friendly or are they mean" asking the real questions

Jasmine is a skeptic, good for you girl

WHITNEY SPOKE???????? AND NOT JUST TO ACCEPT A ROSE??????????

I am so Jasmine right now and she is me

oh wow the chandelier fell what a shocking turn of events this was

man why are ghosts always spooky little girls, just once I'd like to see some little boy ghost with a possessed Transformer or some shit

((not that girls can't have Transformers, I sure as Hell did, but you know what I'm getting at))

Josh Gad is singing and I love him ;;

I hope Jasmine isn't serious about becoming a believer

I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU

yeah not a lot to say about this date, p boring

Nick's body language with Danielle M is not exactly screaming that he's digging her to me

Raven is in love with Nick hold up??

MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE WAS SINGING KISS THE GIRL??? AND IT DIDN'T GET SHOWN??? damn I think I just fell for Nick


Date 3:

Spoiler: show
Corringe just made another MAGA reference

"that's a spine" "yeah but of what" the last contestant that didn't make it on the 2 on 1

and Corringe is crying to Nick again

help help I'm being oppressed emotionally attacked

Nick, to his credit, is asking Taylor for her side of things

...while Corringe is getting a voodoo doll to play with

the really awful part is that I'm pretty sure Corringe actually believes that Taylor called her "stupid", etc, because that is what she heard when Taylor spoke

Nick, buddy, just take the rose and run away

leave them both in the swamp

just go

again, we knew Corringe was staying, thanks to the shitty gratuitous previews

but, just, can her screentime be over now

Taylor are you going to go full Chad

oh my god do Corringe and Nick say ANYTHING to each other aside from "I'm happy" "I'm glad you're happy" "I appreciate that you're glad" "I'm glad that you appreciate that"

ahahaha the Nic Cage saga goes on A++

can next week's show just be credits scenes
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Old 01-31-2017, 06:39 AM   #222
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Bonus game for after the episode!

Spoiler: show
"Bachelor Would-you-rather: hear more about emotional intelligence or Jade and Tanner's wedding on the next episode?"
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Old 01-31-2017, 08:59 AM   #223
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Spoiler: show
I will indulge in brief thoughts as I've been enlisted to watch along with ABL.

Dang, this two hour block thing is exhausting. The girls are finally starting to stand out a little bit, even if I don't know them by their actual names- and the ones who I don't know are the ones who don't really get on TV (shocking how that works out, huh?).

So no shock on the boob lady's exit (I had to look up earlier in the thread to the name Astrid), she didn't really get any Nick time, date time or even camera time (except for boob shots).

As resident heterosexual dude, I do have to say that Corrine is pretty, but everything about her as soon as she opens her mouth lets down any thoughts of attraction with the sound of an extended slow balloon leak. I'm sure that she's probably just decided to be bitchy so she can be cast in every future Bachelor show from now until the end of time, but that level of dumb is pretty hard to fake.

I've heard that the contestants of color never really get a look in when things get to the end, but I think Nick will buck the trend in this case because he looks good with Rachel and she's definitely way into him. The "I'm not done kissing you yet" thing when they first met for their date was pretty indicative.

I'm not really one for fairly obviously choreographed haunted mansion type things. I get if you want the girls to leap into your arms, but he seems to prefer just pulling them out one by one for chats while the rest of them actually do the exploring/scaring. It seems poorly thought out to me, but I'm not the Bachelor, so grain of salt I guess.

So Corrine is alternating boob grabs and butt shakes in her interviews now- for the aforementioned reasons, it does nothing for me. I'm glad that Taylor got kicked though because honestly if I heard her mention emotional intelligence one more time I think I might have lost it. Of course, she's coming back for revenge next episode, so emotional intelligence will be brought up at least six more times.

Also ABL, why would you ask that question to people who are supposed to be your friends?

. . . The damn wedding.
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Old 02-05-2017, 05:55 PM   #224
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SUMIMASEN MINNA SAN ISOGASHIKATTA KARA NE

LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW AWFUL CRAZY MOFO (AKA CORRINGE) IS

FIGHTING UNDER A BLANKET

CRAZY MOFO FAILS TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

THIS FIGHT IS SUUUUUPER DUMB

LAWYER KEEPS IT REAL ABOUT HOW STUPID THIS FIGHT IS

OMG WE JUST SKIP TO THE GROUP DATE I'M ALREADY SICK OF THIS FIGHT AND IT HAS BEEN 30 SECONS

CRAZY MOFO OF COURSE PLAYS THE VICTIM BUT THEN IS JUST OUT OF THE BLUE SAVAGE

HAHAHAH PROJECTING ON TAYLOR THAT SHE'S HERE FOR THE WRONG REASONS

SHARK GIRL ALSO KEEPIN IT REAL (WEIRDLY)

LIKE CRAZY MOFO IS TOTALLY FUCKING RIDONK BUT TO BE FAIR TAYLOR IS BEING KIND OF UPPITY

AND HERE GOES CRAZY MOFO CRYING TO DADDY

AGAIN TAYLOR IS NOT INNOCENT HERE BUT WOW CRAZY MOFO IS JUST THROWIN OUT ALL THE UNSUBSTANTIATED CLAIMS ABOUT TALYOR

HAHAHAHA NICK ASKS HER TO CONTINUE TO SHOW MATURITY LOLOL

OKAY LET'S SEND SOME PEOPLE HOME

...AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL
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Old 02-05-2017, 06:06 PM   #225
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ALRIGHT LET'S SEND HOME SOME PEOPLE NO ONE KNOWS

THE ROSE CEREMONY

Spoiler: show
IDR WHO GOT THE ROSES LAST WEEK SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK AND LOOK IF YOU CARE ENOUGH

I THINK SOUTHERN GIRL WAS ONE OF THEM
WHITNEY (GOD IDK WHO YOU ARE IT'S BEEN 5 WEEKS)
DANIELLE M (NICU NURSE)
JASMINE
LAWYER (WHO GETS A ROSE AFTER A BIG TALKING HEAD MONOLOGUE ABOUT BEING SENT HOME OKAY PRODUCERS)
JAIMI
JOSEPHINE (UGH WHY IS THE QUIRKY GIRL STILL HERE)
VANESSA (YOU GO GURL)
FUCKIN SHARK GIRL
CRAZY MOFO (SHOCK OF THE CENTURY)

FINAL ROSE FRIENDOS HERE COMES CHRIS HARRISON
Spoiler: show
TAYLOR

WHOO LET'S GO FOR THE 2-ON-1


SO I KINDA DON'T REMEMBER THE GIRLS HE KICKED OFF I GUESS THAT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING

OMG THO SARAH LOOKS LIKE THE OLDEST SISTER FROM MODERN FAMILY

THEY'RE GOING TO NOLA NEXT FOR SOME REASON IDK

ANYWAY TIME FOR THE ACTUAL EPISODE

YAY LAWYER GETS A 1 ON 1
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