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Old 02-20-2018, 05:47 PM   #401
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SOMETIMES YOU LOOK BACK AT SOMETHING AND ASK YOURSELF

"IS THIS ALL WORTH IT? COULD I BE SPENDING MY TIME BETTER?"

THIS IS WHAT I'M ASKING MYSELF TONIGHT AS I STARE DOWN HULU, STEELING MYSELF TO WATCH THE BACHELOR

HOMETOWNS, BITCHES, I GUESS
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Old 02-20-2018, 05:57 PM   #402
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FAMILIAL DOUBTS

DEATH THREATS

SEEKING BLESSINGS

ALL ON HOMETOWNS

KENDALL IS FIRST

REMEMBER SHE'S SECRETLY A CREEP

ARIE DESCRIBES HER AS "QUARKY"

SHE'S FROM LA WHICH IS MEGA BORING IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS SHOW

ALSO JUST GENERALLY REALLY

SHE TAKES HIM TO A TAXIDERMY ROOM, OF COURSE

ARIE IS CREEPED OUT BY IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD BE

THEY STUFF RATS

IT'S ABOUT AS AWFUL AS YOU EXPECT

OH MAN HE HAS A TWIN

WHY DIDN'T SHE COME ON THE SHOW

IT IMPROVED IT MILDLY LAST TIME IT HAPPENED

SHE SAYS ARIE IS MORE COMPASSIONATE THAN HER OTHER BOYFRIENDS

ARIE IS LIKE, NOT A BAD GUY, BUT HE'S ALSO ABOUT AS DENSE AS LEAD SO COMPASSION IS NOT REALLY LIKE, A TOP RANKING QUALITY OF THIS MAN

THEY PROCEED TO EAT EACH OTHERS' FACES AND LEAVE TO MEET THE PARENTS
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:09 PM   #403
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HER FAMILY IS AWKWARD AND HER SISTER LOOKS LIKE A MEANER VERSION OF HER

HER DAD IS GLARING DAGGERS

HER SISTER USES HER TWIN POWERS TO MAKE INSIGHTFUL COMMENTS ABOUT HOW THIS IS ALL STUPID AND THEY HAVEN'T REALLY LIKE, LEARNED ABOUT EACH OTHER

ARIE IGNORES ALL OF THEM BECAUSE HURRDURR IM FALLING FOR HER WHATEVER THAT MEANS

KENDALL'S SISTER IS LIKE, LOWKEY INTERROGATING HER, AND TELLING HER THAT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY LIKE, IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY

ARIE ACTS LIKE HE'S READING FROM A SCRIPT

KENDALL'S DAD IS LIKE "THIS IS STUPID AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD MARRY BUT I ALSO WON'T TELL MY DAUGHTER NO"

ALSO EVEN IF SHE WINS (SHE WON'T) THEY PROBABLY WON'T GET MARRIED ANYWAY SO

REALLY THOUGH THIS IS PRETTY BORING AND RUN-OF-THE-MILL THOUGH THE TWIN ANGLE IS AT LEAST DIFFERENT
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:18 PM   #404
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TIME TO GO TO WIENER, AK

I ONLY REPEAT IT BECAUSE THE PRODUCERS THINK IT'S FUNNY ENOUGH TO REPEAT IT

HE TAKES HER TO A RACE TRACK BECAUSE ARIE LIKE CAR CAR GO FAST VROOM

THEY IMPLY THAT TIA DROVE BUT IT SEEMS THAT SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T

HER FAMILY MAKES SHOTGUN JOKES



ARIE IS SUPER INTIMIDATED BY TIA'S SUPER REDNECK FAMILY

OH SHIT HER BROTHER CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING A MAKE OUT SLUT DAMN GURL
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:27 PM   #405
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OH GOD DAMMIT TIA'S BROTHER YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM

HE'S BORING AND AWFUL

I FEEL A LITTLE BAD FOR TIA (NOT SO MUCH AFTER LAST WEEK BUT) BECAUSE SHE'S OBVIOUSLY HAD SOME SHITTY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE PAST AND ARIE IS BETTER THAN THAT

ANYWAY BORING CONVO WITH TIA AND DAD

DAD TALKS WITH ARIE AND IT'S WAY MORE BORING THAN THE PREVIEW EDITS MAKE IT OUT TO BE

THE DEATH THREAT TURNS OUT TO BE A JOKE, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THIS SHOW WORKS

MOM SAYS, QUOTE "THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN GET TO KNOW HIM LIKE YOU DO", WHILE TALKING TO TIA

WELL, IF YOU TALK TO HIM FOR A HOT MINUTE YOU CAN BASICALLY GET THERE SO

THIS ONE IS MEGA BORING AND EVERYONE LOVES ARIE, FOR SOME REASON

UNFORTUNATELY IT ONLY GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:37 PM   #406
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NEXT UP, BECCA, WHOSE BORINGNESS IS ONLY PROPERLY RIVALED BY ARIE

OR, REALLY, THE LAST LAUREN STANDING

NONE OF THEM ARE REALLY THAT INTERESTING THOUGH

BECCA TAKES HIM APPLE PICKING

I AM MUCH MORE INTERESTED IN THESE APPLES, WHICH LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND CRISP AND ARE WAY LESS BORING THAN THEIR RELATIONSHIP

BECCA'S UNCLE? HAS A REALISTIC VIEW OF THIS SHOW SO THAT'S GOOD

THEY SEEM LIKE A BORING MIDWESTERN FAMILY
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Old 02-20-2018, 06:47 PM   #407
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TBH NONE OF THESE PEOPLE REALLY LOOK RELATED TO HER

GOES TO HAVE A TALK WITH HER UNCLE BECAUSE HER DAD (SADLY) DIED WHEN SHE WAS 19

HER UNCLE IS A PASTOR AND KIND OF A WEIRDLY TOUGH GUY BUT SEEMS NICE ENOUGH

ARIE GETS INTERROGATED ABOUT RELIGION AND IS LIKE "UHHHHHHHH IDK"

HER MOTHER IS TOTALLY SKEPTICAL OF ALL OF THIS BUT IS BEING SUPPORTIVE

SHE GIVES A NON-COMMITTAL BLESSING, THAT ARIE DOES NOT REACT TO MEANINGFULLY

ARIE KIND OF FEELS LIKE ONE OF THOSE DOLLS WHERE YOU TUG ON THE STRING AND IT SPITS OUT A CANNED PHRASE AT RANDOM

IDK THESE ARE BY FAR THE MOST BORING HOMETOWNS I HAVE EVER SEEN TAKE MY LACK OF COMMENTARY AS PROOF OF THAT
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:06 PM   #408
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IT'S THE LAST LAUREN STANDING

SHE IS STILL STANDING SOMEHOW

(SPOILERS: IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE GIRL FROM THE SEASON OF THE BACHLORETTE ARIE GOT KICKED OFF OF)

THEY GO FOR A BEACH HORSE RIDE

IT'S FINE I GUESS

THEY MAKE OUT IN A LIGHTHOUSE

IDK

HO BOY SO HER FAMILY IS EX MILITARY

ARIE SHOWS OFF HIS DUTCH SKILLS TO HER FAMILY, IT'S BAD AND AWKWARD

THERE ARE LIKE, 15 PEOPLE HERE, AND NO ONE IS TALKING

QUESTION TIME

AUNT ASKS THE LAST LAUREN STANDING WHAT SHES FEELING, AND IS BORING

ARIE MANAGES TO WIN THE DAD'S FAVOR BY TELLING A STORY ABOUT GOING TO IRAQ TO ENTERTAIN SOLDIERS

LIKE THE FIRST SMART THING ARIE'S DONE THIS WHOLE SEASON

THEY DON'T EVEN REALLY TALK ABOUT TLLS

THE MOM COMES IN AS BACKUP AS HER DAD GOES TO TAKE A COLD SHOWER TO GET RID OF HIS PATRIOTISM BONER

THE MOM CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING BASICALLY A WALKING SCRIPT

TO HIS SMALL CREDIT HE IS LIKE, MAKING SOME EFFORT HERE TO DO THINGS

BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MARRY THIS WOMAN BECAUSE THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN HE ALMOST PROPOSED TO

TLLS CLAIMS THAT THEY RELATE A LOT TO EACH OTHER



I'VE ALSO JUST NOTICE THAT LAUREN'S FACE DOES NOT ACTUALLY MOVE AT ALL, EVEN WHEN CRYING

GOD OKAY WAKE ME UP WHEN THIS SEASON IS OVER I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM HOW BORED I AM

NEXT UP, LET'S KICK SOME WOMEN OFF THIS SHOW

OR WELL, ONE
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:14 PM   #409
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ROSE CEREMONY

SPOILER: ARIE DOES THE STUPID WALK OUT BECAUSE I'M SOOOO EMOTIONAL THING THAT EVERYONE DOES

UH

HE PULLS KENDALL ASIDE

AND

WELL

COMMERCIAL
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:29 PM   #410
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WELL, ARIE IS REAPING WHAT HE SEWED

HE TRIES TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL A FULL TWO MONTHS INTO THIS AND THEN REALIZE "OH MAYBE I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL AND MAYBE SHE'S NOT READY TO MARRY ME"

YEAH, NO FUCKIN SHIT

IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT, YOU CAN JUST SEND HER HOME

THAT'S HOW THIS ALL WORKS

YOU HAVE THAT POWER AND ABILITY

INSTEAD YOU JUST TORTURE EVERYONE WITH YOUR STUPID INTERROGATIONS

ANYWAY LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH PLEASE

Spoiler: show
BECCA
LAUREN

NO FINAL SPOILER BOX BECAUSE I DON'T CARE AT THIS POINT

LMAO HE SENT TIA HOME

WHAT A DICKWAD KENDALL LIKE, BARELY COMMITTED AND HE WAS LIKE "OH OKAY YOU'RE BLONDE ENOUGH I'LL KEEP YOU INSTEAD OF SOMEONE WHO SAID THEY LOVE ME"

LIKE, FUCK TIA, SHE KINDA SUCKS BUT AT THE SAME TIME WOW GOOD JOB BUDDY

OH GOD SHE'S SOBBING INTO HIS LAPEL MIC

(I ALSO JUST NOTICED SHE HAS AN UGLYASS TATTOO ON THE BACK OF HER ARM WHICH I HAVE BEEN INFORMED IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN OWL)


MAN WHATEVER

NEXT WEEK, PERU

BUT FIRRRSSSSSSTTTTTT

THE WOMEN TELL ALL!!!!!

REALLY THE ONLY GOOD PART OF THIS SHOW

GET READY FOR THE KRYSTAL SHOW 2.0

OH MAN RIGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THE EX BOYFRIEND THING WE STILL HAVE THE EX CRASHING THE PARTY THING TO DO

I'M 100% NOT INVESTED IN THESE WOMEN ANYMORE BUT THERE'S AT LEAST A CHANCE THE NEXT FEW EPS COULD BE OKAY

SO, MAYBE IT WILL BE A BIT MORE ENTERTAINING

I'M NOT HOLDING OUT HOPE THOUGH

CREDITS SCENE MORE CREEPY TAXIDERMY ROLE PLAY
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:26 PM   #411
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WELL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND SMIZMARS (AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN), WE HAVE REACHED THAT TIME OF THE SEASON AGAIN WHERE THE PRODUCERS TRY TO SQUEEZE A BIT MORE AD MONEY OUT OF THE SERIES BY PARADING ALL THE WOMEN WHO GOT SENT HOME OUT IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE TO GENERATE ARTIFICIAL DRAMA

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S WOMEN TELL ALL

AS WITH LAST YEAR, IT'S TIME FOR A BIT OF WTA BINGO



THIS SEASON IS SUPER BORING BUT KRYSTAL IS CRAY SO WE MIGHT STAND A CHANCE AT A BLACKOUT BY HER ALONE

GET READY FOR THE KRYSTAL SHOW 2.0
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:34 PM   #412
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CHRIS HARRISON CLAIMS THIS TO BE ONE OF THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL SEASON, WHICH IS P HILARIOUS, BUT OKAY

HAHAHA SOMEONE IS WEARING A "FOUND BEKAH" T-SHIRT

RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE THEY DO A CLIPSHOW OF THE PREVIOUS THE WOMEN TELL ALL EPISODES WHICH IS ???

THOUGH I GUESS WE GET AN EARLY BINGO SQUARE

WE HAVE A FLASHBACK OF CORRINGE AND ALSO FUCKING LACE (APPARENTLY SOMEONE GOT A TATTOO OF HER FACE UGH)

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Old 02-26-2018, 07:45 PM   #413
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NOW TIME FOR THE ACTUAL SHOW WITH THE WOMEN

CHRIS HARRISON RECOUNTS ALL OF THE FORGETTABLE DATES FROM THIS SEASON

THEY FIRST PERSON THEY TALK TO IS JENNA WHO I DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER (THAT'S A SQUARE)

THEY HAVE A MONTAGE OF HOW UM, AGGRESSIVE THIS SEASON WAS, BUT THEN THEY REHASH THE BUMPER CAR TRAUMA FLASHBACK SO

AND THEY BRING UP GLAM-SHAMING (BUZZWORD, CHECK)

BEKAH BEING YOUNG COMES UP ALREADY (ONE INCIDENT MENTION)

ALSO BEKAH IS KIND OF THE GIMMICK CONTESTANT TOO SO I'LL TAKE THAT ONE

THE AUDIENCE IS MERCILESSLY LAUGHING AT FUCKING KRYSTAL LMAO

GLAM SHAMING COMES UP AGAIN

MARIKH TRIES TO DEFEND HER POSITION

AND THEN ONE OF THE LAURENS JUMPS IN (THAT'S A SQUARE)

THIS TURN INTO LIKE AN ACTUAL FIGHT

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW

CHELSEA TRIES TO GIVE MARIKH A COMPACT AS LIKE, A SIGN OF GOOD FAITH???

IDK NOW WE CONFRONT TIA ABOUT BEING HORRIBLE TO BEKAH

I'M GONNA TAKE THIS SQUARE ALREADY BECAUSE I KNOW WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN

WHOOO BEKAH GOES IN FOR THE KILL

TIA FAKE APOLOGIZES AND THEN ONE OF THE LAURENS COMES IN TO DEFEND TIA FOR SOME REASON

THOUGH ONE OF THE OTHER WOMEN DEFENDS BEKAH WHICH IS NICE

ALSO TONS OF INTERRUPTING SO THAT'S ANOTHER ONE

KRYSTAL GETS DRAGGED INTO THIS BY BEKAH AND THEN BIBIANA GETS DRAGGED IN AFTER SO WHOO

I'M GONNA TAKE CALLOUT AS WELL BECAUSE BEKAH CALLED OUT KRYSTAL FOR BEING TERRIBLE I GUESS

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Old 02-26-2018, 07:55 PM   #414
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TIME 4 KRYSTAL WHOOO

OH SHIT WE GET A LITTLE BIT OF KRYSTAL BADMOUTHING ARIE FUN

FLASHBACK TO THE TOTALLY INCONSEQUENTIAL CONFRONTATION BETWEEN ARIE AND KRYSTAL

KRYSTAL CALLS ALL OF THIS HARD

CHRIS ASKS ABOUT WHY KRYSTAL DIDN'T SHARE DETAILS OF HER DATE (DUMB QUESTION, CHECK)

KRYSTAL TRIES TO BE A LITTLE MATURE AND SAYS SHE WANTED TO HAVE MORE FRIENDSHIPS BUT THEN SEINNE IS LIKE "UM YEAH OKAY EXCEPT YOU CALLED US ALL BITCHES ON CAMERA SO"

I'M GOING TO TAKE "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND" BECAUSE IT'S KRYSTAL

CAROLINE OR WHOEVER CALLS KRYSTAL A SOCIOPATH, THIS DEVOLVES INTO A SCREAMING MATCH

I'M TAKING EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND CALLING SOMEONE RUDE

AND NOW, POINTLESS COMMERCIAL BREAK (CHECK)

OOOOH THATS BINGO!

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Old 02-26-2018, 08:04 PM   #415
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MORE RIPPING ON KRYSTAL

ALSO THEY REUSED A REACTION CLIP

LMAO KRYSTAL SAYS SHE NEEDED A MOMENT TO CHILL OUT AFTER THE BOWLING FIASCO

YOU JUST SCREAMED AT EVERYONE, SO

ILL CALL THAT BLATANT LYING

LMAO SHE CALLED ARIE A SHITHEAD

YANNO I REALLY HATE THIS WOMAN BUT SHE'S A LITTLE MORE SELF-AWARE THAN SOME OF THESE OTHER HORRIBLE WOMEN SO

BEKAH INDIRECTLY CALLS KRYSTAL A BITCH SO I'M GONNA ACCEPT IT

ONE OF THE WOMEN WHO GOT SENT HOME POINTS OUT THAT KRYSTAL'S VOICE IS REALLY DIFFERENT NOW

WHICH IS MOST DEFINITELY IS

KRYSTAL CLAIMS SHE UM, "LOST HER VOICE" UHUH

ALSO HER HOMELESS BROTHER GOT OFF THE STREET BECAUSE HE SAW HER ON THE SHOW OR SOMETHING IDK GOOD FOR HIM I SUPPOSE

(I'M GONNA TAKE UGLYCRYING)

OH THEY TEASE "CELEBRITY GUESTS" GREAT I'LL TAKE THAT AS BIG MOMENT TEASE 1
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Old 02-26-2018, 08:14 PM   #416
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SEINNE IS NEXT FOR SOME REASON I GUESS

SHE DID JUST KIND OF GET UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUMPED AND NO ONE OTHER THAN BEKAH IS INTERESTING SO

OH THEY BRING UP SIENNES CONCERNS ABOUT REPRESENTATION OF DIVERSE GROUPS (CAN I TAKE THAT ONE AS RACIAL TENSION?)

SEINNE SEEMS TO HAVE HANDLED ALL OF THIS WELL BUT STILL WAS VERY BLINDSIDED BY HER BEING DUMPED OUT OF THE BLUE

SHE HAS A VERY RATIONAL CONCLUSION FOR ALL OF THIS

OH THEY BRING UP THE REPRESENTATION THING AGAIN

YEAH I'LL DEFINITELY TAKE THE RACIAL TENSION BOX

GOOD FOR YOU THOUGH SIENNE USING YOUR PLATFORM TO PROMOTE POSITIVE CHANGE AND REPRESENTATION

SHE REALLY IS A LOVELY WOMAN I HOPE SHE FINDS LOVE

I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE THE RACIAL TENSION SQUARE TO "OBLIQUE MENTIONS OF RACE" BECAUSE THAT'S ABOUT AS FAR AS ABC IS WILLING TO GO

NEXT UP BEKAH

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Old 02-26-2018, 08:26 PM   #417
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I ACTUALLY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH BEKAH SHE IS ACTUALLY A COOL PERSON

BEKAH REFLECTS ON BEING JUDGED FOR BEING YOUNG AND POINTS OUT THAT THERE ARE A TON OF WOMEN WHO ARE LIKE, MAYBE TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HER???

BEKAH POINTS OUT THAT ARIE WAS PROJECTING HIS CONCERNS ABOUT BEING TOO OLD ONTO HER

TIA GETS DRAGGED IN AND SAYS SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT BEKAH MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN COMMITTED AND IN THE PLACE THAT SHE WAS, BEKAH AGREES BUT SAYS YOU SHOULD HAVE PROBABLY LIKE, TALKED TO ME INSTEAD OF TATTLING

(DON'T TATTLE FOLKS)

NOW THEY BRING UP BEKAH'S BEING MISSING

BEKAH RECOUNTS THE TALE OF HOW SHE WENT TO WORK ON THE POT FARM BUT SHE DIDN'T HAVE SERVICE AND HER MOM THOUGHT SHE WAS MISSING

CHRIS HARRISON TELLS HER TO CALL HER MOM AND SHE ACTUALLY PICKS UP LMAO

OH NO BUT THEY'RE PUTTING HER ON BACHELOR IN PARADISE

I MIGHT HAVE TO WATCH UGH

GROSS CHRIS HARRISON MAKES A JOURNEY REFERENCE

ALSO THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE LIKE, A BIG MOMENT OR ANYTHING SO UM

IDK I'M TAKING MY SQUARE THEY'VE REFERENCED TIA'S BREAKDOWN A FEW TIMES AND ALSO CAROLINE ACCUSING ARIE OF... SOMETHING

SO, YEAH
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Old 02-26-2018, 08:35 PM   #418
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TIA'S GETTING SENT HOME IS APPARENTLY ONE OF THE MOST GUT-WRENCHING MOMENTS IN BACHELOR HISTORY

I LITERALLY DON'T REMEMBER IT SO

THIS IS BORING BUT APPARENTLY ARIE SAID THAT HE WASN'T SURE IF HE MADE A MISTAKE AFTER SENDING HER HOME

NOTHING HAPPENED OKAY NEXT TIME FOR ARIE
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Old 02-26-2018, 08:58 PM   #419
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TIME TO CONFRONT ARIE

TIA'S FIRST

ARIE GIVES A NON-ANSWER TO WHY HE SENT HER HOME NEXT

JACQUELINE

(BTW SHE LEFT BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK)

THEY TALK ABOUT HER GETTING A PHD AND HOW HE ENDED IT BECAUSE SHE PRIORITIZED HER EDUCATION OVER HIS BORING ASS

GOOD FOR HER

BEKAH'S NEXT

WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE SAME SHIT THEY'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS WHOLE TIME I'M GOING TO GIVE MYSELF ONE-SIDED ARGUMENT AFTER THE FACT BECAUSE KRYSTAL IS A HORRIBLE PERSON AND DID THAT SOME

UM

CAROLINE SAYS SOMETHING VAGUE AND OMINOUS THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE ARIE LIKE, DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO THE REMAINING WOMEN

ANYWAY TIME FOR KRYSTAL

SHE INVITES HERSELF ONTO THE COUCH

KRYSTAL SAYS THEIR GOODBYE WAS COLD

ARIE SAYS IT WAS APPROPRIATE

WOW ARIE DRAGS HER HARD

DAMN

(I'M GONNA TAKE DEFENSIVE HERE)

UH OH CHRIS HARRISON TATTLES ON KRYSTAL ON CALLING HIM A SHITHEAD

PEOPLE CHANT "PLAY THAT CLIP" (THEY DON'T)

ANYWAY BLOOPERS I GUESS

IS THIS THE BIG MOMENT?

IT'S A FLOP FOR SURE

-HORSES INTERRUPT AN INTERVIEW
-ARIE IS ATTACKED BY BUGS
-GIRLS ARE ATTACKED BY BEES
-A GIRL POINTS OUT THAT ARIE HAS NO ASS
-A GIRL CAN'T DO MATH
-BIBIANA EATS IN-AND-OUT DURING A TALKING HEAD
-A BELL TOLLS IN THE MIDDLE OF BEKAH'S INTERVIEW AN SHE MOVES IN TIME
-ARIE MAKES WEIRD SQUEAKING NOISES WHEN HE CAN'T SPEAK
-CHRIS HARRISON DOES A CHAIR SLAM

EH

JOHN CENA APPEARS?

UM

THIS IS APPARENTLY SOME SORT OF FILM PROMOTION CROSSOVER

OH WAIT

APPARENTLY KRYSTAL CALLED HIM A NEEDLE DICK

OH THIS MOVIE IS CALLED BLOCKING AS IN COCKBLOCKS

SO NOW WE HAVE A COCKBLOCKING MONTAGE

THIS WAS A HORRIBLE SEASON FOR BLOCKS

OH MAN AND BIBIANA WHO SET UP THAT HUGE BIG THING AND GOT IT STOLEN BY LIKE EVERYONE

ANYWAY THIS SHIT HAS GONE OFF THE RAILS CAN WE END IT

SO AFTER THAT BRIEF COMMERCIAL NOW WE JUST HAVE PREVIEWS WHICH MEANS, TRAGICALLY, NO BLACKOUT BINGO THIS TIME ROUND

WE DID DAMN GOOD THOUGH



CHRIS HARRISON CLAIMS THIS SEASON HAS BEEN DIFFERENT AND DRAMATIC AND WHATEVER

EXCEPT THIS SEASON IS SO BORING AND ALL THE REMAINING WOMEN ARE SUCH A FUCKING SNOOZE

THEY KEEP INSISTING THAT THE FINALE IS DRAMATIC, THOUGH I AM SKEPTICAL

ANYWAY CREDITS SCENE ARIE ACTUALLY EATING THE FOOD HE IS SERVED

VERY LOUDLY I MIGHT ADD
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:05 PM   #420
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SOMEHOW I WANDERED ONTO HULU AND ACCIDENTALLY STARTED WATCHING THE BACHELOR

I GUESS I'M HERE NOW
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:13 PM   #421
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PREVIEWS IDK DRAMA OR SOMETHING

IM NOT ACTUALLY THAT INVESTED IN ANY OF THIS SO EXPECT SOME PHONING IN

PERU IS PRETTY THOUGH

THEY ARE IN A LITERAL DESERT - KEEP THIS IN MIND IT'S IMPORTANT FOR LATER

KENDALL IS UP FIRST

THEIR DATE IS DUNE BUGGIES, BECAUSE IT'S A PERMUTATION OF CARS BUT FOR THE DESERT

KENDALL CLAIMS TO LIKE "ADRENALINE THINGS" WHATEVER THAT MEANS

THIS DOES NOT SEEM ROMANTIC TO ME IN THE SLIGHTEST BUT OKAY

THEY ALSO SANDBOARD OR SOMETHING

THEY ALSO HAVE A SANDY PICNIC

ROMANTIC

IDK THEY TALK ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT IT'S SUPER INSUBSTANTIAL AND NOT INFORMATIVE SO
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:22 PM   #422
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OH THIS IS THE PART THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT - THE RAMP UP TO THE OVERNIGHT DATE (I.E. THE ~FANTASY SUITE~)

KENDALL IS STARTING TO REALIZE THAT BEING THE QUIRKY CONTESTANT IS ACTUALLY A STUPIDLY HUGE DISADVANTAGE

KENDALL EXPRESSES HER INSECURITIES

SHE STRUGGLES TO FIND DEPTH AND ASKS ARIE A SERIOUS QUESTION ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP THAT HE AVOIDS 100% AND DEFLECTS WITH A NON-ANSWER

IDK IT ENDS IN MAKING OUT BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES

TIME FOR THE KEY

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS MEANS SEX

KENDALL SOLILOQUIZES PRIOR TO ACCEPTING SO YEAH THIS WILL END WELL
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:33 PM   #423
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I'M ALREADY BORED WITH THE NEXT GIRL

AND IT'S STILL TECHNICALLY KENDALL'S DATE RN

THEY WERE UP ALL NIGHT "TALKING"

IDK MUSHY SHIT

OH OK NEXT BLONDE NUMBER TWO, THE LAST LAUREN STANDING

HAVE I POINTED OUT YET THAT THIS WOMAN IS APPARENTLY STRIKINGLY SIMILAR TO THE WOMAN WHO REJECTED ARIE ON THE SEASON OF THE BACHELORETTE HE WAS ON?

EVEN IF I HAVE I FEEL THE NEED TO POINT IT OUT AGAIN

THE NAZCA LINES ARE WASTED ON THESE TWO

LAUREN JUST KIND OF IGNORES HIM THE ENTIRE TIME THEY'RE ON THE PLANE SO THAT'S A GOOD THING RIGHT

THE LAST LAUREN STANDING, AS OPPOSED TO KENDALL, HAS SOME NORMAL AND DECENT REACTIONS TO THIS WHOLE IDIOTIC PROCESS

WHICH IS PROBABLY HEALTHY, DESPITE HER BEING BORING
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:41 PM   #424
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SO IN ANY SEMI-REAL SITUATION THIS WHOLE SITUATION WITH THE WOMAN DOUBTING THE PROGRESS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP WOULD PROBABLY BE WHAT WE IN THE REAL WORLD WOULD CALL A DEALBREAKER

BUT LET'S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO REMEMBER THAT THE BACHELOR EXISTS IN SOME WEIRD FANTASY DIMENSION WHERE PEOPLE HAVING RATIONAL DOUBTS ABOUT THE PRAGMATICS OF THE SITUATION OR THE REALITY OF THEIR FEELINGS IS LARGELY UNIMPORTANT

SO DON'T ACTUALLY EXPECT THE LAST LAUREN STANDING'S LEGITIMATE FEARS ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH ARIE TO ACTUALLY HAVE A MEANINGFUL EFFECT ON THE OUTCOME OF THIS

OH SHIT HE DOES DROP THE I LOVE YOU BOMB THOUGH

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT BUDDY THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO GET SUED BY ABC FOR BREACH OF CONTRACT

(ALSO PRETTY MUCH A HARD CONFIRMATION THAT HE IS JUST TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF THAT OTHER GIRL AGAIN)

ANYWAY YEAH FANTASY SUITE GREAT
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Old 03-02-2018, 07:42 PM   #425
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SIDE NOTE THEY PLAY A REALLY HORRIBLE SONG OVER THE FANTASY SUITE PART AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT ADDS LITERALLY ZERO

OH GOD IT'S A HORRIBLE COVER OF HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU

LIKE LIFETIME VERSION BAD

RUN OUT OF MONEY ABC?
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