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Old 01-22-2016, 08:12 PM   #126
Beautiful Savage
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Alright, for my ref app I'll be using Goose's first post as my basis. Thanks, Goose.

---

Any nostalgic thoughts remaining in Vita's head were immediately dispelled by the sight of the interior of Azalea's gym. Looking around, the duo found themselves inside a massive greenhouse mimicking Azalea's climate from before the Disasters. Wildlife of all kinds can be seen in the immediate area, and though none are currently visible, Vita can hear the buzz of Bug-Types flying around. What he can see, however, are several large platforms on the other side of the building that could only be the Gym Battle Arena. Getting over the initial shock of the gym's internal design, Vita moves to examine his more immediate surroundings. A plaque near the entrance where he was read, "This greenhouse was created after the Disasters and associated climate change so that the Bug-Type Pokemon that used to thrive in this region could have a safe haven. The building was later expanded so that DJ Contesto could use it as the location of his Bug-Type Gym."

Looking up from the plaque, Vita notices a man in overalls approaching, holding a SquirtBottle in one hand and a spade in the other. As for his physical appearance, he was tall and lanky, with messy brown hair and accompanying brown eyes. As he gets nearer, he begins to speak.

"Hey, welcome to Azalea City Gym! My name is Doug, and I'm one of the caretakers and gym trainers here. Judging by the Mareep accompanying you, I'd assume you're a trainer? Unfortunately, DJ Contesto isn't in town at the moment. He's off in Goldenrod recording his radio show. I could help you with anything you need, though."

---

Quest:
Theoretically after this update, Vita would either spend some time training/chatting with Doug in the gym. On his way out, Doug would stop him with a request to bring a package to DJ Contesto in Goldenrod city. Assuming Vita agrees, Doug hands him a mysterious spherical package about the size of a Pokeball (spoiler: It's a Pokeball).


Outline:
Assuming Vita agrees to take the package to DJ Contesto, he would bundle back up in his winter clothes, maybe stop off at the now open Pokemon Center to take care of that hunger if he wants, then head on out into Ilex Forest to begin making his way to Goldenrod. Not long into his journey through the forest, however, he would bump into DJ Contesto making his way back to Azalea! Vita then explains his task to DJ, and hands over the package, which DJ promptly opens and finds a Pokeball made from an Apricorn inside that he had ordered from Christopher a while back. But this quest isn't quite so simple! As the two begin to head back to Azalea together, a Sentret dashes by, jumps up, snags the Pokeball out of DJ's hand, and runs off! DJ then asks Vita to recover the ball while he heads back to his gym, promising him a reward when he returns.

The two part ways and Vita begins to track down the Sentret. Eventually, he manages to find it sleeping in its den atop a small pile of shiny yet valueless items, with the Pokeball sitting close to the bottom of the pile. Vita tries to grab the Pokeball without waking the sleeping Pokemon but is unsuccessful. The Sentret wakes up to find him reaching down, his silver necklace dangling in the air due to his position. Seeing this, the Racoon immediately loses all interest in the Pokeball, shifting its attention to the shiny necklace. It jumps onto Vita's face to try and get it but is incapable of taking it off due to it being tied around Vita's neck. Vita enlists the help of his Mareep in subduing the Sentret enough to deter it from attacking him again, and then leaves the den and begins to make his own way back.

After about twenty minutes of walking, however, he'll realize that the Sentret is following him. Realizing that the Sentret was still captivated by the necklace, he (maybe) allows it to ride on his shoulder and play with his necklace on the way back. By the time they arrive in Azalea, they are fast friends. Upon meeting up with Doug and DJ, Doug comments on Vita's new friend and asks if he captured it. Realizing he could, he formally asks Sentret to join him. The Sentret happily complies.


Rewards:
Aside from the Sentret, Doug gives Vita $300 and 2 Star Shards. This quest also built a relationship between Vita and DJ Contesto, opening the door for future Gym Quests and an eventual Gym Battle.
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Old 01-24-2016, 10:24 AM   #127
Connor
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Alright so I had a quick look over this and a few things jumped out to me. First of all I quite like that you've established a means of connecting with a Pokemon beyond giving them a berry and hitting pot luck on whether they like that particular berry or not. It's something which is quite simple, but endearing in a way. Secondly I think it's quite important and noteworthy that you have managed to link this to the Gym in some way - you need to keep interest in some way, and you've managed to spice up what is ultimately otherwise a basic fetch quest by allowing the trainer some sort of tangible progress.

To the negatives. The quest itself seems a bit short, and could use some more fleshing out. You've also only really provided one option for the trainer, which can feel a little stifling from their perspective, and can frustrate them. The rewards also seem a little bit awkwardly stingy, even for such a short quest. All in all though these are points which can ultimately be resolved by someone looking out for you during the course of your first quest, so they're not major thing.

Going to go ahead and give you approval 1/3.
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Old 01-24-2016, 01:57 PM   #128
Jerichi
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My sentiments pretty much echo Connor's - it's best to be flexible, and we're generally giving around a few thousand for smaller quests now. But that's all stuff you can learn once you get into things.

Approved 2/3.
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Old 01-25-2016, 03:55 AM   #129
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Using Copygoo's first post. Long outline is long.

With a bound in your step, you march down the forest path with Clay in tow. The sound of foliage and snow crunching echoes your every step, the sprawling woods starts to become dense with frost, a chilling breeze through the canopy causing you and your Teddiursa to shiver profusely. Regardless, the pair of you forge on in search of a riveting mystery, a daring rescue, just anything that could bring excitement to this adventure.

Minutes pass as you find yourselves in a mildly open clearing, the temperature dropping somewhat as the cover of trees recedes. Taking a moment to relax for a bit, you hear the panicked steps of someone in the distance, a rucksack rustling as they emerge from the trees opposite your position.

Turns out that someone is a middle-aged man, snow-white stubble covering his chin, and eyes shut as he wheezes for a bit. Seems like he's been running for a while now, or just frantically searching for something. As you take a look at his attire, you find his overcoat and scarf covered in frost, while his large rucksack battered and covered in patches. You can't quite see his hair, whatever would usually be seen being covered by a thick wooly beanie.

Clay coos to you, calling you to action. Could this the mystery that you had been hoping for?


Spoiler: show
Primary Quest: Lost Care Package in the Forest
The man, Cecil, is a merchant from Goldenrod City who has lost a package of herbs, medicine and food in the forest. He recalls the woods around him becoming unusually more frigid than normal, before something attacked him and made him drop the package. Before he could retrieve it though, he was forced to flee when a tree branch fell and catapulted the package deeper into the woods. Begging Anja to help him, it's ultimately her choice whether she goes with this quest or not.

Sidequests:
Frozen Fruit - Help Cherubi's family get better.
Hungry Hungry Cubchoo - The cub hungers.
The Bear Necessities - Try to negotiate with the Ursaring for the package.

Outline:
1A. Primary Quest from Cecil accepted
If she accepts the quest, Cecil will begin accompanying Anja as support, beginning their search for the package. Somewhere during their search, they find themselves face-to-face with a Cherubi and its ill family (a pair of Cherrim and another Cherubi) who are suffering from the severe cold.

2A. Frozen Fruit sidequest started
If Anja chooses to help the Cherubi, with Cecil's help as well as her own actions (preferably an Aspear Berry but anything to bring warmth to them without fire should suffice), the family will be on the road to recovery. If she does a good job with helping the family, Cherubi will begin following Anja around to help her out with the search.

3. The Bear Necessities sidequest started
An encounter with an Ursaring which had found the package and was keeping it for itself. With further investigation, it too is found to be somewhat injured, having been wounded by some other Pokemon. It comes down to Anja's actions to see whether she can get the package back, but…

3A. Calmed Ursaring
In the best case scenario, Ursaring will return the package to Cecil, and Cherubi will reveal itself to have Heal Pulse, using it to heal the bear. Proceed to 3C1.

3B. Agitated Ursaring
Worst case scenario is needing to knocking the Lv. 30 Ursaring unconscious, the bear knowing Roar in addition to its usual moveset. The bear is injured though, and will be reluctant to fight, but regardless will be a difficult fight. The only branches that will continue from this are 3C2 and 3D.

3C1. Peaceful Conclusion
If Anja settled things peacefully and manages to learn how to convey her feelings of concern and sympathy during the entire quest, then Cherubi will offer to join her team without a fight, inspired by her growth.

Cherubi will be Level 6, Quiet, Female, with the egg moves Heal Pulse and Razor Leaf if befriended in this way.

3C2. Battle Conclusion
If the Cherubi finds her method of dealing with problems to be perhaps a little hostile, Cherubi may instead challenge Anja to a capture battle.

Cherubi will be Level 6, Rash, Female, with the egg moves Nature Power and Weather Ball if battled.

3D. Bearly Escaped
Being defeated by the Ursaring will mean a quest failure and being taken back to Azalea after Cecil coaxs the Ursaring to calm down himself and retrieve the package. Despite this failure, Cecil will give two Oran Berries and a Sitrus Berry for trying to get his package for him and leave.

Primary Quest End
Regardless of the outcome of 3C, Cecil will reward Anja with a Star Shard, two Pecha Berries, two Oran Berries, two Sitrus Berries and $2000 as thanks. Cherubi's family will also arrive at the end of the quest to give Anja one to two Star Shards as thanks for helping them, giving two if she did a really damn good job at helping them.

This will open up more quests from Cecil where Anja will investigate what attacked him in the Ilex Forest, among other quests.

2B. Frozen Fruit sidequest turned down
If she ignored the Cherubi, Anja, Clay and Cecil move on to search for the package, Cecil being reluctant to leave the Cherubi behind. After a fruitless search, the group eventually encounter the Cherubi again. This time, it seems to be fighting a Cubchoo over a Lum Berry.

4. Arguing Bears No Fruit
Now, Anja is given the choice of which one to help before they get hurt each other.

4A. Ally with Cherubi
If she sides with the Cherubi, the Cubchoo will flee. The quest will then continue along 2A (automatically accepts Frozen Fruits sidequest), but the sidequest reward for helping Cherubi's family will only be an Oran Berry instead of the Star Shards.

4B. Ally with Cubchoo, Hungry Hungry Cubchoo sidequest started
If she sides with the Cubchoo, the Cherubi will flee. Cubchoo will be hungry, and will start following Anja. If she feeds the Cubchoo, she'll then be prompted to help patch things up between Cubchoo and Cherubi. After this, the quest will continue on branch 3 (The Bear Necessities). Instead of befriending Cherubi, Anja will befriend Cubchoo and the bear cub will challenge Anja and Clay to a capture battle.

Cubchoo will be Level 6, Brave, Male, with the egg move Focus Punch.

4C. REJECT ALL THE SIDEQUESTS!
Refusing to help either will result in disdain from Cecil before he gives them a Lum Berry from his pack so that they don't have to fight over it, but he will lose respect for Anja. Questioning whether he can trust Anja to continue searching with him, Cecil challenges her to a battle with his Lv. 10 Aipom, Hunter, aiming to have their stamina be brought to half. Hunter knows Mega Punch in addition to his usual moves.

5A. A FAILURE IS YOU.
Defeat means he'll take you back to Azalea to heal but it will be a mission failure. No reward.

5B. Hunter-Gathering
Victory will have him continue to accompany you, eventually finding the package in a tree, but it'll require the teamwork of both Hunter and Clay to get. After this, he'll give a Star Shard, two Pecha Berries, two Oran Berries and $1500 as thanks for helping him, and an apology. He will also use two Sitrus Berries to heal Hunter and Clay before moving on to Azalea. There will be no capture encounter on this route of the quest. Anja is free to move on to Goldenrod.

1B. Reject Primary Quest flag
If she refuses the quest, she leaves Cecil to search on his own before moving on to branch 2 with the initial Cherubi encounter. It will be more difficult due to Cecil not being around to assist.

On this route, the following are changed from the 1A route:
Alt 2A. Frozen Fruits sidequest started
If she helps Cherubi, after helping Cherubi's family, Cherubi will follow Anja around for a while. End reward from the Cherubi family will still be 1-2 Star Shards.

Alt 2B. Hungry Hungry Cubchoo sidequest started
If she ignores Cherubi, she eventually encounter the hungry Cubchoo. After feeding Cubchoo, the cub will tag along with Anja for a while.

Alt 3. The Bear Necessities
They'll pass by a cave where Ursaring and Cecil's package is. If Anja decides to investigate the cave, Ursaring won't be too happy with them intruding and will attack Anja, forcing Clay and whichever out of Cubchoo or Cherubi tagged along into action.

Alt 3A. A Fruitless Loss to Bear With
Being defeated by the Ursaring will have Anja run away back to Azalea, failing the quest (which was really more of a sidequest but hush.) Cubchoo/Cherubi will be injured, and it will be up to Anja to choose whether to take it with her to Azalea or not. If she chooses to bring the wounded Pokemon with her, she will befriend it.

If this was Cherubi, it will stop you a fair bit before you reach Azalea, revealing it knows Heal Pulse and Morning Sun, healing itself and Clay. It will then offer to join Anja's team.

Cherubi will be Level 6, Quiet, Female, with the egg moves Heal Pulse and Nature Power.

If this was Cubchoo, it will challenge Clay and Anja to a capture battle to test their will to fight.

Cubchoo will be Level 6, Brave, Male, with the egg moves Focus Punch and Ice Punch.

Alt 3B. Bearing Fruit
Victory against the Ursaring (goal here being to weaken it enough to have it give up) will have the bear surrender the package. Anja can either go back to Azalea to return the package to Cecil or keep the package for herself.

If she returns the package to Cecil anyway, he will thank her and give her two Star Shards and $1500.

If she keeps the package and its contents, she'll obtain two servings of Berry Juice, two Lum Berries and a Silk Scarf.

The difference between branches Alt 3A and Alt 3B is that the capture chances are switched around. Cherubi will challenge Anja to a capture battle, while Cubchoo will acknowledge their strength and offer to join Anja without a battle.

Cherubi will be Level 6, Rash, Female, with the egg moves Razor Leaf and Weather Ball.

Cubchoo will be Level 6, Brave, Male, with the egg moves Focus Punch and Ice Punch.

Anja is free to move on wherever she ends up, either Goldenrod or Azalea; Azalea if she returned the package or was defeated while with Cubchoo, Goldenrod otherwise.
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Old 01-25-2016, 06:57 AM   #130
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>Savage

100% agree with Connor and Jeri on this one.

3/3 Approved

>Kamen

I actually really like that you put this much thought into this, and the different Egg Moves for different paths that lead to the same 'mon is a nice idea. That said, I'm not personally a huge fan of multiple egg moves more oft than not. Either way, looks good to me.

1/3 Approved
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Old 01-25-2016, 10:29 AM   #131
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Kamen you obviously know what you're doing. Nice simple quest with good attention being paid to the character's flaws. I like that. As Sneaze said, tread lightly a bit with the egg moves, but that's not a huge deal. Whoever runs through your first quest with you will be able to keep the reward in line, and I imagine they won't need to do much beyond that.

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Old 01-25-2016, 06:10 PM   #132
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I'm also going to echo having only one Egg Move in most contexts, but I can definitely appreciate your willingness to plan and be flexible.

Confirmed 3/3
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Old 02-19-2016, 11:53 PM   #133
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Trying my hand at this.

With permission and RNG shenanigans between choosing people, using Sav's intro post. Ty Sav.

As you look out into the wild blue sky with Route 9 situated below the beautiful sight, you and Cerberus take your first steps into the unknown wilderness which is Kanto, at least, some of the remains of it and easily the least affected area. You look to Cerberus who seems to have caught sight of something as his twin-heads keep looking on into the distance as if they can make out some kind of shadow. This eventually gets your interest piqued and you decide to make a side detour before reaching the Route 9 Center.

You both start closing in on what caught the attention of your trusty Doduo, Cerberus and as you close in, Cerberus seems to cry out for some reason almost as if he can make out the Pokemon perfectly right now which wouldn't be too surprising given he's a twin-headed bird. With several more steps, Cerberus then runs off towards the source and you decide to run after him despite his speed.

When you eventually catch back up to him, you can make out something which is trapped under a rock which seems to be a small Pokemon of sorts. "Sand... Sandshrew... Sand..." You hear the Pokemon cry rather weakly with obvious signs of exhaustion but that isn't all, nearby you find a trainer who seems to be rather distraught and that is when he notices you.

"You there, please help us" the man pleads, you notice several small cuts across his body as though he had been attacked. "My Sandshrew an I, we were walking down here when all of a sudden something smashed into us and started attacking us which was when we ran here and my buddy got caught under this rock... My name is Osion, by the way" You listen to the man's story and, due to your nature, think that it may be a good idea to help him out.

"It would be appreciated a lot, if you could find the thing which attacked us, it seemed to be an avian of sorts" This seems to get Cerberus somewhat mad as he cannot stand the idea of a Pokemon putting his flying pals to shame and that much is understandable.

"So sir, will you help us?" He pleads once more with desperation in his voice.


Spoiler: show
Primary Quest: The Mysterious Attacker
As explained from Osion, an avian Pokemon of sorts attacked him and his partner and it is now up to you to find the culprit and take them down, or just get them under control, that works too. Luckily, Osion has a hint as to what attacked him although it isn't much, just a lone red feather. With the knowledge with it being here in Route 9 and it having red feathers, you start your hunt for this troublesome bird.

Sidequests:
Monkey Business - Help the Mankey find its suddenly missing treasure, well, banana.
Mistaken Identity - As the red feather is a hint, this Spearow has mistakenly been blamed for the attacks and stealing of items and needs someone to help prove its innocence.

Outline:
1A. Mission Accepted, Osion's Primary Quest is taken!
If he accepts the quest, Osion will give Olliver a bit of help in the form of another Pokemon he owns, a Shellder by the name of Tipo. Oliver soon finds himself face to face with a Fearow which then flies away

2A. Monkey Business sidequest started!
Oliver will come in contact with a Mankey who seems to be frantically looking for an item, if he chooses to help, Mankey will join him until the banana is found.

3A. Mistaken Identity sidequest started!
Not long after looking for the thief you will find this Spearow walking along for some odd reason, Mankey will immediately blame Spearow and Oliver will then have to decide on who is right.

3B. Jumping To Conclusions
If Oliver decides that Spearow is innocent, Mankey will start to rage and decide to attack you, this Mankey is at Lv.4. This battle should be easy enough as Spearow joins you for the fight, it being at Lv.8. If won, proceed to 3C1. If lost, proceed to 2C2/3C2.

2B. It Was The Spearow!
Despite the Spearow being innocent, if Oliver decides Spearow is the culprit, it will attack. This Spearow is at Lv.4. This battle should be easy enough as Mankey joins you for the fight, it being at Lv.8. If won, proceed to 2C1. If lost, proceed to 2C2/3C2.

3C1. Proven Innocent
If the battle is won, Mankey will apologise to the Spearow and head on back to its tree. Spearow will be happy that you proved its innocence and will join without a fight.

Spearow is a Lv.8 Rash Female with the egg move Tri Attack.

2C1. Taken Down Without Asking
If the battle is won, Spearow will leave the area and Mankey will be happy with you, joining your team as a way to repay you for helping it out.

Mankey is a Lv.8 Careful Male with the egg move Foresight.

3C2/2C2. Waste of Time
If you lose the fight against Mankey/Spearow, the two Pokemon will split off and go their separate ways without you gaining anything.

1B1. Fearow Found/Negotiation Route
After the sidequests (if gone through with, otherwise straight away), you will run into Fearow whom you can try and negotiate with to stop their actions, though this will be quite tough. Proceed to 3D3 if successful, otherwise 3D2 will be the taken path.

1B2. Fearow Found/Battle Route
After the sidequests (if gone through with, otherwise straight away), you will run into Fearow whom you can try and negotiate with to stop their actions, though this will be quite tough. You can choose to fight the Fearow or negotiate, if the negotiation fails you will be forced into a fight, be careful though, this Fearow is Lv.30.

1C1. Mission Successful, Primary Quest end
If successful in getting Fearow to leave through either negotiation or battle, you will return to Osion where you give Tipo back to him. As a reward, Osion will give you $850, 2 Oran berries, 2 Pecha berries and a Sitrus berry to show his gratitude.

1C2. Mission Unsuccessful, Primary Quest end
If you fail the mission, you will end up returning Tipo to Osion and he will give you $100 as a thanks for trying to stop the Fearow's reign of tyranny.

1D. Primary Quest reject flag
If he refuses the quest, he continues down Route 9 before moving on to branch 2 with the initial Mankey encounter. It will be more difficult due to Tipo not being around to help and with Mankey/Spearow you face being at Lv.8 instead of Lv.4.
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Old 02-20-2016, 06:53 AM   #134
KamenAeons
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> HeroicRein / SilverChiko
Oh you used mine as a template which was based of Snorby's
Approved 1/3


Okay so. Your quest is nicely planned out, with different branches for different choices. I mean, there's hilarity in Mankey's poor decision making even with Foresight so.

There are some possible paths which Sav could also take which you haven't planned for but for the most part, but you seem to know what you're doing.

Regarding the Fearow fight, that might prove rather overkill letting it be so strong, especially given that it seems rather healthy and, as such, at full power. Even with a support Pokemon, the new partner Pokemon and Cerberus may have trouble bringing down such a high level Pokemon.

That said though, your application seems solid enough. We'll see how the other updaters respond.

Approved 1/3
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The Kamen Fleet (TL5 / A- Grade Referee) | Cameron Kalmia: Viridian's Maskmaker
Hizumi Yukikaze: Emerald Breeze~ | Tokikou Nobuyuki: Time Mage
Ludger Bullenaar: Bastion of Raji City | Helena Levinton: Violet Stitching
Shizuya Kasen: SHSL Armourer

Waifu Squadron and Explorers | Cavern of Chaotic Creativity




Paradise lies beyond the horizon, challenge it because it is unreachable.
Speak of the absolute territory, and grasp it with your hands.


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SAAVE ME


FLOOF AND MOFUMOFU JUSTICE! *WHACK*


Spoiler: show

"Quit poking my face! >_<"
"Ahahaha, you'll never get rid of this! *hiss*"

Spoiler: show

"STOP POKING MY SISTER!"

Spoiler: show

"That was a terrible idea. But holy carp, this tastes pretty nice."


Spoiler: show
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"YOUKOSO WAGA CRAZY E"



Love burns brightly for one and all.

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Old 02-27-2016, 09:49 PM   #135
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>Chiko

First off, I'd like to say that it was very interesting looking at how radically different my first quest could have been, especially since I'm just wrapping my first one up. So I'm going to say 0/10 because no princesses, sorry bud. Jk, this is all pretty good as far as I can tell. Kamen pretty much hit the nail on the head with his approval. I mentioned rewards earlier in skype because I remembered this being like $300 or $400 instead of $850, so to me, it seems pretty solid with the berries included. I'm not an expert on rewards, though, but that's what a probationary period with senior refs is for. You'll be a great updater imo.

tl;dr Approved 2/3
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Old 02-29-2016, 08:47 PM   #136
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> HeroicRein

No significant complaints on the quest design, although since this is based on an intro post, Level 8 is a bit too high for catchable partners at this point; the new addition would probably out-level the starter. Otherwise, pretty bang-up job.

Approved 3/3.
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Old 03-30-2016, 09:34 PM   #137
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((Going to be using Charzonos' intro post.))

Entering the thick of the forest as the sun just begins to rise overhead, you're excited to begin your adventures, the encouragement and goodbyes from your parents to do so still fresh in your mind. Amy plods alongside you as you take in the sounds - while quiet, you can hear the faint cries of pokemon still despite their tendency to keep their distance - and sights of the dense forest that surrounds you. You wander somewhat aimlessly, only looking to get through to the other side of the forest - but as time goes on, you find yourself wondering where exactly you've ended up.

While the memory of playing in the forest a few times as a child lingers in your head, it has been a long time since then; the woods have grown much more thick and wild, and despite your efforts to stick roughly on the beaten path you find yourself unfortunately stranded in an unfamiliar part of the woods. You take a moment to try and figure out your bearings and deduce a rough idea of your location in the woods when you hear a cracking sound, almost like twigs breaking under someone's foot, way off in the distance.

Habitually hiding behind a tree, you have a hard time making out the figure passing by in the distance; he seems very large, though, with something glinting on his leg, and he's carrying a big sack of... something lumpy (as best you can tell) over his shoulder. With your musically-inclined nature, your ears perk up and you can hear him faintly humming some kind of working song as he stops and regards a tree with a small rock at the base of it's trunk. Seemingly interested, he looks around the area for a moment before he sets down his bag and grabs the thing on his leg - which you deduce is an axe, as he swings it into the tree in front of him. This man must be one of the many loggers that find work cutting down the trees here in the forest and selling lumber - perfectly legal, as you recall.

Content to let him be and not bother him while he's working, you start to move away - but as you do so, you hear an angry Pokemon's cry - curiously turning back to look, you find the logger is suddenly faced with an irritated Dwebble - that must have been what that rock at the tree's base was! Not sure why it's suddenly upset with him, he fumbles with a pokeball on his belt, sending out a Shroomish, which stands firm between the two, ready to defend his trainer. He looks like he might be at a disadvantage against the bug pokemon, though... The logger looks a kind, jolly sort, and it's possible that he'd reward you if you helped him, but at the same time you could probably make it through the forest a bit faster if you kept on your way.

As he calls out orders, Amy tugs at the leg of your pants; she seems nervous as ever about going into a battle with a scary pokemon she doesn't know, but she looks like she wants to help. Is this the start of your ballad?


Spoiler: show
Primary Quest: Find the Forest Troublemaker!
If the logger is helped, you will battle a Level 5 Male Dwebble; however, you'll have the help of his Level 5 Male Shroomish. If the Dwebble is successfully defeated, it'll run away into the forest and the logger will introduce himself. He's Simon, a hearty, jolly fellow with a booming laugh and a love of music. Noting Figaro's guitar, he asks the musician for a favour; something in the forest has been stirring up the bug pokemon against the loggers, and he wants to put a stop to it. He asks if Figaro will accompany him on the hunt for the problem-causer in exchange for a reward.

Side Quests:
A Sullen Sewaddle - Help Sewaddle fix it's clothes!
Forest Fiddler - Have a battle of the bands - and the Pokemon!

Outline:
1A) Mission Accepted: Simon's Quest Taken!
If Figaro accepts this request, Simon and his Shroomish, Gus, will join the party and the trio will set off on the culprit's tail from a rough direction at which something assaulted the Dwebble. They'll come across another logger as well as some pokemon; a Pansage throws a rock at a Combee in order to get it to chase him. They pursue the Pansage.

2A) A Sullen Sewaddle Sidequest
A Sewaddle sits sadly on a stump - it looked like someone pulled out one of the leaves that make up it's hood. It looks wistfully up at a leafy branch, high up on a tree that's coated in a slippery sap. Noticing Figaro and Simon, she's cautious, but desperate for help; Simon encourages Figaro to hurry after Pansage, but leaves the call to him.

2B1) Sullen Sewaddle Success!
If a suitable peace offering is made, she will trust them enough to ask for help getting at the branch more clearly. If the branch is pulled down from the tree - be it with Oshawott's Air Slash or a handy rope lasso - even without the gesture of friendship, Sewaddle will remake it's hood and then, grateful, join Figaro's hunt for the trouble-making Pansage - she knows where he lives.

3A) Confrontation
Sewaddle will lead Figaro and Simon to a clearing where Pansage has dug a little cubbyhole out under a stump - it notices them immediately, and looks very resentful of Simon - it seems loggers cut down his tree home. Things don't immediately escalate to a fight, though...

3B1) Pacification
If Figaro can calm Pansage down and convince Simon to get the loggers to be more careful about which trees they cut, Pansage will agree to stop bugging the loggers. He'll also apologise to Sewaddle, which she accepts. Glad no other pokemon will have the same problem he did, Pansage will peacefully return to the forest; and impressed by his peaceful solution, Sewaddle will offer to join Figaro's party.

Sewaddle is a Gentle Level 5 Female with EM Screech.

3B2) Punishment
If Figaro chooses to attack Pansage, or if negotiations break down, a fight will start; Pansage is Level 14, with the Egg Move Disarming Voice. However, Figaro will have the aid of Simon's Shroomish and the Sewaddle; she will reveal her Egg Move Silver Wind. If the fight is won, Pansage will agree to stop it's shenanigans and flee into the forest, looking for a new home. Impressed by his strength, Sewaddle will offer a Capture Battle to Figaro - Simon will stay out of it.

Sewaddle is a Serious Level 5 Female with EM Silver Wind.

3C) Success
Simon, happy either way about the conflict resolution, will offer Figaro a reward of $1000, 2 Sitrus Berries, and a Star Shard. He'll point Figaro towards the right way out of the forest, and then set off on his way back to Viridian Village.

3B3) Failure
If Pansage wins the fight, it will cheekily taunt Figaro's party then run away to cause more mischief, hiding itself more carefully. Sewaddle will sadly depart. Simon, annoyed that Pansage got away, will still offer $200 as thanks for the attempt to help before setting off back to the Village to discuss the matter with his co-workers.

2B2) A Sullen Sewaddle Rejected/Failed
If Figaro does not help, or cannot figure out how to help, Sewaddle will sadly depart in search of other leaves.

2C) Forest Fiddler Sidequest
Figaro and Simon, after wandering for a while longer, will hear - bizarrely - orchestral-sounding music; investigation reveals a small band of a Kriketune and 3 Kricketot having a woodland performance. Spotting the humans, they'll stop nervously - but seeing Figaro's guitar, the older Kriketune kindly challenges him to a musical contest.

2C1) Forest Fiddler Success
If Figaro plays music (with a satisfactory description/plan) he will find himself backed by Amy on percussion and Simon's surprisingly well-honed baritone voice - they will play well, and the Bug Band will be impressed. One of the impressionable Kricketots will even challenge Figaro to a Capture Battle. Regardless of if the capture was successful, the Bug Band will direct Figaro's party to Pansear's hideout. Proceed to 3A, but without Sewaddle's presence.

Kricketot is a Bold Level 5 Male with MT Moves Uproar and Bug Bite. (This is due to lack of Egg Moves at all and Offensive Moves at the level it's caught at.)

2C2) Forest Fiddler Failed
If the description/plan does not satisfy, his comrades will remain uninspired and not join in, but he will still play well; the Bug Band will appreciate his performance, but not be overly impressed, and direct them to Pansage's hideout.

2C3) Forest Fiddler Rejected
Figaro will politely decline, and part with the Bug Band on good terms. Eventually, he and Simon will stumble across Pansage's hideout; proceed to 3A, but without Sewaddle's presence, and with Pansage having trained 2 levels stronger during their aimless wandering.

1B) Mission Rejected - Primary Quest Not Taken.
Simon will understand Figaro is probably busy, and offers $100 as thanks for helping him deal with the Dwebble. Figaro will continue and encounter a different primary quest; sidequests will be recycled as best they can.

1C) Simon left to Fend for Himself
Hoping the logger will succeed, Figaro will leave him to deal with Dwebble himself and set off, running into a different primary quest; sidequests will be recycled as best they can be.
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Old 03-31-2016, 07:16 PM   #138
Beautiful Savage
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>JAU

All in all, this was an excellent update. Really good length, great description, everything was well-written and flowed really well. And I really liked the quests you outlined, especially the one with the Kricketune and Kricketot. It played off of his character being a musician and I thought that was really neat. I also appreciate that you wrote a quest that is engaging that doesn't involve poachers. A+ on that. However, there is one thing that I believe is a bit of an issue. At the beginning of the third paragraph, you had Figaro hide behind a tree. A senior updater should correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that constitutes bunnying past the acceptable amount allowed for plot progression. I just went and skimmed Charzonsos' Quest Log and didn't see anything indicating that his character would hide upon seeing a stranger approaching. I'm going to go ahead and tentatively approve you because you really are a good writer and I think that's a mistake you likely won't make again now that I've pointed it out. Good luck getting the rest of your approvals.

Approved 1/3.
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Old 04-01-2016, 07:08 PM   #139
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>JAU

A really well planned out area, the various branches were excellently plotted out and all in all you have a good eventuality plan for every situation! As Savage said, having him hide was perhaps a bit much, although it didn't make much impact on the story as a whole, as even without that you could have just had the logger not notice him. Possibly my favorite part was how the encountered Pokemon's nature/hidden skill varies depending on the path taken- It's a small but excellent touch which can make the pokemon feel more reminiscent of the encounter! Just, all in all, from a technical standpoint, it's amazing.
It's also excellent from a literary perspective! The writing is descriptive and easily flows, and the paragraphs are well divided up for easy readability. It's just a pleasure to read.
Overall I really liked it. I look forwards to seeing more of your work!

Approved 2/3.
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Old 04-02-2016, 01:18 AM   #140
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Alright here goes nothing. Using savys intro post with his permission

Savy's intro post


After wandering through route 9 for the majority of the day, Oliver turns towards Cerberus with a worried look on his face. He hadn’t run into anyone or anything all day, which was strange since he had always heard that this route was well travelled. With the sun starting to set, casting a dull orange glow over the surrounding landscape, Oliver feels like it might be time to start thinking about setting up a campsite. But as he rounds the next bend in the trail; something slams into him, knocking him onto his back. Cerberus jumps back, clearly startled.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there!”

Climbing back to his feet, Oliver is dazzled as he stares into the bright blue eyes of the young lady who had managed to put him on his back. She stood but a few inches shorter than him, her stunning copper hair catching the light of the setting sun. Beads of sweat ran down her brow, she had obviously been running, but why? As Oliver stands there, still slightly thrown off by the sudden impact, the girl begins to speak once more.

“You are okay aren’t you? I’m so sorry, it’s just I got scared and I wasn’t sure what to do. There is a cave up a head that I had planned to stay in for the night. But something wasn’t right, there was something in there! Is this your Pokémon? It looks brave, could you help me? I mean could you help us?”

Oliver suddenly notices something crawl up her back and rest on her shoulder, its small stature allowing it to easily hide on its trainer’s body. After a few seconds you realise the tiny Pokémon is a Joltik, an electric and bug type Pokémon!

“My name is Felicity and this is Mini, she isn’t much of a fighter but she is my best friend, I’m sure with your help we will be able to get through the night!”

Oliver notices and sympathises with the fear he can see in her eyes as she pleads for help. The question now is should he help her or leave her to fend for herself?


Spoiler: show

Primary Quest: Bump in the Night!
Oliver needs to find somewhere to camp for the night and Felicity has just informed you that there is a cave up ahead, but there is something in there. Oliver can obviously choose to go by himself or with felicity and could also chose to sleep outside rather than deal with the cave.

Side Quests:
Beauty and the Beast– Find out what is in the cave!
By the Light of the Moon- Do you feel like dancing?

Outline:

1A) Mission Accepted: Help the Beautiful Lady!

Oliver chooses to protect Felicity and she and her Joltik, who is at level 5, join his party. The two must decide whether their best interest is to find out what is in the cave so they can sleep there, or not to bother with it and sleep outside instead.

1B) Mission Rejected - Primary Quest Not Taken.

If Oliver refuses to help Felicity she will run off crying back towards the city. Oliver will encounter a different primary quest, with side quests being recycled if possible.

2A) Beauty and the Beast
The two find the cave and investigate, they find a Cubone who is crying and waling, he seems to be injured and does not have his bone. A noise is heard coming from deeper in the cave.

2A1) Beauty and the Beast

If Oliver can create a bond with the Cubone, either by helping him with his injuries or some other display of affection, Cubone will stop crying and cooperate.

2A2) Beauty and the Beast, Rejected/Failed

If Oliver fails to establish a bond with the Cubone or chooses to ignore it, he and Felicity will leave the cave and camp outside instead. (proceed to 2B)

3A) Bullies!
Cubone will lead Oliver and Felicity deeper into the cave where you will find a pair of Mankey fighting over the Cubone’s bone! As they notice the group, the two Mankey will stop fighting and make and act aggressively towards them, although they will not attack immediately.

3B1) Negotiation
If Oliver can find a way to calm the Mankey down and distract their attention from the bone, he may be able to recover the Cubone’s bone without conflict. Although this will not be easy, once the bone is recover the Mankey will leave the camp and Cubone will off Oliver a capture battle.
Cubone is a Quiet nature Level 5 Male with EM Ancient Power.

3B2) All in brawl

If Oliver immediately confronts the Mankeys or fails to distract them a fight will start; both Mankeys are level 6 both with the Egg Move Beat Up. Felicity and her Joltik will aid Oliver and so will Cubone; Cubone will reveal his Egg Move is Double Kick. If the two Mankey are defeated they will flee the cave, leaving Cubone’s bone behind. Cubone will recover its bone and offer to join Oliver’s team.
Cubone is a Lonely nature Level 5 Male with EM Double Kick

3B3) Failure
If the Mankey’s win the fight, they will toss the bone at Cubone before running out of the cave laughing. Cubone will run away in tears and will not be seen again.

3C) A night well spent
The two will sleep wherever they have chosen to. In the morning the two will finish the trip to the Pokémon Centre and will part ways from there. Felicity is thankful for the help and will offer Oliver $600, 2 Pecha Berries and a Star Shard, as well as offering her pokegear number so they can keep in contact.

2B) By the Light of the Moon
If Oliver and Felicity choose to camp outside, the two will find a nearby clearing and set up camp. As the sun sets and the stars come out, the two sit in their sleeping bags and stare at the full moon. All of a sudden they here a rustling the grass and on further inspection find a group Oddish dancing in the moonlight. When they spot you they stop dancing and Felicity insists that the two of you should dance with them!

2B1) By the Light of the Moon Success
If Oliver choses to dance with Felicity and does so with some amount of effort, the Oddish will soon start to dance again. They will eventually stop once more and one of them is so impressed by the display that it will challenge Oliver to a capture battle. Regardless of whether Oddish is caught or not, the two will sleep peacefully outside. (proceed to 3C)
Oddish is a Sassy Nature Level 5 Female with EM Nature Power

2B2) By the Light of the Moon Failed

If Oliver’s enthusiasm fails to impress the Oddish, they will run away and Oliver and Felicity will go to sleep. (proceed to 3C)

2B3) By the Light of the Moon Rejected
If Oliver refuses to dance the group of Oddish will attack the pair with a poison powder. Felicity will run to the cave and Oliver will either have to follow her or go off on his own.
If Oliver choses to follow Felicity (proceed to 2A) Although if they have already been to the cave, Cubone will be absent.
If Oliver does not follow Felicity (proceed to 3B)

3B) A Long Night

Oliver will spend the night by himself and travel to the Pokémon centre by himself the following morning. He happens upon a berry tree on his way there and finds two Oran berries.


Be kind to me....
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Old 04-02-2016, 07:45 AM   #141
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So I was just going to not say anything on either of these apps but since they both have the same flaw and the same strengths I may as well point it out.

So JAU, TKF, these are very well written and the paths that can be taken are well thought out and immersive to the world. The problem I have with both of these, though, is that the rewards seem horribly out of balance from any given end to the adventures. At the end of the day WF is a lot of choices made by the adventurer, and it's certainly not common that they'll stick to whatever plan you may have actually had for them, and as such need rewarded with roughly similar levels of reward for the same amount of work with slight changes due to outcome of any given task.

I don't find this problem to be rejection worthy, but neither can I comfortably approve either of these, and just wanted to get that out there. So for now I'll Abstain from voting on either.
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Old 04-02-2016, 11:29 AM   #142
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Meh. If the updatee is making decisions poor enough to result in what is ultimately a failed quest I see no issue with their rewards being curbed. JAU handled that well, TKF slightly less so. My only real issue with these was the potential for the updatee to go without a capture on their first quest - that as a general rule probably shouldn't be the case and you should try to remain flexible enough to lead the quest down a path where they end up nabbing a capture.

Other than that I see no issues.

JustAnotherUser: Approved 3/3.
TheKnightsFury: Approved 1/3.
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Old 04-02-2016, 08:51 PM   #143
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I shall be using Fairfax's Adventure for this submission, with permission of course.

You and Cecil walk around, enjoying the bustling city of Olivine City. Of course, this city is a vast change in scenery compared to other cities that are still suffering from the effects of the natural disasters. The people walking around like you belong to every social status that helped the city rise to power, from the industrial workers to the businessmen that invested in the potential of Olivine. Of course, the city has also attracted many tourists and sailors, and they make up the many people getting by to reach their destination. Cecil remains around your torso, barely moving around to take in the skyscrapers and the city noise around the two of you.

You pass by a couple of blocks, marking every store you want to visit should you come back to buy some things. Unova Style Ice Cream Shop, Worse for Wear Clothing Co., and Munchlax Buffet (I hope they're eating human food and not...you know... Munchlax) to name a few. Cecil blinks once or twice, smiling slowly as he looks left and right.

Finally, you reach the end of the sidewalk, ready to cross the street. All of sudden, a shriek from the alley a few yards away from where you're situated grabs your attention. You look around, confused as to why the many people walking around aren't doing anything about it. Could it be something serious? If it is, how come no one's helping out? You gaze back at the pedestrian crosswalk and see that the light has turned green. Multiple people are crossing the street, but you notice something odd. On the other side of the street, a rugged man wearing a dirty raincoat is staring at the alley from where he was standing. A Chatot was perched on his right shoulder. Will you check out what happened in the alley or cross the street?

Spoiler: show
The Adventure Outline

Choice 1: The Alley If you choose to check out the alley, you run toward the source of the shriek as fast as you can. Wasting no time, you turn in the alley and find a lady on the ground, unwounded but clearly rather rattled. You approach the girl and she explains that someone took her bag. It seems kind of odd that a woman would be headed home in a dark alley but you ignore that fact and ask her where the robber headed. However, before she explains, someone shows up behind you. You turn around and see a man. He has a Purrloin next to him. He asks you for your money and explains that if you give it to him, he will let you go. If you don’t, then he’ll rightfully punish you and Cecil. His voice quivers as if he doesn’t really know what he’s doping. You see the man across the street looking at your situation intently, as if ready to help at any second. Choose Choice 1 – Solution A or Choice 1 – Solution B.

Choice 1 – Solution A If you try and scream for help or try and run around the man or try to convince the man to not go through with it, the sailor from across the street will run to help you out. Therefore, you will have Chatot’s help. You must defeat a Level 6 Purrloin with the help of the sailor and his Chatot. This should be an easy fight. Once you win, the woman runs away with the man with the Purrloin saying that you two ruined everything. Once the two disappear, the sailor talks to you and says that you owe him a favor because he helped you out. Proceed to Choice 2A.

Choice 1 – Solution B If you try to fight the Purrloin by yourself, the sailor continues walking and disappears amidst the crowd. You face a Level 4 Purrloin by yourself. If you win, the man begs you to spare him and his wife, who only planted this trap because he lost his job and him and him and his wife need money for their children. They promise you a payment in return for their freedom, and even asks you to come with them back to their home. Continue to Choice 1A – Solution A or Choice 1A – Solution B.

Choice 1A – Solution A You choose to agree to help out the poor folks who then ask you to follow them to their small apartment. You meet their two children, ages 3 and 5. As promised, they give you a Pokeball, but before they do, a knock interrupts the ordeal. Upon opening the door, they realize that it’s their neighbor. She begs for someone to help her find her child. She says that her child went to see the big ships at Olivine Bay this morning and now news of a Binacle infestation at the Bay has got her worried. The couple urges you to come help them find their neighbor’s child and so you come with them to the Bay. Proceed to Choice 1B.

Choice 1B The three of you make it to Olivine Bay and sure enough, there are dozens of Binacle causing havoc. You see various trainers battling them to push them back into sea, including the sailor from before. Regardless, you help out with the couple. Suddenly, you get attacked by a larger Binacle with a scar on one head’s eye that shows it’s experienced. With the way it commands the other Binacle, it seems to be the leader! You must fight a Level 8 Binacle. You battle it alongside Purrloin. Once you defeat it, the other Binacle ceasefire and return to the sea. Proceed to Ending A.

Ending A After looking around the people in the Bay, you find a young boy cowering in a corner that happens to be the neighbor’s son. The three of you return home with the child and the mother rewards you with 500 Pokedollars and 1 Star Shard. Then, the couple finally give you their token of appreciation, a Level 4 Male Purrloin with the Egg Move Yawn.

Choice 1A – Solution B You choose to not let them get away and so they make a break for it. They disappear and you’re left by yourself alone in the city again. Time to keep walking. Proceed to Choice 3.

Choice 2: The Sailor – You choose to ignore the shriek and walk across the street. The sailor stops you as soon as you walk to the other side and tells you that he’s seen that setup before. He says that if you had helped the lady, someone would have jumped you from behind. His stern expression lets you know that he wasn’t joking about anything. He admires your desire to help and offers you a job that you can help him out with. Proceed to Choice 2A or reject his offer and go to Choice 3.

Choice 2A You and the sailor walk to an older part of Olivine Bay, where small fishing boats and ferries still reside. He explains how there’s many evils in the world, and that you should be wary. Finally, you reach his ship. As you board his medium sized fishing boat, he explains that he’s seen a gathering of Binacles at a distant sand bank not far from the Bay. He believes that they are protecting their leader, an injured Barbaracle. He says that your status as a trainer is better suited at trying to help them because you have supplies that can actually heal Pokemon. Proceed to Choice 2A – Solution A or Choice 3.

Choice 2A – Solution A You choose to help the sailor and the two of you sail to the sand bank. Sure enough, a large amount of Binacles are surrounding a Barbaracle as you get there. You two make it down to the sand bank and a Binacle with an eye scar on one of its heads approach you with suspicion. Proceed to Choice 2B.

Choice 2B You manage diplomacy with the Binacles and they willingly allow you to heal their leader. However, before you are able to, a Lapras approaches with the trainer on its back. The trainer, dressed lavishly, claims that Barbaracle is his “hunt” and that you should get out of the way! The sailor urges you to fight alongside him and the scarred Binacle against the Level 10 Lapras. Once you win, the Lapras faints and the trainer is capsized, leaving him flailing in the water. The sailor seizes the rich young man and asks you to finish the task with Barbaracle. Once you heal Barbaracle and say goodbye to your new Binacle friends, you board the fishing boat once more and head back. The sailor gives you 500 Pokedollars and 1 Star Shard as a way to say thank you. Proceed to Ending B.

Ending B As you get off the fishing boat and back to the Bay, you realize that someone’s been following behind you! As it turns out, the scarred Binacle is willing to go with you, for he admires your desire to help! You obtain a Level 5 Male Binacle with the Egg Move Tickle.

Choice 3: The Lazy If you rejected all the previous calls for adventure, you will be placed at a tighter position with no chance for avoiding responsibility. You continue walking around Olivine City until you meet a peculiar stray Houndour. No matter if you ignore it or if you stop and befriend it, it will still follow you around until the inevitable Binacle attack (which is of course caused by the rich trainer capturing the Barbaracle leader). The Binacle attack will be at the Bay and where you are currently, with a random Binacle coming to attack the Houndour. Upon protecting the Houndour and defeating the Level 4 Binacle, a young lady approaches you and thanks you for protecting Houndour. She’s been looking for Houndour’s trainer because she found Houndour’s Pokeball lying on the ground in some alley one night. Since she deems you a suitable trainer, she hands you Houndour’s Pokeball. You obtain Level 4 Female Houndour with the Egg Move Thunder Fang. Proceed to Ending C or Ending D.

Ending C You choose to help out with the Binacle situation at the Bay until you go face to face with the scarred Binacle. It is Level 6, and you have no other teammates aside from your own Pokemon. Upon defeating the Binacle, they retreat and the people at the Bay cheer you on and thank you for your hard work. They pitch in to give you 400 Pokedollars and 1 Star Shard.

Ending D You choose to not help out with the Binacle situation, which eventually gets solved by the efforts of other people.
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Old 04-02-2016, 09:17 PM   #144
Beautiful Savage
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>TKF

Basically what Connor said. Approved 2/3.

>Extroph

I don't really have much to say because I'm lazy. Approved 1/3
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Old 04-03-2016, 08:18 PM   #145
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> TheKnightsFury
No real problems, though as Connor said, bunnying them a little into their first capture might be better. Approved 3/3.

> Extroph
Nicely varied quest design with all options effectively flowing into each other. Only issue might be the rewards being just a little low; a Berry or two for starting Trainers would be nice. Approved 2/3.
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:54 PM   #146
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>Extroph

Agreed with Shadow. Approved 3/3.
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Old 05-18-2016, 07:52 AM   #147
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Mew

I am using Snorby's starting post for this, with permission.

-----

You have been here all your life, having familiarized yourself with the forest, and even having interacted with many of its inhabitants in your early years. Why, then, does apprehension strike, as much as you try to push it away?

Perhaps it is the sense of seeing something familiar... distorted into something you never wanted to see it as. The forest that you have grown up in and loved has gone through a lot, and transformed into something else. It is still densely vegetated, it still retains much of its aesthetic beauty, shadows giving way to rays of sunlight in the most artistic spots, birdsong and the rustle of leaves keeping the experience from being eerie and void. But your old friends are still missing... the disasters have cost so many so much...

Ah, but you cannot dwell on that forever. Dhani, at least, is still with you, and it would be reassuring to think that he is a good enough friend to make up for your losses, and as the Shinx leaps into your arms, your outlook brightens.

...The essence of existence itself seems to be contradictory in nature, because as you firmly reassure yourself, a sharp shockwave chooses that very moment to strike the ground near your feet, and although the Sonic Boom seems to have missed, mercifully enough, the loud bang still sends you wobbling, Dhani falling out of your arms.

So much happens at the same time that it is difficult to recognize what comes next. Your witness a streak of... red? Orange? Cream? The colour is difficult to identify at this pace and with the dense foliage, but the figure darts away, leaving another loud bang in its wake to cover up its tracks.

Then, suddenly, there is silence. No, silence might not be the correct word -- the perpetual day-song of the forest continues, but compared to those loud Sonic Booms, the lack of noise is almost haunting. The Shinx by your side is clearly agitated, his sensitive ears still stinging. He takes a step forward, a deep growl emanating from his throat as he glances around.

But whatever it was, it is gone... what was it? Why did it ambush you? And then why did it flee, almost as if it has changed its mind? A Pokemon, you identify easily, but which kind?

...Are you still sure of your statement about Dhani and you being able to handle anything that comes your way? Perhaps your only consolation is that, fast as the creature had been, it does not seem to have done a particularly good job at covering its tracks. As if it just does not care...

...Wait, is that a good thing at all?


Spoiler: show

This quest has two potential captures: Buizel and Pidgey. The routes leading to their captures will be colour-coded. Of course, only one will be captured in the end. Buizel would be the "conventional" or "encouraged" capture here, so to speak -- the situation would lead up to its capture -- but Pidgey will be a stand-in if Mark fails to secure a situation where he can capture Buizel, ensuring that a capture will take place in almost all conditions.

Next, this quest will involve more than one battle in the form of ambushes. Buizel is the aggressor, and will ambush Mark and Dhani repeatedly through the quest. Each ambush will be a brief exchange that will end in Buizel fleeing, and each ambush will be longer than the previous. Something to note is that despite the fact that these battles are not complete, they will indeed result in Dhani gaining experience as normal.

Escape: If, for whatever reason, Mark and Dhani decide to simply "reject" the quest by deciding to randomly leave the forest, they will be ambushed. Using Sonic Boom, Buizel will find a way to "accidentally" block their way with fallen foliage. This can be done almost anytime during the quest, no matter when Mark decides to "reject" the quest.

Basically, this is a failsafe to make sure that the quest does not end before it even starts. Obviously, no one would actually do this, but this choice is here just in case? I think the first quest needs to ensure a capture, so, this being the first quest, I think it is fine to make it impossible to "reject"?

B0: Following the clearest lead, Mark and Dhani will try to pursue the "mysterious" Pokemon that attacked them. On their way, they will encounter quite a bit of destroy foliage. As expected, they will notice some violent disturbance in the vicinity coming from ahead. However, they will also notice another, more subdued disturbance closer-by.

- If they investigate the closer sound, move to P1.
- If they investigate the more violent sound instead, move to B1.


P0: If Mark chooses not to follow the mysterious Pokemon, deciding to ignore it and move on in the forest, he will eventually encounter some disturbance in the bushes. Move on to P1.

B1: While Mark and Dhani will arrive at a clearing. Suddenly, they will be ambushed and attacked from the side, but due to it being a clearing, they will get a better view of their aggressor -- a Buizel. Buizel will only battle Dhani briefly, before escaping into the foliage at the edge of the clearing. Move on to B2.

P1: Investigating the small disturbance, Mark and Dhani find a Pidgey that seems to have injured its wing and while it is able to walk just fine, it is unable to fly. It also seems to be lost, cut off from its family, and seems to want to reunite with the others.

- If Mark and Dhani try to help the Pidgey find its family, move on to Neutral 1.
- If Mark and Dhani try to take the Pidgey to a Pokemon Center, move on to P2A.
- If Mark and Dhani simply ignore the Pidgey, move to Neutral 1.


Neutral 1 -- Mark and Dhani will notice several Pidgey flying away as if trying to escape from something, giving away the current location of Buizel, considering the fact that it is likely what scared them.

- If Mark and Dhani choose to pursue Buizel further, move on to B2.
- If Mark and Dhani choose to follow the Pidgey [Note that this becomes more relevant and viable if Mark has found the Pidgey beforehand], move to P2B.

P2A -- As Mark tries to leave the forest to go to the Pokemon Center, the trees start to grow less dense [Note: In this case, Buizel will not try to intercept Mark like it would usually do in the case that he tries to "reject" the quest, as detailed in the Escape option]. Noticing this, Pidgey grows scared, and will find a way to get away from Mark and Dhani, thinking they are taking it away from its home. It will run off into the shrubbery.

- If Mark and Dhani choose to pursue Pidgey, move on to P3A.
- If Mark and Dhani choose not to pursue Pidgey, move to B2.

P2B -- As Mark and Dhani try to follow the other Pidgey, they will be intercepted by Buizel as another ambush. This battle is longer than B1, but still relatively short, and ends with Buizel fleeing, as usual. Move on to P3B.

P3B -- The commotion will attract the Lost Pidget's siblings, giving the Lost Pidgey and its siblings a chance to reunite.

Grateful to Mark and Dhani, and inspired by them, the Lost Pidgey will offer to join their team. It is a Level 4 Male Female Naive Pidgey with Air Slash as an Egg Move.

After this, the parent Pidgeot will suddenly swoop in. Grateful, it will offer to lead Mark and Dhani out of the forest... after giving them a Lum Berry, a Sitrus Berry and two Star Shards. Apparently, these Pidgey like collecting shiny things, and therefore have Star Shards. This will end the quest right here and now, without resolving the issue about Buizel, although that issue can be covered in a later quest. This is the shortest and easiest route in the quest, and thus gives slightly lesser rewards.


B2 -- Buizel is encountered again. This time, instead of outright attacking, it will stand and glare at Mark and Dhani.

- If Mark and Dhani choose to attack it, move on to B2A.
- If Mark tries to talk Buizel out of battling, move on to B2B.


P3A -- Mark and Dhani lose the Pidgey in the dense forestry. By the time they find it again, it is being attacked by Buizel. Pidgey has already been hurt significantly, and is unable to fight back anymore.

- If they choose to help Pidgey by fighting off the Buizel, distracting it or anything along those lines, move on to B4A.
- If they choose to not do anything or try to escape, move on to B4B.


B2A -- Buizel will fight back, and reveal that it knows Aqua Tail as an Egg move. The battle will be longer than the first ambush, but will still end relatively soon, with Buizel fleeing again. As usual, it is easy to track. Move on to B3.

B2B -- Buizel will have a shocked, confused expression. It will react very aggressively, but ultimately non-violently. It will flee without a battle. Move on to B3.


B3 -- Mark and Dhani ultimately end up finding Buizel yet again after following it, this time attacking a Pidgey the do not recognize. Pidgey has already been hurt significantly, and is unable to fight back anymore.

- If Mark and Dhani choose to help the Pidgey by fighting off the Buizel, distracting it, or anything along those lines, move on to B4A.
- If Mark and Dhani choose to not do anything, or try to escape, move to B4B.

B4A -- Mark and Dhani engage the Buizel in the longest and hardest battle of the quest. Move to B5 for details.

B4B -- Despite their inaction, Buizel's sharp senses and instincts will allow it to notice Mark and Dhani, and it will suddenly turn its attention to them, attacking them. Move on to B5 for details.

B5 -- Mark and Dhani have to battle a Level 4 Buizel. In this case, it will be a full battle that will not end until Buizel is at the verge of being knocked out, or Dhani is defeated. This will be a difficult battle due to Buizel mysteriously having much more health than other Level 4 Buizel, and will keep fighting even as it gets more and more injured, refusing to give up. To compensate, its attacks will be rather inaccurate, allowing Dhani to evade many of them, and implying that it is not in its correct state of mind.

- If Dhani wins the battle, move on to B6A.
- If Dhani is defeated, move on to B6B.

B6A -- On the verge of fainting, Buizel will flee one last time, but because it has been battling much harder and longer than others of its species would have, it is clear that its injuries from the battle are actually serious. At the same time, Pidgey has also been hurt since the start of the battle.

- If Mark chooses to go after the Buizel, move on to B7. Note that, for this option, he has the chance to use an Oran Berry, Potion or other healing measure on Pidgey before pursuing Buizel. This will be relevant later.
- If Mark chooses to take Pidgey to the Pokemon Center, move on to the Ending.

B6B -- Dhani is defeated, but suddenly, apparently having got rid of their previous fear, the Lost Pidgey's siblings swoop in, led by a single parent Pidgeot. Pidgeot is extremely powerful, and will reduce Buizel to the verge of fainting with a single blow. Buizel will retreat, but it is clear that, due to it having fought so hard and long, its injuries are actually serious. At the same time, Pidgey has been hurt from the start of the battle.

- If Mark chooses to take Pidgey to the Pokemon Center (The other Pidgey and the Pidgeot will accompany him), move on to the Ending.
- If Mark chooses to go after the Buizel, move on to B7. Note that, for this option, he has the chance to use an Oran Berry, Potion or other healing measure on Pidgey before pursuing Buizel. This will be relevant later.
- If Mark decides to do neither, and just return to the Pokemon Center to treat the defeated Dhani, move on to the Ending.

B7 -- Mark and Dhani quickly catch up to the Buizel, who collapses due to its injuries, and it is far too damaged to treat on the spot without a visit to the Pokemon Center.

- If Mark chooses to take Buizel to the Pokemon Center, it will struggle a lot despite being hurt to this extent, forcing Mark and Dhani to knock it out or subdue it in some other way before taking it to the Pokemon Center. Move on to the Ending.

- If Mark, realizing how dangerous it would be to take Buizel to the Pokemon Center despite how injured it is, decides to just leave, move on to the Ending.



Ending

The Ending depends on the conditions met.

If Mark brings Pidgey to the Pokemon Center:

The Pidgey will be treated overnight. The next morning, Pidgey's siblings and will visit the Pokemon Center, apparently having tracked down their sister, and will be accompanied by the parent Pidgeot.

The Pidgey Siblings and Pidgeot will bring rewards with them for helping the Lost Pidgey, giving Mark two Lum Berries, a Sitrus Berry and two Star Shards. Apparently, these Pidgey like collecting shiny things, and therefore have Star Shards.

Additionally, the Lost Pidgey will offer to join the team. It is a Level 5 Female Naive Pidgey with Brave Bird as an Egg Move. Note the difference in level and Egg move.


If Mark brings Buizel to the Pokemon Center:

Buizel will be treated overnight. In the morning, the Lost Pidgey (Who has probably been healed by its family or something), its siblings and the parent Pidgeot will come to visit, apparently having tracked Mark down, and grateful to him for helping the Lost Pidgey.

The nurse informs Mark that Buizel had been affected by some chemicals that made it fight much harder. Now that it has been cured, the Buizel is much more reserved and timid by nature. She also mentions that Buizel are native to the area around Viridian Lake, and perhaps investigating it will help shed light on how Buizel had been affected by the chemicals. This is not covered in this quest. It is a loose plot point left intentionally to potentially tie into a new quest in a smooth fashion, if wanted.

Buizel, feeling guilty, will apologize to the Lost Pidgey and its family, but the Pokemon eventually make up. The Pidgey and Pigeot have brought rewards for helping the Lost Pidgey, and will give Mark $500, two Star Shards, a Sitrus Berry and a Lum Berry. Apparently, these Pidgey like collecting shiny things, and therefore have money and Star Shards?

Buizel will offer to join the team. It is a Level 5 Male Timid Buizel with Aqua Tail as an Egg Move. It seems to have leveled up in the battle against Dhani. Also, it will now function like a normal Buizel, and have neither the extra health, nor the inaccuracy that the chemicals had given it.


If Mark brings neither Pidgey nor Buizel to the Pokemon Center:

The next morning, Pidgey's family will visit. They are grateful even though Mark did not take Pidgey to the Pokemon Center, because he still helped protect the Lost Pidgey. The outcome would be the same as the ending where Mark brings the Pidgey to the Pokemon Center, with the same capture and rewards, except that Mark will receive only one Star Shard instead of two.


Ideal Ending

The "ideal" ending takes place if, before going after Buizel in B6A / B6B, Mark tries to heal Pidgey with a Potion, berry or the like.

The outcome is the same as the ending where Mark brings Buizel to the Pokemon Center, with the same capture and rewards, except that Mark will receive one more Sitrus Berry than usual. The Lost Pidgey will also be notably healthier.

Last edited by Mew The Gato; 05-18-2016 at 08:41 AM.
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Old 06-04-2016, 08:14 PM   #148
Snorby
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So.. there's definitely lots of good in this. I love the quality of the update, I love that you've planned for so many eventualities, and the reward is good (though I will say having Pokemon give out money is rather strange and not a choice I'd make, though I can't claim to find anything intrinsically wrong with it.

My biggest issue is the railroading at the beginning of the quest. While I know how much effort you intend on putting into the quests you craft, it's NEVER a good thing to force your updatee into a quest, even one as diverse as this one.

1/3 Approved since everything else is solid and I don't want to reject you on lterally one thing, though.
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Old 06-04-2016, 09:19 PM   #149
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I held off this when i first read through it because I was still a bit green myself but ive now got a fair bit of WF under my belt so here we go.

I really like the quest you have laid out, perfect for the start of someones journey. High Quality update and while Snorby mentioned the rail roading, i dont see it as a massive issue, most of the time and updatee needs a little more direction in their first quest but keep it in mind anyways. Also be prepared to stray from your plan, you will be surprised by the direction and approach your updatee might take and more often than not it can lead to some really interesting and exciting outcomes.

2/3 approved, just beware of bunnying/railroading as Snorby mentioned.
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Old 06-05-2016, 12:49 AM   #150
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Three things.

1) Be very aware of the boundaries between what you control and what your updatee does. Some people may be more complacent, but I know I'm pretty damn protective of my characters and I wouldn't appreciate being told how my character felt. Find a different way to convey suspense. Tell me "this is a very attractive woman" instead of "you find yourself incredibly infatuated with this woman".

2) Never make it impossible to deny/abort a quest, even if it's the first one. Like, yeah, if you're halfway through and they want to abort then they should go through the process of what that would entail, but don't box them in or bend their paths back to your plan. If I'm snooping around a criminal hideout, and you planned on me going in in some capacity and taking action, and my character decides to go get the cops, you shouldn't automatically go "sorry no" and have me get caught by the criminals I'm investigating to force the encounter. Doesn't mean you should give me what I want all the time, but the player deserves a choice. It sucks to write out a good quest then have it go to waste, but the player is the priority.

And yes, this is the first quest. That doesn't mean that the player is required to complete it, that just means you should be a bit more forgiving to them and prioritize them getting a capture

3) I think you're a bit too frivolous with egg moves. idk why people do this, I was under the impression they were supposed to be rather rare. Yeah, sucks to start with not a lot of moves, but that's how it's supposed to work. Also avoid egg moves that are in the level up set, because if you're gonna do it, at least give them something special.


Beyond that, your prose is nice and it's clear that you've got a sense and dedication for laying out quests and I like that you've got the tie-in to a follow-up going on. I like quest-lines; I think they make a more organic story and RP. Though remember not to get frustrated if a player decides to not pick up on the hook you leave them because they actually wanna move on to a new area (it just means you can use it on somebody else later. Yay continuity). Just hand them off if you wanna focus on the situation you've developed in that area. Flexibility and an ability to improvise are very important qualities in an updater so keep them in mind as you go.

Approved 3/3
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