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Old 08-03-2018, 12:16 AM   #1
Doppleganger
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So I did that

I went somewhere. I think many of you know where. I can't talk about it super in depth though because while there I learned that I'm not supposed to discuss it publicly in detail, especially while it's still going on. A big part is security.

I'm no longer there for medical reasons, although I would have been discharged for any number of reasons as well.

The experience put to shame the life I've been living until now, even more than I expected. It was what I dreamed it would be and more. And somehow, as unprepared as I was, I came really close before I died.

I was 99% sure I was going to leave at the earliest opportunity, but the fear of being blacklisted for work for life kept me in there for a while longer, and during that time I managed to adapt. I got better and began to think more clearly, and my comrades started to open up to me. So did the staff. I've never been more inspired or touched in my life.

It's convinced me enough to go back next year for another shot. Even though I can hold my head pretty high, as I died right past the finish line on the final physical exam. I had to go that hard to make time, and I couldn't live with myself if I gave anything less than 100% and failed, knowing I didn't push my hardest.

I might have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. We'll see. The road back is not as unclear as the road to there, but it's still winding and bumpy.

Ask me anything, I'll try to answer as best I can.
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Old 08-03-2018, 01:07 AM   #2
Talon87
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"but the fear of being blacklisted for work for life kept me in there for a while longer" ... this is the one part throwing me off massively. Lots of possible guesses work, like 1) you joining the military or 2) trying out to become a NASA astronaut. But you worrying that if you were eliminated early you would never be able to find work in your field again has me super confused. You talk about "comrades" and "staff", making it sound like you weren't a staff member ...

If I didn't know any better I'd think you were on the latest season of Big Brother.
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Old 08-03-2018, 01:21 AM   #3
Doppleganger
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If one quits the program I went to, you are barred from ever holding federal service as a DOR must go on your application and signifies "lack of commitment". Since I've already held federal service, it would have been fairly easy to obtain a waiver but I didn't want to risk that - I wanted a clean record.

I wasn't a staff member. I had classmates (not referred to as such) and there was the teaching/evaluation staff. I was only liked by the senior staff at first, but by Week 9 I was liked by the junior staff AND all my classmates. Because for the first four or so weeks, most of the fakes get screened out: if you made it to the penultimate week it's apparently your motivations and personality are genuine.
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あなたの勇気が切り開く未来
ふたりの想いが見つけだす希望
今 信じあえる
あきらめない 心かさね
永遠を抱きしめて
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