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Old 06-09-2019, 05:34 PM   #76
Blastoise
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HALO INFINITE

BECAUSE WE WILL NEVER STOP MAKING THESE GAMES
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Old 06-09-2019, 05:37 PM   #77
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AND THAT'S IT

PLEASE JOIN ME LATER THIS EVENING WHILE WE SPEND TWO HOURS WATCHING TODD HOWARD TELL LIES
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Old 06-09-2019, 05:48 PM   #78
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They say modern art is anything that evokes a strong emotion but you can't explain why. This is a work of art.
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JUST NUKE THE FUCKING SUN
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Old 06-09-2019, 09:54 PM   #79
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SPEAKING OF SHITTY PROVIDERS MY INTERNET WENT DOWN JUST BEFORE 5:30 AND I MISSED BETHESDA'S STREAM BECAUSE APPARENTLY SPECTRUM CAN FILL MY MAILBOX WITH HUNDREDS OF JUNK MAILERS FOR BUNDLED CABLE SERVICE BUT CAN'T KEEP ANY CONSISTENT UPTIME TO SAVE THEIR FUCKING LIVES

ON THE OTHER HAND I'M SURE I MISSED A WHOLE LOT WHICH I WILL BELATEDLY CHECK ON WHEN MY CHICKEN PERLO IS DONE COOKING
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Old 06-09-2019, 10:17 PM   #80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blastoise View Post
SPEAKING OF SHITTY PROVIDERS MY INTERNET WENT DOWN JUST BEFORE 5:30 AND I MISSED BETHESDA'S STREAM BECAUSE APPARENTLY SPECTRUM CAN FILL MY MAILBOX WITH HUNDREDS OF JUNK MAILERS FOR BUNDLED CABLE SERVICE BUT CAN'T KEEP ANY CONSISTENT UPTIME TO SAVE THEIR FUCKING LIVES

ON THE OTHER HAND I'M SURE I MISSED A WHOLE LOT WHICH I WILL BELATEDLY CHECK ON WHEN MY CHICKEN PERLO IS DONE COOKING
You should sucks AT&T's telephone pole for $35/mo unlimited mobile data and say bugger off to your local internet kingpin. I'm sure it would be infinitely more reliable than two decade old DSL.
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Old 06-09-2019, 10:33 PM   #81
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DON'T FEEL BAD, YOUR ISP SPARED YOU
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Old 06-10-2019, 12:29 PM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blastoise View Post
SPEAKING OF SHITTY PROVIDERS MY INTERNET WENT DOWN JUST BEFORE 5:30 AND I MISSED BETHESDA'S STREAM BECAUSE APPARENTLY SPECTRUM CAN FILL MY MAILBOX WITH HUNDREDS OF JUNK MAILERS FOR BUNDLED CABLE SERVICE BUT CAN'T KEEP ANY CONSISTENT UPTIME TO SAVE THEIR FUCKING LIVES

ON THE OTHER HAND I'M SURE I MISSED A WHOLE LOT WHICH I WILL BELATEDLY CHECK ON WHEN MY CHICKEN PERLO IS DONE COOKING
PEOPLE CHEERED BETHESDA WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED ABSOLUTELY GROUNDBREAKING CONTENT FOR FALLOUT 76 SUCH AS

NPCS
MAIN QUEST LINES
MEANINGFUL CHOICES
BRANCHING DIALOGUE

YOU KNOW, WHAT'S BEEN IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY FALLOUT GAME EVER AND PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN FALLOUT 76 BUT I GUESSED THEY FORGOT THE CODE IN SOMEONE'S RECYCLING BIN OR SOMETHING.

OH AND A BATTLE ROYALE, BECAUSE FALLOUT 76 NEEDS MORE GIMMICKS TO THROW ON TOP OF THE FLAMING PILE OF THEM IT IS.

THAT SHOULD PROBABLY BE A FAIRLY GOOD ESTIMATE OF THE OVERALL QUALITY OF BETHESDA'S STREAM.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:25 AM   #83
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STILL HOPING FOR AN ALL CAPS NINTENDO REACTION

THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF E3 FOR ME
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Old 06-12-2019, 11:34 PM   #84
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STILL HOPING FOR AN ALL CAPS NINTENDO REACTION

THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF E3 FOR ME
DON'T SAY I NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE A

E3 RECAP TURBO EDITION

UBISOFT
  • SOMEBODY BROUGHT THEIR DOG ON STAGE AND THAT WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE THING THAT HAPPENED SO EXTRAPOLATE FROM THERE

  • OH YEAH, THIS SHIT:

    Quote:
    Tommy Francois: Yves has told us that our goal is to give players all the information we can, and then let them choose which sides of our game worlds they want to explore. We want them to decide what they like, what they don't like, and if and how to change their minds or the way they play based on that information. It's about more freedom for the players.

    But that is incredibly difficult to do. We make simulations that are fueled by systems. Those systems can range from physics, fauna, and flora, to others created by humans, such as companies, politics, and religion. The idea for us is that you are not a spectator. You are an actor. Usually, when you're a spectator and you watch a movie, you will see one point of view per movie – maybe a few. We believe that games should offer a 360-degree view of life, should let people interact with all points of view.

    If my game was set during the Vietnam conflict, for example, we would want the Viet Minh, the Viet Cong ... basically everyone's point of view. And that relates back to people making up their own opinions and our ability to create more mature games that are nuanced, versus being black or white.

    [...]

    Because we make systemic open worlds, and because player agency is at the center of all of this, we also had to rethink and try to reinvent narrative. And that comes with a bunch of really big challenges. The teams are working hard at getting this formula right. It's not easy. I believe that we're helping the medium move along, but it takes time to grow.
    HOO BOY WHERE TO START

    LET ME PUT ON MY SERIOUS CAPS LOCK HERE FOR A SECOND

    MY EXTREMELY LUKEWARM OPINION IS THAT IT'S OKAY FOR GAMES TO BE POLITICAL OR NOT AS THEIR CREATORS CHOOSE: SOME PEOPLE WANT TO EXPLORE IDEAS THAT ARE NOT INHERENTLY POLITICAL OR THAT OTHERWISE DON'T MAP NEATLY TO MODERN POLITICAL DIVIDES (E.G. NIER AUTOMATA) AND SOME PEOPLE JUST WANT TO MAKE DUMB ENTERTAINMENT

    AND THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE AS A CONSUMER OF MEDIA SOMETIMES YOU WANT YOUR ENTERTAINMENT TO MAKE YOU THINK AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO WATCH SHIT EXPLODE FOR TWO HOURS

    THERE'S A FURTHER ARGUMENT SOME MAKE THAT ALL ART IS POLITICAL, BECAUSE HAVING THE ABILITY TO IGNORE POLITICAL RAMIFICATIONS ON OTHERS IS A MARK OF SOCIETAL PRIVILEGE BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET INTO THAT BECAUSE 1)I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS THE COLONIALIST POLITICS OF THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM (A REALM OF MUSHROOM PEOPLE LED BY AN VACUOUS OBVIOUS PUPPET LEADER) AND 2)LET'S BE FUCKING FRANK 99% OF UBISOFT'S OUTPUT IS NOT NEARLY SUBTLE ENOUGH FOR THAT LEVEL OF GRANULARITY TO BE RELEVANT

    SO CAN WE GET THE OBVIOUS ONE OUT OF THE WAY: IF YOU'RE SETTING ONE OF YOUR MAJOR AAA GAMES IN A DYSTOPIAN NEAR-FUTURE LONDON WHOSE BACKGROUND NARRATIVE IS "JUDGE DREDD, BUT WITH BREXIT" THEN YES THAT IS POLITICAL YOU STUPID FUCKS AND HOW YOU CHOOSE TO FRAME IT IS IN ITSELF A POLITICAL STATEMENT WHETHER YOU WISH TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT OR NOT

    A LOT OF THE UBISOFT INTERVIEW IS DEFENSIBLE IN A VACUUM, BUT STUFF LIKE THE PART QUOTED ABOVE IS BLUE SKY BULLSHIT TOTALLY DISCONNECTED FROM WHAT UBISOFT ACTUALLY PUTS IN THEIR GAMES

    IN THE FIRST DIVISION YOU PLAY A DOMESTIC SLEEPER AGENT SEEDED THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY AS AN "OH SHIT" OPTION FOR THE GOVERNMENT AND THE ONLY MEANINGFUL PUSHBACK AGAINST THIS PREMISE COMES FROM ONE CHARACTER AT THE END WHO GOES "YOU KNOW IT'S KIND OF FUCKED UP THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS AN UNACCOUNTABLE BLACK OPS TEAM THAT GETS TO EXTRAJUDICIALLY MURDER THEIR FELLOW AMERICANS WITH NO OVERSIGHT IF THEY DECIDE IT'S IMPORTANT ENOUGH"

    IN THE ASSASSINS CREED SERIES YOU'RE INVOLVED IN AN UNDERGROUND WAR BETWEEN TWO SECRET SOCIETIES ONE OF WHICH WANTS TO USE ARTIFACTS FROM AN ANCIENT PRECURSOR RACE TO IMPOSE ORDER THROUGH COMPLETE ELIMINATION OF FREE WILL LIKE A FUCKING SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI VILLAIN

    ALSO IN ONE OF THE AC GAMES THE CLIMAX HAS YOU FIST-FIGHTING THE FUCKING POPE WHICH SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I WOULD WRITE AS A JOKE BUT IS ACTUALLY A REAL THING THAT HAPPENS

    UBISOFT GAMES CAN BE FUN BUT BUT THE IDEA THAT THEIR AAA OUTPUT EMPHASIZES PRESENTING MULTIPLE POINTS OF VIEW OVER COMPLETING THE UBISOFT OPEN WORLD GAME CHECKLIST™ IS TOTAL FACILE HORSESHIT ON ITS FACE

    WHAT UBISOFT REALLY WANTS IS TO POKE THOSE HOT BUTTON ISSUES FOR FREE PRESS/ATTENTION THEN GO "IT'S JUST A PRANK BRO" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN TAKING ANY SIDES THAT MIGHT AFFECT THEIR BOTTOM LINE

    WHICH IS, TO PUT IT NICELY, CYNICAL AS FUCK AND NOT WORTHY OF ANY RESPECT FROM ANYONE: ACTUALLY COMMIT TO "NO POLITICS" OR STOP PRETENDING THAT THE LATEST TOM CLANCY GAME WHERE YOUR AMERICAN OPERATORS ARE SHOOTING BROWN PEOPLE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY UNDER A DUBIOUS PRETEXT MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY BE SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT THE NATURE OF AMERICAN POWER AND PEROGATIVE

    "OUR GAMES ARE BASICALLY THE PARABLE OF THE BLIND MEN AND THE ELEPHANT" LOL FUCK OFF FRANCOIS GO STICK YOUR HEAD IN A BUCKET OF ICE WATER AND RETHINK YOUR MISBEGOTTEN LIFE

SQUARE ENIX

THE FFVII REMAKE INFO WAS THE ONLY PART OF THIS CONFERENCE THAT ACTUALLY MATTERED AND I HAVE NO STRONG OPINIONS ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

I DIDN'T GET AN OG PS1 UNTIL SEVERAL YEARS AFTER FFVII'S RELEASE SO THE GAME HAS NEVER BEEN A FORMATIVE ONE FOR ME IN THE WAY IT'S BEEN FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE

SO SEEING THEY WENT WITH SQUARE ENIX'S WEIRDASS "ACTION RPG COMBAT BUT THE DESIGN DOCUMENT IS LOREM IPSUM FILLER TEXT" MAKES ME GO "YEAH OKAY I GUESS"

HONESTLY I THINK THE GAME HAS TAKEN ON SUCH A MYTHICAL IMPORT TO ITS FANS THAT ANYTHING THEY WOULD HAVE GONE WITH WOULD PISS OFF SOME NON-TRIVIAL PORTION OF THE FANBASE SO I'M MOSTLY IMPRESSED THAT SQUARE ENIX GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER ENOUGH THAT IT MIGHT ACTUALLY COME OUT IN THE NEXT YEAR


NINTENDO: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED IS THIS NOT WHAT YOU HOGS WANT

I ACTUALLY GOT TO SORTA WATCH THIS ON A TWITTER STREAM WITH THE SOUND OFF WHICH IS BETTER THAN NOTHING I GUESS
  • THIS IS A POKEMON FORUM AND WE HAVE TO GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY FIRST: I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT GAMEFREAK FUCKED US BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE'RE GOING TO GET A PSEUDO GEN 2-3 SPLIT WHERE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TRANSFER MOST OF YOUR POKEMON FROM PREVIOUS GAMES TO SWORD AND SHIELD

    BECAUSE THE SWITCH IS TOO POWERFUL, YOU SEE: THEY TRIED IMPORTING THE SAME GRAVELER MODEL THEY'VE BEEN USING SINCE THE FIRST POKEMON STADIUM ON THE NINTENDO 64 AND THE COMPILER RETURNED AN ERROR MESSAGE SAYING "GET THIS WEAK SHIT OFF OF MY HARD DRIVE"

    BUT DON'T WORRY THEY'VE ASSURED US THAT THEY'VE PICKED ONLY THE BEST FAN FAVORITES OF THE EXISTING 809 POKEMON TO BRING INTO THE GALAR REGION

    LIKE WINGULL, THE NEW ZUBAT THAT YOU CAN NO MORE ESCAPE THAN YOU CAN EVADE THE COLD HAND OF DEATH

    ALSO GAME BALANCE IS VERY IMPORTANT WHICH STILL WON'T STOP THEM FROM MAKING A BUNCH OF SHITMON WHO PEAK AT LEVEL 15 AND BECOME A DRAG ON YOUR TEAM FROM THAT POINT ONWARDS

    BUT HEY THERE'S AN ELECTRIC CORGI POKEMON AND EVERYONE'S CRANKING OUT/TO NESSA FANART

    I PUT THESE NUMBERS INTO THIS UPSIDE DOWN CALCULATOR AND THE RESULT I'M GETTING IS "HELLBOOBS"

  • NO MORE HEROES III WHICH WILL HOPEFULLY BE BETTER THAN TRAVIS STRIKES AGAIN WHICH WAS APPARENTLY VERY BAD

  • A BREATH OF THE WILD SEQUEL INFLUENCED BY RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2

    FINALLY, THE REALISTIC TESTICLE PHYSICS GANNONHORSE HAS ALWAYS DESERVED

  • I DON'T KNOW WHO ANY OF THESE FIRE EMBLEM CHARACTERS ARE AND THIS TRAILER IS SO GODDAMN ANIME MY COUCH PILLOWS NOW HAVE UNDERAGE GIRLS PRINTED ON THEM

  • KONAMI'S RELEASING A NEW CONTRA THAT LOOKS LIKE A LAUNCH TITLE ON THE OG XBOX BUT WHO CAN BLAME THEM IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A PACHINKO MACHINE

  • WITCHER 3 ON SWITCH WHY THE FUCK NOT

  • THEY ANNOUNCED BANJO FOR SMASH BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT IF THEY ENDED WITH ONLY "YET ANOTHER SWORD ASSHOLE" SAKURAI WAS NEVER GOING TO LEAVE LOS ANGELES ALIVE
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Last edited by Blastoise; 06-12-2019 at 11:59 PM.
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Old 06-14-2019, 09:20 PM   #85
phoopes
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THAT WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED THANK YOU
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