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Old 03-31-2016, 07:16 PM   #138
Beautiful Savage
Oh, hello
 
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 926
>JAU

All in all, this was an excellent update. Really good length, great description, everything was well-written and flowed really well. And I really liked the quests you outlined, especially the one with the Kricketune and Kricketot. It played off of his character being a musician and I thought that was really neat. I also appreciate that you wrote a quest that is engaging that doesn't involve poachers. A+ on that. However, there is one thing that I believe is a bit of an issue. At the beginning of the third paragraph, you had Figaro hide behind a tree. A senior updater should correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that constitutes bunnying past the acceptable amount allowed for plot progression. I just went and skimmed Charzonsos' Quest Log and didn't see anything indicating that his character would hide upon seeing a stranger approaching. I'm going to go ahead and tentatively approve you because you really are a good writer and I think that's a mistake you likely won't make again now that I've pointed it out. Good luck getting the rest of your approvals.

Approved 1/3.
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