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Old 06-13-2018, 11:35 PM   #245
Blastoise
We deny our creators.
 
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Reduces construction time
Posts: 2,845
THANKS FOR PICKING UP THE SLACK I HAVEN'T WATCHED ANY CONFERENCES SINCE THE WEEKEND BECAUSE I KEEP SEEING 30 MINUTES OF FAT WHITE DUDES TALKING ON THE SONY E3 PRESENTATION AS I HOVER THE CURSOR OVER THE VIDEO PROGRESS BAR WHICH IS SOMEHOW LESS DISCONCERTING THAN THEM STARTING THE CONFERENCE IN A FUCKING QUICKIE WEDDING CHAPEL OR WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY WERE

GET READY FOR SOME TURBO HOT TAKES WHENEVER I GET AROUND TO IT I GUESS

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Kuno View Post
WE MUST HAVE BEEN COLLECTIVELY NAUGHTY BECAUSE VIDEO GAME CLAUSE GAVE US COAL THIS E3MAS
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindz View Post
ARE CONFERENCES EVER NOT A BUST? HAVE HOPE FOR THE TRUE E3 TO FOLLOW IN THE DAYS TO COME.
ONE OF THE FEW NICE THINGS ABOUT E3 IS THAT SOME OF THE SMARTER (READ: NOT EA) COMPANIES ARE SLOWLY LEARNING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE TRAILERS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

THEY'RE STARTING TO REALIZE THAT HAVING DUDES WITH NO PUBLIC SPEAKING SKILLS PRESENTING ON STAGE AT BEST DOESN'T HELP AND AT WORST GETS YOU MOCKERY AS THE VIDEO OF YOUR LEAD DEVELOPER PRAISING HITLER SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE ACROSS THE INTERNET AND THAT THE ONLY THING PEOPLE ARE GOING TO OTHERWISE SHARE IS THE TRAILER YOU HAVE DEFTLY HONED TO BE YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD

SO, YOU KNOW, JUST FUCKING SHOW THAT AND STOP TALKING ONCE YOU'VE MADE THE SALE

OR GO AHEAD AND HIRE ANDREW WK TO GROWL OUT A SONG WHILE HOPPED UP ON ADDERALL FOR A CONFUSED AUDIENCE IN THE SERVICE OF AN EQUALLY CONFUSED MARKETING PUSH BECAUSE CORPORATE WILL CUT YOUR BUDGET NEXT YEAR IF YOU DON'T SPEND ALL THE FUNDS EARMARKED FOR E3

YOU DO YOU BETHESDA

Spoiler: show
ALSO SOME OF THE GAMES THAT WERE ANNOUNCED LOOK GENUINELY INTERESTING DESPITE THE INDUSTRY'S BEST EFFORTS

AS MUCH AS I ENJOY SPENDING A WEEK TYPING IN CAPS I WOULD GENUINELY PREFER THAT WE GET INTERESTING AND NEW EXPERIENCES BECAUSE THAT'S WHY WE'RE INVESTED AT THE END OF THE DAY AND A GOOD GAME THAT YOU CAN PUT HOURS INTO IS ULTIMATELY MORE WORTHWHILE THAN 30 SECONDS OF SMUG SUPERIORITY AND INTERNET OWNS

I JUST TRY TO TEMPER THE INEVITABLE HYPE WITH AN IMPORTANT REMINDER THAT MANY OF THESE TRAILERS ARE "ASPIRATIONAL" AND/OR BEING HYPED BY CHARLATANS WHO ARE WORKING IN THE GAMES INDUSTRY BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T HOLD DOWN A JOB AT A SKETCHY USED CAR LOT


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindz View Post
YA KNOW THAT MEME THAT NINTENDO JUST RELEASES THE SAME GAMES EVERY CONSOLE? THEY'RE LITERALLY DOING WITH LIKE HALF THEIR SWITCH OUTPUT. IS IT ANY WONDER PEOPLE ARE UNDERWHELMED BY SMASH? FIRST EXPECTING IT TO BE YET ANOTHER WII U PORT AND ALTHOUGH ITS NOT THEY FINALLY REALIZED ITS... WELL ITS JUST SMASH AGAIN. YAY?
MY ONLY REAL PROBLEM WITH SMASH IS THAT I'M TOO FUCKING OLD

SMASH WORKS BEST WHEN YOU HAVE A CLOSE GROUP OF FRIENDS (NEIGHBORHOOD, COLLEGE DORM, ETC.) PILE INTO A ROOM TO HOOT AND HOLLER AND TALK ABOUT DICKS AS TWO MARTHS DUEL TO DETERMINE WHETHER HAVING SEX WITH YOUR OWN CLONE IS GAY OR JUST MASTURBATION

BUT I'M AN OLD FUCK NOW (BY THE STANDARDS OF THIS FORUM AT LEAST) AND I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS I CAN EASILY ASSEMBLE INTO A ROOM ON A GIVEN FRIDAY NIGHT BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE JOBS AND RESPONSIBILITIES AND "MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS OF THE OPPOSITE/MAYBE SAME GENDER IF YOU SWING THAT WAY" SHIT

AND WHAT'S LEFT AFTER ALL OF THAT IS ONE OF TWO OPTIONS FOR PLAYING WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS ONLINE (AT LEAST FOR THE WII U VERSION):

1. 4-PLAYER BRAWL WHICH IS LIKE FUCKING A COMMITTED CATHOLIC: TWO MINUTES NO EYE CONTACT AND ANY PLEASURE YOU MIGHT HAVE EXPERIENCED IS SUBSUMED IN A DEEP ABIDING SENSE OF AWKWARDNESS AND SELF-LOATHING

2. NO ITEMS FOX ONLY FINAL DESTINATION MODE WHERE YOU PLAY GRABASS WITH A TRYHARD AND QUESTION WHY YOU EVER CONSIDERED MEW2KING AN ASPIRATIONAL ROLE MODEL

BASICALLY SMASH REMINDS ME THAT I CAN NEVER GO BACK AGAIN AND THAT PISSES ME OFF
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Last edited by Blastoise; 06-14-2018 at 09:35 AM.
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