Thread: The Bachelor
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Old 01-10-2016, 06:43 PM   #5
Jerichi
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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FIRST IMPRESSIONS
OK SO THIS IS THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE GODDAMNED SHOW BECAUSE FOR ONE GLORIOUS HOUR OF UNBRIDLED REALITY TV TRASH, WE GET TO SEE 24 GROWN WOMEN MAKE ABSOLUTE ASSES OUT OF THEMSELVES ON NATIONAL TELEVISION

ITS PRETTY MUCH THE GREATEST

AND TO MAKE IT EVEN BETTER, THEY KICK HALF OF THEM OFF AFTER THE FIRST NIGHT

AND TO MAKE IT EVEN EVEN BETTER, THEY'RE ALL ALSO COMPETING FOR AN IMMUNITY ROSE

SO THESE GIRLS THINK UP SOME PRETTY CRAZY SHIT TO STAY ON THIS SHOW ANOTHER WEEK

LET'S GET IT ON LIKE DIXIE KONG

BUTTTTT

BEFORE WE EVEN GET STARTED!!!!

RETURNING GIRLS FROM LAST SEASON (ughhhhhh)

BUT WE'LL COME BACK TO THAT LATER LET'S GET TO THE LADIES

(shut up chris harrison no one cares about you)

FIRST UP
NAME: LAUREN B.
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: FLIGHT ATTENDANT
HOMETOWN: MARINA DEL REY, CA

SEE ABOVE

SHE'S A FLIGHT ATTENDANT SO SHE BROUGHT WINGS AND MADE A JOKE ABOUT TAKING OFF

NUMBAH TWO
NAME: CALIA
AGE: 24
OCCUPATION: SOFTWARE SALES REP (THEY'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER)
HOMETOWN: HUDSON, OH

SHE JUMPS INTO HIS ARMS IMMEDIATELY

LOCK FOR THE ROSE

THIS ONE TAKES IT ALL, CALLING IT NOW

THIRD
NAME: JENNIFER
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: SMALL BUSINESS OWNER
HOMETOWN: FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (AGAIN?)

BORING, UNASSUMING, MILDLY CHARMING MEH

FOURTH
NAME: JAMI
AGE: 23
OCCUPATION: BARTENDER
HOMETOWN: ST. ALBERT, ALBERTA

OKAY WOW THIS GIRL IS ACTUALLY KINDA CUTE AND NORMAL

BUT SHE'S ALSO VAGUELY ETHNIC AND CANADIAN SO THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN

AND SHE ALSO KNOWS KATELYN (WEIRD)

BUT SHE ALMOST MADE A DICK JOKE SO POINTS!

SHAME SHE'S GONE TONIGHT

FIVER
NAME: SAM(ANTHA)
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: ATTORNEY
HOMETOWN: NEW SMYRNA BEACH, FL

HER VOICE IS SO BREATHY OMG

AND SHE JUST MADE A REALLY BAD LAW JOKE GOD UGH

SIX(Y)
NAME: JUBILEE
AGE: 24
OCCUPATION: WAR VETERAN
HOMETOWN: FORT LAUDERDALE, FL

OH HEY HE SEEMS KINDA INTO HER

AWW THIS IS SO CUTE SHE USED A REALLY CUTE PICKUP LINE ON HIM

MAN I REALLY HOPE SHE LASTS

NO CHANCE THOUGH

SEVEN
NAME: AMANDA
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: AESTHETICIAN
HOMETOWN: RANCHO SANTA MARGARITA, CA

NEW DRINKING GAME: TAKE A SHOT EVERY TIME SHE MENTIONS HER KIDS

IT IS ADVISABLE TO HAVE 911 AND POISON CONTROL ON SPEEDDIAL

EIGHT
NAME: LACE (LIKE THE FABRIC?)
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: REAL ESTATE AGENT
HOMETOWN: DENVER, CO

SHE'S WEARING LACE I GET IT

WEIRD SHE KISSED HIM THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING AWKWARD UGH

NINER
NAME: LAUREN R.
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: MATH TEACHER
HOMETOWN: HOUSTON, TX

SHE SEEMS DRUNK AND SHE ALSO ADMITTED TO STALKING HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA

I MEAN LIKE WE ALL DO THAT BUT SRSLY SAVE IT FOR THE FIFTH DATE

AND SHE HAS SOMETHING "SPECIAL" TO SHOW HIM

AND DIDN'T TELL HIM HER NAME

SHE DRUNK AS HELL

TEN

NAME: SHUSHANNA
AGE: 27
OCCUPATION: MATHEMATICIAN (SEXY)
HOMETOWN: SALT LAKE CITY, UT (BUT SHE'S A MORMON)

AND SHE IS SPEAKING RUSSIAN???

I UH

YEAH NOT SURE WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT

NEXT LIMO

NAME: LEAH
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: EVENT PLANNER
HOMETOWN: DENVER, CO

SHE BROUGHT A FOOTBALL UGH

AND SHE'S HIKING IT THROUGH HER DISASTER OF A SEQUIN DRESS

THE WORST

TWELVE

NAME: JOELLE "JOJO"
AGE: 24
OCCUPATION: REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER
HOMETOWN: DALLAS, TX

SHE IS WEARING A UNICORN MASK

I TAKE IT BACK SHE IS THE WORST

(HAHAH HE CALLS IT NORMAL)

UNLUCKY NUMBER THIRTEEN

NAME: LAUREN H
AGE: 24
OCCUPATION: KINDERGARTEN TEACHER
HOMETOWN: ANN ARBOR, MI

SUUUUUUPER MIDWESTERN

AND SHE CAUGHT THE BOUQUET AT A WEDDING SHE WAS AT LAST WEEK AND SHE BROUGHT HIM THE ROTTING FLOWERS HOW CUTE

FOURTEEN

NAME: LAURA
AGE: 24
OCCUPATION: ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE
HOMETOWN: LOUISVILLE, KY

I THINK THIS IS AMY ADAM'S AND EMMA STONE'S LONG LOST SISTER

HER FRIENDS CALL HER RED VELVET WHICH IS INTERESTING

BUT SHE SEEMS OKAY

FIFTEEN

NAME: MANDI
AGE: 28
OCCUPATION: HUMAN ROSE STILL A DENTIST?
HOMETOWN: PORTLAND, OR

SHE CAME OUT WEARING A GIGANTIC PAPER ROSE ON HER HEAD

BOY IS SHE QUIRKY

(EWW SHE MADE A GROSS SEX JOKE ABOUT THE POLLINATING THE ROSE)

SIXTEEN + SIXTEEN POINT FIVE
NAME: TWIN ONE AND TWIN TWO
AGE: THE SAME
OCCUPATION: CREEPING PEOPLE OUT
HOMETOWN: TWINVILLE, TW

UGH THIS IS PAINFUL THEY TALK IN SYNC AND IT'S REALLY WEIRD

OKAY COMMERCIAL BREAK WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
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